El-Hazard Round Robin

[MrWhat]

The two left, leaving a red-faced Nanami and an unconcious yet smiling Ishiel in the bright room alone.

Ishiel slowly picked herself up from the floor of the mysterious chamber.  The happy smile finally fell from her face as she came to herself.  "Uh... what the heck just happened!?"

Nanami turned to her friend.  "You saw it too?  Huh.  I thought it was a hallucination brought on by my sudden psychosis."

Then she smiled cheerfully.  "Hey, maybe you're crazy too!  Gee, wouldn't that be great?  Well, anyway, let's not dilly-dally!  Places to go, people to dismember!"

Nanami took up her trusty axe in one hand, grabbed Ishiel's hand in her other hand, and happily skipped away to the escape tunnel.  Ishiel whimpered as she stumbled after Nanami.  "Um, I'd like to go back to my cell now, please..."


Makoto whimpered, closed his eyes, and waited for the death blow from the palace guard in Rune's room.

But then, someone cried out.  "WAIT!!"

Makoto opened his eyes again.  He looked to an open doorway, along with Rune and the palace guard.

Parnasse stood in the doorway.  "Milady, I beg you reconsider this summary execution!"

Rune scowled.  "This little-- PERVERT!-- has molested my royal person!  And he just wee-wee'd on me too!"

Parnasse persisted.  "That may be so... but, pray, give him a chance to defend himself, at the very least.  He has proven himself to be of sound character in the past.  He has saved all our lives a few times over, you know."

"Very well," Rune said icily.  She waved the palace guard back, and gestured to Makoto.  "Explain this, boy!  And be quick about it!  Your life, or at the very least, your manhood, hangs in the balance!"

Makoto gulped, and stammered.  "Well-- it all started-- when Fatora and Alielle--"

Rune's face lit up in a wide smile.  "Fatora and Alielle!?  Why didn't you just say so?  We all know that, when Fatora and Alielle are up to their lovable wacky hijinks, hilarity always ensues."

Then Rune, Parnasse, the palace guard, and Makoto all shared a hearty laugh.  The camera iris'ed out on the friends-once-more.

THE END


The camera suddenly came back on.

"By the way," Rune said, "where are Fatora and Alielle?  I haven't seen them for several hours."

Makoto bit his lip.  "Uh... I'm afraid that I lied to Fatora, Milady.  She was about to...  Well, anyway, I've sent her and Alielle on a wild goose chase, to the ruins near Lilicoco."

"WHAT!?" Rune suddenly shrieked.  She grabbed Makoto by the shoulders.  "YE GODS, Makoto!!  Do you REALIZE what you've DONE!?"

Makoto was taken aback.  "But-- but-- I know those ruins haven't been explored-- but what are the chances of them actually finding something dangerous?"

"Makoto, this is EL-HAZARD!!  There's a horrific doomsday weapon lying in wait every 500 meters!!  The fate of all El-Hazard may soon rest in the hands of FATORA AND ALIELLE!!"

Makoto gaped at Rune, as the full horror of this possibility slowly dawned on him.

Then Rune, Parnasse, the palace guard, and Makoto all screamed in abject terror.  And, to a person, every one of them wet themselves.*


* OOC:  If you can't beat them, join them  

[rowan_a._seven]

"Hiya!" Londs shouted from behind, karate chopping Dark-Nanami in the back of the neck and knocking her unconscious with a single blow.  Not wasting a moment, he quickly grabbed Ishiel by the wrist and began dragging her off with an iron grip that the half-Phantom Triber found it impossible to break.

"Where are...you taking...me?!" Ishiel demanded to know, speaking through grit teeth and trying in vain to escape.  True, her cell was a bastion of sanity compared to the castle, but surely the rest of El-Hazard hadn't degenerated into a cliched sketch of insanity that was marketed and sold on DVDs for $25 apiece while she was imprisoned, right?

"Alas, the world is doomed," Londs said solemnly, ignoring the ex-priestess in training in favor of a dramatic soliloquy.  "Now that the crazed Jinnai has seized the last staff produced by the dreaded Demon God Factory the Alliance will surely fall beneath his terrifying might."

"However," he spoke, stopping beside a stone wall and flicking a hidden switch.  "There is still one hope, an ancient weapon so great that all mentions of it have been erased from history."

A portion of the stone wall irised open, revealing a secret room with another monolith inside it.  Still pulling Ishiel behind him, Londs walked over to the black structure and, with all the gravity he could muster, began inputting a complex numerical code on the keypad set in the monolith.

"After the conclusion of the War of the Ancients," Londs began, entering exposition mode again, "the Priesthood of Muldoon was founded to maintain order and defend El-Hazard from all threats.  However, against the terrible weapons of the Ancients the powers of the 3 Priestesses were as naught.  To deal with the horrifying ghosts of the past a fourth lamp with abilities far outstripping all the others was created and entrusted to a young priestess whose sacred duty it was to seal the Ancient technology that remained.  Flying fortresses, mighty tanks, and even Demon Gods were all quieted by the power of this lamp, and when peace at last returned to the land this holy priestess presented her lamp to my order to be used if it was ever needed again.  If ever there was a moment that met those requirements, it is now."

Londs finished typing the code, and the surface of the monolight disappeared, revealing...

"Behold, the long lost Lamp of Earth!" he declared with a theatric flourish.  "Only this artifact has the power to defeat Jinnai and restore his warped humanity!"

Ishiel stared.  "It looks like a jack hammer!"

The Captain of the Guard shrugged as if to say, "So what?" and turned pleading eyes onto Ishiel.  "You are the Alliance's last hope!  You are the only currently available candidate with enough priestess training to wield this lamp's full power!"

"So?" Ishiel spoke, at last managing to disengage herself from Lond's grasp.  "In case you didn't notice, I hate the Alliance, the Phantom Tribe, and the Bugrom Empire.  If Jinnai, much as I dislike him...well...used to dislike anyway...yum...hey, I'm a healthy young woman whose been locked in a cage for a couple years!  _You_ try it and see how you turn out!" she exclaimed defensively in response to Londs' disdainful look.

"Anyway," she continued, "if Jinnai were to conquer everybody I'd say it serves them right, and I don't see what you could possibly offer me to change my mind."

Londs thought about this for a moment.  "How about a full pardon, a government pension, complete health insurance, an all expenses paid vacation to anywhere in the world, and a lifelong supply of sake?"

"Deal!" Ishiel agreed enthusiastically, adding, "although I reserve the right to betray you whenever it seems opportune to do so."

With that said, Ishiel Soel solemnly received the Lamp of Earth and assumed the ancient office of the Priestess of Earth, her first act with her newfound power and responsibility being the creation of a tunnel that led, conveniently enough, to Miz and Fujisawa's house.

[Lord God Jinnai]

MEANWHILEdot dot dot

The Demon God Jinnai and Groucho had managed to make it out of the Palace dungeons and were currently making their way through the ornate hallways. Although in the past Jinnai would have hid in the shadows, stalking this way and that, now he showed no fear of the guards and palace servants he passed. Indeed, everywhere he went, he left a trail of fainted female forms; the poor souls were just too weak to stand up to his mighty bishonen charms.

"!$%!$#@!%" asked Groucho.

"Oh, well we're going to collect the rest of our troops, of course," said Jinnai while flicking his hair back. Several maids watching him fell to the floor in a swoon. "Once we locate our lost comrades, we shall find the lovely Rune Venus and take control of the country. After Roshtaria has succombed to my charms, the rest of the Alliance shall fall before me... defenses spread open... eager to recieve the fruits of my domination..." He licked his lips sexily.

Groucho sweatdropped.

"HALT!" shouted several Palace sentries. They stood before the new Demon God and his minion, staves drawn.

"Who are you and what buisiness do you have here?" asked the captain of the guard.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I forget to introduce myself? How silly of me, please excuse my boorish manners," Jinnai smiled at the captain and took a bow. "I am the Demon God Jinnai, former Lord God of the Bugrom, and soon to be Absolute Omnipotent Ruler of all El-Hazaard."

"Demon God?!" gasped the guards. They stepped backwards, directing frightened looks at his key staff.

"That is correct," smirked Jinnai. "So unless you wish to be obliterated by my oh so awesome powers, I suggest you let me pass. You wouldn't want to use up all my energy on you poor nothings, do you? After all, I'll need that energy to satisfy your poor neglected Princess tonight, when I take her as my slave..."

"You... YOU ANIMAL!" shouted the guards in anger, their fear forgotten. They quickly raised their weapons and charged.

"Oh how boring," Jinnai yawned. "Groucho, take care of this will you?"

"@!$@%!@%#@$" Groucho muttered before rushing into the fray. He began bashing the angry guards aside while Jinnai chuckled and made his way through the halls.

[Spanner]

In many, many ways, the technologically proficient inhabitants of El-Hazard's ancient past were quite foolish. The greatest evidence of this lay in the fact that their once-vaunted civilization was now quite demolished. They were not, however, complete idiots. And so, when they built their fearsome Demon God Factory, a tool by which anyone could be transformed into an unstoppable (and dead sexy) engine of destruction, they DID think to put certain safeguards in place. The first, of course, was that Demon Gods would be forced to obey the human that wound them up. Secondly, to ensure that a newly-created Demon God didn't foolishly wander off to get wound up by the wrong person, said newly-created Demon Gods were created with a VERY unwound spring...

Jinnai chuckled mirthfully to himself as he wandered the palace hallways unhindered. Groucho was keeping the majority of the palace guard occupied, and so he was free to explore the building that his various nemeses called home. It was a nice place. It could use a few more hexagons, but for a fixer-upper it was quite adequate. He was certain that Diva would agree...

Suddenly, his face met the floor. His breathtakingly handsome face twisted into a scowl of irritation and confusion. What, had he tripped over something? Annoyed, he tried to stand up again - only to discover that he could not move his arms or legs. Or even his head. "What the hell is this?" he tried to complain, but found that even his throat and mouth were rigidly frozen. "Oh, crap," he thought, as his consciousness faded to nothing.

From a nearby corner, indigo eyes warily studied the fallen Demon God. Cautiously, a palace servent stepped around the corner. Her hair was long and black, and pulled back with a hairband. Her face was round and innocent, and currently flushed pink due to her proximity to the veritable font of manliness and virility that was Jinnai (even prone and immobile, Jinnai's charm and charisma was enough to set any woman's heart aflutter, let alone a poor, naive palace servent).

"Hello...?" The girl asked, slowly approaching the Demon God on the floor. "Are you okay?" Hesitantly, she reached out and touched his shoulder, immediately drawing her hand back as though afraid she'd broken some unspeakable taboo merely by laying her unworthy hands on the magnificent specimen. There was, however, no reaction, and she relaxed slightly.

Then, a horrifying thought struck her. Could he be dead? The thought that such a pinnacle of manhood should be struck down in his prime was a travesty to her girlish heart. A simple palace maiden she might be, but the stacks of romance novels she kept by her bedside assured her that such a thing would be an injustice beyond measure. "Please, wake up!" she implored, shaking Jinnai's frozen form.

The servant's motions caused Jinnai's black jacket to slip aside slightly, revealing a socket in his back. The palace servant boggled at this a moment, but then stared at it thoughtfully. She then moved her eyes to the staff, loosely held in Jinnai's hand. It reminded her strongly of the wind-up toys she used to play with as a young girl...

Soon, the girl was standing over the Demon God, Power Key Staff inserted firmly in his back, and cranking away for all she was worth. The electrical discharges frightened her, but she determinedly kept at it, certain that this was the only way to rescue the poor, incredibly attractive man.

After the tenth crank, Jinnai's body shuddered. The palace servant removed the staff and clutched it nervously to herself as the man rose and turned to regard her. "What is your command, Master," he intoned in a rich, sexy voice. The girl's heart thumped loudly within her breast, and her blush deepened.

Then, the man's handsome features darkened into a scowl. "What the HELL am I saying? No one is the master of Katsuhiko Jinnai! Gimme that!" Jinnai snatched the Power Key Staff from the girl's hands. Then, realizing how crude he was acting, he softened slightly. "Please forgive me, beautiful one," he murmurred to the girl. "But for now, I must take my leave..." He took the girl's hand, kissed it delicately, and turned to go.

"Wait!" the girl responded. This had a much greater effect than she had expected, as Jinnai came to a stop so suddenly that he fell onto his face again.

He irritably stood, and brushed at his dusty clothing. "Yes, Master?" he asked. Then he scowled again. "What I mean to say is, how may I serve you?" He slapped himself. "NO! Just tell me your desire, and I will fulfill it!" He paused. "Argh! This is intolerable!" He assumed a sexy pout.

A bit intimidated, the girl asked, "Um, who are you, anyway?"

Well, that wasn't too bad. Jinnai NEVER shied away from introducing himself. Putting on a dashing smirk, he proudly proclaimed, "I am the Demon God Katsuhiko Jinnai! Lord God of the unstoppable Bugrom Empire, and soon-to-be conquerer of all of El-Hazard! I live only to serve your every command!" Jinnai froze in annoyance. He REALLY hadn't intended to add that last. What was WRONG with him?

"Wow..." the palace servant said, clearly impressed. Jinnai smirked, realizing that the girl was rightfully impressed with his greatness. "You'll really do whatever I tell you to?" Jinnai facefaulted. The girl had latched on to EXACTLY the wrong part of his spiel.

"Yes, Master," Jinnai denied firmly, wanting to make sure that she realized that he obeyed no one but himself. Then he paused. That hadn't come out the way he intended at all.

"Cooool!" the girl clasped her hands to her chest, eyes wide and sparkly with amazement. "But you don't have to call me 'Master'. My name is Ifurina! I work here as a palace servant."

"As you command, Master Ifurina," Jinnai responded dutifully. Then, under his breath, "Thiscan'tbehappening... Thiscan'tbehappening..."

"Wow, I wonder what we should do first? I'm behind on my sweeping, so maybe you could help me catch up..."

Before Jinnai could be whisked away into a dismal career of menial labor, however, a pack of guards rounded the corner. "You, there!" the exclaimed. "Surrender immediately!"

Ifurina immediately assumed that it was she they were after. "Eek! I'm going to be scolded for sure! Get me out of here!"

Without wasting a moment, Jinnai cradled the girl gently in his arms, pointed his staff toward the ceiling, and blasted a hole to freedom. He and his passenger flew off like a shot, soon leaving the palace and Floristica far behind.

After a moment, Ifurina opened her tightly clenched eyes. Looking down, she could see that they were a loooong way up. "Eek!" she said again, and clutched at Jinnai desperately.

"Don't worry, you're perfectly safe as long as I'm here," Jinnai said with confident gallantry.

"C-can we... go down to the ground, now?" Ifurina asked.

"Of course, Master Ifurina," Jinnai replied, dutifully descending.

Once Jinnai had deposited the girl on the reassuringly solid earth, she turned and studied him thoughtfully. "Hmm... What should we do now?"

Seeing a glimmer of hope, Jinnai suggested, "We could conquer all of El-Hazard, and live out our days as its god-emporers..."

Ifurina slapped a fist into her palm. "I know! I should take you home and introduce you to my mother and father! Ooh, and I have to show you to all my friends! They'll be so jealous! And maybe then..."

As Ifurina babbled on and on, Jinnai's face fell. He had a feeling that he had a long day ahead of him...

***

Wandering away from a pile of wounded soldiers, Groucho scratched his head. Just where had Jinnai disappeared to? With a shrug, the Bugrom made his way out of the palace.

*OOC*

Role reversal!

[Captain Southbird (EHOL Creator)]

*OOC*

I can't write stories to save my life, so I haven't written anything.  But my god... you guys...    This is totally excellent.

Done.    My apologies for interrupting the flow.

[MrWhat]

The next morning, the Princess Rune Venus grumpily reconvened the summit meeting of Alliance leaders.  She was in a rather bad mood.  She found herself wishing that the events of yesterday hadn't happened during these interminable meetings.  But then, being the leader of the free world often really sucked.

Rune cleared her throat, and spoke in a weary voice.  "Good morning...  I must regretfully report some, um, events that have taken place since we concluded our business yesterday.

"Firstly, that the war criminal Katsuhiko Jinnai and his elite Bugrom troops have repeatedly breached our defenses, and run amuck in the palace, attempting to reach this very conference room, to mercilessly kill us all.

"Secondly, that his sister, Nanami Jinnai, once a respected war hero, wildly successful business-woman, and lovably spunky girl-next-door, has, for reasons not clear at this time, suddenly become a bloodthirsty gibbering axe-wielding homicidal maniac.

"Even now, she roams the streets of Floristica, seeking out her intended victims.  A certain advisor of mine who shall remain nameless had the opportunity to capture her, but after over-powering her, he left her behind in order to spout some gratuitous exposition."

Rune shot a dirty look at Londs.  He grimaced, shuffled his feet and quietly coughed.

Rune continued.  "Thirdly, that the war criminal Jinnai found a Demon God Factory in the castle basement-- a facility that was previously unknown to me, yet long-known to a certain advisor of mine who shall continue to remain nameless."

Londs fidgeted again, nervously tugging at his collar.

"The madman availed himself of this facility, and transformed himself into an evil being of unimaginable power.  Yes, my friends, once again, a demon god is come to El-Hazard.

"Fourthly... a certain advisor of mine who-- oh, the heck with it, Londs over there took it upon himself to give the Great Lamp of Earth, a weapon with the power to smoosh this entire planet like an over-ripe tomato, to a bitter and resentful young woman long held prisoner in this palace-- a woman with no tribe of her own, but with grudges against practically every tribe in El-Hazard.

"And fiflee.. fivithy... finally, I regret to inform you that my younger sister, the Princess Fatoradvoratrelundar, has gone to the Lilicoco ruins with her consort Alielle Relryle, in a misguided effort to seek out some unimaginable power for herself.  They could conceivably find something even more powerful than the Trigger of Destruction.  The entire multi-dimensional cosmos might, in fact, collapse any minute now."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Alliance... what shall we do?"

Rune paused, and noticed that the other Alliance leaders had wet themselves in fear.  She sighed.  "I mean, besides that?..."


The High and Mighty Great Priestess of Fire, Shayla-Shayla, wanted a drink.

Afura was already busy that morning, haggling with a computer hardware vendor over the terms of Muldoons' service contract.  And knocking back a morning brewski with Kauru was about as much fun as... well, doing anything with Kauru.

So, Shayla trudged all the way to the Shinonome Diner by herself.  But when she came to the front door, she found a handwritten sign, decorated with cute little hearts and smiley faces.  The sign read:

Closed For Homicidal Axe-Wielding!    Please Come Again!  

She slapped a hand to her forehead and grimaced.  But she was quick to forgive herself for forgetting about Nanami's whole axe-wielding thing.  Honestly, how could she be expected to think clearly, this early in the morning, when she was sober?

Hey, Shayla thought.  The Fujisawas'.  It's been awhile since I've seen Miz and the kid.  And ol' sensei is always good for a cold one.

She trudged for awhile longer, and she eventually came to the Fujisawas' house.  By chance, the route that she had taken had brought her to their back yard.  She climbed over their back fence, and called out as she dropped to the well-tended grass.  "YO!!  FUGEES!!  ANYONE HOME!?"

Then Shayla stopped, in surprise.  Fujisawa was literally in the doghouse.  He was lying in the doorway of a small out-building, nursing another bottle of sake in-between his sustained moaning and groaning.

Shayla walked up to him, kneeled beside him, and spoke quietly.  "Hey, sensei.  Fight with Miz?"

Fujisawa shook his head.

Shayla grimaced.  "Oh.  She must've pulled the big beautiful sad brown eyes on you, huh."

Fujisawa nodded morosely.

A grinning Shayla stood up, and ruffled Fujisawa's hair.  "Aw, buck up, little camper.  I'll go have a talk with her and-- WHO the HELL are YOU!?"

A mysterious cloaked but shapely female figure pulled herself up from the massive mole-run that had just risen in the yard.  After brushing a few clumps of dirt away from her mysterious cloak, she answered.  "Ishiel Soel, former Phantom Tribe spy and ex-priestess in training seeking revenge, and current holder of the ancient office of--"

Shayla impatiently waved Ishiel down to cut her off.  "Yeesh!  Forget I asked!-- WHAT the HELL is THAT!?"

Ishiel held up a very large and very dangerous-looking artifact.  "Behold-- the Great Lamp of Earth!"

Shayla gaped at the huge jackhammer-shaped lamp.

She glanced down at her own wrist-sized pull-string lamp of fire, all tucked away in its little pouch on her leg.

Then she looked back to the massive lamp of earth, and gulped.  "All of a sudden... I feel so...  inadequate..."

[Lord God Jinnai]

"Oh maaan," whined Makoto as he wiped at his sweaty face with a dirty handkerchief. "How much further are we from Mt. Lilicoco anyway?"

"Not too much farther, my dear boy," answered Dr. Schtalabaugh. "Quit lagging about, we must get there before the Princess does something drastic.

"Right." Makoto sighed, then continued walking.

He and the doctor had been traveling for the better part of the day, heading towards Mt. Lilicoco in order to prevent Fatora from creating a disaster. Although he would have preferred not to go, the guilt at lying to the second Princess was beginning to eat up at him. Also, the Princess Rune was beginning to creep him out; ever since he had accidentally groped her, she'd been directing hot, lustful glances at him. Gulp...

Five hours into their walk, Makoto suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. "Hey! Wait a minute!" he shouted to the doctor. "Why are we WALKING? Can't we just take a glider?"

"Doh."

********************************************

After walking back to the Palace, Makoto and Dr. Schtalabaugh secured themselves one of the royal transports and headed off on their journey. Thirty minutes later, their glider ship was circling the ominous peaks of Mt. Lilicoco.

"Wow, it's huge!" remarked Makoto in shock.

"Indeed. The entire mountain is actually a very old and ancient man made structure. Over the years, the facade has corroded, thereby making it look like a natural rock formation. Although no one has explored its interior fully, there are many rumors as to the treasures this structure contains." Dr. Schtalabaugh took out his spy glass and looked down at the artificial mountain's peaks. "There should be an entrance atop one of its spires."

"Cool. Well, we better get mov-HOLY SHIIIIT!!!" Makoto screamed while pissing himself.

The reason for his cowardly outburst was soon made aparant as the entire mountain EXPLODED. The force of the blast rocked the glider around in the air, but through the skill of the pilot, it managed to remain in the air as well as dodge the numerous flaming debris falling from the sky.

"Oh my god!" whispered Dr. Schtalabaugh in awe.

Where the gigantic mountain used to be, an equally massive metallic structure rose into the air. It was easily twice the size of both the Eye of God and the Trigger of Destruction, which made it obvious that whatever civilization had built it was really suffering from a major inferiority complex.

Makoto watched in awe as the huge structure floated into the blue sky. It was silver in color, had numerous spikey protrubrances, and was shaped like a giant urinal. "What the hell?"

"Oh no!" cried the doctor in shock. "It can't be! It's... it's... it's..."

Dramatic pause.

"It's LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION!" Dr. Schtalabaugh looked about to faint.

"Huh?" asked Makoto.

"During the time of the Ancients, when the two most powerful nations at the time created the Eye of God and the Trigger of Destruction, one tiny, putrid, and pathetically inept nation felt left out. Though well-known known throughout the world for their awful food, cowardly army, pretentious films, and god-awful BO, they sought to do everything in their power to compete with the stronger nations of the time. These Frencharians, as they were called back then, took it upon themselves to build a device more powerful, more deadly, more destructive, and FAR more massive than the other two had created. Thus, LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION was created, to the bane of all who live..."

*********************************************

"All right!" laughed Fatora as the instrument panels before her blinked to life. They displayed maps of the area round them, as well as locations and statistics of things important. "This is great! We finally have Makoto's secret!"

"Uh, Lady Fatora... I don't think this has ANYTHING to do with that!" cried Alielle, who was grasping the Princess's leg in fear.

"Oh nonsense," Fatora began flicking random switches on the console. "I'm sure one of these darn switches will give me Makoto's power over women. I just have to find out which switch it is... hmmm..."

The control room shuddered as one of the switches Fatora had pushed managed to activate one of the structure's Canons de Boom Boom. Outside, one of the spiky protrusions in the Toilette shot off a massive beam of energy outwards into the sky. It fell several miles later, destroying an entire neighboring kingdom.

"EEEEEK!" cried Alielle, who was watching one of the monitors. "Lady Fatora! You just blew up the Kingdom of Yusaan!"

The princess blinked in worry. "Gerk... um, um... gee, you think they'll notice?"

"OF COURSE THEY'LL NOTICE!!!"

"Um, right," Fatora began sweating. "Well, maybe one of these switches will... um, un-destroy it."

BOOOOOOM!!!

"Then again..."

Alielle began sobbing. "Whaaaa! We're gpnna destroy the world!"

[rowan_a._seven]

The High and Mighty Great Priestess of Fire Shayla-Shayla and Ishiel Soel, former Phantom Tribe spy and ex-priestess in training seeking revenge, and current holder of the ancient office of the Priestess of Earth, walked into a bar.  That was ten hours ago.  They still hadn't left.

"Y'know Ishiel, you're not *hic* half-bad for somebody with a gruuuuuudge against just about the entire *hic* wooooorld," Shayla admitted, gazing at her current drinking partner through bleary eyes.

"Tha-a-a-a-a-anks, Ssssssshaylaaaaa.  For a priestessssss, you're not...ba-a-a-ad yourself," Ishiel slurred.  "Nothing like th-th-that goody two shoes Afura...something-or-other whooooooo ratted me out to za Elderz baaaaack in Seminary.  Izzzzzzn't that right, Groucho?"

"Zaba," Groucho concurred, delicately holding his cup of water and politely ignoring all the people staring at him.  After all, it wasn't his fault that the two priestesses had spotted him wandering around outside and, in a fit of drunken charity, invited (more like forced) him to drink with them.

"Aw, that's ssssssso sweet of ya Groucho," Shayla replied, a big grin on her face.  "If you weren't ah bug and I wasn't aaaaaalready in lo-o-o-o-ove with Makoto, I'd give ya ah bi-i-i-ig kiss!"

For his part, Groucho lowered his head and blushed, consequently missing Kauru's entrance.  The young, innocent, cute, and mind-bogglingly nice Priestess of Water, wearing a worried expression on her face, immediately ran to Shayla-Shayla's side.  

"Um...I hate to interrupt you in the middle of your...relaxation," Kaura said politely, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Shayla was quite plastered, "but a giant doomsday weapon has awakened and started destroying El-Hazard, and I figured since we are priestesses and all that maybe, if it isn't too much trouble, we could try to do something about it?"  Her attention was suddenly drawn to Groucho, and a chill ran down the Bugrom's exoskeleton.

"EEP!  BUG!"

BOOM!!!

"Argh!  Why is my life so frustrating?!!" Ishiel yelled, holding onto her lamp with a deathgrip and using the mental discipline she'd learned as part of her priestess training to become instantly sober as she was catapulted into the sky along with Kauru, Shayla, Groucho, and the remains of the bar on a direct course to LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION due to the force of the explosion.

"Wheeee!  I can fly!" the still drunk Shayla shouted, apparently having missed that important lesson.

"EEP!" shouted the still petrified in fear Kauru.

"Zumzoot.  Dabo wot," Groucho said wisely, used to unexpected flights through the sky thanks to his affiliation with Jinnai and correctly answering Ishiel's question even though now that she was no longer intoxicated her mind wasn't even pretending to understand Bugrom any longer.

"EEP!"

[Lord God Jinnai]

[size=8]MEANWHILE[/size][add elipse here]



"More tea, young man?"

"No thank you," sighed Jinnai. He glanced from the smiling woman in front of him, to the frowning man sitting next to her, then over to the giddy young girl sitting next to him, quickly turning back to the smiling woman in front of him.

After flying Ifurina home, she introduced him to her parents: Washu and Kagato. The red-haired woman seemed genuinely delighted to meet him, however Ifurina's father seemed not to like him so much. Currently the four of them were seated in the living room, having a rather akward tea break. How the hell did he manage to get himself into such a situation as this?

"This is all Makoto's fault, some how," thought the Demon God. He quickly began thinking of numerous ways to destroy his enemy, but his psychotic thoughts were interrupted by Ifurina's father.

"So... Jinnai. What exactly do you do for a living?" asked Kagato.

Jinnai smirked. "Why, I am the Ultimate Commander of the Bugrom Empire's Invincible Forces of course. Recently, though, I have become transformed into a mighty Demon God, a weapon capable of destroying this pitiful world."

"I see," Kagato adjusted his glasses, his yellow eyes seeming to soften. "A military man, are you? I'm impressed. I too was once a soldier myself, a damn good one too. Hmmm, you might not be the loser git I thought you'd be."

Jinnai sneered. "Hardly. And I'm no mere foot soldier, tramping about, obeying some simpleton general's orders. I am the general, and I am the one who gives the orders. I intend to conquer not only Roshtaria, but the entire world with it. All shall fall before my might."

Ifurina looked worried, but a loud guffaw from her father made her sigh in relief.

"Ha ha! Ambition, I like that! Every young man needs to be tough as nails to get anywhere in this world." Kagato smiled for the first time since Jinnai met him. "You have my blessing to marry my daughter!"

Jinnai choked on his tea, while Ifurina turned bright red. "DADDY!" she squealed loudly in embarrasment. "We've only just met... and uh, we just started dating, um, kind of... and, uh..."

While Ifurina continued to stammer nervously, Jinnai's left eye began twitching. "Darn it!" he thought. "I should just blast them all to teeny tiny bits! But NO! No! That would be.... rude. Yes, that would be an unworthy thing to do to such a lovely young lady and her family. It is beneathe me." He quickly smirked. "I'll have Groucho and the others do it for me!"

Just then, Washu spoke up. "Hold on, dear. I'm not to sure about this."

Jinnai looked up in hope. Finally, someone rational in the family!

Washu continued. "I mean, a good job and bright future is good for any young man to have, but that shouldn't be all of it." She looked Jinnai in the eye, a serious tone in her voice. "What are your inentions for my daughter? Are you serious about persuing a relationship with her, or are you just stringing her along?"

"Mother!" Ifurina cried in shock.

"Hush," Washu turned back to Jinnai with a frown. "My daughter is very stu- erk, I mean uh... innocent. She doesn't have much experience with boys, and we all know how badly such things can turn out." Ifurina looked about ready to die of embarrasment.

Jinnai smiled. Finally, a chance to end this horrible nightmare. He looked Washu in the eyes and opened his mouth to tell her exactly what he thought of her daughter. "I serve Master Ifurina's every whim, and obey her every command!" The Demon God gasped in shock as soon as he finished speaking. WHAT THE HELL?! Not again!

Washu's eyes were wide as plates. She quickly shook off the look, before smiling brightly. "Oh my! Such dedication and sheer obedience to a woman is truly a wonderful trait for any man to posses! Isn't that right, darling?" The red-head laughed and slapped Kagato on the back, eliciting an annoyed sigh from the blue haired man. "Ha ha! Congrats, Iffy! You got yerself quite a catch there!"

"Oh, mother!" Ifurina giggled and grabbed Jinnai's arm, hugging him in delight.

"This can not be happening," muttered the Lord God in shock.

[MrWhat]

After the surpisingly successful meeting with her parents, Ifurina had shyly asked DG-Jinnai to whisk her away for a romantic late-evening flight by moonlight.  They were only occasionally distracted by distant massive explosions in the general vicinity of what appeared to be a gigantic urinal.

"Oh, Katsy-Watsy!" Ifurina said.  "This has been the bestest day ever!  I'm so happy..."

Jinnai remained silent.  But a tempest of emotions roiled behind his impossibly handsome bishounen face.  Rarely had he been so angry with his lot in life-- and he hadn't even been thinking of Mizuhara at the moment.

But then, Ifurina squirmed in his arms, and turned to him.  "But-- Katsuhiko?  Are you happy?"

Jinnai suddenly came to himself.  "Eh!?"

Ifurina smiled a selfless and loving, yet sad and lonely, smile.  She spoke in a shaky voice, as if she were afraid of how he would answer.  "I couldn't be happy... if you're not happy..."

Jinnai opened his mouth, and began to explain, in no uncertain terms, exactly how unhappy he was.  But he hesitated.

He suddenly noticed how the moonlight gleamed in Ifurina's long black hair, and in her wide indigo eyes.

He noticed how close she had brought her face to his own.  He could feel her soft warm breath on his impossibly handsome bishounen cheek.

And he noticed how tightly she had suddenly pressed her entire body against him.  But it wasn't because she was afraid of heights.  Not now.

Jinnai was not about to give up his dreams of victory, conquest, and an exquisite slow and painful death of that scum Mizuhara.  But... still...  was this that bad?  He was now an immortal demon god, after all.  There was plenty of time for conquering.  Maybe El-Hazard could wait...

But, before Jinnai could answer, Ifurina gasped, and pointed.  "Katsuhiko!?  What's that, somehow flying towards us at an incredible speed!?"

Jinnai turned, and narrowed his newly-superhuman demon god eyes.  "It appears to be the remains of a bar... the two priestesses that can't fly?... my own worthless Bugrom lackey!?... and a former Phantom Tribe spy and ex-priestess in training seeking--"

WHAM!!


Makoto and Schtalubaugh had landed their glider on LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION.  Afura had joined them there, flying directly to the doomsday weapon on her own.

They were arguably three of the most intelligent and strong-willed people in all of El-Hazard.  And so, they had spent the past several hours arguing about what to do next.  In the meantime, the TOILETTE slowly drifted through the skies of El-Hazard, leveling the occasional city and obliterating perfectly good mountains.

"It's too late," Afura said.  "Even if you could stop it, there's a danger!  You'd be flushed into time and space!"

"We have no choice," Makoto said.

Suddenly, Kauru fell on top of him.  Ishiel fell on top of Afura, and Shayla and Groucho came down next to Schtalubaugh.  Ifurina and Jinnai came in just after them.

"We seem to have many choices now," Schtalubaugh noted.

Ishiel shook her head to clear it.  She looked down, and suddenly noticed that she was lying on a stunned Afura.  "YOU!!" she shrieked.  "YOU RATTED ME OUT!!  YOU-- YOU-- GOODY-TWO-SHOES SNITCH!!  I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

Ishiel and Afura began to struggle in desperate hand-to-hand combat.  They rolled across the top of the TOILETTE and fell away.  Ishiel's lamp fell away after them.

"Oi!" Shayla slurred.  "Don' be callin' Af'ra names!  Thass my job--"  She stumbled to one side, slipped and fell away too.

Groucho thought of how Shayla had drunkenly flirted with him earlier.  He dove after her.

Then another Cannon de Boom Boom fired.  Ifurina yelped.  "EEK!!  Big boomy noises!!  Save me, Katsy-Watsy!!"

Jinnai immediately swept her up and carried her away.

Schtalubaugh looked at Makoto and Kauru, the only two left, and sighed.  "Or, maybe not."


"I'm going in," Kauru said.  You should leave here, and find cover."

Makoto gasped.  "You're not up to traveling through a gigantic urinal, Kauru!  I mean, it is a water-closet of sorts, but still--"

Kauru smiled.  "Don't worry.  This has already been determined from the beginning.  Let's face it, after The Alternative World, my anime career has been in the toilet."

She took one long last sad look at Makoto.  Then she closed her eyes, and held out her arms.  And she let herself fall backwards, over the edge and down into the TOILETTE.

Makoto tried to go after her.  "NO!!  I WON'T LET YOU SACRIFICE YOURSELF TOO!!"

Schtalubaugh struggled to hold Makoto back.  Being much smaller and older than Fujisawa, it was quite difficult for him.  "Makoto!  We must be away!  When she triggers her lamp of water, deep in the heart of this awful weapon--"

Makoto hung his head.  "I know.  Kauru's gonna get pissed."

[rowan_a._seven]

"I spent the last couple of years in a dungeon because of you!" Ishiel yelled angrily, still grappling with Afura in close quarters as they plummeted through the air.  

"I didn't have a choice!" Afura replied through grit teeth, desperately trying to get the upper hand over her opponent.  "You were half Phantom Triber!  It was my duty as a priestess candidate to expose you!"

"Duty doesn't include betraying your friends simply so you can get the top spot in class!" Ishiel shot back, reaching for Afura's throat and settling for her ponytail.  "How did you find out anyway?  I know I didn't drop any clues, and unless you took a blood sample from me while I was sleeping and analyzed it using a Priestess-in-Training Science Kit I don't see how you..."  She trailed off as an abashed look crossed Afura's face.

"You were _that_ desperate to become the next Priestess of Air?!" Ishiel shouted in disbelief, pulling Afura's hair as hard as she could.  In response, Afura kicked her in the gut and grabbed her throat.  

"You don't know what it was like!" Afura exclaimed defensively, throttling Ishiel.  "After all the time and effort I'd invested, that my _parents_ had invested, I couldn't bear the thought of not making the final cut.  Do you have any idea how painful it would've been to my mother and father, after all the sacrifices they'd made to put me through priestess school at such a young age, if I hadn't met their expectations?  Do you have any idea how much it hurt to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I was going to end up failing their hopes and dreams because I couldn't outperform one talented young classmate from the countryside?"

By now as blue as a full-blooded Phantom Triber, Ishiel let go of Afura's braid and slugged her in the face.  With the Priestess of Air momentarily stunned, Ishiel grabbed Afura's wrists and, using all of her strength, unpried Afura's hands from around her neck.  "The _nerve_ of you!  The sheer, arrogant nerve!  Do _I_ have any idea?  Do _you_ have any idea why I was working for the Phantom Tribe and had infiltrated the Seminary?  Did you even stop to think that maybe, just maybe I was hoping to become the next Priestess of Air to _change_ things, to make El-Hazard a better place for both Human and Phantom Tribes?  Sure, my first loyalty was to my patron tribe, but it was my goal and dream that both my parent races could one day get along!  I worked and slaved for years in order to have a chance to realize my desire only to have all of that effort ruined because somebody I considered a friend revealed my mixed heritage to the Elders!  Now, thanks to you, the only dream I have left is vengeance!"

The impact this dramatic speech had was lessened somewhat by the realization that the ground was coming up to meet them at a surprisingly fast rate.  Afura, wisely deciding that smashing into the earth was a fate best avoided, disengaged from the aerial battle and, activating her lamp, flew to safety.

"Don't think I'm done with you yet!" Ishiel shouted, holding out her hand expectantly.  Sure enough, the Great Lamp of Earth faithfully landed on its mistress's arm.  

"Letls see what you can do," Ishiel Soel, former Phantom Tribe spy and ex-priestess in training seeking revenge, and current holder of the ancient office of the Priestess of Earth, said with a smirk as she activated her own lamp.  The ancient artifact came to sudden life with an almost pleased sounding hum, and a giant flower sprouted up from the ground, cushioning Ishiel's fall.  Afura landed a good couple yards distant, and the two former friends who were now enemies stared at each other, the air thick with tension that was promptly ruined by Shayla's intoxicated laughter as Groucho touched ground and caught the drunk Fire Priestess.

"Let's *hic* do that again!" Shayla-Shayla exclaimed, cheeks red with excitement.  Everyone else sweatdropped, but the showdown would not be stopped by such interruptions.

"Shall we begin?" Ishiel queried, smiling in anticipation as she assumed a battle stance and earthly elemental power flickered around her.

"Since there appears to be no way to avoid this, I suppose we must," Afura agreed sadly, frowning, as gusts of wind surrounded her protectively.

"Then...Get ready...to die!" Ishiel shouted, slamming her left fist on the ground.  A wave of stone rose from the earth and flew at Afura who knocked the projectiles away with wind.

"Hey!  That'zzzz...my line!" Shayla complained.  Groucho rolled his antenna.

Ignoring the commentary, Afura assumed her own combat stance, and, palms extended forward, performed her vacuum slash attack.  A roaring gust of wind capable of capsizing ships lashed out at Ishiel who merely waved her right hand in response.  A wall of rock jutted out of the ground and successively blocked Afura's attack, shattering in the process.  Groucho, seeing a jagged rock shard heading right for him and Shayla, nimbly jumped out of the way.

"Awwww, my *hic* hero!" Shayla said adoringly, congratulating her 'savior' by kissing his cheek.  Groucho, stunned, turned beat red and fainted.  Shayla, alcohol finally getting the better of her, joined him in dreamland a few seconds later, assuming a more comfortable pose as she slept on his exoskeleton.

Afura, meanwhile, was in trouble.  The very earth itself had risen up against her and had completely surrounded her, immobilizing and encasing her in a stone tomb.  Ishiel smirked, believing that triumph would soon be hers, but the half Phantom Triber had underestimated her opponent's skill and resolve.  Not willing to die, Afura summoned her lamp's full power, and the wind's wrath was given violent form in the shape of a destructive hurricane, freeing Afura from her stone prison and creating an impressive rain of broken rock that bounced harmlessly off the ground.  From the eye of the storm, Afura gazed down at her opponent.  

"Don't get cocky yet, Afura.  I'm just warming up!" Ishiel shouted cheerfully, summoning power for another attack.  "And there's nothing that can stop me!"

Suddenly, dark storm clouds formed in the sky as the Eye of God activated and the sound of thunder filled the world.

"Okay," Ishiel conceded warily, "maybe _there_ is something that'll stop me."

******

From the top of the Stairway to the Sky, Nahato, heir apparent to the Throne of Deep Shadows and Master Illusionist, smirked.  With the Eye of God's lock automatically deactivated due to its response protocol to the appearance of LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION, it was mere child's play for him and his warriors to retake this position.  Granted, actually activating and controlling the Eye of God was another matter, but they'd created a solution to this problem months ago.  

"Everything is ready, master," Fatora Clone A, named Gatora, reported emotionlessly as she bowed before the young Phantom Triber.  Beside her, Fatora Clone B, named Hatora, did the same.

"Excellent," Nahato replied, pleased.  Really, he'd have to give the Tribe's scientists his personal compliments next time he saw them.  Cloning the younger princess using the DNA samples they'd extracted from Fatora during their imprisonment of her to solve the control dilemma was brilliant.  "Now then, destroy the Alliance!"

Unfortunately for Nahato, an unexpected variable in the form of an ax-wielding and crazy Nanami dropped in and interfered with his plan.

"Aw, you're sooooo cute!" Nanami said cheerfully, a crazy look in her eyes as she hefted her mighty ax above her head.  Nahato felt a chill run down his spine.  

"Now then," Nanami spoke dangerously, "who wants some?!"

[Andrusi]

Kauru fell... and fell... and fell... and fell some more.  Geez, this was a long drop.  When was she going to reach the ground?

Oh, there it is.  *CRASH*

Kauru slowly sat up.  Her head felt like it'd just slammed against the floor of a control room after a long fall, which in fact it had, and her vision was blurry.

"Alielle!  Look!" Fatora shouted.

"What is--KAURU!" Alielle squealed happily, running to embrace the newcomer, mainly because she was pretty sure Miz's successor was sane.  Compared to Fatora, anyway.

"See, Alielle!  I told you that would be the sexy woman button!" Fatora exclaimed triumphantly, having previously pressed the button which an outside observer would realize was in fact the Soda Cans Fall From The Sky And Destroy A Fast Food Restaurant In Downtown Floristica button.

Kauru blinked as her eyesight returned to normal.  "You mean... you two are behind this?  How--Alielle, if your hand goes up another millimeter I will be forced to hurt you.  [Alielle withdrew her hand.]  Anyway, how did a crazed princess and her lesbian lover end up controlling an ancient superweapon?"

Fatora shrugged.  "I thought the story made it pretty clear."

"What story?"

"This one."  Fatora went back to pressing buttons at random, trying to figure out whether she could get anyone else to appear, and causing mass destruction."

"Don't mind her," Alielle said.  "I think she's lost her mind."

"So have I," said Kauru as she stared out the conveniently placed window.

----------

Makoto watched in amazement as the entire kingdom of Yusaan suddenly appeared thirty feet above the Stairway to the Sky and fell, the Stairway being crushed by an unusually large and durable Yusaanian building.  Nahato, Nanami, and the Fatora clones survived in a way which I will not specify because I'm lazy.

----------

"See!" Fatora shouted with glee.  "Didn't I tell you there'd be a switch that did that?"

[Spanner]

"That's enough!" Qawool shouted. "I'm sorry, your Highness, but I must put a stop to this at once!" Plugging her Lamp of Water into a convenient socket, Qawool concentrated deeply (doing her best to ignore Fatora, who immediately moved to slide her hands under the Water Priestess' shirt). Fortunately, the Frencharians had had to severely cut their anti-Priestess firewall budget in order to foot the bill for the tremendous increase in size they'd demanded for their superweapon. Qawool easily slid past the feeble defenses, and shut down LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION...


Outside, an enormous "FWOOOOOSH!!!" sound filled the air for miles around. Dimensional energies swirled and churned within the basin of the giant, floating urinal before siphoning into its inky depths and vanishing. The many lights scattered across its surface dimmed to nothing. For a moment, all was silent, save for the violent skirmishing of a pair of Elemental Priestesses. Then, the collossal floating construct began an inexorable plummet to the earth far below...


In the home belonging to Ifurina's parents, Washu wrathfully pounded away at her computer's keyboard. "Dammit, ANOTHER stupid porno spam-mail from babump.com! I swear, if they push me any farther, I'm gonna hack into their system and-"

"Washu," Kagato said with a small amount of impatience. "The weather? Please?"

"Yeah, yeah," Washu grumbled. "'Eighty percent chance of heavy precipitation'," she replied. "But you KNOW those morons at the Roshtarian weather bureau never get anything right."

"They may have been lucky this time," Kagato murmurred, peering out a window. "The sky seems to have darkened considerably..."


"Katsy-Watsy!" Ifurina squealed, eyes wide with panic. "That... thing is falling toward my parents' house!"

After their mid-air collision with the odd collection of airborne individuals, Jinnai had quickly recovered, rescued a plummetting and screaming Ifurina (against his better judgement), and carried the two of them to a safe distance in order to properly point and laugh at the carnage. He blinked at Ifurina's statement, and with a quick mental calculation, determined the path of the enormous falling urinal's descent. "Yup. Judging by it's size, I'd say there's no way anyone's gonna survive. Looks like your town is toast."

"How can you be so cruel!?" Ifurita asked, tears gathering in her eyes. "Please, stop that thing!"

"As you command, Master Ifurina," Jinnai replied promptly. He flew toward the monolithic construct, Power Key Staff already crackling with energy.

When he was within range, the Demon God fired a tremendous blast of raw destructive power, easily capable of decimating a medium-sized city, or trimming the peak off of a mountain. The energy beam sliced easily into the side of the megaweapon. Unfortunately, the sheer degree to which the ancient Frencharians had attempted to cope with their inadequacy meant that LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION far and away dwarfed any city or mountaintop. Jinnai's attack did little more than score a chasm-like gash into the metal mountain's side.

"It didn't work!" Ifurina whined, frightened. Jinnai scowled ignoring her. His pride as a Demon God had been challenged, and he intended to do something about it. Darting rapidly through the air, Jinnai's newly installed but highly advanced battle computers scanned every aspect of the falling toilet, looking for weaknesses and flaws. He fired blast after blast at key points, and was gradually rewarded as the TOILETTE began to break into chunks.

"Hooray!" Ifurina proclaimed, seeing the destruction at work.

"Hah! No stupid urinal is going to get the better of Katsuhiko Jinnai, Demon God and future ruler of El-Hazard!" Jinnai gloated. "Just a little more, and-" WHUMPH! Ifurina's hometown was completely buried under the massive chunks of rubble. "...Dammit." Jinnai grumbled.

"NOOOOO!!!" Ifurina wailed.

Jinnai floated the girl down to the huge pile of debris. Setting her down, Jinnai prodded one of the huge chunks of metal with his staff. "Yeah, there's no way they could've survived that. I apologize for my failure, Master Ifurina." Ifurina fell to her knees and began sobbing hysterically. "Ahh," Jinnai suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "Look, Master Ifurina, I didn't mean to make you cry..."

"Who could have done such a thing!?" Ifurita sobbed. "Who in this world could possibly be so insensitive and cruel!?"

"Woohoo, man, what a ride that was!" a voice called out. Ifurina and Jinnai glanced up at the debris to see a familiar black-haired figure pulling herself out of the wreckage. She turned around, and yanked an equally familiar purple-haired figure and an unconscious blue-haired girl to join her.

The purple-haired figure slumped over a chunk of metal, eyes swirly. "Ugh... I think I"m gonna be sick..."

"Your Highness?" Ifurina asked in confusion.

Not yet having noticed the two others standing nearby, Fatora hefted Alielle to her feet, and the two of them jumped to the ground. "Stupid piece of junk," Fatora commented crossly, giving the rubble a good, swift kick. "After I went to all the trouble to unearth this thing and fly it to this very location, it had BETTER have given me Makoto's special touch before it conked out."

"Your Highness?" Ifurina asked again, unable to believe what she was hearing. "YOU flew this here?"

Fatora noticed her, and smiled broadly. "Hey, what do you know - a perfect test candidate!" She eyed Ifurina up and down. "Maybe not as hot as I'd like, but certainly cute enough. Come to your princess girl!" Fatora tackled Ifurina, wrapping one hand around one of Ifurina's moderately-sized breasts, and the other giving her butt a good squeeze.

Was this some kind of nightmare, Ifurina wondered. "Please! Please let go of me!"

"Now, now, don't be coy," Fatora said silkily. "You KNOW you want me, right?" Her fingers began to fumble with the clasps on Ifurina's tunic.

"HELP ME!!!" Ifurina begged.

Like a dark flash, Jinnai interceded, quickly pulling Fatora off of Ifurina and tossing her aside. Limp-kneed, Ifurina wrapped her arms around Jinnai's waist, sobbing once again. Jinnai brushed his hair back and gave Fatora a distainful glance. "It is most unbecoming of a princess to assualt her subjects in such a manner," he said. "Just another reason why this land would benefit from my rule."

"Dammit," Fatora grumbled. "It STILL doesn't work! How does Makoto do it? And what the hell stopped me this time - oh." Fatora finally got a look at Ifurina's guardian. "It's you again."

"That's right, it's me again," Jinnai said confidently. "And your evil stops here and now!"

"Evil?" Ifurina asked, confused. "Princess Fatora is evil?"

"Well, of course," Jinnai responded. "What more evidence do you need? She piloted this horrible machine here to slaughter your parents and all of your childhood friends. Then, she attempted to violate your pure and innocent body!" Jinnai lashed out with a finger, leveling it against the royalty in question. "THIS is the power you have been serving! Villianess, how do you plead?"

"Killed her parents...?" Fatora asked, surprised. She looked around behind her, and noticed bits of houses mixed in with the wreckage. She turned back, and spoke in a very defensive tone. "Hey, it's not my fault at all!" Then, haughtily, "Besides, they were just commoners. It doesn't REALLY matter, does it?"

"HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING!?" Ifurina blasted back at her knocking Fatora off her feet.

"Ow, healthy set of lungs on that girl," Fatora winced, twisting a finger in her ear to try to get back some of her hearing.

"Princess! Alielle! Qawool!" a new voice called out. Makoto, Fujisawa, and Dr. Schtalubaugh, who had somehow survived both the descent of the machine and also Jinnai's pummelling of it leapt to the ground. "Are you all right?"

Qawool groaned, and regained consciousness. "I... I am unharmed," she said. "When I deactivated LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION, causing it to fall onto this very location and doubtless crushing everything underneath beneath it's incredible weight, I didn't really expect to survive!" Ifurina gasped at her words.

"Yeah, we're just fine, too," Fatora said, grouchily. Then, she realized who she was talking to. "And YOU," she said irately to Makoto. "You and I are going to have WORDS, about a certain technique you promised I'd find..."

While Makoto backpedaled with a very worried expression on his face, Ifurita shouted, "A Great Priestess did this!?" she demanded of Qawool. "One of the Holy Ones?"

Fatora leapt upon this. "That's right! It was all that Water Priestesses fault! My only part in this was flying it to exactly the right location for her to use it to destroy everyone you ever loved!"

"Uh, Lady Fatora, I think you could have worded that in a better way," Alielle remarked, tugging on Fatora's sleeve.

"And the Priesthood reveals its dark and unholy allegiance with the cruel despots of Roshtaria!" Jinnai crowed in triumph, one fist clenched before him. "Do you see now, Master Ifurina? This is why the world is in such desperate need of our help! Together, you and I can CRUSH the petty tyrants that hold this world in their sway, and lead the peoples of El-Hazard to a better tomorrow!"

"You're right, Katsy-Watsy," mimicking Jinnai's pose with her own clenched fist. "Take me away from here! We need to plan how we're going to save the world from these awful murderers!" Jinnai gladly picked the girl up, and flew away.

Makoto sweatdropped. "Why do I get the impression that we just made a lot of trouble for ourselves that we didn't really need to?"

"You know, I recognize that girl," Qawool said thoughtfully. "That's the one that the other palace servants have been working so hard to keep Princess Fatora from noticing... Oops."

"What? She works at the palace?" Fatora asked incredulously. "And they dared to try to hide such a sweet young thing from me? The nerve of them! They will clearly need to be disciplined at once! Individually and at length, by Alielle and myself."

"Uh, Princess, I think we REALLY have other things to worry about at the moment," Makoto implored.

"Nonsense! What could be more important than this? I order you all to escort me back to the palace!" The assembled groaned, and began to walk.

[Lord God Jinnai]

"I don't think we're quite out of the woods yet," said Dr. Schtalabaugh.

"What do you mean, Doctor?" asked Makoto.

The old man merely pointed into the sky. When everyone followed the direction of his fingers, they all gasped in occordance to the script.

Hanging ominously in the dark, cloudy sky, the Eye of God pulsed with energy. Its automatic security system had been deactivated by the awakening of LE TOILETTE DE DEVESTACION, and fully activated by the Phantom Tribe. Now that the Stairway to Heaven had become flattened by the untimely reappearance of the Kingdom of Yusaan, there was no way to deactivate the floating Doomsday weapon.

"Oh crap," muttered Fatora with a frown. "Stupid End of the World, always getting in the way of fanservicey filler episodes!"

********************************************

"DAMN IT!" cursed Nahato. He stood at the ruins of the Stairway to Heaven, staring up at the mighty Eye of God floating above him. It was steadily pulsing with power, like a bloated heart ready to burst. "Damn damn DAMN. This isn't good." He turned to his followers, as well as the two Fatora Clones with them. "If it isn't allowed to fire, or we don't shut it off, then the steady build-up of energy will cause it to explode! Such a blast of dimensional energy could destroy this entire universe! We must shut it off now!"

"Such a thing is not possible, master," said Hatora.

"Without the interface found in the Stairway to Heaven or a Demon God unit, we will be unable to access the weapon," finished Gatora.

Nahato shivered, his face pale. "Forgive me, Lord Gallus... I have failed avenging you. Now all of us are doomed."

"Oh, don't worry, little boy," said an ever-increasingly creepy female voice behind him. "You're gonna die a lot sooner than the rest of the world! Tee hee!"

Nahato yelped in panic as he saw Nanami advancing towards him, axe at the ready.

[Lord God Jinnai]

Oh yeah, and Makoto peed his pants in fright again.

WHAT A LOSER!!!