El-Hazard Round Robin

[Spanner]

The queen merely raised an eyebrow. "I don't see what all this fussing is about. Mr. Londs will merely serve as my Chief Domestic Advisor. You shall still command the Empire's military forces, while Londs shall be in charge of public works and the beurocracy."

*OOC*

In charge of pubic works, more like.

*IC*

Jinnai strode from Diva's chambers with a jaunty stride, more than overjoyed to give her and her new paramour as much privacy as they could stand. Ifurina walked by his side, an unusually pensive look on her face. "Well, now that THAT little obstacle has been taken care of," Jinnai began, "we can get back to the more important business of conquering El-Hazard and avenging your parents' tragic deaths, eh, Master Ifurina?"

"I guess..." Ifurina replied glumly.

"Right! Now, since most of the Alliance has already surrendered to us, our army has been moving at an unprecedented speed. Within a few hours, the capital of Roshtaria will be completely surrounded by tens of thousands of our troops. With only Roshtaria's personal army to deal with instead of the combined forces of the Alliance, crushing them will be child's play!"

"Okay," Ifurina mumbled.

Jinnai pressed on, "The oppressive regime will be toppled forever! Never again will the innocent, hardworking people of El-Hazard have to worry about being crushed by an enormous, floating urinal! We will stand triumphant over - Master Ifurina, is something wrong? You don't seem to be getting into the proper spirit for this..."

Ifurina looked up at him with eyes becoming watery with tears. Horrified, the Demon God reared back, looking very uncomfortable. "Eh?" he said. "Wh-what is it?"

"Katsy Watsy..." Ifurina choked out. Then, she threw herself at the Demon God, wrapping her arms around him, bawling. If possible, Jinnai began to look even LESS comfortable. "You're so brave! You just found your lover and the mother of your children in the arms of another man, and you keep going strong in spite of the horrible pain in your heart!"

"Erm," Jinnai sweated.

Ifurina released him and backed away, sniffling and wiping at her tears. She tried her best to put on a look of stoic determination, and clenched her fist. "I'm going to help you forget about that hussy!" she said. "You and I are going on a date!"

"B-but... The invasion?" Jinnai stuttered, feeling as though he were rapidly losing control of the situation.

"Forget about the silly invasion for now!" Ifurina insisted. "It's sweet of you to be thinking of my poor Mom and Dad, even after such heartbreak, but this is more important! We're going on a date, and we're gonna have so much fun that the throbbing void that Miss Diva left in your heart will disappear forever!"

"Throbbing void?" Jinnai asked, now even more lost. It was no use, though - Ifurina was adamant, and his computers had already classified her request as an explicit order. He was going on a date. And he was going to have fun.

Jinnai wanted to cry.

[MrWhat]

Ishiel huddled in a dark corner of a nondescript place.  Her arms were tightly wrapped around her chest, and she had drawn her knees up to her chin.  She remained perfectly still, except for her eyes-- her wild, weeping eyes, held wide open, and rolling frantically from side to side.  She scarcely dared blink.

The walls and floor of her corner felt soft and giving.  The air was thick and close-- almost as if it had also gone soft.  Nothing was solid anymore.  Nothing was firm.  Nothing was real.  Nothing was safe.

She would never be safe again.

She waited in sheer terror as each second ticked by, bringing no relief-- it was only one more second spent in waiting for... death.

A pink death.

A death with a bone-chilling giggle, that could bend time and space to its will.

A shiny happy death that could pop out of thin air... out of the walls, or the floor... or even out of her own body.  It could pop out of her chest or her skull at any moment, giggling as she writhed in unimaginable pain, her own flesh and bone mercilessly and mortally displaced.

No, there was no escape.  Ishiel could only wait.

As if to pass the time, she repeated a mantra to herself.  She repeated it until her throat was sore, until her tongue ached, until her lips chapped.  And still, she said it, over and over and over again.

"Oh crap.  Oh crap.  Oh crap..."


Makoto and Pretty Magical God Nanami stood at the open door of the padded cell where Nanami had herself been kept earlier.  They both sadly looked in on the cowering Ishiel, who was wrapped up in the same straitjacket Nanami had worn.

After having seen enough, they withdrew from the cell, and its padded door swung shut on the once proud Ishiel.  But she took no notice of her lost freedom.  "Oh crap.  Oh crap.  Oh crap..."

Makoto shook his head.  "What did you do to her, Nanami?  I thought that your bloodthirsty ax-wielding mania was mostly over.  I thought that, except for the occasional kawaii spell, you were more or less yourself again."

"I don't know, Makoto!"  Nanami was floating along beside him, instead of walking, as the cuter demon gods are prone to do.  "I was just playing peek-a-boo with Ishi-chan, and all of a sudden, she--"

Makoto came to a stop, and pulled a face.  "Ah.  Pretty Nanami Portal peek-a-boo?"

"Yes."  Nanami's face fell.  "Do you think that might have had something to do with her complete mental collapse?"

Makoto sighed.  "Well, yeah."

Nanami brightened, apparently suffering a kawaii spell.  "Oh!  Then I'll just pop in on her and say I'm sorry!  Pretty Nanami Por--"

"NO!!"  Makoto caught Nanami's shoulder, just in time.  "Let's leave her be for awhile, okay?"

"Oh.  'Kay!"

"I wanted to talk to you, anyway.  Uh, Nanami?  Are you yourself now?"

Nanami smiled.  "As much as I can be, I guess.  What's up, Mako-chan?"

"Uh, Nanami?" said Makoto.  "I'm... sorry."

Nanami frowned.  "For what?"

"I'm sorry I helped turn you into... that... when you weren't able to stop me.  And... I'm so sorry, Nanami...  I just don't understand how the dreaded Demon God Factory works well enough to reverse it.  I can't undo your transformation.  Unless I have a breakthrough... someday... you may be stuck like that... forever."

Nanami brightened again.  "Is that what you're worried about?  Why, Makoto!  If this is 'stuck,' then glue me down and tickle me pink!"

"Wha-- what?"  Makoto was both surprised at Nanami's response, and disturbed by the mental picture she'd painted.

"Makoto, I'm a demon god!  I'm nigh-invulnerable, I can fly unaided, and I don't need food or sleep!  And I can bend time and space to my will!  Just think of what I can do at the Shinonome Diner now!  I can serve people their meals before they order them!"

"Well, yeah," Makoto said.  "But you've changed so much..."

"What, this?"  Nanami gestured to her new-and-improved demon god body.  "Well, it might not have been my first choice.  But I am pretty hot, in a sick and twisted sort of way, if I do say so myself.  And don't forget the whole immortal-and-forever-young thing."

Makoto allowed himself a quick scope-out of his childhood friend, and grinned.  "Yeah...  The plasticky pink BADASS look really works for you, Nanami."

"So relax, Mako-chan."  Nanami ruffled Makoto's hair.  "You've got your soul-mate Ifurita back, and your best friend is a happy and impossibly beautiful demon god too.  My idiot brother may also be a demon god, but as soon as Ifu-chan's up to it, we're gonna hunt him down and give him a demon-god noogie that he'll never forget.  And this silly old Bugrom invasion will blow over, just like all the others.

"Makoto, you've got nothing to worry about."

Afura stepped up from around a corner, aiming her Great Lamp Combo at Makoto's face.  Its jackhammer tip beeped his nose.

"Except that," Nanami noted.

"Nanami, dear?" said Afura.  "You may not know this, but the Great Lamp of Earth can destroy demon gods.  So be a good girl, and run along now, would you?"

Unfortunately, Nanami suddenly suffered another kawaii spell.  "'Kay!  See ya, Afu-chan!  See ya, Mako-chan!"  CHINK!!

"Afura!  How lovely to see you again!" Makoto lied.  "How was your journey of self-discovery?"

"Oh, good, good," Afura also lied.

"You look well.  Although, you have changed.  You seem more... uptight, somehow.  Maybe even repressed, in a Puritannical sort of way."

"Thanks.  Makoto?  I had two things I wanted to discuss with you."

"Could you lower your really big gun first?"

"No."

"Oh.  Well, what can I do for you?"

"First, I was wondering if you could tell me where Shayla and Kauru are.  I need to discuss the future use of their lamps with them."

"Well, let's see.  I think Shayla is having lunch at the Shinonome Diner today.  She seemed to be in a much better mood after she wiped out the Fab Fatoras.  And Kauru?  Um...  Oh, Kauru was in the royal gardens, holding a top hat to her chest and mooning about, even more than usual."

"Oh good.  Thanks.  The other thing was, I picked up your mail for you."

Afura handed a stack of envelopes and a few magazines to Makoto, without lowering her lamp.

"Oh, thanks," Makoto said.  He looked through his mail, forgetting for the moment that Afura still held him at lamp-point.  "Let's see.  Junk mail, bill, junk mail, death threat from Jinnai, junk mail, my men's magazine--"

Afura twitched.  "Yes.  A...  men's magazine...  Makoto, you're an intelligent person.  Granted, you're not as smart as I am, and you're barely less dim than the rest of the idiots running around here, but still... how can you justify reading that smut!?  And if you say you only read the articles, I will hurt you, very very badly."

Makoto remained silent, since Afura had just ruled out his only response.

Afura tsk-tsk'ed.  "Makoto, Makoto.  You are a sad, sorry little man.  I'm afraid that I'm going to have to punish you.  And let me assure your filthy little mind-- when I say punish, I do not mean 'punish' in a happy fun Fatora and Alielle sort of way."

Makoto suddenly felt a now-familar moist warmth between his legs.  Aw nuts, he thought.  This was my last clean pair of pants.  If I somehow survive this scrape, I'm going to have to do my laundry.

[rowan_a._seven]

The petrified Ishiel Soel, hiding within her mind from the terror of the Pretty Magical God Nanami, was waiting.  Despite appearances to the contrary, her sanity was intact.  The half Phantom Triber had merely entered a protective mental state that would last until the danger passed or she felt a sudden powerful motivation to wake up.

"Nanami, dear?  You may not know this, but the Great Lamp of Earth can destroy demon gods.  So be a good girl, and run along now, would you?"

HER!

"'Kay!  See ya, Afu-chan!  See ya, Mako-chan!"  

Pretty Magical God Nanami is gone!

"Afura!  How lovely to see you again!  How was your journey of self-discovery?"

"Oh, good, good."

SHE is to blame for all this!

"You look well.  Although, you have changed.  You seem more... uptight, somehow.  Maybe even repressed, in a Puritannical sort of way."

"Thanks.  Makoto?  I had two things I wanted to discuss with you."

This is all her fault!

"Could you lower your really big gun first?"

"No."

And she has MY lamp!

Ishiel's overwhelming hatred for Afura Mann rekindled, her mantra slowly trailed off as she broke free from her mental shell and fully entered the world of the living again.  Using her amazing powers of contortion acquired during her Phantom Tribe espionage training, she wiggled out of her straightjacket in a fan-servicey way and cast it aside.  Spitting out a lock pick that she'd had the foresight to hide in her mouth, Ishiel quietly and stealthily unlocked her padded cell door, closed it, and vanished, a devious plan forming in her vengeful mind.

Unaware of this, Afura began punishing Makoto.

******

Stretching her arms, Afura Mann, the Great, Wise, and Currently Dual Priestess of Air and Earth, leisurely strolled through the royal gardens in search of Kauru, pleased by the knowledge that Makoto had been properly chastised for his lewd practices, and once she added the other two lamps to the Lamp of Earth the entire world would learn that porn was not to be tolerated.

"So, the little priestess thinks she's all that now that she has two lamps, does she?" a familiar voice inquired slyly from behind her.  Turning with alacrity, Afura locked eyes with Ishiel Soel and gasped, inadvertently taking a few steps back at what she saw.

Ishiel Soel casually walked out of the shadows, black leather trenchcoat trailing behind her.  Wearing black leather boots, a black leather bodysuit, black leather gloves, and black sunglasses, she looked like she'd just walked out of The Matrix.  More importantly, though, the new look multiplied her coolness level by a factor of 10!

"Stay out of my way, Ishiel.  This no longer concerns you," Afura said levelly, glaring coldly at her adversary.  "I shall rid this world of porn if it's the last thing I do, and should you foolishly stand in my way I won't hesitate to neutralize you."

"Tough talk, Afura, but can you back it up?" Ishiel replied confidently, smirking condescendingly at her hated rival.  "I seem to recall that the last time we two tangled I was the one who came out on top."

Afura aimed her gun at Ishiel.  "The last time we battled I didn't have dual lamps either and, to be frank, I don't plan on fighting on even terms like you did."

"So it'll be little ole me versus you with all your elemental power and wisdom?  I wouldn't have it any other way," the half Phantom Triber retorted, licking her lips in anticipation as she tensed and prepared to spring into action.

Shrugging lightly, Afura decided to end this battle quickly and commanded the earth below Ishiel to swallow her.  However, before the ground had even begun to tremble, Ishiel's form multiplied over and over and over again until the entire courtyard was filled with smirking Ishiels.  As one, they charged at Afura who, being smart enough to recognize this as an illusion, levitated above the false masses and summoned a tornado to deal with them.  As the wind picked up, the Ishiel copies dissolved into a thick mist, completely obscuring the area from Afura's eyes.  Unable to dispel the illusion, she was caught off guard when a tree branch smacked her in the back of her head, knocking her from the sky and into a fiery pit which was, obviously, another illusion.  

"ENOUGH!" the dual priestess of air and earth shouted, slamming her fists on the ground and creating an enormous earthquake as gusts of wind roared across the cracked and broken earth.  The only reply was laughter.

"*snicker* Is that the best you've got, Afura?  I'm disappointed.  Then again, what else should I expect from the Seminary's second best student," Ishiel taunted smugly, voice coming from seemingly everywhere and nowhere at once.

"You're not doing that well yourself, you know," Afura replied haughtily, proudly rising into the air once again.  "Sooner or later either the wind or rock will get you, and then I'll be able to finish you off once and for all and resume my puritanical quest!"

"Oh, but I'm still just warming up," Ishiel's voice retorted.  "Tell me, Miss Mann, can your stomach tell the difference between illusion and reality?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Afura shot back a tad worriedly, wondering just what Ishiel had planned.

"You'll find out!" Ishiel's voice answered musically as suddenly the entire world spun madly out of control around Afura.  Directions and dimensions shifted crazily as her inner balance was shattered and vertigo engulfed her.  Reeling in distress, the priestess plummeted back to the ground again where her grip on reality became even more tenuous.  Sparing nothing, Ishiel bombarded her with one mentally disorientating illusion after the other, each one worse and more severe than the last.  Finally losing it, Afura released one last painful scream before her mind retreated into the safety of unconsciousness.

Walking over to her defeated foe, Ishiel retrieved her now augmented lamp which hummed in greeting, almost seeming pleased to be back in Ishiel's hands.  Looking down at Afura with superiority, the half Phantom Triber shook her head and tsked.

"You always underestimate me, old friend.  No matter how much time passes that never seems to change.  Well, I've got what I wanted now, and you...well, I can't help but wonder what you'll do without your precious lamp.  Good-bye, and may we never meet again."

With that farewell uttered, Ishiel Soel, former Phantom Tribe spy and ex-priestess in training, destroyer of the Eye of God, and now dual Priestess of Air and Earth, cheerfully departed with her trenchcoat coolly trailing behind her, contemplating paying Shayla-Shayla and the Priestess of Water a visit over their lamps and steeling herself to deal with Pretty Magical God Nanami as necessary if she should appear again.

[Lord God Jinnai]

From high atop the palace balcony, a lone figure observed the vicious battle in the courtyard below. When it was over, Arjah watched Ishiel disappear into the shadows, the Lamp of Air/Earth in tow. His lips, still in the form of Chabil's, smiled venemously.

"So," he said to himself in an amused tone. "The Lamp of the Four Elements has survived all these millenia, has it? Excellent. All these myriad threads are coming together quite nicely. They will tie together as I see fit, and with my manipulation, they will hold up the empire that I shall build on this world. The universes composing all of creation shall be mine to rule! Nothing will stand in my way..."

*********************************************

"Tell me again, Master Ifurina," asked the Demon God Jinnai of his new master, "Just why are we eating here?!"

"What do you mean?" Ifurina looked around the Shinnonome Diner, confused as to why her date looked about ready to explode. "This is the best restaurant in Roshtaria. I just wanted us to have a good time, and forget your awful, awful breakup with your older lover."

Jinnai sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between two immaculately manicured fingers.  "You are aware, aren't you my Master, that this establishment is the foul creation of my evil sister, who is one of the tyrant Rune Venus's most loyal minons?!"

The young girl gasped in surprise. "Wow! You mean Nanami is your sister? Oh, neat! She never told me that her brother was the head of the Bugom military. Fancy that."

"Oh I give up," Jinnai muttered under his breath. He took up the menu and began looking through his sister's current selection. "Ugh. I can not believe she is getting away with selling such a mediocre selection at such outlandish prices! See, didn't I tell you she was evil?"

Just at that moment, the Pretty Magical God Nanami appeared from one of her patented portals. With a memo book in hand, she smiled eagerly at the two seated customers. "Hello, welcome to the Shinnonome Diner. May I take your order?'

"Hi, Nanami!" greeted Ifurina. "Long time no see."

"Ifurina?" The Magical God's smile grew even larger, as she laughed out loud in delight. "Oh my god! I thougt you'd been killed when that stupid toilet fell from the sky!"

"Oh no, thanks to Katsuhiko, I was able to survive," Ifurina smiled at the sweating Demon God next to her and grasped his hand shyly. "He... he saved my life."

Nanami looked closely at the devestatingly handsome man seated next to her friend. She gasped out in surprise as recognition hit her. "Katsuhiko?! You?!!"

Jinnai thought quickly, and decided the moment called for one of his trademark maniacal speeches. "Yes indeed, it is I! The Lord Demon God, Katsuhiko Jinnai!Let all the men tremble in terror," He glared at all the male customers in the restaurant, causing them to cower in fear, "and let all the women shiver in anticipation," many of the female clientelle, as well as some of the waitresses, swooned, "at the mere sound of my oh so very delicious name."

Nanami was feeling a weird buzz going through her head at the moment. She quickly shook it off, then hit her brother square in the face. "TAKE THAT!"

"Ow," said Jinnai simply. He rubbed his bruised cheek, a deep frown covering his handsome features. "What was that for?"

The Magical God shook her finger at her older brother. "Uh uh uh! Shame on you! Using a Bishonen Magna Wave to manipulate the hearts and minds of women! Is that how you managed to snag poor little Iffy into your harem?"

"Shut up!" screamed the annoyed Demon God. "I didn not snag anyone for anything! Ifurina is my Master, the holder of my staff!"

"It's true!" nodded Ifurina in agreement. "It's kinda a long story, actually. We're just here on a-"

Nanami wasn't listening though, as she pulled her gigantic axe-like Key Baton. "Sorry, Katsuhiko. Even though you are my brother, Love and Justice must be served. Therefore, in the name of the moon, I shall punish you! And by punish, I mean kill!"

Jinnai laughed, pulling his own Key Staff from the air. He twirled it around his fingers expertly, its twin orbs glowing with blue energy. "Hmph. Bring it on, dear sister. Let this be a battle to the death then. I am the summit of all Demon God technology, the final product of the line. You, as far my sensors can tell, are merely a ramshackle science project that that fool Mizuhara had probably tinkered with. You are no match for me!"

Ifurina, meanwhile, had crawled under the table to avoid all the pyrotechnics. "I guess this is all normal... he's finally showing some anger over his break-up. Yeah." The young girl smiled, relief evident in her face. "I'm so happy! Katsuhiko is finally learning not to bottle up his emotions anymore! Maybe... maybe this means he won't hide what he fells about me anymore?"

[Spanner]

Blearily, Afura Mann opened her eyes. "Wh-what happened?" she groaned to herself. "The last thing I remember... Oh, yeah. Ishiel kicked my ass again. Bitch."

Afura rolled into a sitting position as more recent events returned to her. "She's taken the Lamp of Earth and Wind. That's no good. I need that to continue my crusade... against... pornography?" Afura blinked. "Wait a minute. Why would I be on a crusade against pornography? I LOVE pornography! I have a fully paid membership to babump.com, for God's sake! Sure, I'm not enormously pleased about being shown online myself (how'd they manage to film that, anyway?), but that shouldn't have been enough to make me go ballistic..."

Afura slapped a fist into her palm. "The Lamp! It must have been the Lamp, somehow - Oh, God, MAKOTO!"

Afura picked herself up and ran into the palace. Soon, she arrived at Makoto's room. The young man in question looked up at her and whimpered in fear. "Don't worry, Makoto, I'm not here to hurt you. Erm... more, anyway."

Makoto still kept a wary eye on Afura, but calmed slightly. "I know you must hate me," Afura said, "but we don't have time for that now! Ishiel has the Lamp, and God knows what she's doing with it if it's twisted her mind like it twisted mine! Um... can you move?"

Makoto finally spoke. "I... think so. I don't think I'll be able to sit down comfortably for a long, long time, though."

Afura blushed. "Yes... Well... sorry about that..."

"The hammer AND the screwdriver, Afura?"

"Uh..."

"And that's to say nothing of the whole deal with the tape measure. I didn't even know it COULD be used like that! You have a sick, sick mind, Afura!"

"I'm SORRY, okay? I wasn't exactly in a good frame of mind at the time." Afura replied, bright red now. "Come on, we have to stop Ishiel! I'll make it all up to you later, somehow."

Makoto sighed. He never could resist a good session of do-gooding, no matter how much humiliation he'd recently been put through. "All right, Afura. Let's go."

***

Qawool was in her room applying just the faintest touches of makeup to her already attractive face. She was humming to herself, the song "I Feel Pretty" from "West Side Story", which was a bit odd since she'd never actually seen or even heard of the musical. By a strange, and yet completely meaningless coincidence, that very same tune was a folk song passed down generation after generation by the people of the unknown tribe she hailed from.

At any rate, she DID feel pretty, or at least wanted to. The dashing, masked stranger who had captured her heart might show up again, and when he did, she wanted to look her best. The thought of winning his heart made her feel giddy, and set her heart aflutter.

*BOOM!* Qawool was distracted from her touching-up when one of the walls of her room collapsed. A figure strode out of the settling debris... "Miz...?" Qawool asked, confused.

"Hello there, Qawool!" Miz said cheerfully.

Hastily, Qawool remembered her manners and bowed deeply to her predecessor and mentor. "It's so wonderful to see you again!" she said wholeheartedly. Straightening, she cocked her head, curious. "Isn't that the Lamp of Earth?"

"Well, yes, actually," Miz answered.

"And the Lamp of Wind?"

"Er, yes."

"Where did you get those?"

"I found them," Miz said impatiently. "Look, Qawool, I need to ask you a favor. Can I hold the Lamp of Water for a second?"

Qawool looked torn. "I don't know... The ancient scriptures dictate that it is a grave sin for a Great Priestess to allow another to possess one of the Holy Lamps..." She began speaking by rote. "'Especialy not a Previous Holder of that Lamp, as She May Have Come to Covet Its Great Power for Her Own.'"

"Aw, come on, Qawool - it's me! Miz Mishtal!"

"Well, all right," Qawool smiled, holding up the Lamp of Water.

"Yoink!" Miz said, swiping it and clicking it into place in the Lamp of Earth and Wind, all in one smooth motion.

Dropping her illusion, Ishiel chortled, "Man, I knew it was going to be easy, but I had no idea it was going to be THIS easy!"

"Hey, you're not Miz!" Qawool protested.

"Bingo!" Ishiel answered. "I'm Ishiel Soel. I don't think we've met."

"Pleased to meet you," Qawool said cordially, shaking Ishiel's proffered hand. "Um... Can I have my Lamp back, now?"

Ishiel put a finger to her lip. "Let me think about it... Um... No."

"Oh," Qawool said, slumping her shoulders dejectedly.

"Hey, don't worry about it, kid," Ishiel said. "Believe me, these Lamps are going to be put to good use." Ishiel's eyes seemed to burn with hatred. "Together, they are more than powerful enough to destroy a Demon God. And that's just what I'm going to do - destroy EVERY Demon God on El-Hazard! They have to die. They just HAVE to."

Ishiel's fanaticism faded, and she smiled cheerfully at Qawool. "Well, see you around!" She used the Lamp of Earth, Wind, and Water to fire a powerful jet of water, pulverizing another of Qawool's walls. Ishiel strode out through the new opening and quickly vanished into the shadows.

Qawool looked at the place Ishiel had departed, and then at her now-naked hand. "Oh, nut bunnies," she complained. She hoped that this wouldn't reflect poorly on her in the eyes of the mysterious stranger...

[MrWhat]

OOC:

Using [Ishiel's] amazing powers of contortion acquired during her Phantom Tribe espionage training,

It's probably for the best that I didn't know about that during Ishiel's mud wrestling scene  


Parnasse was wandering through the Floristica palace, mostly forgotten and with nothing to do, as per usual in El-Hazard fan fiction.

He stumbled upon a small scattered pile of unopened mail.  Oh, fer cryin' out loud, he thought.  Look at this mess.  I suppose Master Makoto thinks that we servants are his personal slaves--

Then Parnasse spotted Makoto's men's magazine.

Score, he thought.

As Parnasse took the rest of Makoto's mail back to the palace mail room, he rolled up the magazine and stuck it under his shirt, whistling innocently the whole time.

This development had no obvious effect on the overall story-- but one can never be sure.


Shayla was happily wolfing down a huge platter of food, at a table off to one corner of the Shinonome Diner.  Nanami had been grateful for her new demon god strength as she had carried the heavy platter to Shayla's table.

As Shayla worked on her pile o' food, it shrank until the rest of the diner became visible to her again.  She suddenly noticed that Nanami and Jinnai were fighting a battle to the death, right in front of her.

(Shayla had been unaffected by Jinnai's Bishounen Magna Wave technique.  She was immune to the Demon God Jinnai's bishounen charms, due to her earlier repeated exposure to the less bishy Jinnai.)

She set down her platter, wiped at her mouth with a sleeve, belched in a not-at-all dainty way, and stood up from her table.  She unsheathed the last uncombined great elemental lamp as she walked towards the dueling Jinnais.

How 'bout dat, Shayla thought, with a big smile.  First the Fatoras, and now, Lord God Loser.  There's just all kinds of annoying people around here, just begging to get wiped out.

The two demon gods had fallen into a staff-fight, Nanami's plasticky pink BADASS Power Key Baton Axe against Jinnai's traditional Old Skool power key staff.  The demon gods' arms moved too quickly for human eyes to follow, and their staves clacked against each other like sticks in the spokes of a wheel.

Shayla walked up to Jinnai, stood confidently at his side, and cleared her throat.

"Well, if it isn't the little priestess of violence," Jinnai said in a snarky voice, without turning away from Nanami.  "Go away, little girl.  You want none of this."

"Oh, I don't think so," Shayla said, just as snarkily.  "I may not be the brightest lamp in the seminary, but I know two perfectly matched fighters when I see 'em."

Despite Jinnai's disparaging assessment of his darling sister as 'Makoto's ramshackle science project', he knew that the fiery priestess was absolutely right.  He and Nanami were fighting a stalemated battle.

Shayla held up her arm, brandishing her fully-charged great lamp of fire.  "Which means, while Nanami keeps you occupied, I can move in for the kill.  That alright by you, Nanami?"

Nanami smiled cheerfully as she fended off her brother's split-second counter-attacks.  "Is that alright!?  Shayla, if you can take this idiot down, lunch is on the house!"

Shayla raised her lamp.  "Sweet.  Get ready to die, scumbag."

"Master Ifurina?" said Jinnai, with just a bit of concern.  "May I humbly suggest that you very quickly countermand your earlier Shinonome-Diner-centric orders, so that you and I may continue our date at a less hostile establishment?"

Ifurina's voracious teenaged appetite had got the better of her.  She was wolfing down a big warm complimentary basket of freshly-baked dinner rolls.  She looked to Jinnai with wide adoring eyes, and answered his request through a mouthful of doughy goodness.  "Phmmmph mmmph mmmph."

"Aw, nuts," said Jinnai.


Makoto and Afura ran through the labyrinthine halls of the royal palace.

"What was wrong with you?" asked Makoto, as they ran.

With Londs nowhere to be found, Afura took up the 'splaining' duties.  "When my lamp was fitted against the Great Lamp of Earth, the Lamp of the Four Elements began to take its fearful form.  Unfortunately, it seems to affect its bearer's mind.  It sets its bearer on a random futile crusade against the modern world.  In my case, I was so far gone that I actually thought I could do something about Internet pornography.  Muldoon only knows what Ishiel will go after-- she's already kicked my skinny butt twice, so I hope it isn't me."

"Oh no!  We've got to stop Ishiel!  Can't you fly us to her?"

"Pay attention, Makoto.  My great lamp of wind is now part of the Lamp of the Four Elements.  I'm powerless."

"Then how are we going to fight her?  The Great Lamp of Earth could destroy demon gods, just by itself!"

"I was kinda hoping you could help me out with that bit," Afura said.  "Honestly, Makoto.  I may be even smarter than you, but I don't have all the answers-- EH!?"

Afura stumbled to a halt, and Makoto held up beside her.  They had met up with Ifurita, who was on her way back to the room she now shared with Makoto.

Ifurita was bringing a dinner tray to Makoto, after having put him to bed after Afura had punished him, but before Afura had gone to his room herself.  Much less confusingly, and much more interestingly, she was wearing a crisp white nurse uniform, complete with ridiculously high heels, scandalously short skirt, improperly unbuttoned blouse, and cute little hat.  It suited her very, very, very well.

Afura held her face in her hands and whimpered.  "Aw, man... I now know way more about your relationship than I ever needed to know..."

Ifurita regarded Makoto kindly but sternly.  "Oh, Makoto!  You are in no condition to be up and about, trying to save the world!"

"Sorry, love," Makoto said.  "But you know, I never could resist a good session of do-gooding--"

"Hush, you.  I shall put you back to bed, and I shall lovingly spoon-feed you this bland hospital food, and then I shall punish you.  And let me assure your filthy little mind-- when I say 'punish,' I do mean 'punish' in a happy fun Fatora and Alielle sort of way."

Makoto turned several shades of red.  "Ifurita, please!  Not in front of the children!"

"But as for you..."  Ifurita turned to Afura, and her expression became much more dangerous.  "It is my understanding that you are the one responsible for the improper use of light construction tools on my dear, sweet, precious, beloved soul-mate?"

"Hoo boy," said Afura.  "Look, Ifurita, I'm really sorry about that, but I wasn't myself, and we can talk about this later, and oh crap oh crap oh crap."

Ifurita had carefully set down Makoto's dinner tray.  She had reached into her tight and skimpy nurse uniform and cartoonishly whipped out her own power key staff, to aim it squarely at Afura's heart.  "Afura... you are a sad strange little woman.  I must also punish you.  However, the disclaimer that Makoto enjoys does not apply in your case."

[Lord God Jinnai]

Demon God Jinnai's eyes nervously glanced back and forth between the two women trying to kill him. Whilst Nanami was battering at him with her Key Baton, taking up all his processing power to defend against, the violent redhead was currently powering up her Lamp in order to finish him off. Fortunately for him, his devious mind came up with a typically villainous plan to get himself out of this mess.

"Oh I see," he remarked to Shayla, flashing her one of his devastatingly handsome smirks. "You're afraid of me, aren't you? Is that why you both want to gang up on me? Ha. I knew you were weak, like all the women in the priestesshood. Scared of the big bad Demon God, are we, Shayla? Heh heh heh. I don't blame you. Frankly, you pathetic Priestesses are pushovers when you fight alone by yourselves!"

"Oh that does it!" Shayla said, her temper flaring. "I ain't gonna take this. Nanami, lay off him. I wanna kick his sorry pretty-boy ass myself."

As she had stated earlier, Shayla was not the brightest lamp in the seminary. Unfortunately for everyone involved, neither was the new Nanami.

"Okay!" smiled Nanami. She leapt away from her brother, landing on a nearby chair rather gracefully. "Kick his butt! Justice demands it!"

"Step outside, punk," ordered Shayla testily. "With what I'm about to do to you, I'm not sure we should have this fight in front of people who are eating."

"Very well," smiled Jinnai. How he loved the stupidity of other people. He quickly turned to Ifurina and bowed deeply. "I apologize for this interruption, Master. But I shall return shortly."

"Don't count on it," muttered Shayla.

*********************************************

Afura whimpered as Ifurita's key staff flared to life.

"Crapcrapcrap!" she cried. "I'm gonna get beaten up again!" She gulped and steeled herself for the incoming blow. To her surprise though... she was slightly excited at the thought as well. She didn't wish to admit it, but during her previous battles with Ishiel she had felt a certain excitement at being dominated so fully.

"Ifurita, stop!" shouted Makoto as he interspersed himself between the Demon God and the priestess. "It wasn't Afura's fault, she was under the control of the Lamp."

Ifurita frowned for a moment before setting down her Key Staff. "Very well, Makoto. Since you asked me to spare her, I shall do so. BUT..." The Demon God strode up to the shivering Afura and directed a brutal death glare at her. "If this person so much as looks at you badly again, I shall be forced to pound her into submission. Is that clear, Ms. Mann?"

"Y-yes," Afura said with a blush. "I... I don't want to be pounded into... into... into submission. To be hurt... the pain... the humiliation. The mere... the mere thought... of being so helpless... and unable to defend myself... and powerless... against your strength... your... strength... oh god... I... uh, yes. Yes! I understand! I understand perfectly. Gulp..."

Ifurita turned her nose up at the shivering priestess and pulled her full attention back to Makoto. "Well then, dearest. You go out and save the world. I'll wait for you here... to keep your bed warm..."

"Gulp," said Makoto.



OOC: Sorry 'bout that, Afura fans. But I thought I'd give a little homage to Rob's El-Hazard saturn Afura.  

[Captain Southbird (EHOL Creator)]

OOC: Sorry 'bout that, Afura fans. But I thought I'd give a little homage to Rob's El-Hazard saturn Afura.  

 
You've made my day, LGJ.

[Andrusi]

OOC:

Qawool was in her room applying just the faintest touches of makeup to her already attractive face. She was humming to herself, the song "I Feel Pretty" from "West Side Story", which was a bit odd since she'd never actually seen or even heard of the musical. By a strange, and yet completely meaningless coincidence, that very same tune was a folk song passed down generation after generation by the people of the unknown tribe she hailed from.

Somebody's a Douglas Adams fan.

IC:

Parnasse ran from the hospital.  Weren't doctors supposed to keep things secret for you or something?  His hadn't, and so now everyone within a mile of Floristica General knew that Parnasse Rereyal (sp?) had to seek medical attention for friction blisters on his hands and somewhere else that will go unmentioned.  He had run about five kilometers (and in doing so inadvertently won a cross country meet) before he realized he had no idea where he was or where he was going.  Parnasse took the opportunity to look around him and behind him to see if he recognized anything.

If he had stopped running before he looked around, he might not have tripped over an unused barricade at a construction site, crashed into a sign that said "PLOT CONSTRUCTION AHEAD", and while disoriented from this collision fallen down a very deep hole which fortunately for him was sloped enough that he didn't die from hitting the bottom.

Whether his failure to die was fortunate for the rest of El-Hazard, on the other hand, is debatable, considering that he landed in a brightly lit room containing, among other things, a large, essentially rod-shaped object that practically screamed "TAKE ME".

[Spanner]

*OOC*

OOC: Sorry 'bout that, Afura fans. But I thought I'd give a little homage to Rob's El-Hazard saturn Afura.  

Eh, don't sweat it. We Afura fans are already resigned to the fact that Afura's gonna get shafted in this Round Robin, just like all the other characters.

OOC:
Somebody's a Douglas Adams fan.

Well, I am, but I honestly didn't have him in mind when I wrote this. I won't deny that he may well be a strong influence on my writing in general, though. Man, what a great author...

Also, I apologize profusely for the following. But given the wording of Andrusi's post, I simply couldn't resist.

*IC*

As though mesmerized, Parnasse reached out and wrapped his fingers firmly around the pale blue rod...

And fell backwards with a scream, as the rod and the cloth it was partially buried in suddenly moved. "Yeowch!" the bundle of cloth shouted. Parnasse, with dawning horror, began to realize the true nature of the rod - as well as the fact that his hand was still grasping it. As though it were a bar of white hot iron, he released it.

The bundle of cloth shifted, thankfully covering the rod and revealing its owner, a blue-skinned man with stern features and stringy white hair. He regarded Parnasse with wild, uncertain eyes.

"Uh, sorry?" Parnasse whimpered. He was sorry for himself, as well. Gazing at his now-tainted hand, he began to wonder if there was soap nearby. Lots of it. Or, at the very least, a sharp knife.

"Who are you?" the man asked sharply. "I was having the most wonderful dream, with chocolate sauce, and whipped cream, and Nahato-" he paused, and slapped himself firmly. "As I said, who are you?"

"Ah... ah... Parnasse," Parnasse whimpered. "Parnasse Ralielle..."

The man blinked. "Ralielle... You must be young Alielle's brother..."

"You! You're Galus!" Parnasse suddenly realized. "You're the one who betrayed Rune Venus, and tried to destroy the world! And you're a pedophile, too!" Suddenly remembering that he, himself, was a reasonably attractive specimen of prepubescent maleness, Parnasse meekly began to try to wedge himself into a corner of the room.

"I am NOT a pedophile!" Galus roared indignantly. Then he deflated somewhat, "That is to say, the doctors say that I've been making very good progress, and that any day now I will be able to keep my hands to myself." He glowered at his hands. "Curse these hands of mind. They have a mind of their own, I tell you. A mind of their own!"

This did not overly reassure Parnasse. A door. There HAD to be a door here somewhere.

Galus sighed. "I suppose you might be wondering how I survived..."

Parnasse nodded curious.

"Please, sit in my lap, and I'll tell you the story."

Parnasse shook his head rapidly.

"Er, right. Forget I said that," Galus muttered. And thus, the flashback began:

***

"Lord Galus..." Nahato said softly, as he disappeared with the critically wounded body of his master and mentor.

While Ifurita dramatically sacrificed herself to calm the raging Eye of God, Nahato raced against time to bring his still-barely-alive leader back to the catacombs of the Phantom Tribe.

As they arrived, Nahato loaded Galus onto a gurney. The elder of the two Tribesmen regained consciousness then, and gazed at Nahato. "Nahato... I am not much longer for this world... Before I die, there's something you must know... I..."

"NAHATO!" a shrill voice called out of the darkness.

"Mommy?" Nahato asked, worried.

"Oh, sweet merciful crap!" Galus gurgled around a mouthful of blood.

"Nahato! Where have you been?!" his mother asked worriedly. "You haven't been hanging around with that molester again, have you?"

"Mommy, he's my friend!" Nahato insisted. "And he's grooming me to be the next leader of the Phantom Tribe! And he gives me candy!"

"It's HOW he's grooming you that worries me! He's a sick freak! I don't care if he IS our leader! No son of mine is - YOU!" The angry gaze of Nahato's mother found the target of their ire.

Galus wished he were anywhere but there just then. His previous encounters with Nahato's mother had been... painful, to say the least. And that was when he was fully healthy...

The next few minutes of Galus's life were ones he'd prefer to forget. A mother's wrathful beating was so much more exquisite when experienced alongside a sucking chest wound. Soon after, Nahato's mother was dragging her sobbing son out of the room by his ear.

Agonizing minutes later, a posse of physicians stumbled across Galus's body. "Dear God, what kind of monster could have done this?" one asked.

"I know what you mean," replied another. "That chest wound is nasty..."

"Not the chest wound! These other wounds!"

The eldest of them nodded. "You're new here. These wounds are pretty consistent with ones we've treated in the past. Nahato's mother is pretty predictable."

"Nahato's mother?! A woman did this?" As the others nodded grimly, the physician gulped, and resolved to be much kinder to his wife in the future.

"Well, come on. We can still save his life..." With that, they rolled him away.

***

Later, in the chambers of the Council of the Shadow Tribe, the representative from the physicians gave his report. "Galus will survive. The chest wound was easy enough to handle, but his other injuries required more extreme treatments. I'm afraid he's suffered partial brain damage due to blood loss. He will never be able to create illusions again."

"Unfortunate," one council member muttered.

"Bah, he was a looney. This gives us the opportunity to boot him from the council for good." There was general positive muttering about this.

The proxy council head in Galus's absence nodded. "It is a given that one with no mastery of illusions cannot be allowed to guide the Phantom Tribe. Now, we must reveal who he has chosen to succeed to his position of leadership!" He broke the seal on a scroll and began to unravel it.

Members of the council began to sweat. "...he WOULDN'T have..." "...would he..." "...even Galus wasn't THAT far gone..."

"Bring Nahato to the Council Chambers!" the proxy head declared. "He is to be our NEW LEADER!!!"

And, as one, the council groaned out loud.

***

In the present, Galus continued, "After Nahato succeeded me to become leader of the tribe, I was placed in the hands of the good doctors of this institution. I now know that it's WRONG to lust after young boys. I no longer fantasize about Nahato's adorable young face... his creamy blue skin... his-" Galus slapped himself in the face again.

By this time, Parnasse had found a door, but, tragically, it was locked. "Eheh, what a great story!" Parnasse sweated, jiggling the handle madly.

Nostalgically, Galus said, "I haven't seen Nahato since that day. You know, you kind of remind me of him..."

"Eheh, what a coincidence..." Parnasse stuttered. "Well, golly, look at the time. I really have to go... You wouldn't happen to know when they're gonna unlock this door, do you?"

"Well, I'm not scheduled to meet with a doctor for a few hours yet," Galus replied. "Why don't we take the time to get to know each other properly? And I must get dressed. No peeking, now!"

Parnasse whimpered.

*OOC*

*Shakes his head* I feel so dirty.

[rowan_a._seven]

As previously stated, Shayla-Shayla was not the brightest lamp in the Seminary.  However, that didn't mean she couldn't develop a cunning plan when one was called for...such as right now.  Due to her losses against Ifurita and Kalia it had finally sunken in that the Lamp of Fire was not a match for a Demon God in a fair fight.  Therefore, she was planning on blasting Demon God Jinnai with all the power she'd stored up when he opened the door for her as any self-respecting and sophisticated overconfident villain would do.

Tuxedo Groucho observed all this from his perch on another pole across from the Shinonome Diner.  Looking through the windows, his eyes widened as Demon God Jinnai arrogantly swaggered over to the door, unaware of Shayla-Shayla's plan.  Realizing that he was the only one who could save Jinnai but at the cost of turning against Shayla, Tuxedo Groucho found himself internally torn.  Seconds that seemed like an eternity passed as he debated with himself what he should do.  

Jinnai reached for the doorknob.

Queen Diva.

Shayla-Shayla grinned viciously as flames erupted around her.

Shayla-Shayla.

Demon God Jinnai opened the door and politely held it open for Shayla, turning too slowly to see Shayla's upcoming attack.

Jinnai.

"Get ready...to-"

Torn between love and loyalty, Tuxedo Groucho made the most painful decision of his life.  He chose loyalty.

Sswhoom!

With deadly accuracy a rose flew through one of the Shinonome Diner's windows, shattering it like Groucho's tortured heart, and struck the Lamp of Fire at precisely the right angle to send it careening off Shayla-Shayla's wrist.  The flames around the priestess immediately died out as the lamp clattered to the floor.

"Groucho?!" three incredulous voices cried out simultaneously as the two Demon God siblings and Shayla-Shayla turned to look at him.

"Dabu, zut zoot.  Grabo nano gazum dez.  Kagimo doshinu huba zat-ot.  Mwoomdoombam.  Alakinda wootum," Tuxedo Groucho apologized/explained sadly, staring at Shayla-Shayla with mournful eyes now that he knew his dream was no longer possible.

Any possible reaction to this, however, was cut off by stealthy arrival of Ishiel Soel who, seeing everybody engrossed in the current drama going on other than Ifurina who was still eating, grabbed the Lamp of Fire and completed the Lamp of the Four Elements.

[size=8]BOOM![/size]

The Shinonome Diner was flooded with crackling white light that stunned and blinded everybody in the area.  Ishiel's tortured scream drowned out all noise as the Lamp of the Four Elements fused with her body, giving her power far beyond her wildest dreams.  Her incredibly cool Matrix style outfit ripped apart as raw elemental power flared around her.  The Great Lamp of Earth became liquid metallic armor that poured out of her skin and formed a protective mold around her body, leaving only her face uncovered.  The Lamps of Water, Wind, and Fire took their respective places as a ring, belt, and gauntlet on her armor.  

Finally, her scream ended and the light faded away.  Standing in the center of a small crater that had formed, Ishiel Soel opened her eyes which were now glowing a constantly shifting array of colors.  

"I am Ishiel Soel, the Great Priestess who controls the Elements!" she shouted, slowly and lethally rising into the air.  Lighting struck and thunder boomed dramatically in the background.  

From the balcony of the palace, Arjah, the Great Priest who controls Dimensions, smirked.  Everything was falling into place.

[MrWhat]

OOC:  Great googly moogly!!    After catching up with today's replies, I don't feel nearly as badly about Ifurita's nurse uniform.  I swear, you people are a bad influence on me.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...


As Afura and Makoto ran towards the BOOM! near the Shinonome Diner, once again forgetting that they could have just taken a glider, Afura worried out loud.  "What are we going to do!?  Oh, by all the powers of Muldoon, I wish I had a weapon!--"

Having said this, Afura suddenly fell flat on her face.

She slowly picked herself up, and struggled to her feet.  She felt as if she were heavier-- or as if the air was thicker, and resisting her movement.  She looked around her, and found that Makoto was frozen in place.  She also noticed that the palace had gone silent.

And then, she heard an unfamiliar voice.  "Afura Mann... this is your lucky day!"

I seriously doubt that, Afura thought, as she turned to meet the one who had spoken.

A malevolently beautiful woman stood before her.  She had long blond hair and blood-red eyes, and... well, Mara was already introduced and described back in Reply #73.

Afura's keen intellect allowed her to work out what had happened for herself, instead of gibbering like the rest of the idiots that she knew.  "You've... stopped time?  I had no idea that could be done!"

Mara cleared her throat in embarrassment.  "*ahem*  Yeah, well, I can't actually stop time.  This is a gratuitous cross-over, so the current writer is taking liberty with my abilities.  But we're breaking the fourth wall now, so let's say no more about it."

She produced a business card, and handed it to Afura.  "You seem to be much less dim than the rest of the idiots running around here, so I'll get to the point.  Name's Mara.  First-class unlimited sorceress demon.  I've come to grant your wish."

"In exchange for my soul, no doubt?" Afura said sadly.  "You needn't bother.  After the humiliation and heart-break that I have endured, my soul is cold and empty--"

Mara rolled her eyes.  "Oh, spare me.  I've heard enough angsty spiels from you hard-luck cases to choke a camel.  No, I don't want your soul.   What in Nifelheim would I do with it?  I'm just a working girl, unlike you.  And this hasn't been the most profitable business trip of my career.  In fact, my only commission so far is on a bag of groceries, and that ain't enough to buy my groceries."

Afura raised an eyebrow.  "What kind of an idiot would wish for a loaf of bread?"

"Don't ask," Mara said.  "Anyway...  I hear this Ishiel chick has repeatedly kicked your skinny butt.  You've fought her both fairly and dirty, and muddy, and still, she comes out on top every time.  And now, thanks mostly to your own bungling incompetence, she's assembled the fearsome Lamp of the Four Elements."

Afura sighed.  "Yeah, that's about right."

"Well, worry no more!"  Mara held up a small silver pendant on a short necklace.  "With The Charm, all your problems are solved!"

Afura crossed her arms, and regarded Mara skeptically.  "Tell me more."

"With the as-yet-unspecified powers of this mysterious artifact, you'll be able to defeat any combination of great lamps with ease!  In fact, when you put it on, it will give you more power than a demon god!  The only known native El-Hazard artifacts that could defeat it (namely, the Eye of God and LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION) are well and truly busted!  Why, you'll be the most powerful being on the planet!"

"And Ishiel's half-Phantom Tribe techniques?" Afura asked.

"Her shadowy illusions will be torn away before the power of The Charm like cheap tissue paper in a demon god's whirlwind!"

Afura was a cautious consumer.  "Does this product have any unpleasant side-effects?"

"Oh, the usual," Mara said.  "Emotional agitation... complete personality change... suicidal psychosis with extended use.  Look, hon, are you interested, or am I wasting my non-time here?"

Afura took The Charm from Mara, and took a closer look at it.  "Hey... wait a minute!  I remember this thing!  This is an old prop from the current writer's own fan fiction!"

Mara scowled.  "Would you people please stop breaking the fourth wall!?  And give me a break!  I'm workin' on a budget, here!  Fer cryin' out loud, I can't even afford a full-sized side-kick!"

Afura closed her fist around The Charm, and shouted out loud to nobody, in a vaguely disturbing way.  "Yes!  I'll take it!  Though I know, in my heart of hearts, that nothing can be gained from an endless cycle of hateful revenge-- ISHIEL SOEL'S FINALLY GONNA BITE THE BIG ONE!!"

Mara grinned fang-ily, and began to fade away.  "Atta girl.  Well, my work here is done!  MWAH HA HA HA!!  MWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!  MWAH HA HA--"

Afura pocketed The Charm, and held up her free hand at the same time.  "Um, just a moment, please.  Before you vanish forever and start time again--"

Mara "came back," and frowned.  "Sorry, hon.  One wish per client.  Them's the rules."

Afura was in the process of blushing furiously.  "Um, actually... this isn't a wish... it's more of a fantasy..."

"" said Mara.

Afura steeled herself.  "But since you're a wacky villainness, and a demon of sorts?  Um, I was wondering if, um, you would consider..."  She whispered the rest in Mara's ear.

Mara went even more red than Afura.  "Hold your horses!  Look, I'm flattered, hon, I really am, but I don't swing that way--"

"Not that!" Afura said.  "Well, not exactly, anyway.  What I really want, is..."  She whispered in Mara's ear again.

Mara's face lit up in understanding.  "Oh, I gotcha now.  So, a certain wind priestess has been a bad bad girl?  She done wrong, and she wants to suffer for her sins.  What she needs is a good defense, 'cause she's feelin' like a criminal."

Afura bowed her head submissively.  "Yes, ma'am," she said meekly.

"Must be a side-effect from your use of the Lamp of the Four Elements," Mara thought out loud.  "After your anti-pornography crusade was cut short so abruptly, your psyche was pushed to the other extreme.  Oh well, not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as no one really gets hurt...

"Look, hon.  Like I said, I'm flattered.  And I have dabbled.  But let me recommend some professionals instead.  They're much more experienced with this sort of thing.  They'll take real good care of you."

Mara produced a notepad and pen, wrote out an address on the top page, tore it out and handed it to Afura.  "Go to this address, and knock three times on the door.  When they answer, the password is screaming heebie-jeebies.  You'll need to bring your own duct tape-- you're of a slight build, so one full carton from the hardware store should cover you, literally.  Oh, and if you let babump.com take pictures, you'll get your own free sub-domain web site."

Afura glanced at the address.  "Strange...  Why, this is a room deep within the bowels of the Floristica palace.  Below the dungeons, and even below the sewers, I think.  Oh well.  Mara, I can't thank you enough for everything that you've done for me."

Mara winked as she faded away.  "I'm here to help.  In a wacky diabolical way that's sure to back-fire, of course."

[Lord God Jinnai]

Ishiel, now the Priestess in control of the Four Elements, hovered around the devastated ruins of the diner and laughed insanely. Brilliant arcs of blue lightning flared around her, casting a blue haze over the darkened city.

"This is just great," complained the Demon God Jinnai. He set Ifurina down, whom he had managed to pick up before the explosion using his Super Speed. "Not only do I have to deal with my insane little sister, but her idioticly violent and, let's be honest, power mad priestess friends." He flicked his hair back in agitation.

"Oh will you can it?" snarled Shayla, as she watched uber-Ishiel flying around the sky. "She stole my Lamp, that bitch!" The red head growled and strode over to Jinnai and Nanami. "Okay, you two. I say we call a truce. It's obvious that alone we can't stop her, but together the three of us can beat that witch!"

"The three of us?" laughed Jinnai. His handsome face sneered down at the angry priestess, his tone condescending to the extreme. "My dear dear Shayla. As you have stated previously, Ishiel has your Lamp of Fire. Without it, you are nothing more than a weak, little girl."

"WHAT?" shouted Shayla. "Say that again, you bastard, and I'll show you how weak I am!"

"Oh save it," Jinnai turned away from her and glared up at Ishiel. "I don't have time for you right now. While we waste time here, that lunatic up there is building up her power to overloading. My sensors detect that her reserves are building up past the maximum allowable amounts. In a few minutes, if she isn't stopped, then she will not only destroy herself but half this kingdom as well. As it's future ruler, I can not allow such a thing to happen to my property."

"She's gonna blow up?" Shayla looked up and gasped. Ishiel was indeed glowing brightly, the lightning flaring out of her silver armor in droves.  She turned back to the Demon Gods and gripped her fist. "Fine, let's do it then!"

"You never listen, do you?" Jinnai glowered. "Without the Lamp of Fire you are nothing. Now leave us be. Nanami and I shall finish her off."

"Why you-" Shayla strode forwards, intent on bashing the Demon God's face open.

Nanami stopped her. "Stop it Shayla. As much as I hate to admit it, my brother is right. You'd just get yourself killed."

"You... you..." The Fire Priestess looked from one super-powered sibling to another, frustration and anger making her face turn red. "You can't!"

Jinnai ignored her, instead raising up his key staff. "Let's do this. Groucho, watch over Master Ifurina."

The bug in the mask and tux saluted his leader, though behind this facade his heart was broken and he was leaking tears of pain.

"Let's go, Nanami."

"Right!"

With that, the two Demon God siblings, the Omnipotent Last God Jinnai and the Pretty Magical God Nanami, shot into the air, heading straight for a battle which would rock El-Hazard to its foundations.

*********************************************

Meanwhile, whilst he was on the Royal Seat of Power, the Unholy Horror known as Arjah listened to the furious fighting outside.

"Ah yes," the demented being chuckled amusedly to himself. "The Demon Gods will now fight the weilder of the Lamps. It all happens as it was fortold. Soon, very soon, it shall be my time to rise. Soon, with the culmination of the events I have set forth, my time to shine shall come! Victory will be mine! I shall control this world once more, as it was MY destiny to do so in the first place! Then the Universe will bow down to my power! Once that is complete, all of the Multiverse shall tremble before the might of Arjah! None can withstand my unlimited, limitless evil power! HAH HAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

To his annoyance, the little latch on the door began to rattle. With a sigh, Arjah transformed back to Chabil and shouted, "Hey, man! Occupied!"

"Oh, sorry," apologized Dr. Schtallabaugh. He backed away from the toilet stall in embarrassment. "I didn't know. Please forgive the interruption."

With that, the doctor left the Ruler of All Things alone to do his buisiness.

[Spanner]

Ishiel smirked at the Demon God siblings as they rose into the air to meet her. "It's so very kind of you to save me the trouble of hunting you down," she chuckled. Then her expression twisted into a vicious scowl. "Demon Gods! The greatest plague this world has ever known. It is because of your kind that the mighty civilizations of ancient El-Hazard crumbled. It is because of your kind that it became necessary to construct the Eye of God, the very tool that banished my people to their hellish existence here. That ends now! I will destroy you! Then, I will destroy Ifurita, the greatest of ALL Demon Gods! Then, I will hunt down and destroy every other Demon God remaining on El-Hazard, active or not." *BLAM!* "Hey, I'm talking, here!" Ishiel said irritably as Jinnai's energy blast deflected off of a briefly visible shield of air.

"Talk, talk, talk," Jinnai mocked. Inwardly, though, he was concerned. As a veteran villain himself, he had recognized Ishiel's speech as a full-blown villian's rant, and realized that she would be at her most vulnerable during her spiel. He had attacked at that moment with his most powerful energy blast, and held NOTHING back. Ishiel had deflected it without thinking about it. Heck, she barely even noticed him. "This may be more difficult than I anticipated," Jinnai muttered to himself.

"Oh, I'll do more than TALK," Ishiel smiled nastily. "If you want to get down to business, that's fine with me. HAAAAAH!" Ishiel gestured with her hands, and the earth was rent asunder. Two enormous slabs of rock wrenched themselves from the earth and clapped together onto Jinnai like the closing leaves of a venus flytrap. The rock slabs crumbled and fell back to the ground below, crushing many of the few Floristican buildings that had managed to survive their unearthing in the first place.

Jinnai hovered there in the air, clearly stunned. "That... didn't hurt..." he managed to squeak.

"And now, to finish him," Ishiel grinned. "Such a shame to waste such a pretty face. But an elemental priestess has to do what an elemental priestess has to do!" She held out a hand, and a scythe composed entirely of flame flashed into existence, its heat so intense that the worried observers far below could feel it. She rocketed toward the temporarily helpless Bugrom General, clearly intending to cleave him in two.

A glint caught her eye, and Ishiel dodged in mid-air just enough to avoid the pink axe that whirled through the air where she'd been. "You leave my stupid brother alone!" Nanami shouted as the axe she'd thrown completed its circuit and returned to her hand. "I'M the one who's gonna kick his ass for all the trouble he's caused! You're gonna have to get in line, sister!"

"I've never been good at waiting in line," Ishiel retorted. "But if I have to go through you to get to him, that's fine by me! Yaaah!" An enormous serpent composed entirely of water coiled up around Ishiel before launching itself at Nanami.

Nanami watched it approach, unconcerned. "Do you really think a little water is going to be enough to harm me? I'm a Demon God, remember?" She adopted a smug grin and didn't even flinch as the dragon plowed into her and enveloped her within a sphere of water.

"Demon Gods are so arrogant," Ishiel sighed, shaking her head. She snapped her fingers, and Nanami's smug look transformed into surprise as the sphere of water instantly froze solid around her. There was too much ice for even her phenominal strength to budge, and she began to tumble from the sky. Struggling within her confinement, Nanami could do nothing but gaze in horror at the oncoming earth below her.

*CHINK!* A pink, plasticky axe buried itself in the surface of Nanami's prison, causing it to shatter into shimmering shards of ice. "Never fear, PRETTY MAGICAL GOD NANAMI is here!" Nanami's rescuer proclaimed.

"Wow, thanks!" Nanami exclaimed. "I thought I was a goner!"

"It's what I'm here for," Nanami replied cheerfully. "Now, you'd better go."

"Right!" Nanami answered, and carved her way into the recent past. She needed to save herself from an icy prison.

The Nanami that remained turned her attention onto Ishiel, who was gazing at her with undisguised shock. "You ain't seen nothing yet!" Nanami said charging toward Ishiel with her axe raised.

Ishiel composed herself and lifted her flame scythe to parry the blow - only to be knocked head over heels when the blow came from behind. She was unharmed, as the attack had struck her wind barrier, but still confused. Was it Jinnai? No, a quick glance revealed that he was still recovering from being smashed like a bug. That same glance, though, revealed who WAS responsible - Nanami. Whipping her head back around, Ishiel saw that Nanami was still in front of her, as well. That Nanami, though, stuck her tongue out at her and then vanished into thin air.

Suddenly, the air was filled with a half dozen Nanami's. They all grinned at her and hefted their axes menacingly. Ishiel, though, smiled. "So, I'm going to win after all, am I?"

"What are you talking about?" one Nanami demanded. "You'll never be able to take all of us on!"

"Ah, but I don't have to, do I?" Ishiel smirked. "If I defeat one of you, then I've defeated all of you, correct? That's why there's only six of you. If you lasted long enough defeat me, then you would have overwhelmed me with far more than that."

The Nanami's glanced at one another. Some of them looked confused, while others, clearly more battered, looked grim and nodded. However, the most grim and battered of them also looked the most determined. "It doesn't matter! We're still gonna do our best! Attack!"

The six Nanami's converged on Ishiel who merely laughed and spread her arms. An enormous whirlwind formed around her, catching the incoming Demon Gods and smashing them against flying debris and one another. One, though, managed to make it through to the center. "Fore!" she cried before whacking Ishiel golf-club-style. The wind dissipated, and Ishiel went flying - right into the path of another Nanami, who sent her careening in another direction with a swing of her own. Those two Nanami's vanished into the past to fulfill their roles in the present.

Meanwhile, the remaining four gathered around Ishiel and began gang-beating her, their axes glowing with energy. Finally, with a sound like shattering glass, the wind barrier was broken, and an axe swing managed to chop into Ishiel's armor. The armor was strong, and the axe did not penetrate deeply - but it was enough to draw blood, which could be seen seeping through the cracks of the wound.

"I have had ENOUGH!" Ishiel gritted. Then, she seemed to explode. An enormous conflagration of flame erupted from her being, tossing the four Nanami's aside like rag dolls. Two of them chose that moment to vanish into the past, giving worried looks at the two remaining.

Ishiel emerged from the heart of the explosion to rocket into the gut of one Nanami, sending her flying head over heels. Without skipping a beat, Ishiel changed course toward the other Nanami, and with gauntlets of stone began to work her over. Stone punch after stone punch rocked Nanami's limp Demon God body, and she was too dazed to put up any kind of resistance.

The other Nanami watched this hopelessly - but then something caught her eye. She nodded to herself, and then vanished into the past.

Nanami was now remaining in the air solely because Ishiel was holding her up by her hair. Her face and body were bruised and battered, and her already-skimpy pink Demon God outfit was torn almost to the point of indecency. With her free hand, Ishiel formed her flame-scythe again. "So, any last words, 'Nanami-chan'?" she grinned.

Nanami opened her eyes and smiled a genuine smile. "I... really did like you... you know. When I was... crazy, I mean... I really needed a friend... and there you were..."

Ishiel frowned at that. "Yeah... well, I didn't like you."

"I know..." Nanami answered. "But thanks anyway..."

Ishiel glared at Nanami a few moments in silence. Then, she harumphed, and tossed her into the air. "Well, I'll try to make this quick, then." She prepared to swing the scythe - only to notice that Nanami was flashing the victory sign at someone. "What-?"

*BLAAAM!* Ishiel was blown backwards, trailing splinters of armor.

"Thanks for wearing her down for me, Nanami," Jinnai smirked. "Maybe if I finish this battle quickly enough, I'll be able to catch your sorry ass before you hit the ground."

"Katsuhiko, you jerk!" Nanami shouted back as she plummeted.

"And you'll have to show me how to do that teleporting trick!" Jinnai called after her. "My computers didn't quite manage to record it!"

"In your dreams!" Nanami called back.

*THUD!* Jinnai winced. So much for catching Nanami before she hit the ground. Oh, well - there were more important things to deal with. "Now, where were we," he smirked nastily at Ishiel.

Having recovered somewhat, she smirked back. "Killing you, I believe. Well, no point in putting that off any longer!" And the two titans rocketed towards one another...

[MrWhat]

Makoto and Afura ran up to what was left of the Shinonome Diner, on foot.  At the same time, Kauru flew towards the scene on her personal hovercraft.

Kauru was scarcely a better pilot now than when she had first gone down into the river, on her way to her priestess inauguration in Floristica.  Her craft collided with what was left of the Shinonome Diner, and brought the rest of it down in a cloud of billowing dust and flying debris.


As Makoto wet his pants, Afura reached into her pocket and pulled out The Charm.  Time to see what this thing does, she thought, as she looked to the skies.  I just hope I can defeat Ishiel in time--  ouch.

A shard of stone glanced across Afura's forehead.  She couldn't tell if it was debris from Ishiel's battle with Jinnai, or from Kauru's latest crash, or even from Nanami's impact crater.  She was too busy falling to the ground.

The Charm fell from her hand, to the debris-covered ground, unnoticed by Makoto as he came to Afura's side.

Makoto shouted at Afura, and gently patted her pale face.  "AFURA!!  ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?"

Afura looked up at Makoto sadly.  Her injury was not life-threatening, but she was rapidly losing consciousness.  Once again, she had failed.

"Yell at me again... please," she gasped.  "And... hit me harder..."  Then she slumped.

Makoto turned to the currently-useless Shayla.  "Help me get her to cover!"

Shayla pointed her thumb over her shoulder to the remains of the Shinonome Diner.  "WHAT cover?"

"OKAY!!  I get your point!  Help me get her to where cover would be!"


The also currently-useless Kauru timidly came forwards.  She had found Tuxedo Groucho as he stood over a still-dinner-roll-eating Ifurina.

"Sir?..." she said hesitantly.  "I, um, have your other top hat--"

Tuxedo Groucho turned to her.  Kauru suddenly saw the sweet, sweet tears in his compound eyes.

Kauru gasped.  "Oh no!  Sir!  What is wrong!"

With trembling hand, she reached up to remove his white mask.  But she paused.  And then, she lowered her hand.  "No... I would not ask you to reveal yourself now... not in a moment of manly anguish."

With this, Kauru threw herself against him, buried her face in his tuxedo'ed chest, and began to weep, sharing in his sorrow.  "O, what a cruel world!" she cried.  "What wrong has befallen you, that your wounded heart should cry out so!"

"stod knip yradnegel," said Groucho.  "leps ak drawde."

"And cry out so unintelligibly!" Kauru sobbed.


Makoto and Shayla carried Afura's unconscious skinny butt past Kauru, Groucho and Ifurina. They carefully set Afura down nearby.

As Makoto tended to Afura's rather badly bleeding forehead, Shayla took another look at Kauru and Groucho, and sweatdropped.

"Uh, Makoto?" she asked.  "Isn't that Lord God Loser's pet bug?"

"Yup," said Makoto, without looking away from Afura.

"And isn't that Kauru?"

"Yup."

"And isn't she hugging him, and consoling him?"

"Yup."

Shayla held her face in her hands and whimpered.  "Damn it!  I try to keep an open mind, and I try not to judge others by my own belief system!  But the world just doesn't make any sense, anymore!!"


The two titans uber-Ishiel and Demon God Jinnai rocketed towards each other, but before they could meet--  BOOM!!

"OUCH!!"  Ishiel backed away from Jinnai, rubbing the back of her armored head.  "That STUNG!!"

She turned, and found Makoto's Ifurita behind her, key-staff at the ready, and now dressed in a frilly French maid outfit.

Ishiel stifled a giggle, then burst out loud laughing.  "BWAH HA HA HA!!"

"WHAT!?" Ifurita shouted indignantly.  "I was trying on some more nice things to wear for my dear soul-mate, and I didn't have time to change back!!"

"Well, there's that," a still-giggling Ishiel said.  "But it's also simply laughable that one demon god, no matter how mighty, would choose to throw her life away, as you have just done.  After all, I have just defeated SIX PRETTY MAGICAL GODS!!  What can you hope to--  OUCH!!"

After being cut off in mid-gloat, she turned again, and found Yuba Yuurius' Ifurita behind her, key-staff also at the ready, but more conservatively dressed.  "My sister.  It seems I am needed once again."

"Okay, two Ifuritas!" Ishiel yelled.  "But still, I'm sayin'-- OUCH!!  OH, FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!"

A third Ifurita had appeared, and taken her own shot.  "My sisters.  It seems I am also needed."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" Ishiel shrieked.  "AND WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM!?"

"Um," Ifurita-3 said, "the short answer is, the current author's own fan fiction.  The long answer is, I was trapped for thousands of years in a ruins beneath the ocean, until--"

"SCREW THE LONG ANSWER!!" Ishiel screamed, suddenly falling into berserker mode.

Demon God Jinnai hung in nearby mid-air, arms crossed, irritably tapping his foot against nothing.  His delicate male ego had once again been bruised.  "Well, excuse me!  I'll just take a freakin' number and wait in the freakin' line!"


Arjah/Chabil left his toilet stall, whistling cheerfully, newspaper folded under one arm.  He washed his hands carefully, then left the royal bathroom, only to find himself face to face with a certain Nifelheim demon.

"Can I help you," Arjah/Chabil asked pleasantly.

"Perhaps we can help each other," Mara said.  "I'm quite aware of your true identity."

"Oh?" Arjah/Chabil said.  "Is that so?"

"Indeed," Mara said.  "And, just as a demonstration of my own loosely-interpreted abilities, I've taken the liberty of introducing a little complication to your plans."

"Oh?" Arjah/Chabil said again, though not quite as pleasantly.  "Is that so?"

"Yup," Mara said proudly.  "I went and gave another ultimate weapon to one of them losers out there.  So, anyway, now that I've demonstrated my own abilities, what say you and me work together?  We could take this dimension and--"

"No, I don't think so," Arjah/Chabil said, in a once-again pleasant tone of voice, as he used the smallest fraction of his own poorly-defined powers to blast Mara (and a still-pocketed Senbei) into the Next Dimension.


Ifurina had finally finished off her basket of dinner rolls.  She looked at the now-empty basket, and blinked.  "Oops.  Oh, shoot.  That's gonna ruin my appetite for sure."

She stood up, licking her fingers and brushing the flour from her coordinated outfit.  She strolled out of what used to be the Shinonome Diner, hands clasped behind her back, humming pleasantly to herself.

Ifurina looked to the sky, and saw a constantly-shifting number of demon gods fighting with a berserk uber-Ishiel.  "Oh dear.  That doesn't look good..."

Then she happened to look back to the ground.  "Oh, what's this?  It sure is pretty!"

Ifurina crouched down and picked up The Charm.

And then, of course, she put it on.

And everything changed forever.


OOC:  I'm out for a few days.  Have fun, kids!