El-Hazard Round Robin

[MrWhat]

Afura and Ishiel were both soaked from a brief squall of rain that had been caused by the reactivated Eye of God.  And, after their extended duel, both of their uniforms were torn away in several interesting places, following the laws of anime physics.

But, more importantly, Afura was in big trouble.

Loathe as she was to admit it, Ishiel was every bit the priestess she was.  Every tactic, every technique, every counter-attack she used was easily matched by her opponent.

And, great as her lamp of wind might be, it was becoming apparent that it was no match for the Great Lamp of Earth-- a weapon that could fell demon-gods would, sooner or later, bring her down.

Afura finally fell back, gasping, and shouted.  "WAIT!!"

Ishiel lowered her lamp, and shouted back.  "Why?  Because you're losing?"

"Well, yes!" Afura admitted.  "But hear me out!

"I must concede that your lamp is much more powerful than my own.  And you wield your lamp well.  Indeed, if I weren't such hot stuff myself, you would have already wiped me out."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Ishiel said impatiently.  "Get to the point!"

"Can vengeance truly be served in this way, with overwhelming force?  Will you not face me as God intended, in a sportsmanlike manner?  No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone?"

"You mean, you'll put down your lamp, and I'll put down my lamp, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?  Yeah, alright."

Ishiel casually tossed the Great Lamp Of Earth aside, ran at Afura and tackled her, and brought her down in a wide area of mud churned up by the brief but heavy rainfall.  Afura's lamp of wind was thrown from her body by Ishiel's tackle.

Ishiel wasted no time going to work on Afura.  The impossibly beautiful priestesses bodily grappled with each other in the shallow mud pit.  Their badly-torn and barely-still-decent uniforms were soon obscured as they were completely covered with thick smooth creamy rivulets of mud.

But, more importantly, Ishiel's mysterious cloaked but shapely female figure was of a more muscular build than Afura's willowy frame.  Afura quickly realized that she had only bought herself a little more time, at best.

She somehow pulled herself away from Ishiel for a moment, wallowing backwards through the shallow mud.  She desperately screamed to Shayla.  "HELP ME, SHAYLA!!  SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!"

*SNORE*, said Shayla.

A thoroughly-mud-covered-Ishiel laughed maniacally, and advanced on her.  "Time to say goodbye, Afura!"

"Oh, shi--" Afura said, just as Ishiel shoved her face into the mud.

And then, Fatora, Alielle, Kauru, Makoto, and Schtalubaugh walked up.

[rowan_a._seven]

Three things happened almost at once.

Ishiel, sitting on top of Afura and arms raised above her hand, clasped her two hands together and brought them down in a powerful overhead arc, planning on knocking out her opponent once and for all.

Makoto, having the heroic persona that he does, saw his friend and arguably the sanest of the priestesses in serious danger and nobly lunged at Ishiel with all the speed he could muster, intent on pushing her away.

Qawool, seeing a fellow priestess in peril, reactivated her lamp and launched a wave of water at Ishiel.  Unfortunately, since the Priestess of Water was still a bit woozy from her recent ordeal in LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION, she projected more power than she wanted.

"Hahahaha!  Prepare to die, Afura!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

SWOOSH!

Makoto and Qawool's attack struck Ishiel at nearly the same time and mere microseconds before the Priestess of Earth managed to punch Afura's lights out.  Makoto, survival instincts taking over as he felt the water pound his body, grabbed the nearest object available for safety which was, in this case, a barely clothed and muddy Ishiel who, as the wave completely covered her, became a soaking wet and naked Ishiel as her shredded clothing was torn off by the sheer force of Qawool's water manipulation.  The two fell back several yards in a tangle of limbs.

As for Fatora and Alielle, they immediately ran over to the saved and still mud-covered Afura.  

"Sister Afura, let me help you up!" Alielle offered kindly, offering a hand but 'accidentally' tripping, hugging and rubbing the Priestess of Air as she fell on her and 'dragged' Fatora along.  Afura's eyes widened and an annoyed, nearly desperate expression crossed her features as she found herself stuck between a lecherous princess and her equally lascivious traveling companion in a deep puddle of mud.  Her muffled cries bore testimony to the strength of her efforts to escape.

Sctalubaugh, having an idea of what was coming, decided that discretion was the better part of valor and took shelter where Shayla-Shayla and Groucho were sleeping.

Ishiel opened her eyes, realized that she was naked, and that there was a teenage boy with a deathgrip on her chest.  "GET OFF ME!" she shouted at the embarrassed Makoto and, her ire overcoming Makoto's innate charm abilities that Fatora desperately sought, slugged him in the jaw with mad female strength.  Makoto went flying and landed in the same puddle of mud that Fatora, Alielle, and Afura were currently wrestling in and soon ended up in the jumbled knot of bodies himself.

Breathing heavily with anger, the Priestess of Earth stood back up and glared at the denizens of the mud puddle.  Her expression was one of utter rage.  She was naked, cold, wet, had just been molested, and her hard won vengeance against Afura was lost.  Breaking point reached and surpassed, Ishiel let out a mighty scream and grabbed her discarded lamp.

"DIE!!!"

In a power-up sequence that would do a Dragonball Z character proud, a terrifying aura of raw elemental power surrounded Ishiel as the ground around her cracked, shattered, and quaked for over a mile.  Flowers and plants grew and died within seconds, filling the air with their pungent odor of death, life, and rebirth as well as vegetational remains.  Ishiel, looking as beautiful as she was deadly, became nature's wrath personified.

Qawool uttered a prayer.

Afura froze in fear.

Sctalubaugh took out his diary and made a last minute entry that read, "Killed by the consequences of traveling companions' perverted antics."

Groucho dreamt of a red-haired fire priestess.

Shayla-Shayla rolled over.

Fatora and Alielle were turned on.

Makoto wet himself again.

"GAEA'S VENGEANCE!" Ishiel shouted, words coming to her as if from a distant dream of the past as her aura expanded even further and, with a horrifying, bone-chilling sound of raw elemental fury and power, was released as a gigantic column of energy.

Fortunately, Makoto, Fatora, Alielle, Afura, Groucho, Shayla-Shayla, Sctalubaugh, and Qawool were all saved at the last second by the timely appearance of Mr. Fujisawa who heroically grabbed them and just barely managed to drag them to safety before Ishiel's onslaught passed through the spot they'd previously been.

Unfortunately, the Eye of God was not so fortunate.

******

With the world possibly ending at any moment now, Princess Rune Venus had decided to take the time to gaze out over her kingdom mournfully from her balcony.  Her frame was the picture of stoic sadness.

"Oh Ancients, has your legacy of war and destruction at last decided to destroy us all?  Will it annihilate my kingdom, my tribe, and my sister?  Why can't we ever break free of this cycle?  Is it destiny that...WHAT'S THAT?!!" the princess shrieked as a gigantic column of energy slammed into the Eye of God, cracking and shattering it into several large pieces that crashed on uninhabited but still very dangerous regions of the world.

Rune stood still in shock for several long moments, the knowledge that the world was saved and the Eye of God no more slowly sinking in.  She would probably have remained on her balcony for even longer had not a panicked Nahato ran by, closely followed by Gatora and Hatora and an ax-wielding Nanami who were, in turn, being pursued by Londs and the Royal Guard.

******

Ishiel laughed long and hard as everyone else around her was frozen in positions of shock, dismay, fear, bewilderment, and unconsciousness.  "I...hahahaha!...blew up the Eye of God!  Hahahaha!  That...hahahaha...screws practically everybody over!  Hehehehohoho!  I'd say my...hahahahaha...revenge quota is now filled!  Bye!"

Armed with her lamp, Ishiel Soel, former Phantom Tribe spy and ex-priestess in training, current holder of the ancient office of the Priestess of Earth, and now destroyer of the Eye of God, smiled in pure blissful triumph before using her illusion abilities to disappear, her ecstatic laughter echoing on the wind.

Where she went next, nobody knows...although most agree that it was probably a clothing store.

[Tim needs time to work it out]

*OOC*  

Wow...

How you guys managed to squeeze in:

- another powerful weapon
- female mud wrestling
- strange bugrom love and
- destruction of the weapons with a-now-insane HP/HH person with a rival from a past I will have no idea.

You even squeezed in an insane axe-wielding bitch!

Wow... just... wow...

[theravenisdead]

One word: Ferior.

Keep it up, I'm enjoying this!

[MrWhat]

OOC:  Just sketching out another arguably unresolved situation-- and just piling on the fan service  


"OOF!!" said Washu and Kagato.

They found themselves lying on perfectly smooth and flat bedrock.  The moonlit landscape was utterly featureless from horizon to horizon.  Washu's chair, along with her computer, her house, and her town, seemed to have disappeared.

Kagato slowly sat up.  "What the--  What's happened!?"

Washu rubbed her neck.  "If I didn't know better, I'd guess that... by some random fluke of dimensional energy... we've been instantaneously displaced by a few hundred kilometers.  But... where are we?"

Kagato looked up at the clear warm night sky.  "From the visible constellations... and given the time of year... we ought to be in the kingdom of Yusaan.  But it's almost as if the entire kingdom was also cut away by some weird dimensional weapon, down to the topsoil.  I wonder where it's gone?"

Washu looked down at herself, and suddenly realized that she was naked.  "EEP!!"  She wrapped her arms around herself.  "Well, it wasn't a symmetric displacement.  It seems that only the, um, living organic matter in our town came through.  All our earthly possessions may have been destroyed.  Oh dear, and I just bought that dress, too."

An also-naked Kagato looked around again, and noticed lots more naked and embarrassed people scattered about.  "Well, not to worry, my dear.  We're whole and well.  And all the townsfolk are in the same predicament.

"And besides..."  He scootched up to his beloved wife, and put his arm around her.  "May I say, you have no reason to be ashamed.  Our many years together have scarcely diminished your beauty.  Seeing you like this, in the moonlight, reminds me of the first time we..."  He whispered the rest in her ear.

Washu giggled like a schoolgirl.  "Why, you silver-tongued devil!  And... oh my... you're still fine and fit yourself... my big strong soldier..."  She put an arm around him in turn, and pinched him in a place that only people in long-term relationships are entitled to pinch.

And then...


Early the next morning, the townsfolk, including Washu and Kagato, organized themselves and began the long trek to the nearest extant town on (bare) feet.

Half of the town, including Washu, was holding hands with the other half of the town, including Kagato.  And both halves of the town had very happy smiles on their faces.

[MrWhat]

And then...

ADDENUM

Years later, local historians noted that, although the townsfolk had to rebuild their small town from nothing, the local divorce rate fell to near zero for some time after its destruction.  Requests for marriage counseling also fell off sharply.

The historians also noted, nine months after the displacement, a sharp spike in the local child birth rate  

[Lord God Jinnai]

Queen Diva listened intently to her scout bug's accounts. As the small Bugrom finished its tale, the Queen's lips turned upwards into a smile.

"The Eye of God destroyed, you say? Oh what wonderful news!" Diva laughed in manic delight, the sound echoing through the massive hive's throne room.  "With that weapon out of the picture, the Bugrom Empire shall be unopposed!"

Just then, the remnants of Jinnai's expeditionary force entered. A rather battered looking Harpo stepped towards the Queen, then kneeled.

"What? Back so soon?" Diva looked through the bugs' ranks. "Where are Mr. Jinnai and Drone Groucho?"

"!@#$!%!$#@..." said Harpo sadly.

"I... I see," Diva sat back into her throne in dismay. "Poor poor Mr. Jinnai. He has taught us all much about the art of warfare. We shall miss him."

Harpo, Zeppo, Chiko and Margaret nodded in agreement, all of them wiping at tears and blowing their noses.

"But enough of this!" shouted the Queen harshly. "This is not what Mr. Jinnai would have wanted!" She stood up and raised her fist in the air. "He would not have wished for us to mourn his death! NO! He would have wanted us to avenge him, and crush our enemies!"

The Bugrom around her cheered.

"Yes! With the accursed Eye of God vanquished, we Bugrom shall rule supreme!"

The Bugrom's pride swelled, their anticipation for battle growing with Diva's every word. They cheered more loudly, raising their claws into the air.

"Victory shall be ours! Death to the Alliance! Long live the Bugrom!"

Just then, the throne room's ceiling exploded upwards, the debris shattering into a million pieces before flying up into the sky. Bugrom guards rushed to and fro, many rushing in front of Diva to protect their queen. Soon, only a gaping hole was left of the ceiling, the roof completely ripped off of the throne room.

"What is the meaning of this?!" shouted Diva.

"Ah, Queen Diva. So good to see you again." The deep, charismatic voice belonged to a distant dark figure, who was floating in the night sky above the open ceiling. It began to descend, until the lights from the glowing mineral deposits in the hive revealed his features.

"Oh my," said Diva with a blush. The man in the long, dark coat was devastatingly handsome (for a human). His features were also strikingly familiar, even though they were slightly different. Recognition quickly hit her, though, as she beheld his arrogant smirk. "M-M-Mr. Jinnai? Is that you?"

"You are correct, my dear," replied the Demon God as he touched down on the floor. He set the frightened looking Ifurina down next to him, then turned to fully address the Queen. "I have gained the ultimate power, as you can see. I am now a Demon God, a Demon God who shall soon replace Ifurita's name as the most fearsome and powerful of them all!"

Diva was speechless. First, the Eye of God was destroyed, now her brilliant General had returned with the powers of Hell itself at his disposal. It seems as if God has truly granted them the world on a plate this night.

"Mr. Jinnai!" spoke the queen finally. "You are a true paragon among my Bugrom warriors. You have truly outdone yourself! All of us praise you! ALL HAIL THE GRAND MARSHALL OF WAR, JINNAI! ALL HAIL OUR SAVIOR FROM GOD!" The Bugrom around them cheered with joy.

Jinnai merely smirked, accepting their praise with quiet dignity.

After the cheering had died down, Diva noticed the nervous Ifurina. "Oh. Who is this human, Mr. Jinnai? A hostage?"

"No, this is my Master Ifurina. She is the holder of my Key Staff." Jinnai nudged the frightened girl next to him forwards. "Go on, my dear. Say hello."

"Um, hi!" smiled Ifurina shyly.

Diva merely raised her eyebrow. "She is your master, you say?"

Ifurina turned back to Jinnai. "Um, Katsy-Watsy, who is this lady, anyway? Is she your mother?"

"I BEG your pardon?" Diva screamed angrily.

"Oh boy." Jinnai sighed. He quickly changed the subject. "Well, if you excuse us, my dear Queen Diva, my Master Ifurina has had a long, trying day. If you don't mind, we shall retire now whilst I show her to her room. Good night! See you tommorow, when we invade Roshtaria! Bye!" He quickly ushered Ifurina out of the throne room.

"Wow, your mom's pretty loud," remarked Ifurina.

Jinnai quickened his pace when he heard Diva's mad rantings.

[MrWhat]

"Oh, man!" whined Makoto, as he wiped at his sweaty face with a dirty handkerchief.  "How much further are we from Floristica, anyway?"

"Not too much farther, my dear boy," answered Schtalubaugh.  "Quit lagging about. We must get back before anything else happens."

"Right," Makoto sighed, then continued walking.

The motley crew had called it a day, and spent the night near Ishiel and Afura's battle site.  After a quick morning shower to wash off the mud, courtesy of Kauru, they had begun the long journey back to Floristica.

Fatora had commanded Afura to fly her and Alielle back personally.  But Afura was battered, bruised and dead-on-her-feet exhausted.  Her once-beautiful uniform hung in barely decent tatters, and her hair was a fright.  And, after losing both a battle of the lamps and a mud wrestling match to Ishiel (and after wrestling in mud at all), she was completely and utterly humiliated.  One 'don't-push-your-luck' look from Afura had convinced Fatora to withdraw her request.

Meanwhile, Groucho had taken to following Shayla around like a lost puppy.  Shayla had noticed this, and taken advantage of it.  She was now draped over Groucho's shoulders in a Jinnai-esque way, grateful for the ride, but trying not to succumb to motion sickness compounded by her rather bad hangover.

Unfortunately, Kauru had also noticed this.  After half a dozen panic attacks, with the requisite destructive flooding, Kauru had been blindfolded.  Makoto and Fujisawa gently guided her along.

But, five hours into their walk, Makoto suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.  "Hey!  Wait a minute!" he shouted to everyone else.  "Why can't we just take that glider back to Floristica?  It wasn't damaged by LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION!"

"D'OH!" said Schtalubaugh, Fujisawa, Kauru, Fatora and Alielle, Afura, Shayla and even Groucho.

[Spanner]

Suddenly, a chasm opened beneath Nanami's feet. She shrieked, axe falling from her hand, as she plummeted into its depths. Her life came to a sudden end, as her body was smashed against the jagged rocks at its base.

Suddenly, a section of wall seperating the cooridor from an underground river gave way, flooding it completely. Nanami tried to thrash her way to a surface that simply wasn't there. Fingers scrabbling hopelessly at the unyeilding ceiling, her lungs finally flooded with water and all faded to black.

Suddenly, a pack of the enormous predators of the Southern forest descended upon Nanami, knocking her to the ground and pinning her there with their razor-sharp claws. Nanami's horrible gurgling scream was quickly cut short as they feasted upon her still-living body.

Suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack, and the axe-wielding menace was no more.

"God, I hate her," Nahato muttered to himself, still fleeing the still-very-much-alive Nanami who blithely ignored the gristly illusory deaths Nahato tried to distract her with.

He had hoped that he would be able to lose her in the depths of the palace dungeons, where his lifetime of experience in the catacombs of the Phantom Tribe's home would make the dark his ally. Unfortunately, Nanami was simply too tenacious.

"Come to Big Sister Nanami, cute little Phantom Tribe boy!" Nanami called out cheerfully. "I wanna show you what it's like to have an edged weapon held against your neck!"

Nahato whimpered.


Gatora and Hatora were somewhat at a loss. While completely obedient to Nahato, he had left before giving them any further orders. Now, they had lost him, lost Londs and the pursuing guards, and lost themselves in the bargain. "What now, Hatora?" Gatora asked.

Hatora shrugged. "I suppose we should report back to the Phantom Tribe, and let them know of our failure."

Gatora sniffed haughtily. "I don't see why we should. They'll just punish us. And it wasn't even our fault!"

Hatora's expression mirrored Gatora's. Her clone-sister was right. Why SHOULD someone as beautiful and talented as herself be punished for something so stupid? Before she could answer, though, the two of them were interrupted.

"Oh! Your Highness! ...And your Highness?" The palace servant that had stumbled across the two looked confused. "I see - one of you must be Makoto. Whatever ARE the two of you up to?"

Observing the servant's well-shaped body, curves accentuated by the attractive garments worn by the female members of the palace staff, Hatora and Gatora suddenly felt... odd...

"Hatora... I feel so strange..." Gatora held up a hand. Her fingers had curled into a shape perfect for... grasping and squeezing. "I have the sudden urge to... grab this woman."

"I also, Gatora," Hatora replied. "And I appear to be salivating." She wiped a bit of drool from the corner of her suddenly leering mouth. "Perhaps this is why we were never allowed near the female members of the Tribe?"

"A strong possibility. For now, though, in the absence of further instructions, I move that we explore these new feelings, in order to better understand them."

"Agreed, Gatora. Perhaps this knowledge will be of use to the master when he subdues that lunatic and returns to us."

The two of them, having reached an agreement, turned to the palace servant, only to realize that she'd long since departed. As a veteran of Fatora's staff, she had become quite adept at recognizing the signs of onsetting lechery, and had swifly vacated the area. "...Unfortunate," Fatora commented.

"No matter. I'm certain we will find another suitable candidate..."

"...I don't care, Rune! You can stuff your 'emergency council'!" A voice called out irately. "I just got back, and I need to plan tomorrow's disciplinary actions. C'mon, Alielle, let's get out of here."

Fatora and Alielle stepped into view, and halted at the sight of a very familiar face mounted on far too many very familiar bodies. "Erm... hi?" Fatora said, weakly.

Hatora and Gatora smiled at one another, then leered at Alielle and Fatora, and then pounced. The princess and her lover were quickly drubbed unconcious and hauled away by the clones.

A moment later, Rune Venus hurried into the now-vacant cooridor. "Fatora! Please be reasonable... Blast it, that girl is entirely too good at hiding herself," Rune said, frustrated. She sighed.

[Lord God Jinnai]

Several hours later, Princess Rune Venus rubbed her aching temples, as Londs went through a detailed and very long tally of the damage caused by the falling debris of both LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION and the Eye of God. So far, several outlying villages surrounding Florestica were decimated, not to mention the Stairway to Heaven and the Kingdom of Yusaan.

"The kingdoms of the Alliance have now become worried, Your Majesty," said Londs. "Reports from our forces stationed near the River of God cofirm that the Bugrom are mobilizing their forces. My guess is that they are readying themselves for a full out invasion."

"Looks like the mighty Alliance is through," laughed Nahato.

"Silence!" screamed Londs. He glared at the Phantom Tribe boy, whom his guards managed to have caught in the dungeons while fleeing from the axe-weilding maniac, Nanami. Said maniac was also caught, and was now strapped to a gurney, a leather muzzle wrapped around her face.

"Isn't this a bit much?" asked the deranged girl. "Not like I'm gonna go cannibal and start eating people's livers with beans and a nice kiante. Mmmm... kiante..."

Rune Venus ignored the prisoners, choosing instead to stare forlornly at the view outside her balcony. "Our doom is nigh. Without the Eye of God, the Alliance is no match for the armies of the Bugrom Empire. We shall all be destroyed..."

Nahato chuckled. "Yes, and Lord Galus's revenge is complete. Without your precious Eye, you Alliance fools are nothing. It shall give me great pleasure to witness your destruction, while the Phantom Tribe lives on!"

Before an enraged Londs could tell the boy to be silent once more, an even angrier Rune Venus beat him to it. "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!"

Everyone in the room stared aghast at the Princess's outburst. Rune herself turned red in embarrassment, quickly looking back at the scene outside the balcony. "Please forgive my outburst," she said politely. "What I meant to say was, please refrain from such further comments. They upset me so."

Nahato nodded dumbly.

********************************************

Several hundred miles to the east, a massive, mushroom-cloud forming blast shattered the quiet atmosphere of the Kingdom of Rudas. The explosion took out one of their oldest ruins, a rather large underground structure which was rumored to house a weapon of devastating power.

The Demon God Jinnai twirled his staff, then flew over to the nearby flying beetle ship to join Ifurina and his Bugrom.

"Well, that's six down, about fifty-six to go," said Jinnai as he landed atop the transport.

"Um, why are we doing this again?" asked a confused Ifurina, who covered her eyes from the dust flying through the air.

"It's quite simple, Master Ifurina. We are destroying all the ancient ruins of El-Hazard, so that none of those evil Alliance bastards can bring forth another evil Doomsday Weapon to hurt innocent people," explained Jinnai. He then added under his breath, "I also don't wish to have any more competition in the Ultimate Weapon contest, thank you very much..."

"Oh. That sounds good." Ifurina smiled.

"Indeed, it is my darling little Master," The Demon God gave the girl a devastating smile, almost causing poor Ifurina to faint. He then handed her his Key Staff, then turned around and moved his coat tails. "I'm a bit low on power, so could you give me a little recharge please?"

Ifurina blushed, looking around at the curious faces of the Bugrom around her. "Um, you mean now? I-in front of all these people?" The thought of winding him up in public like this brought a deeper flush to her all ready embarrassed face.

"Oh, just hurry up!" Jinnai grunted in annoyance. "Do you want to get revenge for your family or not?"

The hateful memory of the Princess Fatora and the Water Priestess standing over the rubble which used to be her town and family caused a flare of anger to course through Ifurina's blood. "You're right! They'll pay!" With a furious yell, the former palace servant girl and current Master of Death Incarnate, jammed the Key Staff into Jinnai's back socket.

"H-hey! Ow!" complained Jinnai. "Th-there's no need to be so rough! I'm very sensitive back there you know!"

Ifurina didn't hear him though, as she was too busy muttering her mantra. "They'll pay! They'll pay! They'll pay!!!" With each frustrated yell, the girl turned the key viciously, eliciting a painful squeal from the Demon God prostrated before her. "THEY'LL PAY!"

"Mercy!"  

The Bugrom turned around, giving the two some privacy.

[MrWhat]

Hatora and Gatora suddenly felt... odd...

OOC:  Aw, man...  More fan service.  Spanner, this is all your fault!


Fatora and Alielle slowly regained consciousness.

They found themselves in the dungeon cell from way back in Reply #1.  They were bound side by side, spreadeagled on a low inclined platform, clad only in their underwear, in much the same way as they themselves had bound Makoto.

They craned their necks, and noticed that the ruined floor of the cell seemed to have been repaired with the left-over quick-drying cement from Reply #14.

And then, Fatora and Alielle gasped, as one.

Gatora and Hatora came to both sides of their platform.  Both of Fatora's clones were clad in Fatora's spare Arliman bondage outfits, and both of them were holding whips.

"Are you ready to begin the... experiments, Hatora?" asked Gatora.

"I think so," said Hatora.  She reached behind her, and opened up Fatora's personal toy box, which the two clones had stolen from Fatora's room.  She reached into it, and pulled out something best left to the reader's imagination.  "Um, Gatora?  Do you know what this does?...  Or where it goes?..."

Gatora grinned.  "No, but I can't wait to find out!"

Fatora began to laugh hysterically, in half-crazed terror-- and delight.  "Ha ha!  Alielle!  Ha ha!  I finally have my own harem-- ha ha!-- of beautiful women!  Ha ha!  And they're even more beautiful-- ha ha!-- than Makoto's harem!  Ha ha!"

Alielle was literally overwhelmed at the sight of her dear princess in triplicate.  This is just wrong, she thought, and in so many ways.

But... if this was wrong... Alielle didn't want to be right.


Shayla guided a still-blindfolded Kauru into the priestesses' room in the Floristica palace, after Afura.  Then she gave Groucho an affectionate scritch behind an antenna, and he curled up by the door as she followed Kauru into the room.

Shayla sighed deeply, and stretched in a fan-servicey way.  "Aaaah... good to be back."

"Yes," Kauru said, pulling off her blindfold.  "Oh...  Miss Afura?  What are you doing?"

Afura had opened her suitcase.  She began pulling her clothes from the closet and the dresser, folding them ever-so-neatly and stacking them in the suitcase.

"Are you going back to Muldoon now?" asked Shayla.

"No," Afura said tersely.

"Where are you going, Miss Afura?" asked Kauru.

Afura smiled thinly.  "I don't know, Kauru.  Away."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Shayla said.  "Just because Ishiel handed you your butt on a platter, it doesn't mean you have to..."

Afura closed her suitcase, and glared at Shayla.  "Rrrgh...  No, Shayla, I'm not quitting.  But I need some time to think about things.  Kauru, would you put in for some 'mental-health' time off for me, please?"

"But..." Kauru said.  "But... what about the reports of a pending Bugrom invasion?  Won't you be needed, to serve the Alliance?"

Afura carried her suitcase to a nearby window.  "The Alliance?...  Kauru, I mean this in the most polite and respectful way... but the Alliance can get bent.  I'll be back in a couple of weeks."

A stunned Shayla and Kauru watched Afura fly away.

Then Shayla sighed, and held her face in her hands.  "Aw, man..."

Kauru rested a hand on Shayla's shoulder.  "I know, Miss Shayla.  I'll miss her too."

Shayla looked up, and glared at Kauru.  "Not that!  This means I have to spend two weeks alone with you!"

Kauru blinked.  "Oh."

Then Kauru got the picture.  "Oh!"

And then, Kauru's eyes went all sad and shiny.  "Oh!  Miss Shayla!  That's just mean!"

Shayla sighed again, and held her face in her hands again.  "Aw, MAN..."


Jinnai took aim at another ancient ruins, but hesitated.  "Master Ifurina?  How far have we got?"

Ifurina was holding a strangely-familiar memo pad and pencil.  She checked her notes.  "Um... this is number twenty-one, Katsy-Watsy dear."

Jinnai grimaced.  "Damn.  This is taking longer than I thought.  Oh well."

He let loose a single volley of black light.  Yet another massive explosion followed.

But when most of the dust cleared, Jinnai and Ifurina both realized that something was wrong.

"Katsuhiko!?  Something's wrong!!" Ifurina said.

Jinnai frowned.  "Yes, I realize that too."

The ancient ruins moved, and shifted, and began to transform, and to rise up into the air.

"Damn," said Jinnai, again.  "Apparently, this ultimate weapon is activated by attempting to destroy it.  Man, some of those ancient masters of El-Hazard weren't half tricky bastards."

Then Ifurina gasped, and pointed towards the ancient ruins.  "Oh-- CRUMBS!!  It's--  It's--  A GIANT--"

[Xel]

OOC:

Ifurina didn't hear him though, as she was too busy muttering her mantra. "They'll pay! They'll pay! They'll pay!!!" With each frustrated yell, the girl turned the key viciously, eliciting a painful squeal from the Demon God prostrated before her. "THEY'LL PAY!"

"Mercy!"  

The Bugrom turned around, giving the two some privacy.

I'd like you to know what a very perverse pleasure I got from this. <3 *attaches to leg* I'll draw it if you pay me.

I'd also like to congratulate you for writing in the first IC, character-produced smiley so far, but I don't consider that as important. |D

[Lord God Jinnai]

Then Ifurina gasped, and pointed towards the ancient ruins.  "Oh-- CRUMBS!!  It's--  It's--  A GIANT--"

"- Panda?!" finished Jinnai, confusion very much evident in his God-like features. "What the hell crappy ancient civilization thought this up?"

"Awww, it's cute!" exclaimed Ifurina, her heart turning into butter as she beheld the giganticly cute monstrosity.

Jinnai accessed his Demon God memory banks, quickly finding a file on the current Threat to All of El-Hazard. "Huh. This seems to be the Panda of God. Apparently, in response to the Frenchians' construction of the TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION, which by the way bankrupted their nation, the other countries of the time pooled some money together and created the Panda of God in order to make fun of them." The Demon God suddenly frowned. "Sheesh... the more I learn about these Ancient El-Hazardians, the more I'm glad that they're all dead."

The gigantic panda-like doomsday weapon crawled out of its crater, then began rampaging through the country-side on wobbly legs. It formed flashing balls of energy in its front paws, which it then began bouncing against the local landscape, smashing trees and mountains to bits.

"RRROOOOORRRRFFF!" roared the Panda of God.

"It's SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!" cried Ifurina in delight.

"I suppose," shrugged Jinnai. "But as it is a threat to my glorious plans, it must be destroyed." He raised his Key Staff and made ready to scatter panda parts across the landscape, but unfortunately for all the panda haters of the world, Ifurina stopped him.

"Stop!" Ifurina shouted; Jinnai had no choice but to do as she said. "Y-y-you can't!"

"But it's... evil!" The two looked back at the giant panda, who was now pedalling on a giant Unicycle of Death. A small village was crushed under its spoke.

Ifurina sniffled, turning back to her Demon God with pleading eyes. Jinnai took one look at her and felt his resolve shatter into a million pieces. "Fine, fine," he said tersely. "I shall spare this one, but only because you asked me to. The next weapons won't be so lucky!"

"Oh, thank you!" The joyous Ifurina laughed, leaping forwards to embrace Jinnai. "You're the best!"

The Demon God blushed before turning to his crew. "Well, don't just stand there! Make way to the next location on our list!"

The transport bug quickly departed for the next set of ruins, leaving the gigantic panda-like doomsday device to its destructive rampage.

[MrWhat]

Makoto was troubled.  Being a sensitive kind of guy, he liked to talk out his troubles, instead of suppressing them until he snapped, like a more manly man.  He found himself wanting a private chat with his dear childhood friend Nanami.

In the past, he would have gone to the Shinonome Diner, just outside the palace complex, for a hot cup of tea and a sympathetic ear.  But now, he found himself in the palace psychiatric ward, waiting to be admitted to Floristica's finest padded cell.

A straitjacketed Nanami was lying on her back in the middle of the cell, counting the pleats in the ceiling.  She looked to Makoto as he politely kicked off his shoes before entering her cell.  "Oh!  Makoto!  What a pleasant--  Oh.  Is something wrong?"

Makoto smiled sheepishly.  He leaned against one padded wall, and slumped to the floor.  "Yeah.  Got a minute?"

Nanami rolled her eyes.  "What do you think?"

She wriggled towards Makoto, in a way that was disturbingly enjoyable to watch.  "So *oof* what's on *oof* your mind?"

"It's the Eye of God, Nanami.  Ishiel broke it.  It can never be made whole."

Nanami had somehow brought herself up to sit against the wall, besides Makoto.  She panted from her struggle.  "*whew*...  Well, isn't that a good thing?"

"I've only studied the Eye of God for a short time," Makoto said.  "There was so much left to learn.  And now...  I might never learn how... to..."  He trailed off, and held his face in his hands.

"Oh," Nanami said quietly.  "You might never learn how to rescue Ifurita."

Makoto nodded.

"Well, don't worry.  You can still study the pieces, right?  It'll take years to clean up the mess.  And the pieces are lying on the ground now, so they should be easier to study."

Makoto looked up.  "Well, that's true..."

"And this might be a good thing, Makoto.  The Eye of God might have been a dead end.  Maybe the answer lies somewhere else.  And maybe, with the Eye of God out of the way, you'll find the answer more quickly."

"I never thought of that," Makoto said.  "Thanks, Nanami.  You always know how to make me feel better."

Nanami smiled sweetly.  "Aw, Makoto...  I'd give you a hug, if I weren't hopelessly wrapped up in heavy medical restraints.  Oh, and if I wouldn't first plunge a nice big shiny razor-sharp axe deep into your soft warm--"

Makoto laughed as he stood up.  "Okay, okay.  I understand."

He walked to the cell door, and knocked to be let out, then turned back to Nanami.  "Oh, there was one other thing...  Fatora would like to have her straitjacket back when you're done with it.  Rumor has it, she and Alielle have found some new playmates."

Nanami raised an eyebrow.  "What's Fatora want a straitjacket for--  Oh.  Forget I asked.  That mental image is almost as disturbing as your nude wrestling with my brother...  Oh, the horror!  The humanity!  Ha!  Ha ha!  Ha ha!  Ha!..."

Makoto shuddered as he left Nanami to her spot-on imitation of her brother's maniacal laughter.  "Man," he said to himself.  "That chixxor is teh crazy."


Miz found Fujisawa near the front door of their home, hoisting a back back on his shoulders.  His best mountain climbing pickaxe was at the ready.

Miz sighed.  "Oh...  Not your 'sensei sense' again?"

Fujisawa turned to his beloved wife, and swept her up in his big strong arms.  "No, no.  I've learned my lesson.  I'll do my best to be open and honest with you, from now on, forever and always."

He brought his face close to hers, and smiled a ruggedly handsome smile.  He even did the little gleam on his teeth again.  Miz felt her girlish heart go all a-flutter.  "Oh!  Dah-ling!..."

Fujisawa carefully put Miz back down.  He produced a scrolled paper, bearing the official seal of the royal house of Roshtaria, and stamped 'For War Heroes Only.'  "But something else has happened.  Just read this report."

Miz' beautiful big brown eyes widened as she skimmed the report.  "Oh no!  An incredibly cyuuute ultimate weapon is running amuck!  It eats trees, shoots at mountains and blows them up, and then wanders away to do it all again!"

Fujisawa scowled.  "Just like a panda.  Eats shoots and leaves."

He adjusted his backpack, and took up his pickaxe.  "Something has to be done, Miz.  If this keeps up, there won't be any mountains left to climb in El-Hazard.  Yes... this time, it's personal."

Fujisawa left his home, and embarked on his latest adventure.  Miz stood at the doorway, proudly waving to her husband.  "Good luck, darling!  May the powers of Muldoon guide and protect you!...  Oh, and pick up a loaf of bread on the way back, would you?"

Fujisawa sighed, and answered without turning back.  "Yes, dear."

"And a container of milk!"  Miz called out.

"Yes, dear."

"Oh, and a stick of butter too!"

An exasperated Fujisawa stopped and turned back.  "Look!!  Do you want me to wait, so that you can write out a list!?"

[Spanner]

Ifurina gasped as the enormous bio-mechanical worm disgorged by the latest set of ruins unearthed by the Demon God Jinnai swallowed said Demon God whole.

"Katsy-Watsy!" Ifurina cried out in dismay. "Oops," she said too late, clapping a hand over her mouth.

The enormous worm turned its eyeless gaze on her, and opened its enormous maw. It began to inch slowly toward the young girl. Unfortunately for her, given the incredible size of the beast, slow inching was far faster than she could run. Especially since, being the girl she was, she tripped and fell flat on her face at the first opportunity.

"Nooo!" she called out, as the enormous maw began to close around her.

*BLOOORCH!!!* Ifurina was abruptly drenched in a foul-smelling yellow goo as the partly-mechanical nightmare monster blew apart.

Jinnai, immaculate clothing marred by its own drenching in goo, stomped grumpily out of the remains. "How many is that now, Master Ifurina?"

Ifurina had many things she wanted to say just then. Instead, she simply answered the question. "Um... fifty-four."

Jinnai nodded. "And of those, how many have attacked us in retalliation?"

Ifurina thought about that. "Six, I think. Seven if you count the Panda of God, which pretty much left us alone."

Jinnai thought about this a moment. "After careful consideration, I believe that I have discovered a flaw in my otherwise brilliant plan. While I am, of course, more than a match for any trap the Ancients of El-Hazard might have left behind, the fact of the matter is that they were an annoying pack of paranoid bastards. By the time I fight my way through all the crap they left behind, Mizuhara will be long dead and there'll be NO MEANING to my ultimate victory over him."

Ifurina didn't really follow all of that, but Jinnai seemed to be indicating a course of action that filled her with great joy. "Does that mean we can go home?" she asked with wide, hopeful eyes.

"Yes, Master Ifurina. We can go home."

*SPLUT!* Jinnai suddenly found a goo-coated teenaged girl embracing him tightly. "Oh, THANK YOU Katsy-Watsy."

Not really sure how to respond to that, Jinnai didn't. Instead, he lifted the girl into his arms and flew off toward the Bugrom Hive.


A hot shower and a change of clothes later, Ifurina met with Jinnai and Diva in the war room.

"Now, given that the results of my attempts to eradicate any possible hidden technology capable of causing us trouble has been... less than satisfactory, it would be in our best efforts to strike quickly and without mercy while we still hold the advantage, before the Alliance manages to awaken some OTHER godforsaken ancient weapon. Their primary weapon is gone, their cities are in shambles, and thanks to the surprisingly useful advice of Master Ifurina, their remaining forces are mostly occupied dealing with the Panda of God." Ifurina glowed at Jinnai's praise.

Diva did not. However, neither did she say anything negative. "Excellent. Our troops are ready to be deployed at any time. Plus, the last of our children have finally reached functional maturity. Our army is at full strength."

Ifurina blinked. Jinnai, for his part, was making furious cutting gestures, and mouthing the words, "Ix-nay on the ildren-chay!"

Sadly, Ifurina picked up on Diva's offhand comment. "Your... children?" She looked back and forth between Jinnai and Diva. "You had children together?"

"Erm," Jinnai said, fingering his collar.

Diva was less reluctant. "Indeed," she said with a wistful sigh. "In addition to being a brilliant strategist, Mr. Jinnai has also proven himself to be a very suitable," she smirked at Ifurina, "and marvelously energetic, sire to the next generation of Bugrom warriors and workers. Strong and healthy, all fifty-four thousand of them."

Ifurina's eyes practically crossed at this. "Fifty... four... thousand...?" Feeling an unfamiliar surge of jealousy and possessiveness, she glared at Diva, and cluched Jinnai's arm. The unspoken message was clear: "Mine!"

Diva, for her part, merely smiled smugly in return. The unspoken message was equally clear: "Oh, he'll be back. It's not as though you could possibly be woman enough for him..."

Jinnai felt the situation rapidly deteriorating. "Ahh, ladies, please, can we get back to the whole conquering thing?"

Both of them calmed slightly at this. At least, until another question that had been bothering Ifurina floated to the surface. To be fair, she could be forgiven for misunderstanding, due to the fact that her mother had eventually tired of her constant pestering for a younger brother or sister to play with (no WAY were Washu and Kagato going to risk potentially bringing another like Ifurina into the world; one was plenty) and had fibbed very slightly in order to get her to shut up. "Um, aren't you too old to still be having children Miss Diva?"

Diva simply bristled, wings spreading behind her. "Oh, God," Jinnai muttered, clutching his forehead in dismay.