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Topics - Saucer

Pages: 1 [2] 3
Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Yet another self-congratulatory thread
« on: February 10, 2004, 10:12:50 pm »
My one year anniversary at EHOL is actually February 28. But I had to post a bit early because of this....

Am I evil?
Yes, I am.

Thanks to Bob and Tim for running one hell of a site, Sarah, MrWhat, Marc, my homeboy LGJ and everybody who makes this site great! 1 L0V3 J00 GUY5?!

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Tenchi Muyo OVA3
« on: February 01, 2004, 09:06:50 pm »
I know I'm going to piss alot of people off with this post, but I couldn't really give a damn. I'm usually not this hard on sequels. But I've never been so disappointed with AIC as I have with the recent exhumation of the corpse known as Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki OVA3. And I just know the slavering dogs who prostrate themselves before this series are soiling themselves with delight over the first two episodes. Go on! Sit up and beg so AIC can throw you another bone! As if the first two OVAs weren't a cobbled together mess (albeit, an interesting one at least), this latest installment would appear to be a story about playing house. This is an OVA, is it not? Can we pick up the pace just a little, instead of pointlessly dropping one bomb on the viewer after another? A little character development is good. But let's not lose track of the story in the process. After I got over my disappointment at the first episode, I was hoping to get more out of the second. Suffice to say, I don't have my hopes up as to being satisfied with the rest of the series. Thumbs down, way down.

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / THIS is why Japan rules...
« on: January 26, 2004, 01:20:31 am »
.... because you can buy random junk like this!!!

*WARNING* This pic is kinda hentai. Don't scroll down if you're parry to freaking out at that sort of thing.

EDIT: Link fixed ^^;

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Happy 20th Birthday Macintosh!
« on: January 25, 2004, 05:37:06 pm »
It was 20 years ago today that the Apple Macintosh computer was born! For a gas, check out Apple's unforgettable 1984 Macintosh Superbowl Commercial!

While you're at it, check out what you could get for $2500 back in 1984: 128k Mac specs! Whoo hoo! ^^;

And last but not least, check out the world's third largest supercomputer, a cluster of G5 Powermacs!

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Mad Phat Props
« on: January 24, 2004, 11:22:53 am »
Let us congratulate Bob, Tim and the EHOL team for keeping EHOL content and the forum up and running during these technically problematic times!

Omedetou gouzaimasu! Banzai!

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Dreamcast, not dead!
« on: January 11, 2004, 10:00:26 pm »
Every day, I see more and more evidence that Dreamcast truly is not dead after all. Though Sega announced in 2001 that they would be discontinuing production of the Dreamcast console, a steady trickle of games has continued to come out none the less. King of Fighters 2000-2002, Ikaruga, Border Down and Sega's own Dreamcast Classics rerelease series. And as if this year's promise of Psyvariar 2 wasn't enough, Alfa Systems finally caved into fan demands and are releasing Castle of Shikigami 2 on Dreamcast in March. Previously released to PS2 and Gamecube. Screenshots! And we have our friends at Dreamcast Scene to thank for their tireless effort! Looks like good things to come in 2004?

DISCLAIMER: Don't take these things seriously. This is just to make fun of hentai.

All I ever needed to know, I learned from Hentai.

If she blushes, she wants it.

"No" means "Yes."

"Yes" means "f*ck me right here, right now!"

"f*ck me right here, right now!" means it's a dream sequence.

"Not yet" means "Wait until the next scene."

Legal age in Japan is three.

No matter how hot a girl is, she's always hotter if she grows a dick.

All sex is good sex.

It isn't great sex unless it's rape.

It isn't great rape unless it involves tentacles.

Either way, rape “tecnically” doesn’t exits; any forced sex act takes 30 seconds to one minute for the woman to begin enjoying it and begging for more.

A powerful piece of futuristic battle armor that is armed to the teeth and protects its (always female) wearer from the rigors of space travel, spine-shattering impacts and laser blasts is no match for a determined set of hands and/or a set of tentacles.

Never underestimate the power of lust.

The best place to get laid is on a train.

The next best place to get laid is at a high school, usually the roof.

Hospitals and public parks tie for third place.

All demons want sex. Everything else is secondary.

Blackmail is foreplay.

The male p*nis is at least a foot long, two-three inches thick and always curves up. It is almost always invisible, glowing, or otherwise distorted from view.

The female p*nis follows these same rules but usually isn't as long.

The hero sometimes gets the girl.

The heroine almost always gets the girl.

The heroine rarely gets the guy (usually because she's getting the girl).

The hero will never show up until after the girl has gotten raped.

The heroine is usually busy getting raped but don't worry, she's about to free herself.

Any being with the power to prevent a rape from occurring will not do so.

The p*nis is the world's most effective gag and is completely safe from harm since the woman never, ever bites.

A good-looking guy will usually score with a nice looking girl.

A good-looking girl will always score with someone (male, female, attractive, ugly, sober, drunk, etc.).

A guy who can suddenly turn into a girl will inevitably get lots of sex, mostly girls but some guys, too.

A girl who suddenly grows a p*nis will become deluged with dozens of female admirers who will all want to score with her.

A girly-looking guy who dresses in girls' clothing will never be laughed at or ostracized by his peers. Instead, he will get more sex than he could ever want from just about every woman he meets. Double this amount if he's still in high school.

All females are bisexual, if they claim not to be just put them in a romantic situation with another woman and watch what happens.

Anything can be used as a sexual implement.

If it disgusts you, rest assured that someone, somewhere is getting off on it.

Lesbians are hot.

Cat-girls are hot.

Miko are hot.

Maids are hot.

Nuns are hot.

School girls are hot.

Teachers are hot.

Nurses are hot.

Senshi are hot.

Hermaphrodites are hot.

Prostitutes are rare. After all, why pay when you can take?

The school janitor is not your friend.

The principal is not your friend.

The male coach is not your friend.

The school nurse is usually your friend.

The vice-principal is probably evil.

The scruffy-looking guy in the white lab coat is never your friend.

If it's an all-girl's school, forget it. Everyone is either evil, possessed or about to be. And the innocent ones won't stay that way for long.

Sex with your mom is acceptable.

Sex with your sister is acceptable (and expected if you're a guy that can turn into a girl).

Sex with your brother is probably mandatory at least once in the story, if you're female.

Sex with your father is just plain icky.

Sex with the family dog... Don't be too surprised.

Bigger breasts are better breasts.

If at first you don't succeed, try chloroform.

Even plants need luvin'.

Sex is very wet and very messy.

All women spurt.

All men can perform multiple times in rapid succession without rest.

There are no STDs or pregnancy (the story just doesn't last that long).

A happily married woman will wind up having sex with just about everyone but her husband.

A happily married husband is either not at home or about to die.

Any genre is a good genre for sex.

Any setting is a good setting for sex.

Being a shy bookworm will get you laid.

Being an outrageous party animal will get you laid.

Hell, just being female will get you laid (as long as you're pretty).

Shy, wallflower virgins are sex crazed nymphos waiting to be awakened by their first sex act.

Female teachers are the horniest, randiest, and most sex crazed women in the world.

All males will have sex with at least 3 women before they finally have sex with the woman they love or desire most.

Ugly or fat chicks are as rare as prostitutes. Maybe there's a correlation?

A thin black line, no wider than a toothpick, is all the censorship you will ever need.

A person masturbating will usually be caught. This will always lead to sex.

Convenient peep-holes to spy on sexual acts are everywhere.

All men are capable of dispensing a gallon of semen per scene.

All demons are capable of dispensing hundreds of gallons of semen no matter how many times they have ejaculated before hand.

No piece of clothing a woman wears is more durable than tissue.

Panties do not have to be removed. Instead, they can simply be pushed to one side. They apparently act as a sort of lubricant.

A woman can stretch her mouth to accept any p*nis of any size.

A woman, no matter how inexperienced, can give a expert blow job. (also known as the Snake Jaw Effect)

A woman an take a penis of any size, even if they are a 13 year old virgin, a demon with a 2 foot long, 10 in in diameter penis can enter her and she will enjoy it.

The size of the female bust is indirectly propornate to their age. In other other words the younger a girl is the larger her breasts are. (also known as the Lina Inverse effect)

The standard duties of any female employee (usually nurses, maids, teachers and secretaries) include sex, rough sex and rape.

No matter their injuries, patients in hospitals will get laid. This is part of their treatment.

Utterly terrified women will hold a pose so sexy that a dead man would get a hard-on.

Expect more conversation to occur during sex than any other time.

Every woman emits a raise-the-dead howl at the moment of orgasm -- every time.

All orgasms last 30 seconds to a minute, they are the greatest thing ever, and are multiple for females.

A woman will either swallow semen or enjoy it landing on its body or face, this also elicits a orgasms in many cases.

Sex partners always reach orgasm as precisely the same moment.

No one ever fumbles anything during sex, even if both participants are complete virgins.

All female cyborgs, robots, and androids are 100% anatomically correct and ready, willing and able to have sex.

Complete annihilation of entire cities or cultures is a small price to pay for really good sex.

Portions of the female body will often become completely transparent during sex. This enables the camera to capture every available angle.

The male body is often translucent during sex. After all, why block the view?

Quite often, men do not have discernible features or even eyes. This does not interfere with their ability to find women.

All women enjoy anal sex. All women.

The new girl in town is always easy.

All doctors perform strange sexual experiments on the side.

Any fight between two females will, given time, degenerate into lesbian sex.


Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / British Letter of Complaint
« on: November 12, 2003, 12:36:14 am »
What follows is an example of British humour in
a complaint letter sent sent to a British ISP. The
piece suggests two things:
1) Americans and Canadians are not the only ones
    who get poor service from their ISP, cable or alarm
    companies. (NTL is a cable operator in Britain).
2) The Brits probably write the world's best
    letters of complaint.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I
signed up for your four-in-one deal for cable TV, cable
modem, telephone, and alarm monitoring. During this
three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of
service which I had not previously considered possible,
as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic
proportions. Please allow me to provide specific
details, so that you can either pursue your
professional prerogative and seek to rectify these
difficulties -- or more likely (I suspect) so that you
can have some entertaining reading material as you
while away the working day smoking, and drinking
vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning,
resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on
my arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he
did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening
to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at
your helpful website. HOW? I alleviated the boredom by
playing with my testicles for a few minutes -- an
activity at which you are no doubt both familiar and
highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took
place some two weeks later, although the technician
did forget to bring a number of vital tools -- such
as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my
cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone
calls over four weeks my modem arrived, six weeks after
I had requested, and begun to pay for it. I estimate
your internet server's downtime is roughly 35% -- the
hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday through
Friday, and most of the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I
have made nine calls on my mobile to your no-help line,
and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of
disinterested individuals who are, it seems, also
highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed
that a telephone line is available (and someone will
call me back); that I will be transferred to someone
who knows whether or not a telephone line is available
(and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to
someone (and then been redirected to an answering
machine informing me that your office is closed); that
I will be transferred to someone and then been
redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman, and
several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you
have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers
to ignore, and also another one of those crucially
important testicle moments to attend to. Frankly I
don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to
voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at
your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I
I truly thought British Telecom was shit, and they
had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer
relations; and that no one, anywhere, ever, could be
more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to
delivering service to their customers. That's why I
chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else
is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I
discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and
disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you
truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended
rectum incompetents of the highest order.
BT -- wankers though they are -- shine like brilliant
beacons of success in the filthy mire of your seemingly
limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now
given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive
any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease
any potential future attempts to extort payment from me
for the services which you have so pointedly and
catastrophically failed to deliver. Any such activity
will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief
and will quickly be replaced by derision, and even
perhaps bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great
care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my
utter and complete contempt for both you and your
pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit -- they were
satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would
feel considerable disappointment if you did not
experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings
towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable
short lives, you irritatingly incompetent and
infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Dam Laws
« on: November 12, 2003, 12:33:34 am »
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. Wait till you read this guy's response, but read the State's letter before you get
to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the
outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start
of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no
permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department, therefore, orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by! removing all wood and
brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site
may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
David L. Price
District Representative Land and Water Management Division
> -----------------------------------------
This is the actual response sent back:
Dear Mr. Price,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
Your certified letter dated 10/17/02 has been handed to me to
respond to.  I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are the State unauthorized
contractors in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood
"debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, or supervise their dam project,
I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natures building materials "debris". I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever
match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity,
their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work
ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits
that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will
have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department
is required to protect.
In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition, please contact the beavers, but
if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to
your dam letter they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion,
the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as
long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream.
They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the
environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and there
will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears
are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
Ryan DeVries

El-Hazard Online / El Hazard OVA 3
« on: November 05, 2003, 12:27:02 am »
Well, I mentioned it before and no one really believed me.  ^^; So, I finally managed to get ahold of Lord of Nightmares-sensei. And, here's what she says on the matter:

"Off the top of my head, here's what I can remember reading a few years back. Yeah, there were originally plans to actually complete the OVA continuity, but they didn't make it past the conceptual stages (no character designs, nothing, just some basic outlines and such), due to the fact that The Alternative World pretty much bombed in Japan. In addition to this, Hiroki Hayashi and a few others who weren't involved in the subsequent projects past The Magnificent World condemned what AIC had done to their brainchild, and due to mounting pressure from fans and such, the thing was prematurely canned.
It's kinda sad really, since the premise actually made it appear to be the coolest of the lot. Basically, it was supposed to take place roughly several years after the events in The Magnificent World, when Makoto and co. were slightly older. Due to something happening (I dunno what, mayhaps Jinnai was involved yet again), yet another ancient ruin was unearthed, only this time around, it turned out to be a lab of sorts containing one of the chief scientists from the time of the Holy Wars, in cryogenic sleep. What's more, this was one of the guys who was responsible for the creation of superweapons such as the Eye of God, and naturally, he got resuscitated. Thing is that, he couldn't adjust to life in the present, nor could he accept the fact that both factions in the war had pretty much wiped each other out, including everyone he knew and this caused him to go mental, reactivating practically every single super weapon that lay dormant across El-Hazard, resulting in a mssive apocalypse.
The Phantom Tribe, now lead by Najato and hiding in the shadows, had been waiting for just such an opportunity and took the chance to cause a whole load of general mischief as well (IIRC, they were also the ones who had a hand in causing the scientist dude to go mental). God knows how Makoto and friends managed to sort out this little mess, but by the end of it all, he was supposed to have finally learnt the secret of the Eye of God to time travel (probably cos' of the scientist), and was able to make his way to Earth to be reunited with Ifurita. Oh yeah, and there was another rumor that a new breed of evolved Bugrom was to be introduced in the final season, presumably from the union of Jinnai and Diva."

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Ifurita's Anime Jukebox
« on: October 19, 2003, 10:23:25 pm »
Ifurita's Anime Jukebox is a small website where I host about 6 or so new anime MP3s a month. Selections rotate monthly, so stop be often and see what we got. This month, featuring music from Bubblegum Crisis/Crash, Devil Hunter Yohko, Dirty Pair, Galaxy Fraulein Yuna and Macross!

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Ifurita's Anime Jukebox
« on: October 19, 2003, 10:23:25 pm »
Ifurita's Anime Jukebox is a small website where I host about 6 or so new anime MP3s a month. Selections rotate monthly, so stop be often and see what we got. This month, featuring music from Bubblegum Crisis/Crash, Devil Hunter Yohko, Dirty Pair, Galaxy Fraulein Yuna and Macross!

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Gamespot suXx0r
« on: August 14, 2003, 12:33:51 am »
Once upon a time, Gamespot used to offer all kinds of movies and screenshots for free. Then, they started demanding money from users. Occasionally throwing a few free things are way. Now, they make you register just to get the free stuff. OK, fine I can live with that. Except for when I got the follwoing error message upon trying to download a vid:

"We are sorry. This protected delivery is only available through Kontiki's secure delivery software running on a Windows PC (Windows XP, 2000, ME, 98, or NT4).

Please try to access this content through a computer running Microsoft Windows."

Ha ha, that's great. Fuck you, too.

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Gamespot suXx0r
« on: August 14, 2003, 12:33:51 am »
Once upon a time, Gamespot used to offer all kinds of movies and screenshots for free. Then, they started demanding money from users. Occasionally throwing a few free things are way. Now, they make you register just to get the free stuff. OK, fine I can live with that. Except for when I got the follwoing error message upon trying to download a vid:

"We are sorry. This protected delivery is only available through Kontiki's secure delivery software running on a Windows PC (Windows XP, 2000, ME, 98, or NT4).

Please try to access this content through a computer running Microsoft Windows."

Ha ha, that's great. Fuck you, too.

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Scrapped Princess
« on: July 28, 2003, 10:37:30 pm »
In the spirit of starting threads inspired by other threads, who here has seen Scrapped Princess?

If you're a fan of fantasy anime, anime that are original and entertaining or just anime in general, I recommend this series highly. Pacific Cassul is the prophecised "Scrapped Princess," the one who will destroy the world when she turns 16. And so, she is thrown away at birth. Now, just months before her 16th birthday, she is on the run with her adopted older brother and sister through a medieval style world. It's an interesting, well animated series based on a popular fantasy manga. The series leaves you guessing though out, "where does this take place?" "what is the real time period?" what will happen next?" And, it almost always ends in a cliffhanger.

Scrapped Princess is currently airing on Japanese TV. It's also being fansubbed by AnimeJunkies and ANBU. Everyone I've talked to who has seen it becomes a fan almost instantly. I think most of you would enjoy it as well. All you'll need is the Bit Torrent Client. Then, simply head on over to AnimeJunkies to find the epsiodes (currenlty up to 15). New episode every week! I believe there will be 24 total.

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