31

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 30, 2003, 10:12:51 pm »

It was one of those alleyways that manage to be extremely hot despite all the shade.

The head of the resistance was there, climbing up a ladder to paste an anti-bugrom poster on the wall.  That would teach them!

He was just about to smear some paste on the side of the building when he noticed that there was something sticky there already. Sticky and green.  Frowning, he climbed all the way up the ladder to the top of the building, and looked around.  It was immediately obvious what was different about this roof.  This roof, unlike most roofs he had been on, apparently had something growing on it.  In the corner, as large as a car and actually about the same shape, was a half-finished hive.  He could see rows of hexagons on the surface, big enough to maybe fit a small dog in.  He snorted in hatred.  More of the Bugrom's handiwork, no doubt!  He'd make a new series of posters notifying the populace about the scandalous way their new rulers were cluttering up rooftops.  He moved closer to the hive, trying to figure out what the Bugrom were up to, and was quite surprised by what he saw.  Inside each of the hexagonal cells was a small pale-white egg.

He was looking at worker eggs, not wasp eggs.  Worker eggs produced workers, like the ones Jinnai had met.  Wasp eggs produced wasps, like the one the resistance leader heard behind him just as he knelt down to have a closer look at the hive.  He paused, holding his breath, not daring to move, painfully aware of the pile of posters he had set down right next to him.  Maybe if he didn't call attention to himself he wouldn't be noticed... the Bugrom did sometimes walk right by people, provided they didn't see them as a threat.  Would he be captured?  What would his sentence be?  He needn't have worried.  Or, more accurately, he should have worried, a great deal, just not about that.

He felt a great weight on his back, knocking the wind out of him and shoving him to the ground.  And then came the stinger, aimed with surgical precision, piercing him so quickly he hardly even knew what was happening.  Did it hurt?  Don't ask a stupid question, a bug that big had to have a stinger the size of a knitting needle, of course it bloody well hurt!  But he was a manly man, and believed that the honor of Roshtaria was riding on his back (along with the damn big bug), so he didn't yell, or cry, or, surprisingly, wet his pants.  As he felt the venom pump into him, however, he did feel himself go numb.  Which wasn't to say that he couldn't feel the damn great big bug, or its stinger, just that it didn't hurt any more.  All this time he had been trying to get back up, but his struggles quickly ceased.  He couldn't move.  And it was starting to get hard to see...

And though his vision was definitely getting cloudy, he did see the ovipositor.  And though his body was numb, he still felt something wet and gooey being pressed to the back of his neck, in an extremely icky way.  So anyone that's squeamish better not read any more, because the plot just got itself a nasty bit of edge.  At least those monsters in the Aliens movies popped out of you and then you were dead.  This was worse.  These things didn't come out.

The head of the resistance passed out.

Icky squicky, huh?

****

So the Time Lords had decided that the best away around their mutual nonaggression pacts with The Ancients was to use The Doctor.

I mean really... talk about predictable.  It's like they had a Time Lord handbook and followed it by the letter.

The Other had actually been expecting something like this.  There were a lot of powerful people out there that wouldn't want the return of The Ancients (or the possible destruction of an entire universe).  Now, when dealing with Makoto, The Other had been somewhat restricted in what weapons it could use.  It wanted to build the boy and his friends up into proper Champions, capable of braving a facility that would have turned Indiana Jones and James Bond into mince.  It would be very unfortunate if Makoto or any of his friends died (well, if they died before they could be used, at any rate).

But when dealing with anyone else, the gloves were off.  The Other had plans in motion for dealing with these threats.  The first of these plans was just now being put into motion.

A man was walking through Floristica with an expression of utmost serenity.  Buddha had probably looked a bit like that.  He weaved through occasional crowds of humans and Bugrom, making his presence known with murmered 'excuse me's, 'pardon me's, 'don't mind me's and on one occasion a 'now how would I find, oh never mind I see a sign'.

He walked serenely past a Bugrom wasp hive, and was utterly ignored by its occupant (even these primitive Bugrom understood that he was a part of a much more powerful hive, and to be treated with respect).

He was a thin little man, with thin little glasses, a blue uniform, and a small brown paper-wrapped parcel, tied with string.  He had a peaked hat on, announcing with large white script to any that cared that he worked for International Express.

He paused by a large sewer pipe and looked at his clipboard intently.  He tried to look through the rusted metal grating, but saw nothing but darkness.  He shrugged. "Package for the mice with hats," he said calmly.

"Squeek?"

He shoved the parcel thorugh the grating, followed by his clipboard.  There was a receipt and a little orange plastic pen, bound to the clipboard by means of a short length of string.  "You have to sign for it, sir or miss.  On the line.  And mark the date."

He felt pressure upon the pad for a brief moment, and nodded in satisfaction.  He knew the feel of someone signing.  He pulled the clipboard out.

There was a little black pawprint.  Well, that was probably good enough.

*****

The head of the resistance was starting to come to.  It took him a moment to realize there was something on his neck.  He was about to do something about it, when its contents injected themselves into his brain.

Unsurprisingly, he fainted.  

*****

So what was in that package?  Something very bad.  Something small, black, and the size of a small side plate.  It sported a convex top and bottom, reminicent of a lightweight throwing discus.  And smoothness?  There wasn't so much as a bump, not a crack, nothing on even the highest levels of magnification.

There was a word on it.  The word was in small letters.  Small alarming letters.  The word was PANIC, in all caps.  

The package had a return address that was unreadable, in some bizare language unseen in El-Hazard since the time of The Ancients.  If you could read it, however, you would have noted that the pacakge came from InfiniDim Enterprises.  Those familiar with this product knew that cracks would eventually appear on that oh-so-smooth surface.  And it would unfold like a beautiful lotus blossom, its parts moving like wonderful origami until it had taken on the shape of a small bird, that was actually fairly large, and a very nice shade of something you couldn't put your finger on, if it was a color at all.

Those familiar with this product knew that it was unique, and that it was almost unbeatable at what it did.  It had no filters, no filters at all.  It saw everything that we do not.  It saw all along the probability axis, and knew exactly what to do to make things go its way.

And what it had been programmed to do was eliminate any Time Lords caught in this universe.  With extreme prejudice.

All it had taken to obtain it was money.  Simple money.  No grand chess game, no back and forth trading of snippets of information.  Obtaining this product had been downright easy compared to some of the other things The Other had done.

It was the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Mark II.  On Peorth's shaded threat scale, it was well into impossible colors, like pastel octarine and ultra-black.
*****

The wasps developed very differently depending on where their eggs hatched.  When hatched out in the open they developed into great big ugly flying bugs with nasty-ass stingers.  When the eggs were placed on a large animal, however, they hatched into that animal's brain.  And instead of developing into something large and wing-ed, they remained small.  And they sent out roots into their victim's brain.  And soon the victim was not only under mind control, but quite aware of it, and happy about it.  Happy about being under mind control because it was being made to be happy about being under mind control.  And quite aware of that, and happy about it as well.

They really weren't the sort of thing Makoto and company were used to, especially since they quickly became so intangled into their host's brain that is was impossible to remove them.  They'd probably need the help of someone more used to nasty aliens.  Possibly even someone with a question mark shaped umbrella.

*****

A conversation was going on inside the Mantle of God.

"Yes, we pretty much expected him to show up... but which him is it?  The third?  The fourth?  Maybe number six?"

"I can never keep track of their numbers."

"Wait, does he have that kid with the badge for being good at math?"

"No."

"Oh Oh thank goodness... ness..."


*****

Jinnai paced back and forth in his room, wondering how he was going to get out of this one.

And wondering what in blazes was with all the lilies.  How did they even find lilies?  Weren't lilies from earth?  Since when was it possible to find Earth flowers on El Hazard?

The answer to that question was long, very complicated, and actually quite interesting.  But it wouldn't have helped him anyway.  Although he might have been interested in knowing that one particular pile of lilies was covering up one of the new webcams Babump.com had smuggled into the seminary after their last one short-circuited.

32

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 30, 2003, 12:40:05 am »

Shayla-Shayla crouched over the unconscious but still breathing form of Makoto, and, confident that she was at last relatively alone, opened Makoto's mouth and forced the potion...

And as she did, Makoto dreamt.

He was in a city, with a sky of powdered gold, with people made of folded newspapers, a ground of discarded ramen cups, and gaudy buildings of precious gems and metals.  In the center of it all was a giant pyramid made of purest white soda cans, and walking away from that pyramid, toward him, was a goddess.

"Bonjour, Mizuhara Makoto!  We are in ze depths of your subconcious.  Zere iz much to tell you, and little time.  I am ze goddess Peorth.  A friend from far away."  She beamed.  "I must apologize for zis unusual way to speak to you, but it was ze only way to insure our privacy.  You zee, you are being given ze powerful drug, and for a brief moment your mind is so clouded from its effects zat it is impossible to read."

Makoto took this all fairly well, all things considered.  "Huh?" he said.

Peorth shook her head.  "No time for... how you say... le explanation.  Just shut your gob and watch, oui?"  She gestured, and the powdergold sky went into exposition mode.

The sky was their canvas.  The streaming nebulae, the pulsing quasars, the whole vast starry expanse.  They owned it now.  This night thay had laid claim to it all.  The first step hadn't been too difficult.  They had created artificial black holes before.  No, the tricky part had come next - seperating the black hole from its negative mirror image, its white hole.  Next they had to move the white hole.  Then, finally, they had to make the whole thing stable, buttressing it with exotic matter.  The science of it was light years beyond Master Yume's abilites, and the sheer power that it represented was enough to make the goddess Peorth tremble in fear.  It was an artificial wormhole, the first of its kind to be made by The Ancients of El-Hazard.  But not the last.

The scientists were utterly silent until it was finished, hardly daring to breathe.  But when they knew they had succeeded they did what any group of scientists would do upon witnessing a complete paradigm shift.  They cheered.  They whooped and hollered.  They danced (as well as scientists can).  They shook their collegues' hands, and slapped their colleagues' backs.  They broke open bottles of wine, and toasted each other's skill.  They grabbed the nearest available person of the desired gender and orientation, and kissed 'em like it was goin' out of style.  They partied like only nerds can.  

Makoto thought he recognized one of the interns as a very young Dollmaker, and some of the blue-haired scientists reminded him of the Last Scion.  And then he realized that Peorth was talking to him.

"-problem, of course, iz zat time iz distorted inside a black hole.  The Ancients realized that, and did zeir best to minimalize ze problem,"  and then Makoto caught a brief glimpse of a most wonderous Palace, "constructing a facility to contain ze leakage.  Ze Palace of Infinity.  At first it was simply a place to shunt ze faster than light particles... ze tachyons.  And ztrange things happened in zere, warping time and space, but El-Hazard was safe."

forced the potion down his...

And then Makoto was watching the final war, as the Eye of God fired again and again.  "Ze Eye of God was far more advanced than zat early wormhole generator, however.  Weapons like ze Eye did far more damage that ze Ancients could easily contain.  Ze whole of reality was dying, being twisted and distorted by zeir machines.  Ze Ancients zat had survived ze war were dying, being killed by ze instabilites they had caused. And then a new solution was found.  Ze Palace was remodeled to house a source of unimaginable power.  Power that was used to fix all ze damage zey had done to reality."

Makoto took in this exposition numbly.  Clearly Peorth had studied under Londs.

"But ze Ancients, zey were still dying, non?  Ze problems would not  be fixed zoon enough.  Zo... zey made a machine, based on one ze Dollmaker had invented.  Zey all agreed to download zeir minds into a massive computer.  It would store zeir minds and consciousness, until ze world was safe to live in once more.  And zen, zey would use the power source within ze palace to make new bodies, and live again."

"But," asked Makoto, noticing a major flaw in this history lesson, "surely the world is safe to live in now?  Why haven't they returned?"

"Ah!  Ze very important question!  You zee, not all ze Ancients thought it was safe to make new bodies for zemselves.  Some thought that diverting energy from the power source to make new bodies was dangerous, and would destroy reality.  Zo some of the Ancients sabotaged ze computer, making it impossible for the other Ancients to build new bodies."  Peorth shook her head.  "Zis was very zad, for it iz quite safe to make ze new bodies.  But ze Palace... well, ze traitors made it almost impeneterable.  Zere are logic codes, fail safe locks, traps, tricks... and ze traitors reporogrammed ze Palace's guardian, a demon goddess zat wields ze last weapon ze Ancients evair made... a weapon zat all the scientists, from all ze tribes, worked togethair to make.  Ze War Key.  It is her that would be spying on your mind, if she could.

"Mizuhara... I beg you.  Please.  It may take a long time, and you have many threats to your friends and family to face first.  But one day, find ze palace, and let Ze Ancients live again.  Zey have suffaired enough for zeir mistakes."

Makoto opened his mouth to reply, and choked.

...and forced the potion down his throat.

*****
Peorth scowled at her monitor, replaying the events she had missed after going to lie down, not liking this at all.  She could tell that The Other had just been in Mizuhara's mind, but she had no idea as to what exactly had happened.  That blasted potion had clouded Makoto's mind for the split second The Other had acted.  And it would be difficult for her to act directly without attracting the attention of The Other... which was something that even a goddess feared.

*****

Deep below the royal palace of Baron (now a part of the Great Bugrom Empire) was the computer known as the Mantle of God.  It was the computer which Princess Myuun regularly connected to her mind, in the hopes of using its power to be the good ruler she felt her subjects deserved.  

And within the Mantle of God were the downloaded minds of all the Ancients that made up The Other.  Hundreds of them.  Maybe even thousands.  All the scientists, rich men, leaders (and everyone else that could afford it).  Anyone that had survived the war and was important enough to secure a place in the computer.  

They were the Ancients.  They had built machines even greater than what Makoto had already seen.  They had twisted the stars into circles and linked them in chains, they had build cybernetic solar systems and artificial worlds, they had given away perpetual motion machines as party favors.  Now they were working toward elminating all the other "variables".  And then, with the help of Mizuhara Makoto and his friends, they would live once again.

And it would be just like old times.

"You You know, I thought we made a rather good Peorth Peorth..."

*****
[Satellite of Love]

Mike:  Crow!  Tom!  Wake up!  I think the exposition is over!

Tom:  Oh thank goodness.  That guy talks more than Londs!

Crow:  You know, Londs doesn't talk that much any more.

Tom: He lets little Londs do the talking!

33

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 29, 2003, 04:58:27 am »

[OOC:  A bit of this is taken from something I wrote ages back.  But since nobody ever read it... no harm no foul.]

The next chapter of the story begins on a world far far removed from El-Hazard, Earth, and even Creteria.  It used to be one of the best planets around.  Once.  It had cities so advanced even the Ancients of El-Hazard would have looked at them and thought them made by magic, not science.  But that was all gone now.  Now all that remained was the shadows of the past, and a vast and desolate wasteland stretching from one pole of the planet to the other.  A vast and desolate wasteland... and a single man, whose eyes had beheld unimaginable horrors.  The man spent his time seated at a desk, thinking, waiting for the correct moment to act and play his final role in the great cosmic drama.  He stirred when The Dollmaker and the legacy of the Northern Weaponers came to their rather abrupt ends, leaving the Incandescent Vault, the Cloud of Tears, and those blue discs forgotten, tossed on the ash-pile of history.  And he realized it was time for him to act when he realized that Ibn Al Zahad and Jinnistacia (sorry, Pretty Demon God Jinnie) had been defeated by a newly introduced crossover character, without ever using their power to create an endless variety of new techniques based on the techniques they had already seen.  The man knew that now was the time when he would finally speak his last words and fade from the memory of the universe.  "And," he said.  There was such incredible sorrow and horror in his voice that it defied belief, for this was an individual that had seen things no sentient life form should.  He fidgeted behind his desk before he continued, saying "now for something... completely different."  And that was the last of him.


****

The splendiloquent Peorth, having actually slept in and spent an entire millenium snoring in a not at all splendiloquent manner, brushed her hair and resumed her role a mysterious shadow figure watching the events unfold in El-Hazard.  Little did she know that she too was being watched...

****

["Mystery Science Theater 3000", post AC-1, reel one.]

[Play theme song]

[1...2...3...4...5...6...]

[SOL:]

Tom Servo and Crow are standing in screen center, wearing gaudy multicolored robes like evil cultists from a Lovecraft novel, chanting gibberish.  Mike is standing to one side, wearing similar robes and lighting black candles. Mike looks up at Cambot and smiles.]

Mike: Oh, hi! I'm Mike Nelson. Up here on the Satellite of Love we made these robes out of some duct tape, lint, and tin foil, and we thought it might be fun to dabble in the occult.  We're having a séance!  But since none of us know what a séance is like, we're pretty much making it up as we go.

Crow:  I want to talk to the spirit of François Ykens!

Mike: The seventeenth-century Flemish Painter, specializing in still life?

Crow:  Of course!

Mike:  Now come on guys.  Everybody wants to talk with Mr. Ykens.  He's probably the most popular spirit in the afterlife.  But I think we should be happy to get through to anyone.  I mean, these candles are mostly made out of old Q-Tips.

Tom: Then why are they bla-

[Crow suddenly starts to levitate.]

Crow: Whoah!  Mike?

Mike:  Yes Crow?  

Crow:  I think I feel the numbing-cold breath of an inhuman spirit.  What's happening?

Mike: Well, I think it's safe to say that the spirits of the netherworld have been attracted to the Satellite of Love, and have decided to communicate!  Hopefully we haven't inadvertently summoned evil incarnate.  

Tom:  Dr. F?

Mike: No. [pause] Well, probably not.  Anyway, we better just hope that no mischievous spirits from the other side cause us any trouble.  Like making Crow's head spin.  Or making him throw up pea soup.

Crow:  Pea soup? Waaah!

Mike: Well, that's the sort of thing discontented spirits do when meandering through the melancholy shores of perpetuity.  

Tom:  [surprised] That was very profound Mike.

Mike:  Just something my mom always used to say.

Tom:  Mike?

Mike:  Yes Tom?

Tom:  If the candles are made from old Q-Tips, why are they black?

[Yellow light flashes.]

Mike: We'll be right back.

[Run commercials.  Back to SOL.  Mike and Tom are mopping up green goo that's covering everything, especially Crow.]

Mike: Welcome back. We're just about done here. As you can see, the spirits tried communicating through ectoplasmic manifestation.

Crow:  [crying] I was in touch with the specter of Jane Austin.  She thought she was antiquated but still sensual.  She wasn't.  

Tom:  Cheer up my traumatized chum.  Your brush with raw preternatural malevolence could have been worse.  Ed Wood could have tried to film a new movie through you.

Crow:  That would have made me scream.

[Red light flashes.]

Mike: Speaking of screams, I think we're in contact with mind-numbing horror again.

[Deep 13. Dr. Clayton Forrester glares at the viewscreen, which displays the bridge of the Satellite of Love and his three arch-enemies.]

Dr.F.: I heard that Nelson!  You'll get yours....

[SOL]

Mike:  "Oh, hey sirs.  What's up?"

[Deep 13]

Dr.F:  Your time, Mike, your time is up.  For today I unleash the horrible power of... The El-Hazard Round Robin, part 2, post 50!

[Frank walks over to the camera, holding a laptop with the current post displayed.  He points to the bit about Peorth being watched.]

[SOL]

Tom: Wow.  I'm a little worried, guys.

Mike: We all are Tom, but I'm willing to give this a try.

[Deep 13]

Dr.F.: "'Give this a try'... you idiots.  Very well, Nelson, we'll see how you fare. Send them the post, Frank!"

[SOL: lights flash like mad.]

All: WE'VE GOT ROUND ROBIN SIGN!

[6...5...4...3...2...1...]

*****

It has been pointed out that the new Eye of God was unstable.  It has been pointed out that the new Eye of God was destablizing its dimension.  But the exact nature of that instability has not yet been clarified.  The previous Eye would have destabilized things by using its matter-transference technology to create rifts in reality, ultimately warping the fabric of space-time to the point that reality itself began to deteriorate.

The new Eye wasn't doing anything remotely like that.  The new Eye wasn't built for destabilizing things in the physical sense.  In Skuld's infinite wisdom, the new Eye had been designed to cause mental instabilites instead.

"Hey," said the Eye of God, as its communication centers finally figured out the local language and activated speakers as big as entire villages, "El-Hazard!  Good t'see yuh.  Good t'see yuh.  Swell lookin' cities y'got there.  Swell.  Much better than your old ones, y'know what I mean?  They were tough cities."

People looked up at the sky, aghast.  This was getting a bit much.  The turtle-things were irritating, but at least you were bigger than them. "Really?" someone eventually said.

"Are you kiddin'?  I'm talking tough he'e.  Used't'have t' build y'self doomsday devices capable of destroying everthing that exists, just t' go t' the bathroom.  Tough.  Tough cities."  The Eye paused.  "And I'm not even going to mention that Frencharain toilet.  Tough toilet."  Someone coughed.  The Eye continued.  "In th' old cities they'd set fire t' y'ah muddah, and give y'ah tribe a plague.. t'ah show you they was interested in talkin' peace.  

"Even th' food was tough.  Five cities was once wiped out by a potato gun.  Tough.  Tough food."

By silent consensus the new Eye was redubbed the Mouth of God.

*****

Babump.com's web camera in the priestess school that Hatora and Gatora had been sent to finally melted.  Even an inanimate piece of technology can stand so much.  

In retrospect the clones of Fatora to go to an all female school (even one for priestesses) was an idea that would go down in history as only slightly less stupid than setting the second El Hazard TV show in a European fantasy world, thus effectively eliminating everything distinct about it.

Though it still wasn't nearly as stupid as what they did to Jinnai in Alternate world.

*****

By now the turtle-things had started building amplifiers for the speakers, underneath the Mouth of God.  By an odd coincidence they looked much like a bow tie.

"I'm telling you, its rough being a giant weapon of mass destruction these days," continued the Mouth.  "Used to be we'd get blown up with a little class.  Maybe the one doing the shooting was a whiney little moisture farmer, but at least he looked like he had a hard time doing it.  Now we get blown up by cute little kids going 'oops' and pressing the wrong button.  Or we get crushed by giant toilets.  We get no regards, I tells yas.  No regards.  No respect either."

*****
Yakage strolled into Master Yume's lab and unceremoniously dropped Jinnistacia and Zahad in the corner, where Yume had been putting heavily Creterian demon gods and robot doubles (including the headless Dall and Makoto from a short while ago).  As an afterthought he gave them each a good hard kick for being so utterly useless after all that buildup.

Yume was at the other side of the lab, worrying her lower lip between her teeth and positively dripping with persperation.  Slowly, carefully, she placed the last component in its place.  Yes.  Yes, this was truly an accomplishment worthy of the greatest of the galaxy's great geniuses!

"Let all the bells toll, and ufurl the victory flags!  Make way for the King of the Skies, yahoo!" boomed Yakage.  Yume practically jumped out of her skin in surprise, destroying her entricate fortress of playing cards in the process.  "Feast your eyes on the finest demon god there is!  It's too good to be true, but I'm here, back, I say, back already!  Returned, that is."  Yume looked despondently at the cards as they fluttered down.  "Don't stand there gawkin' missues," continued Yakage, "speak, I say, speak up."

Yume glared at her creation.  Okay, there were bound to be some bugs, adapting her own mental pattern to suit a male gender.  She'd just have to get used to this personality hiccup.  "You handle the girl?" she asked.

"I'm not normally one to lay hands, I say, hands on a lady.  But yes, sister, I dealt with her - elimitated, that is.  But don't be sendin' me off on any more errands like that.  Clonk enough girls on the head and we'll end up with a world of Kaurus.  Plural, I say, plural of Kauru that is."

Yume's eyebrow twitched slightly at being called 'sister', but she plunged onward.  "What are those demon gods?"

"Just a couple of gods that got in the way.  Luckily, Ah am prepared for just such eventualities.  Besides, when the brains were being handed out, these two didn't just get in at the back of the line, they were at the wrong place too."

"And the earth boy?  Did you see him?"

Yakage sighed and turned to a half assembled Creterian demon god hanging on the wall.  He began to whisper to it.  "That's th' missus for ya.  Mouth like an Energizer bunny.  Just keeps goin', and goin'..."  The half-assembled demon god failed to respond.  Yakage rolled his eyes at it.  "That's a gag son, joke that is.  Don't ya get it? I made a funny son and you're not laughin'."  He turned back to Yume, who was coldly wondering what all the whispering was about.  He jerked a thumb to the demon god.  "That boy's about as smart as a cup of oatmeal."

"What about the earth boy?" hissed Yume through her teeth.

"Mizuhara, right?  Think I saw him.  Seems like a nice enough boy, but about as sharp as a bag of wet mice with hats.  If you want the egghead dealt with though, better send something smaller than me though.  He looks a little puny.  Wouldn't want to pick on the boy.  Bully, that is.  Wouldn't be spor, I say, sporting of me."

Yume sat back and massaged her temples.  "No, I don't think I'm sending anything after him.  He's got enough problems as it is.  We've all got enough problems as it is."

****

"Whoah," said The Mouth of God, "And that's your govenment?  Someone better get the bug spray.  Hey, I'm kidding, you Bugrom are all right.  At least you people know your leaders are roaches."

****
[SOL]
Crow:  So... wait.  Is this Peorth girl the big threat or something?

Mike:  No Crow.  She's French.  

Crow:  Oh.

34

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 27, 2003, 06:48:02 pm »

OOC:  *Sighs.*
Sorry to have tied up the thread last night.  I suck.  

In the end, despite several attempts, I couldn't come up with a single post that looked like it was written by a higher lifeform than a chimp.  

Again, sorry for having tied up the thread all night and producing nothing.  It was very irresponsible of me.

35

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 27, 2003, 01:57:56 am »

(Dall in a diaper is considered "fan-service for the ladies" now?   O_o  O_O  o_O )

36

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 25, 2003, 04:33:03 pm »

It should be very hot in a volcano.  But oddly enough Kauru didn't mind.  It was pleasantly warm in Ibn Al Zahad's strong arms, and it felt entirely like sleeping in, tucking in a warm bed, without a worry in the world.  So she was actually a little annoyed when the demon god began to rise.  What are you doing? she thought.

My apologies, Great Master Kauru.  I had hoped to give you time enough to fully rest, and for the last of your genetic programming to service.

Is that why we were waiting?

That and because it would have been really cool to see the good guys try to get inside a volcano, when it's already been pointed out how gosh darn hot the things are.  Kauru found herself in agreement.  That would be pretty cool, actually.  Unfortunately, continued her demon god (her demon god... it was going to take some time to get used to thinking that), someone has awakened the sleeper in the tomb beneath.  Rather than deal with this new problem, I believe we should move.

Kauru found herself nodding.  That does make sense.  Where are we going to?

I believe my sister unit is putting plans in motion, and your programming has not yet fully surfaced.  I feel we should continue to let you get your rest.  I know of another volcano we can wait in.

The two burst out from the volcano like a tiny eruption, much to the shock of those waiting outside it.  "You mean we'll be inside another volcano?" said Kauru, aloud this time, just loud enough for the party below to overhear.

"Yes, Great Master Kauru," replied Ibn Ala Zahad.  And then, with the familiar sound of the sound barrier breaking, the two were flying away.

On top of the volcano, this was taken about as well as could be expected.

"ack," said Shayla.

"eep," said Parnasse.

"arg," said Nanami.

"gah," said Ura, happy to have another line.

"ngh," said Crayna-Crayna below, watching the whole thing through her telescope.

"'THE HELL?" they said in unison.

****

The Dollmaker looked around her chamber, dripping translucent goo in blatant fanservice.  Calmly, serenely, she stepped down from the pedastal that had held up her prison, carelessly stepping on the fallen body of Ishiel in the process.  She looked at her 'daughter' with the contempt she now had for all organics.  "Curious," she said aloud, "I had expected something more dramatic.  For us to merge, or something similar.  The alien biomaterial is the cause, no doubt."  She looked around with a frown.  "Damn.  No clothes.  It would appear Salli did not think of that."  She regarded Ishiel's prone form cooly, and, with a shrug, began to strip the Great Priestess of Earth.  She talked aloud, sorting things out in her mind, as was her manner.  "Time must have passed since I was imprisoned.  Still, I imagine my escape route is still operational."  She slipped on Ishiel's clothes, then, with a grimace, pulled her left thumb back hard.  There was a loud 'crack' sound, and a portal -not unlike the ones made with Nanami's axe- appeared before her.  She smiled and stepped through, the portal closing behind her.

****

"A A moment of your time, Master YumeYume."

Yume's straw made a loud noise as she sucked out the last of her soda.  She flung the can over her shoulder in the general direction of The Other's voice, and retrieved a stick of Pocky like candy, which she popped into her mouth.  All while her free hand was being used to rack up an incredible Tetris score.  "Nope," she said, "sorry, busy now.  Can't talk about anything but Palaces."

"What What about Project: Yakage; can you talk about that that?"

Yume choked on her candy, her eyes bulging.  GAME OVER, announced the video game.  She whirled around in her seat and shook an angry finger at this air.  "Threaten!" the finger seemed to say.  "Listen you overblown... how in blazes did you even find out about that?"

"Please Please, Master Yume Yume.  The The files' password was 'studmuffin' muffin. It It didn't take the greatest genius ever bornborn."

Yume glared at the nothingness, since she couldn't glare at The Other.  In a very firm gesture she crossed her hands over her chest.  "Okay, so you know about my pet project.  Point to you.  So what?"

"We We wish to help you finish your project project."

Yume roared with laughter.  "You have got to be kidding me.  There is no way I'm letting you 'help' me, and I use the term 'help' in a sarcastic way, with this project.  Thanks all the same, but I can finish building Yakage myself."

"You You of course know the Creterian economy will shortly collapse apse."

"Well DUH."  

"Master Master Yume, why do you work for the war department department?"

Yume raised an eyebrow and frowned, not at all liking where this was going.  "Because they're the only ones with the resources to fund me."  The Other waited.  Yume frowned deeper, going over these words again.  The other shoe dropped.  "Oh," she said as it finally sank in, "we're not at war any more, are we?"

" Well Well..... no no"

Yume pressed her fingers to her forehead and laughed.  "Meaning no more funding, meaning I don't get to finish Project: Yakage."

"Yes Yes, that's about the size of it it."

"Meaning, if I'm to get this project done, I'll probably have to do it in the next few minutes, before repo men come knocking on my door.  Meaning I do need your help after all."  She gave a dark little chuckle and continued, "and you're going to want something in return."

"Tit Tit for tat, Master Yume Yume.A A variable has finally managed to earn our complete and utter ire ire.It It has been a long time since anyone has irritated us as much as this... girl girl."

And then Yume saw her with perfect clarity, her short cropped hair, her curvaceous body, the slight smirk almost always in her lips.  And Yume knew her name too.  "Okay, a little warning next time, I almost coughed up my soda.  What'n blazes did this Ishiel ever do to you?"

"She She has forced us to take an active role long before we were ready ready.  She She has been allowed to take far too important a role role.She She seems to think she is meant to be something other than a background character, as the other priestesses areare."  Yume blinked as she felt The Other in her mind, correcting equations, suggesting others, quietly crunching numbers at a speed that even the great genius found mind boggling.  

"The The threat posed by your people and the threat posed by Kalia were not meant to be dealt with simultaneously, nor was she meant to destroy the first Eye of God or the Frencharian weapon, nor was she meant to gain the techtouch ability, nor was she meant to gain a weapon capable of destroying a demon god, and she certainly wasn't meant to learn how to make machines and rebuild things using her illusions  illusions.

Even Even now this... back up character is causing other... 'plot devices' to unfold simultaneously simultaneously.These These were threats intended for the Earther and his friends to face, as a group, one at a time, to gain in experience and knowledge  knowledge."

"So let me get this straight.  You think this Ishiel girl is making things happen too fast, has been given too much power, and has started to push other "players" out of the limelight.  And you want me to do something about it?"

"Correct Correct as usual, Master Yume Yume.You You are to be applauded on your design for the Yakage demon god, Master Yume Yume.    A A demon god with the ability to make other demon gods as it sees fit, with neural patterns partly modeled on your own own.  It It is a novel idea idea.  He He may very well be the worthy mate you desire desire."

"Yeah, well... speed dating wasn't working out.  Couldn't find anyone that suited me, so I figured I'd just build one."

"I'm I'm sure others feel the same way way."

"What, like the current writer?"

"Never Never you mind mind.  At At any rate, with the changes we are now showing you, it should be well within Yakage's power to remove the girl's techtouch, reduce her weapon's power level to its unaugmented power levels, remove her ability to rebuild machines with her illusions, and thus restore the natural order of things, insuring that the earthers will once more take center stage, and will have to treat each threat with the respect it deserves deserves."

Yume began to type in the necessary adjustments to her computer, and all around her machines began to roar to life.  Her mouth twisted somewhat, for she was finding this just a bit much to swallow.

"I dunno, might be easier just to off the girl and be done with it."

"No No, she is too good for fanservice, which is a power even we dare not cross cross.  Luckily Luckily the method used to permanently remove her extraneous power is deliciously fanservicey, and thus is positively destined to occur occur."

Yume raised an eyebrow in slight disbelief.  "Now hold on, just because something's very fanservicy doesn't mean-" and then she looked at what The Other had told her to type, quickly figured out what the program would do, and widened her eyes in awe.  She whistled.  "Oh wow.  You're right.  It's got to happen.  That's got to be the most fanservicey thing yet.  Dang, you should practically take a bow."

"Well Well, we try try."

*****

Deep under the territory ruled by the Bugrom, The Dollmaker stood in the last of her backup labs.  To one side stood Kain, one of her deactivated demon gods.  Sadly he was not as sophisticated as Kalia had been, but with any luck there weren't many demon gods to deal with.  In the room's center was a Rain of Tears generator, which should be much more useful as a weapon.  Theoretically she could have begun work on a new demon god, but she didn't really have the appropriate materials.

She had the appropriate materials to rebuild the Incandescent Vault, however.  And that was what she really wanted to do, so she got right down to work, humming a cheerful little dirge.  It would take the better part of a day to finish this, she realized, but surely there was no one left to stop her.

*****

Makoto blinked.  Floating in the air on front of his face was what looked like an oversized turtle.  Its face was nothing but a smiley face.  "Hi!"  it said.  

"Um... hi," replied Makoto, nervously sweating nervous sweat.  Both Ifuritas had their staffs pointed at the little thing - his own Ifurita, and the Ifurita whose hair, oddly enough, seemed to be changing to look more like Yuba Yurias'.  "Um, can I help you?" asked Makoto.

"Boy, I sure hope so!" replied the turtle thing in a high pitched voice.  "We're looking for the Princesses.  We need them to make things go boom."

"Boom!" agreed another turtle thing that swooped down to join its friend.  They were managing to keep pace with the sand cart Makoto and the Ifuritas were in.

"Well, I don't think that's a good idea," Makoto said, trying to be reasonable.

"No?" replied the turtle thing.  "Well, don't try to stop us.  Some of us have explosives!  Whheee, explosives!"  It exploded in demonstration, destroying the sand cart and sending Makoto and the girls flying.  As he sommersaulted through the air Makoto got a good look at the new Eye of God... and the cloud of turtle things that had apparently been made from whatever parts were left over after the Eye's construction.  He landed with a thud, right next to the other turtle thing.  He gulped in fear, hoping he wouldn't die such a silly death.

"Do... do you have explosives too?" he asked, immediately regretting it.

The turtle shook its head sadly.  "No, only half of us do that.  I just do this." A strange beam came from its eyes, hitting Makoto in the chest.  He was relieved to be alive, until he realized the damn thing must have been some sort of strange disruptor ray that made people wet their pants.  "Sad, isn't it?" commented the turtle.

****

"Well hot damn," grinned Yume as Yakage stepped from his construction chamber, "girl, you really are the greatest genius alive."

"We We want all the heroes gathered in one place again, Master Yume, if that is possiblepossible."

"Piece'a'cake!" replied the great genius.

"Excellent Excellent, in that case we can bum off, before we start upstaging the heroes heroes."

37

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 25, 2003, 01:36:26 am »

As one they looked up at the sky, at the blinding vision, invoking their gods and ancestors, cried out in terror as the terrible grey day began.  It fell like the ash on pompei, and though it blew like snow in the wind it felt more heavy than the world itself, and it kept coming in awful, nightmarish curling clouds, falling from on high, eclipsing the sun, blotting out all ight.  And they ran, stampeded, tripping over one another, crying, weeping, calling out to their loved ones, clawing at that terrifying grey that fell upon them, falling, crawling, shuddering, dying.

And then the grey was gone and the city burned, great licks of flame that painted the night sky crimson and illuminated the face of the only living thing that remained.

No...

A girl.  A simple girl.

No.  I don't want this.  I don't want to remember this!

She held her legs right to her chest, shivering in a simple torn yellow dress.  She was cold.  Frightened.  Alone.

The tears came thick and fast, great swollen things that flowed, hated and unbidden, from the corners of her tightly shut eyes, burning her pupils for the moment it takes to draw in a shuddering breath, then rising, creeping out from under her eyelids, crawling down her face, pulled by the unexorable force that was gravity, collecting at the base of her chin before freeing themselves from her shameful body, falling, falling, splashing into her yellow dress, which shook as her bony frame began to hitch and heave, a mournful, frightened, animal sound emanating from her throat, humiliated without knowing why, an abrupt, pitiful, heart-wrenching cry of mourning.

"No," she whispered, "This is all wrong.  I shouldn't remember this.  I shouldn't feel a connection to this.  I shouldn't be feeling these emotions, shouldn't be remembering these emotions, make it stop, let me out, let me out, let me-"

"It It is all right, Kalia Kalia."

And then she was no longer a child, no longer in a burning city.  Now she was... nowhere.  Infinite darkness in all directions, so thick she could not see her own hand.  No, more than that, she couldn't feel her hand.  She couldn't feel her body.  Panic began to well up in her body again.

"Do Do not be disturbed disturbed.  Here Here, is this better better?"

And then the void was gone, replaced by something wonderful, a childish fantasy world filled with gems, jewels, lustrious gold and silver, a sky of flowing murcury, and ground that was a ribbon of light pouring from and into forever.  It was morning, and spring, and everything wonderful in the world, and the being that now stood before her could only be thought of as some sort of ancient god.

It was as tall as ten men.  The robe was vaguely arabic, but futuristic as well, and the gold trim that accentuated it at points seemed to be incredibly intricate circuits.  The gloves, like the rest of the garment, were as blue as the sky and sea should be.  But the clothes were empty; or, rather, while they appeared to be filled out as the should be, she could see nothing there.  Where one would expect a head there was instead what looked like a massive top, a magestic crown at its apex, and what looked like thousands, perhaps millions of faces on its sides.  Kalia gaped in shock.  "Who," she stammered, "who are you?  How am I here?  I felt myself-"

"Dying Dying. Yes Yes, we know know."  The great figure sat down beside her.  "We We have been called many names, Kalia, but we are now called The Other Other.  We We saved you from your fate, from oblivion ion.  To to take up a mind, to copy it, to store that conciousness, without outside forces knowing of our actions... that is within our power power."

Kalia looked around and shivered, despite the apparent warmth of her surroundings.  "I'm not meant to feel this way," she whispered.  "I wasn't meant to remember that, and I'm not meant to feel this way."  She felt as though her heart was pounding, even though she could not feel it.  She looked up at The Other.  "Was that me?"

"Yes Yes. That That was your birth, Kalia Kalia."

"My... birth?  I don't understand."

"Then Then watch, as The Dollmaker explains herself self."

And then they were no longer in the dream.  They were in a long hallway lined with crystal pedestals and walls that were pulsing faintly with blue energy.  To Kalia's surprise, the girl that looked just like her was there, unsteadily walking among the pedastals.

"Her!  What's she doing here?"

"Watch Watch ."

Kalia watched and listened as the pedastal explained the creation of the first Ifurita, the only one that truly could claim the name.

"So So pretentious ious. To to build such a machine for a country at war, in a time of war, and to express shock at how it is used - what did she expect expect?"

Kalia watched and listened as the pedastal explained the creation of the Trigger of Destruction, the terrible weapon that could only be used to destroy all reality.

"Such Such haughty arrogance gance. Condemning Condemning others for building weapons while she designed the most horrible of them all all.  At At times we wonder if she wasn't imprisioned for her hypocracy, as much as everything else else."

Kalia watched and listened as the pedastal explained her own creation.

"Stop Stop ."

The scene froze on front of them.  "What... what does this all mean?" whispered Kalia, shaking as if she had just watched her own death.  "What is happening now?"

"We We are existing as pure thought, in between the moments of reality reality.  Now Now observe the first of the two crimes The Dollmaker was imprisoned for for."  The Other gestured to a pedasal far in the back, which slowly flickered to life, dragged into this non-time they were existing in.

"Ex... periment 998 - The Cloud of Tears.  The mass use of nanites as a weapon of war has been outlawed by all major tribes.  Why?  How is it any worse than any other of these weapons they have made?  I am so sick of this world, so sick of the people that live in these cities, that allow their leaders to do such things, to make such things.  Why shouldn't they suffer, these fools that bury their heads in the sand, blind to what they allow their leaders to do?  The first tests of my nanite clouds have been successful on animals, I suspect they will work just as well on humans.  

"I have already been contacted, contracted, to build another demon god.  They want it more horrible than any made before.  Hah.  I intend to test my Cloud on an urban setting to manufacture their little war machine.  It will be the finest demon god yet, built with a multiplexed conciousness, nanoassembled from the organics my Cloud encounters, her conciousness a composite of all the people used to make her, her genetic profile and appearance modeled on my own."

Kalia felt the world slipping away.  "That - that was what you meant when you said I was remembering my birth.  That entire city... that was... they were me once, weren't they?"

"Yes Yes ."

Kalia shuddered, not wanting to see any more.  But she knew that she needed to.  They fell back into real time, as Ishiel moved to the next marker.

Kalia watched and listened as the pedastal explained what was to be The Dollmaker's fate.  For the first time she thought she felt something from The Other - anger, raw and red.

"Such Such unbelievable conceit conceit! She She speaks of the Northern Weaponers' demon gods with contempt, though they were only blueprints when she recorded this this."  The anger rolled in waves.  "Their Their ability to create an infinite variety of new techniques had not yet been developed, and she dared to assume her creations better better? She She had no idea the true horror they would one day become, but was certain of her superiority, always so smugly certain of her superiority superiority."  The anger subsided.  "Brilliant Brilliant though The Dollmaker was, she assumed she was the only mind in the world, even though she was only one scientist ist. There there were more scientists at that time than there were stars in the sky, and together they were her downfall fall."

Kalia looked up at the other, confused and curious.  "You said there were two crimes she was imprisoned for?"

"Yes Yes ."  The scene froze again.  The Other gestured to another pedastal, and again it shuddered into non-time.

"Experiment 1,001.  The Incandescent Vault.  My time is growing short.  This will likely be my final entry - I trust that it will be safely carried to my tomb with the others.  My trial is almost at its end, and I know already how I will be judged.  I am lucky I have supporters, willing to make sure my tomb is built to my specifications.  And willing to put this, my final experiment, into action.  There is only one way to stop all the violence.  The Vault will simultaneously download the conciousness of every man woman and child on the planet, storing them in its vast database.  We will leave this horrible world behind, and exist as thoughts and dreams.

"I am told that Salli will be deactivated following my tomb's completion.  I would express hope that one day she is reawakened to live again, but I know that will not be necessary.  The Vault will make sure they never have a chance to deactivate her.  The Vault will make sure they never have a chance to do anything."

There was something horrible about the voice in the recording, something hinting that Kalia's insanity was inherited.  The demon god considered what she had heard for a long moment, trying to make sense of it all.  It was a lot to take in.  "And the scientists stopped her?" she asked at last.

"Yes Yes ."

"And then what?  And... and it doesn't sound that bad, existing as thought.  No more fighting."

"And  And then she was sealed away in this tomb tomb.  Wa Wa Salli Alayhim was deactivated and placed in a museum, until the Holy Wars were drawing to a close and the dying Ancients reactivated her for one last tasktask.And And take our word for it - everyone existing together as pure thought would not be paradise paradise.ItIt is a tragedy for this world that she is to be reawakened, for in her supreme arrogance she will surely attempt her mad scheme againagain.

Kalia turned her gaze back to Ishiel and frowned.  "I don't understand.  I... I cannot betray my programming.  You have taken my mind out of my body, and that has freed me of my commands - but not my desires.  I still want to destroy.  I have to.  It is all I am."

"Yes Yes .We We know know.But But there are other ways to remain true to your nature, other ways to destroy destroy."

"I still don't understand.  Why are you showing me this?  I... I don't have a body any more.  And I don't think I can take my old one back, its hers now.  What am I meant to do with what you told me?"

"Perhaps Perhaps nothing, but we believe a new vessel may soon make itself available to your mind, child child.  For For now, however, you must do as we have done for a very long time - wait wait."

It should be pointed out at this point that The Other was not good.  But then again, neither was The Dollmaker, and their wants were in conflict.

38

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 24, 2003, 04:30:49 am »

CHI!!--

Kauru tore her eyes away from the small rod she was holding and calmly regarded the half of an axe blade that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.  It looked like it was floating just above head height.

--INK!!

The axe blade swung downward, seeming to rip a hole reality itself.  A familiar whiskey-haired girl stepped out of it.

"Kauru, boy am I glad to see you!"

Kauru's eyes widened.  She was still not used to people cutting holes in the air.  "Nanami-san... but what happened?  You are-"

"Yeah yeah, I'm human again, don't rub it in.  Look, I need help, and, no offence, you're not going to cut the mustard.  Where's Ishiel?  We need that lamp of -" Nanami finally noticed Parnasse, passed out on front of her.  "What happened?"

"Phantom Tribe!  Kauru wash them away!" explained Ura, happy to get another line of dialogue.

"Really?  Wish I'd been here.  I'd have given them such a-" Nanami shook her head fiercely.  "Never mind.  What's important is I need Ishiel.  Where is she?"

Kauru got a distant look in her eyes. "Gone," she explained, "taken by an evil demon god."

"Kalia!" hissed Ura.

Nanami groaned.  "Un.  Be.  Lievable.  Okay, I'm going to try and find-" she stopped mid-sentence as Kauru touched her shoulder.  For some reason the contact made her very uncomfortable.  It was ridiculous, the two of them had bathed together... but that was what she felt.  She looked at Kauru again, noticing that the priestess looked a little paler than usual.  "Um... you okay Kauru?"

Kauru looked down again at the rod she was holding.  There was something very strange about her movements, like she was moving underwater.  "Fine.  But I think I know someone that can help us."

"Yeah?" Nanami frowned.  There was definitely something not right here, but they needed all the help they could get.  "Yeah, all right.  I'm still not very good with thi-" and again she was cut off, as Kauru took hold of the axe and pulled it from Nanami's surprised fingers.  "Whoah.  Careful with that thing.  I don't think you'll be able to-

CHI!!--

Nanami stared at the axe, which was once again embedded in thin air.  "Okay, but it's kind of tricky to-"

--INK!!

"Whoah," said Parnasse, finally waking up and staring at the glowing hole Kauru had cut.  

Nanami frowned.  It wasn't logical of her, but she was getting pissed.  The axe was hers, dang it, not this ditzy bug-headed priestesses'!  "Yeah, well, points for getting it to work, but it's not that easy.  It takes a lot of practice to get it to bring you where you want."

Kauru looked through the hole.  "I think this is the place," she said, "come on."

Nanami glared at Kauru's head, silently wishing a giant arm would come through the portal and flatten the blue-haired bint.  Why did she have to be so good at everything?  Why did she have to assume that everything -the position of priestess, Makoto's heart, the axe- was better off in her hands?

Kauru went through the hole, followed by Nanami, Ura, and a confused Parnasse.

****

Dall moved with a slightly accelerated pace through his flagship, taking the scenic route in order to show his guest the fabulous curtains and vases that he had brought with him on this journey.  If you're going to conquer a world, why not do it surrounded by sumptuous elegence?  A nobody in a suit followed them.


"Is my escape ship operational?" asked Dall, beaming at Jinnai.  "My luxurious, expensive, long and powerful escape ship?"

"Yes sire," reported the underling as Jinnai turned an even whiter shade than usual, "only the war cruisers seem to have been incapacitated.  Yume's labship and your vessel have different designs, and are still functional."

"Excellent!  We will dine as we make our escape.  Very classy, don't you think, my dear?

"Yes... erm... very classy," managed Jinnai, "but no teas or soups or anything.  I-" Jinnai thought fast "-I have... a phobia of hot liquids!"

Dall sighed dreamily.  "How marvelously eccentric.  Vassal-"

"Yes my liege?"

"Have the two Ifurita's fly outside my ship for protection.  And don't let Yume call them away again, that's very irritating."

"Yes my liege.  Will you be wanting a crew?"

The Emperor smiled in what he no doubt thought was a charming way, despite the fact that no woman, not even the ones paid to like him, had ever done anything but wince upon seeing it.  "No," he said, "I'm sure the lady and I can handle it ourselves.  And privacy is preferable, in matters of the heart, hmmmm?"

Jinnai's heart was beating very fast.

****

Nanami snorted.  "See?  It's tricky finding the right place.  I'll just cut us another hole, and we can-"

"This is the place."

Nanami's jaw dropped and she almost choked.  Partly out of surprise, partly out of the noxious fumes.

They were, after all, almost on the edge of a volcano.  An active one from the look of it.  Parnasse and Ura looked like they were seconds away from passing out, and Nanami was sweating like her brother doing push ups.  "Say what?"

"Excuse me Nanami.  This may take a while," Kauru whispered, handing back the axe.  Nanami tilted her head in confusion.  Okay, obviously Kauru had finally lost it.  The bugs.  That was it.  She was having a nervous breakdown.  Or suffering heat stroke.  Damne it was hot.  She grabbed Kauru by the shoulder as the Priestess began walking toward the rim.  "Whoah.  Stop it right there Kauru.  Listen to your friend Nanami.  We need you to have a good lie down and talk this over.  There's no way LEGGO!"  Kauru had grabbed Nanami's hand and was squeezing with surprising strength. Parnasse and Ura moved to try and grab Kauru, but she moved faster, pulling the ancient rod from where she had stashed it, pointing it at her friends.  There was a bright flash and they both hit the ground, stunned.  Kauru turned her attention back to Nanami, glaring hard at her.  She moved fluidly, using some martial art Nanami had never seen before... and then the former demon goddess was on her bum, still open mouthed in amazement.

Her mouth opened even wider as Kauru turned around, took six long strides, and jumped into the lava.

****

"And you're the leader of the Bugrom army?" crooned Dall, in the most syrupy voice humanly possible.  Jinnai's mind raced.  Having the leader of the Bugroom in his hands would give the advantage to Dall.

"No, the extremely talented and handsome Lord God Jinnai Katsushiko is the leader of the Bugrom forces.  I'm just... Fred... the... ranking military commander.  Yes."  She looked around.  She was on Dall's escape pod, and she had to admit, it was almost worthy of her presence.  There were chairs so comfortable it was probably criminial, bookcases crammed with very impressive looking unread books, antique furnature everywhere, and what looked like a well stocked bar.  She could smell the food on the dining table - if the smell was any indication, the food was worth killing over.

A grin spread across her face.  In matters military Jinnai was superb.  But in matters of politics, provided that Mizuhara was not around to sabotage things, "superb" didn't begin to describe it.  Jinnai grinned wider.  "Before we eat... whiskey?" she asked.

"Erm... this early in the day," started Dall, but, upon seeing the cute frown on Jinnai's face, he changed his mind. "Well don't mind if I do.  Oh, no, that type of glass isn't for whi-"

GLUP poured the whiskey.

"Oh.  Uh.  Thank you!  That's," began Dall.

GLUP poured the whiskey.

"That's... that's fine, I," continued Dall.

GLUP poured the whiskey.

"oh that's... erm... oh my," continued Dall.

GLUP poured the whiskey.

"uh.  Thanks."  

Dall stared at the glass of whiskey he had just been handed.  It was a massive wine goblet.  It was almost as big as his head.  He smiled nervously.

"Now then, as I was saying," Jinnai purred, "I'm the ranking military commander of the Bugrom Forces.  It's a good thing that your demon god found me, I was just about to try and contact you."

"Really?  How nice... And may I add you are the most strikingly beautiful ranking military commander I have ever-"

"I wasn't finished."

"Oh.  Sorry," apologized Dall.  Jinnai was staring at the whiskey.  Smiling weakly, Dall began to drink.

"I'd like to negotiate our surrender."  

Dall choked on his drink, accidentally gulping down far more than he had intended.  And it went down wrong, meaning he had to drink more just to get his mouth working right.  The Creterian fleep was stuck hanging in the air, and the Bugrom were asking to surrender?  He had still hoped to win, but not without a long and bloody fight.  Truly this woman was a goddess!

"Something wrong, your majesty?" grinned Jinnai.

"Um.  No.  I just, uh... drink went down the wrong pipe."  Dall tried to smile in a charming manner, but it really looked sickly.  "So... you want to surrender?"

"Oh yes.  As soon as possible.  Too much damage to the city already."

"Certainly, certainly," agreed Dall.  He was feeling quite light headed.  It was her beauty, he decided.  "I'll have one of my men write out the terms..."

"Oh no, I'd much prefer if you did it.  The personal touch?"

How could he resist that smile?

****

She could see three eyes.  Two where they should be, one where she imagined a person's forehead should be.  Frankly she was surprised she could see at all under all this molten rock.  Logically she should have zero visibility.

Of course, logically she should be dead.  Even Ifurita couldn't survive a split second in these conditions.  The temperature had to be well over 2000 degrees.

My master. The voice was surprisingly familiar.  It is my supreme honor to protect you.  I am your loyal and humble servant, Ibn Al Zahad.  It is my privilege to serve you.

Serve me... thought Kauru.  Yes.  That's right.  I understand now.  I understand what all of this has been about.  I'm going to stop all the fighting.  I'm going to make the world right.  But how will I do that?  I don't want to fight my friends-

But you must.

But I must.  Yes.  You're right.  I may have to fight... but it's for peace.  I will stop all the fighting for good.

Yes my master.  That is what you were programmed for, just as I was programmed to bring about your desires.  One world.  One rule.  That is right.  That is just.

So... what now?

Now?  Now we wait.  We wait for the right time.  Kauru felt strong hands around her as the voice continued.  And then the world will be yours.

****

Jinnai looked over the terms.  "We, the below signed, do surrender in the face of the might of a superior force, agreeing to give up all our territories in return for political asylum and figurehead rulership, with moderate ruling privelages..."  Jinnai flipped through the pages one by one, using her most honeyed voice.  Dall was leaning heavily on the table, dots begining to appear before his eyes.  "Oh dear," said Jinnai.

"Hmmmm?" replied Dall.  He was feeling quite warm.  The empty glass rolled out of his hands.  Jinnai caught it just in time, putting it aside.

"I just noticed, " lied Jinnai, "your ships aren't moving."

"Nope.  Schtuck.  Schtuck inth' air.  No thingies.  Gon'.  Can' move."

"But the Bugrom have such big guns!"

"Yesh."  Dall nodded.  "Sitting ducks.  G'd thing about yer surrender."

"I agree.  It really is a pity."

"Hmmmm?" replied Dall.  He was feeling quite wrong.  He also had the nagging suspicion something was... not right.  But what could it be?  He was with the most beautiful woman in the world, and he was the most beautiful man in the world, and she obviously loved him.  Everything was perfect.

"Yes, it's a real pity we won't be able to tell my people in time to save yours."

"Wha?  Wait... Wha?"

"Well, it's just that it would take so long for my people to process a surrender.  I'd have to get it to them, and make sure everyone knew, and then they'd stop firing the cannons.  But I don't think your ships would survive that long.  It could take weeks.  Bureaucracy."

"Wha?"

"Do you think your ships could survive weeks of those cannons?"

"Wull... no.  I mean... wait, wha?"

Jinnai leaned in close, grabbing Dall's shirt collar.  "Wait.  I have a brilliant idea."  Sharks would have been scared by that smile.  "Do you trust me?"

"N... Wh... Uh... 'es?"

"Do you?"

"Yes!  Yes!  Trus' you!"

"Your people are in great peril."

"Peril?"

"Yes!  Great peril!  But you will save them, because you are such a great leader!"

"I am?"  

"Yes!  All you have to do is sign this paper, saying you surrender.  I can get my people to stop shooting you much faster if you do that.  Then, once everything's sorted out, I let them know that it was really us that surrendered, and you that won."

"Oh.  Thas' smart."  Dall blinked muzzily.  "Wait, no, that makes no sense."

"Of course not!  It's realpolitik!  But you know all about that, because you're such a brilliant strategist.  A leader!"

"I do?  I am?"

"Such a brilliant..."  Jinnai took a deep breath and forged onward, "and handsome leader!  And if you don't everyone will die."  She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close, so their foreheads were pressed together.  Dall's eyes were wide, and he found himself looking at her chest.  "Everyone will die!   Everyone!  But we can still save them, if we do our part."

"Uh..."

"Listen.  I'm willing to give up the glory of being the one to usher my people into the glory of the great Creterian Empire.  But I need you to send the command to your ships to surrender.  You can do that from here, right?"

"Oh.  Yes.  But..."

"And when you do it, I want you to think of all the grateful people you will save.  Think of the children.  Think of the puppies.  Think of the women that will become part of your empire.  Have you ever seen the princesses of Floristica?  They're gorgeous!"

"Rilly?"

"Yes, so I want you to remember that you're doing it for them.  Send out your surrender order, so they can become part of your empire!"

Something still felt wrong.  "Bu..."

Jinnai leaned in close, whispering softly in Dall's ear.  "Just think how grateful everyone will be, knowing you saved them all from this terrible, pointless war.  You'll be a hero!"

"Hero?"

"A great hero!"  

"Always wannen to be hero..."

"And you are!"  Jinnai continued, leading Dall over to the computer console.  "So, why don't you send that order."

"Mmmm... granparens didn' wan' war anyway."

"Grandparents?"

"Dall the firsht and Gli.. Giln... G... Grammie.  Kept trying to talk me out of it.  I said 'luk, yer the one that abdicated the shthrone early, an m'bum of a father's mishing, so I gets to make the deshisions roun' here'."

"And I'm sure you'll make the right decision now, and send.  The.  Order."

Dall looked at the console, the world swimming on front of his face.  He looked at Jinnai.  She beamed at him.  Okay, if a woman was smiling at him, things had to be going right.  Right?  He pressed his palm to the appropriate controls.  The palm scan began.  "Order to all shhhhips.  Shurrender now.  Order of Emperor Dall the third.  Code... 'Maids Uniforms Are Cute'."

"Eeeeexcellent," smiled Jinnai, watching as the Creterian demon gods in the distance seemed to stop their attacks.  She slid into the pilot's seat and began to pilot the little ship back toward the palace, where she could make the necessary arrangements.  She started looking around for speaker controls.  "While I'm doing this, why don't you sign that paper?"

"Mmmmm?"  Dall looked down on the piece of paper.  There was a word.  Name.  That was the word.  And next that word was a long line.  Oh.  He knew what to do with these!  His ministers gave him these all the time.  With a silly grin he signed.

****

And that was how Creteria became part of the great Bugrom Empire.

****

Yume looked at the command coming in.  "Message from Dall?  What could he wan... 'the hell?"

Elsewhere on the battlefield, Ryoko heard the new orders.


*****

Fortunately, as had been mentioned before, part of the Eye of God had been used in the machine's construction, and thus it required one of the Princesses in order to function correctly.

Unfortunately, there was a large number of strange flying machines pouring out of the top of the doomsday device, speeding toward Florestica.

Fortunately, they were all sporting smiley faces, meaning that they had probably been redesgined by Skuld, and their attacks were thus most likely nonlethal.

Unfortunately, they were all sporting smiley faces, meaning that they had been probably been redesigned by Skuld, and were thus most likely exceptionally good at their jobs.

Fortunately, another string of "unfortunately" and "fortunately" had come to an end.

"Huh," said Kalia/Yuba/Ishiel, "that can't be good."

39

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 23, 2003, 03:55:10 am »

Myuun stood in the great observatory, using the most powerful telescope in Baron in an attempt to see the battle.  She could make very little out, but she felt it important to try.  The reports from scouts were getting fewer and further apart.  Scouts were deserting.  As had most of the nobility.

Cowards.

It would be some time before she knew what her new title was.  She would maintain leadership in Baron, but of course Baron was now part of the New Bugrom Empire.  Titles would change.  It didn't matter.  She was a leader.  If the Creterians won this day, she would try to bargain with them for the protection of her people.  As a leader should.  And if the Creterians would not treat her people well, she would fight until they came for her.  She would stand firm and look them in the eyes until... well, until they killed her.

Because that was what a leader did.  A leader had responsibilities.  A leader had to take action, regardless of the personal costs.  A leader couldn't be bothered with personal danger.  That was why, two years ago, before the coming of Mizuhara, before the opening of the Eye of God, she had broken the greatest taboo of the royalty of Baron.  And now she walked down the observatory's stairs, through a number of secret passages, and into a very secret chamber, breaking that greatest of taboos again.  

The room was called the Mantle of God.  As near as she understood it, the great ribbonlike decorations along the room's walls were in fact circuits of a very powerful machine.  The throne in the room's center was an interface.  Sitting in the throne, as she did now, allowed one to see things happening far away.  More importantly, a link was created between the user's mind and the machine.  As she understood it, the link was able to greatly enhance one's thought processes - especially one's ability to predict the future.  Since her predictions had usually turned out to be correct, Myuun had been consulting it with increasing regularity.  She was getting quite proficient in its use.  This time she didn't black out, and she hardly screamed at all.

This is what she saw.
****

Jinnai was male again, and dressed.  
"This is the war room, Londs, he explained.  "With all of my best men in the field, I need you here at all times.  All incoming messages arrive here," he continued, pointing to the window where the smallest type bugrom were occasionally appearing, dropping off scrolls before zipping out again.  "You read the messages.  If any describe a change in troop positions, you make the appropriate changes on the situation board."  Jinnai now drew Lond's attention to the magnificent replica of the city, laid out on a giant table in the room's center.  "Wach red marker represents a squad of our basic units.  The brown markers are our demon gods.  The black markers are the Creterian ships.  The white markers are their demon gods."  He drew him up to his full height, whirling and glaring at Londs.  "Looking at this board for the first time, Londs, maybe you saw something I have overlooked. Did you see anything Londs?"

"No!  I saw nothing!  I didn't even look in there!"

Jinnai sweatdropped. "Swell."


****

Ifurita fell for what seemed like an eternity.


****

One side's demon gods would hurl a challenge, 'twould be accepted by the other's, the battle would be enjoined, one side would fall, and the other side would go on to begin the cycle anew.  That was the battle.

****


A single cargo ship broke away from the Creterian fleet, landing far enough away from the battle to go unnoticed.  The ship's manefesto maintained that it was empty.  Which, if you ignored all the nasty eggs and giant bugs inside it, it was.  The humans of Creteria weren't the only ones trying to leave that dying world.

There were three men on that ship, which is fitting, because there are three main types of Creterian Bugrom, and each type was on that ship with the three men.  Anyone familiar with Jinnai's misadventures on Creteria knew about the first two, the workers and brood queens.  Jinnai had not encountered the third type, for which he should be greatful.  The three poor men on that ship had, one of them very recently.

On earth there are certain types of parisite.  They hatch inside of insects, and to an extent take control of their unfortunate hosts.  The host insect acts in ways it normally wouldn't.  It may infect others of its kind.  It may find itself laying parasite eggs instead of its own.  Very unpleasant.

The wasp variety of Creterian Bugrom would sting its prey and then lay an eggsac on the victim's neck.  After a remarkably short time, the eggsac would deflate, injecting the offspring into the victim's skull.  The offspring would become so interwoven with the victim's brain, that safe removal was impossible.  Moreover it would begin to alter the host's mental processes, making it want to do as the Creterian Bugrom wanted.  Two of the Creterians already served the hive loyally.  The third was just beginning to understand that he was a lower creature. He could feel the bug making him feel that way.  And he was begining to feel happy that the bug was doing that.

But it would be a long time before this ship entered the story again.

****

Kauru wiped the tears from her yes and regarded the Phantom Tribesmen with a look that would have surprised anyone that ever knew her.  Have you ever wondered what Goliath must have felt like, when he saw that stone coming toward his head, thrown with surprising acuracy by that pathetic little boy that nobody had ever really considered a threat?  More to the point, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be hit by a monsoon and a tidal wave, simultaneously, at ground zero?  Well, now those Phantom Tribesmen knew.

****

There was a war going on in Ifurita's mind.  She knew that if the virus won, she would be forced to fight Makoto.  She could not allow that.  So as the virus laid claim to part of her mind, she sacrificed herself - she shut that part down.  

****

The water flowed away, returning to the subteranean caverns Kauru had called it from, taking her would-be attackers with it.  But a simple rod remained, dropped by one of the Phantom Tribe.  Without knowing why, Kauru felt drawn to it.  It was a simple piece of Ancient Technology, no more important than the music machine Makoto had once found.  Except that it had been built with technology learned from defeating Arjah, and the way Kauru was drawn to it confirmed what Pretty Demon God Jinni suspected.  Kauru was drawn to the Ancient Technology of the Northern Weaponers, had a fundamental link with it.  

And the genes within her, which were drawing her to her people's demon gods, were exerting a more powerful influence.

Parnasse had fainted when the earth split and the water began to gush, in case anyone was wondering.

****

Makoto stepped through the door.  He was outside the ship, standing on the narrowest of platforms, the air whipping through his hair, threatening to tear him from the flimsy foothold.  As he stepped out he saw Ifurita, not far below him, falling.

It would be suicide to try and go after her.  Being in love, and thus a fool, he jumped after her anyway.


On the ground, Fujisawa leapt up with all his might.

In the air, Ifurina moved faster than she would have ever thought possible, zooming downward and forward.

Fujisawa's teeth rattled as he made contact.  He couldn't believe how heavy Ifurita felt, even in the air.

Ifurina's mouth opened in a surprised "oh!" as she made contact.  She couldn't believe how light Makoto felt, with her new demon god powers.

Makoto reached out, squirming in Ifurina's arms.  He fingertips brushed against Ifurita's face for a fraction of a second.  It was enough.  Her eyes opened as Makoto concentrated as hard as he ever had, focusing his power into a scalpel, lancing the virus from Ifurita's mind.  And Ifurita, in that moment of brief contact, saw what Makoto needed her to see.  He loved her.  With all his heart, with all his mind, he loved her.

Ifurita grabbed Fujisawa, flying up to hold Makoto's hand.  He smiled, knowing that she loved him too.  And he showed her something he had seen while in contact with Yume's ship.  Ifurita handed Fujisawa to a confused Ifurina, turning her attention to the Creterian fleet.  Her eyes glowed as she raised her hand.

"There."


****

Ifurita didn't have a great deal of energy left.  The attack would have been useless against a demon god - she wouldn't have known where to strike.  But Makoto had seen the schematics of the Creterian ships.  He knew what was most crucial.

In the basement of Shinonome High School, a number of small objects appeared on the ground, brought by the pwoer Ifurita had learned from the Eye of God.  In total they didn't even weigh as much as a cat.

The Creterian ships began to collide, sparks flying every which way from their hulls, as pilots discovered that a handful of very small parts are absolutely essential for controlling any vessel.

Narrowing her eyes, Ifurita rejoined the battle.


****


Myunn rose unsteadily to her feet and staggered from her chair.  There was a taste of copper in her mouth - she must have bit herself again, while viewing through the mantle.  No matter.  She had much to consider.


*****

.

.

.

A conversation:

"Her heart and intentions are pure.  Her link with the Mantle provides opportunity.  She can provide us access to the Palace.  We should act now.  We could use the Crown on her,"  the first said.

"Act now.  Agreed," said the second.

There was a pregnant pause before a third opinion was voiced.  "No.  There are too many variables.  We have discussed this.  The creator of the Trigger of Destruction and her dolls.  The Great Priestess and her demon gods.  The Bugrom, and the Ancient Bugrom.  The Phantom Tribe.  The Creterians.  And the other variables.  All must be removed before we proceed.  We have waited too long to fail now."

There was another pause, an angry one this time.  "We should act now," said the first.

"Act now.  Agreed," said the second.

"Wait," said the third.

Another pause, thoughtful this time.

"Wait," said the second, "Agreed."

"Agreed," said the first.

"We We wait wait."

40

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 21, 2003, 06:21:16 pm »

Yume -the real Yume- sat back in her chair and sighed.  Though she would never admit it, the stress was taking its toll.  And that boy had come so close!  She muted the monitor that was displaying Fatora and Alliele's fate at the hands of her double.  She could always watch the tape later.

"Do you Do you think he believed it believed it?"  The voice was a singularly curious thing, at once coming from far away while at the same time etching itself directly into one's mind, bypassing sensory organs.  It came from everywhere and nowhere, clear and distorted, echoing even though it sounded like a vast crowd talking.  Although one could not see The Other, one could feel it.  Like the presence of a great number of people.  And Age, incredible Age.

Yume didn't seem to mind it in the least.  She swiveled in her chair and shrugged brightly.  "I'd say so.  Not the bit about Ifurita, deep down he knows better.  The stuff you wanted though... Just enough melodrama.  Just enough truth.  Just enough make-believe.  A delicate balance, but yes, I think he bought it."  She grinned.  "Good, wasn't I?  I can talk advanced bollocks you know.  Nothing gets you out of a narrative dead end faster than utter balderdash.  Took The Architect's mail course in it."  She snorted.  "Although I don't know why I'm bothering.  The boy's tech touch may be impressive to these locals.  Bumpkins that can barely grasp ancient technology... but it's hardly of use to me.  I'm giving serious consideration to just vaporizing the boy and being done with it."

"Take care Take care, Master Yume Yume.  Our Our alliance is not a certainty inty. Other Other agents are still available able. You you would do well to remember who gave you the coordinates back to El Hazard Hazard.  Who Who showed you the secrets of the demon gods gods."

Yume stiffened for a moment, her scientific ego bruised, but then she shrugged.  "I managed to perfect what you showed me.  I created my two marvels wheras you would have had me building tin soldiers.  I would have figured out the initial steps eventually."

"Perhaps Perhaps."

"No perhaps about it.  I would have figured it out.  I am the greatest genius of all!  Which is not to say I'm not grateful for the head start you gave me... and the fact that it means Creteria can still be saved.  My love for my home world is strong enough that I will forgive a great deal.  But I'd be more grateful if I was told the whole truth.  The Great Priestess of water... she's tied into this, isn't she?  There's something locked in her genes, isn't there?"  She waited, but silence was the only reply to her question.  "Ibn Al Zahad and the other demon god... they're meant for her, aren't they?  I attempted to activate those two before, and was rebuffed, loathe though I am to admit it.  Their technology impresses me.  That of Kalia's creator... doesn't as much."

"You underestimate You underestimate Kalia considerably ably."

"No.  Kalia terrifies me, just not for her technology.  She is willing to do things that should not be done, and I will stop at nothing to nullify the threat she poses.  Not that it's as bad as I made out to Mizuhara.  Creteria is certainly dying, but I'd hardly be wasting time with anyone but Kalia if she was the cause, now would I?  He'd see through that lie, if he didn't have so much on his plate.  But don't change the subject."  Yume scowled, venom dripping from her words.  "That Priestess is another key player, isn't she?"  Again, silence.  "Kalia was created before Ibn Al Zahad, that much is obvious just from a rudimentary exam.  Al Zahad and the other are light years more advanced than anything else I've scanned on the planet.  Kalia's predecessor can be reached without going through the lava.  Al Zahad cannot.  The tribe that made Al Zahad was not the one that made Kalia.  Ibn Al Zahad's tomb has nothing to do with Kalia, except common natural defences.  You're trying to lure Makoto... and that priestess... to Al Zahad."

"TheThe Priestess to Ibn Al Zahad, Jinnistacia, and the destiny that the Northern Weaponers forged for her Lost Tribe tribe.  Makoto Makoto to Kalia's creator - their fates diverge verge."  

"What are you playing at, oh wonderous ally of mine?"

"Surely Surely you know all about the Palace of Infinity Infinity.  You are You are the genius, Master Yume Yume.  You You tell us us,"  replied The Other.

Yume scowled, wondering what this "Palace" was, but remained silent.  She could sense that The Other was gone.

She flipped off thin air anyway.


*****

"What is this?" asked Pretty Magical God Jinnie.  In order to pass the time while she awaited her new costume, she was looking through the scrolls detailing the Phantom Tribe's experiments in Kingfisher.  Most of the computer data had been lost in Kalia's attack, but some printouts had survived.

"That's just the data on the half-breed project," scowled Nahato, "a complete waste of our resources.  Even with years of programmed memories, we couldn't alter the experiment's core personality enough to prevent her subconcious hatred of us.  I suspect she failed in her mission deliberately."

"Her face is very familiar to me..."

"Really?  We were working with specially treated cell samples found in a cache of ancient war machines."

Pretty Magical God Jinnie grinned in a sugar sweet way.  "Yes, she probably would have left around a large number of such booby traps, Naughty Master."  And then she frowned, in about the cutest way possible, putting a finger to her lips.  "We never did figure out how they built that demon god.  Not an android, not a nanite-altered human, not even a cyborg.  Really is a noodle scratcher."

*****

"When was this?" asked Kalia, dragging Ishiel's battered conciousness into a blocked memory.  "Why is everyone... blue?"

****

"What the hell?" exclaimed Shayla-Shayla, tripping over the blue archive disk Crayna had left behind.  She hit the ground with a thud, and when she opened her eyes she was looking directly at a note Crayna had left behind.  "And this thingy is important," it read, "don't know why, can't get it to work, I'm just repeating what I was told.   Love, sensei.  P.S. I helped myself to a drink for the road."  Shayla's eyes went wide as she looked to where Mt. Muldoon's ample alcohol supply used to be.

****

"Who the hell?" asked Nanami, still naked, stepping through her latest portal and running directly into her brother.  Who was ordering the Bugrom to fire their salvaged cannons de boom boom at Yume's Lab Ship, and who was still awaiting hot water.

****

"Can I make it?" wondered Fujisawa-sensei silently, using all his super-speed in an attempt to reach the spot Ifurita's limp form was falling toward.

****

"What's that?" thought Ifurina, watching as Ifurita fell.

41

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 21, 2003, 12:16:10 am »

"BWAH HAH HAHAHAHA!" laughed the Bugrom's great commander.  "BWAH HAH HAHAHAHA!" he laughed.  

"HAHAHA...HA...ha.........ha...............wow."  Jinnai fell silent, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of Ifurita and Ryoko.  The battle was raw and brutal, to the death as anyone could see, and yet there was a terrible sort of beauty to it, frightening and awe inspiring.  It was combat perfectly realized, fully and completely executed, raised to the level of art.  Of that there could be no question - this was art.  IT drew all eyes to it, like a gravitational force, tantalizing with a glimpse of something immortal.  The demon gods showed a profound disinterest in their surroundings, perfectly devoted to their work, never slowing, never relenting.  It was overwhelming, splendid but tragic, and it would have taken a supreme exertion of willpower to look away from it.

But say what you would about him, Jinnai had willpower in spades.  "This... this will not do," he whispered, tearing his eyes from the sight.  "They are too powerful.  I cannot - will not - risk Ifurita's losing!  And I'm not about to owe Mizuhara for saving the day again."  One by one he shook the necessary personel free from the battle's spell, practically dragging them after him.  "Come on!  Move it!  We have no time!  This is our time to move, and we have no time!  Move it you incompetents!"

****

Makoto paused, surrounded by five reprogrammed demon gods, his palm pressed against a computer terminal. His expression was blank as he interfaced, except for a thin crinkle on his forehead, and a bead of persperation.  Alliele and Fatora jumped as explosions went off within the ship.  

Fatora looked around wildly.  "We've got to get out of here!  He's going to blow up the ship!"  As Alliele protested in vain, she grabbed Makoto's shoulder and shook him wildly.  "Cut it out, you'll kill us all!"

Makoto blinked - the sudden loss of interface was like being woken with a bucket of cold water.  He looked perplexedly at Fatora, not understanding a word she said for a few moments.  "N... no.  I was only hurting their defences.  Nothing to destroy the ship, just enough to disable it."  He looked around.  "We have to get to Yume's lab.  I can do some damage from these terminals, but not enough.  Yume is still the key to this."

A monitor suddenly slid down from the ceiling, revealing Yume's smirking face.  "Guilty as charged, Mizuhara.  Have to admit you took me off guard, stealing my double like that.  2 brownie points for you." Her smile took on a more sinister aspect as she continued, "but you've only gotten this far because I've been busy finding a way to stop my Ryoko and your Ifurita from overloading and taking out half the Creterian fleet with them.  I think I've got an appropriate distraction for them... Whaddaya think?"  The camera rotated away from her, revealing extremely accurate doubles of Mizuhara and Dall.

Makoto gasped.  Fatora and Alliele gaped.  One of the demon gods dropped his staff.  "Bloody hell!" the normally mindless Yume double said.

"That's... certainly a distraction," managed Allile.

"EW," added Fatora, firmly.

Makoto turned extremely pale.  "Are they meant to be... making out like that?" he queried in a quivering voice.

"What?" came Yume's response, "oh darn.  I forgot they were programmed to do that whenever I pointed a camera at them.  Down!  Bad robot doubles!  Bad!"  There was a sound of someone turning a faucet, and suddenly a number of sprinklers doused the robots with cold water.  For a few moments the robot doubles continued their activities, oblivious to the water drenching their clothes.  Then their heads fell off. "Shoot, forgot to waterproof them in all the rush.  Okay, the next pair I won't program to canoodle like rabbits."  The camera rotated again, to close up on Master Yume's face.  "I'll get back to your impending doom in a moment.  In the meantime..." there was a movement on screen as she flipped a switch.  As the screen slid back up into the roof, the corridors of the lab-ship were filled with the sound of bagpipes being played by rank amateurs.

Fatora shook her head, but it was useless.  She knew full well that a new recurring nightmare had just been added to her psyche.  She grabbed Makoto by the shoulders and spun him around, practically pressing her nose to his.  "Do whatever it takes, but she must be punished, hero boy.  And I don't mean in happy fun me and Allie-"  And then the princess was forced to pause, because, gosh darn it, Yume was cute in an extremely exotic way.  She continued with a little more honesty.  "She must be punished, both in a happy fun me and Alliele way, and the other kind as well."

Makoto couldn't believe this was going on during such a suspenseful part of the story, and hoped the next writer showed more respect for dramatic impact.

****

In order to understand what happened next, one must first understand two things.  First, Millie's therapist had once told her that she had a great deal of internalized anger, and she should work towards externalizing it.  Second, she had given extremely vague orders to some mice with hats, along the lines of "and go see if that Jinnai freak is doing anything that looks important.  And if he is... mess it up!"

****
Meanwhile, in the Demon God Factory.


"Mr. Jinnai, no! You musn't!  The risk is too great!" wailed Empress Diva piteously.  "The Demon God Factory has been so unpredictable!  Who knows what might happen if you expose yourself to it a second time?"

"Bah," came Jinnai's reply, "the Ultimate Commander of the Bugrom Empire's Invincible Forces sneers at danger and calls its mother a hedgehog!  For the glory of the Bugrom empire I accept the risks... onward to destiny!"

As Diva, Londs, and a small number of trusted bugrom (one carrying Diva's tea set) watched, he grabbed the prototype staff that had been hastily constructed for him.

Two things were happening at that point.  First, Jinnai began to convulse in agony, just as he had the first time he had used the machine.  Again his hair grew in length, quickly falling down his back in a long shimmering cascade.  Again his face remolded, becoming super-model like in beauty.

The other thing that was happening, and this was very important, was the sabotage of the Demon God Factory at the hands (or rather paws) of mice with hats.

The machine made peculiar noises it probably shouldn't have.  Sparks flew from Jinnai's staff.  The air filled with smells that would have made any computer geek start unplugging things immediately.  Jinnai continued screaming as the metamorphosis went all F.U.B.A.R..

At last Jinnai slumped to the ground.  There was something plainly human about the way he did it.  Clearly the process had failed - he was definitely not a demon god.  His mortality was unquestionable.

The mice with hats beat a hasty retreat, unseen by all, mission accomplished beyond Millie's wildest hopes.  All eyes were now turning to the machine, which was smoking in a very distressing way.  A few small fires broke out.  There was a sound kind of like passing gas, and then a small explosion sent a gear flying through the air.  It imbedded in the wall, managing to slice a little off the top of Londs' hat on the way.  Then (because this was how it always went) a flaming spinwheel rolled by, taking long moments before it finally "whirred" in tightening circles and fell to the ground.

The air was silent, except for the sound of sparking circuitry.  The Demon God Factory had just been removed from the story.  All eyes now turned to Jinnai, as the supreme commander of the bugrom forces slowly, unsteadily, rose.

Diva gasped.  Londs gaped.  One of the bugrom fainted.  "#$%%^& #@77!" a bugrom said.

"What?" asked Jinnai, in a much more falsetto tone of voice than before.  "Wait... What?!"  Jinai's eyes rotated down, chestward.  There could be no doubt that, even if it had failed to make Jinnai a demon god, the Factory had done some significant remodelling. "Sweet merciful samsonite, I've got mellons!" shrieked Jinnai.

Londs blinked, repeatedly, fighting hard not to get a nosebleed.  The factory had done good work.  "A... A... And you're on fire," he pointed out, raising a shaking finger.

Which, Sure enough, Jinnai was.  A stray spark hat set the Bugrom Commander's sleeve aflame.  "Put it out, put it out!" shrieked Jinnai, patting at the flame frantically.  The bugrom carrying Diva's teaset took the cue, and promptly splashed Jinnai with the hot water.

There was a suspiciously large steam cloud, and then Jinnai was his old self, emphasis on the his.  Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.  "Well," began Jinnai, "thank goodness that foolishness is over wi-"  The hitherto-unmentioned sprinkler system chose that moment to go off, dousing Jinnai with cold water.  Gasps followed.  Londs surreptitiously held a kleneix to his now-bleeding nose.  "Oh no..." whispered a once more-transformed Jinnai in a nervous falsetto, not at all liking what wet clothes revealed about her figure, "I think I see where this is going."

OOC:  Beats what they did to him in Alternate World though.

42

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 20, 2003, 12:14:59 am »

OOC: OMG YES PLZ KTHX

You got it hon.  Now just have to think of a way to make it plausible... Hmmm...

Arjah comes back from the dead... made entirely out of hot oil!  ^_^

P.S.  Mice with hats?  You are a god, Mr. What.

43

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 19, 2003, 08:43:29 pm »

"They've managed to catch Makoto," Alliele whispered, "I think that means we're screwed."

"We're far from screwed," Makoto said, in a strangely calm monotone, "This is exactly what I wanted.  When I was linked with Hishima I realized just what we were facing.  I could have neutralized Hishima right there, but it wouldn't have solved our problems.  I needed to get aboard one of their ships... but I didn't have time to tell Ifurita."  He rose to his feet and began looking around the cell.  "This 'Yume' working for the Creterians... who is she?"

Fatora snorted, finally joining in the conversation.  "It's lucky for you, hero boy, that we were here.  We paid very close attention to her.  She's some brainy scientist type.  Mad as a bag of mice with hats.  Looks like she experimented on herself, judging from those oh-so-cute feline traits... so exotic..."

The Princess paused for the requisite amount of drooling before continuing.  "But like I said, she's utterly mad.  Thinks she's a character from some sort of book."

"Actually," came a voice from a cleverly hidden speaker within the cell, "I know I'm a character making a cameo in a fan-made work of fiction, which in turn is based upon works of contemporary mythology told in the sequential and animated art mediums."  The door slid open and Yume was standing there, smirking, flanked by two of the less advanced Creterian Demon Gods.  "But if it helps you can just think of me as Master Yume, the greatest genius your rustic little universe has ever seen.  Hey.  How-are-ya."

Makoto took a step forward.  The demon gods raised their staffs in warning.  "Ah ah ah," scolded Yume, shaking a finger back and forth, "You think I'm just going to let you touch these demon gods?  Maybe use your power against them?  Not gonna happen."  She frowned, narrowing her eyes.  "Now normally I don't just throw people in cells then take them out a minute later.  But I've never met anyone stupid enough to announce 'everything's going to plan' moments after being put in a cell before."

"Everything's still going according to plan."

Yume's frown deepened.  "Oh really?"

"I was in Hishima's mind.  I saw everything."

"You're bluffing."

"I know why your plans will fail.  Why you must always fail."

Yume took a step forward, angrilly thrusting a finger almost in Makoto's face.  "My plans are perfect!  I am the great genius Master Yume!  The greatest genius of all!  There are no flaws!"

Makoto grabbed her finger.  A moment later he was within the machine's mind, twisting and turning through the virtual landscape of its programming.  This was not a demon god, nothing so advanced.  As such, it was surprisingly easy to do what he wanted.

The guards had raised their weapons, but were not firing.  Yume did not seem to be in real danger, and had not given orders to fire.  

"I demand to know... what the hell is going on?" whispered Fatora to Alliele.

"I 'unno," replied Alliele, not even daring to move her lips.

Makoto released his grip.  Yume blinked, slowly lowering her hand.  "Guards..." she began in an mechanical monotone, "turn around."  The demon gods complied, and in a moment Makoto was touching their backs.  These were demon gods, slightly more advanced - but they had no personalities, nothing for him to free.  He reprogrammed them instead.

"We're leaving," Makoto said over his shoulder to Alliele and Fatora.  Yume and the two Creterian guards led the way, followed by Makoto... and, eventually, a very confused princess and handmaiden.  

"I hope you've got a plan, hero-boy," piped up Fatora, confused as all get out, but far too arrogant to admit it.  "These losers have two really powerful demon gods."

"You're welcome to go back to the cell," pointed out Makoto, a little tersely.  Normally he wouldn't be so mean, but Ifurita was worried about him.  He hated leaving her in the dark like this.  Fatora glared at her look-alike's back.  "One of those two is in traction.  The other one is fighting Ifurita."

"How do you know that, Makoto?" asked Alliele.

"Because this ship isn't being ripped to pieces.  Ifurita wouldn't let anything but a powerful demon god stop her.  And the two Ifuritas they captured have been ordered to protect their leader at all costs.  No, what we have to worry about is Master Yume."

Fatora blinked.  "But didn't you just-"

"Robot double, controlled by remote.  I saw it in Hishima's mind.  Yume's grown so paranoid she keeps several of them."

"Ohhhhhh... this scene makes some sense now."

***

"Reports indicate that the Alliance's capital is under attack by an unknown army."

"A number of new demon gods have been seen."

"Two more Ifuritas have been seen, apparently bested by one of the new demon gods."

Nahato nodded as information trickled in.  He was walking along the corridors deep within Kingfisher, followed by Pretty Magical God Jinnie (still waiting for her costume change.  Nahato had put together a 'Phantom Eye for the Demon...God' task force, who were doing fabulous things adapting her traditional uniform.  She would be pleased to know that much pink was involved).  A communication device had been found, not too badly damaged to prevent repair.  The rock formation was already filling with the Phantom Tribe again.  

"Jinnistac... Pretty Magical God Jinnie," said Nahato, "what do your sensors tell you?"

"Hmmm?  Oh, yes, lots of demon gods.  I wouldn't worry about them though, Naughty Master.  None of them possess my ability to create new techniques.  And the first technique I was given was the ability to prevent others stealing my "technique creation" technique.  Nope, no threats there."

"Excellent!" cackled the Nahato, momentarily ignoring the 'Naughty Master' bit.  "We'll simply wait for them to wear themselves out fighting, then swoop in and finish them off!"

Pretty Magical God Jinnie nodded in firm agreement as she said "No".

Nahato blinked.  "No?  What do you mean no?  I am your master, and you will follow my commands!"

"It is true that you are my master," lied Pretty Magical God Jinnie, "But I have already analyzed your goals and have detected some flaws in your otherwise brilliant plan."

Nahato glared.  "Such as?"

Pretty Magical God Jinnie looked around.  "Well, I thought you might prefer the plan that would return you all to your home planet."

Nahato gaped.  Underlings gasped.  People dropped things.  "Bloody hell!" someone said.

It took Nahato a moment to regain his composure.  He tilted his head, a look of cautious optimism on his face.  He still didn't trust this strange demon god -could never trust anyone that had spanked him- but if she was serious... "You can do that?"

"Oh yes.  Easy as pie, Naughty Master!" She picked up a latex mask that a Phantom Tribe scientist was working on, and stretched it between her fingers.  "You just get your people in place.  We'd need a few odds and ends.  Part of the Eye of God.  Access to one of the Princesses.  A little bit of ancient technology."  She paused thoughtfully, put a finger to her lips in a disturbingly saccharine-cute way, and glanced back at Nahato.  "Oh, and we just might need to find someone with a very specific genetic profile.  Descended from one of the Ancients' tribes.  Probably not, but it would probably burn your waffles to lose over a little thing."  She absent-mindedly drew little hearts on a steam-fogged piece of glassware.  "Oh.  That is if you would prefer this plan, Naughty Master.  I wouldn't want to overstep myself.  Just give the word and I'll go right ahead with your original plan."

Nahato glared.  He was suspicious, and thought he smelled the possibility of betrayal.  But if there was even a chance that she was telling the truth, he had to act upon it.  "Very well Jinni... Pretty Magical God Jinnie.  The resources of the Phantom Tribe are at my disposal.  Where precisely do you advise your master to begin?"  He was being very careful to remind her exactly who was in charge here.

The demon goddess smiled in a disturbingly cute way.  Things were going just swimmingly.  In no time she should be able to find a descendent from the Lost Tribe, and ditch these blue-skinned freaks.  Then it would just be a matter of subjugating the planet.

Easy as pie.

***

Crayna Crayna sat back, waiting for the varnish to dissolve.  "This'll take a bit, no mistake.  Couldn't find any proper solvent, had to improvise."

"*mmmph*" said Shayla, rolling her in annoyance.

"None o' that!  You're lucky you know someone that knows chemicals enough to improvise."

"*mmmph!*"said Shayla, glaring at her former teacher.  Crayna sighed.

"You're still pissed about that. Look, the ancient teachins o' the Fire Priestesses... I have no problem teachin' you.  But fer fok's sake, I wasn' about to trust you with love potions!  Not with your sense o' humor."

Shayla continued to glare in response.

"Anyway," Crayna went on, "This gives us a chance to talk... without you runnin' off.  Again.  Now look, here's how it goes," she fought the urge to light her pipe as she began.  "I'll try to keep this short.  Nothing foks up a story like too much exposition."

"*mmmph*"

"Okay, maybe lousy plots."

"*mmmph*"

"Yeah, good characters are important too.  Would y' whisht an lemee speak y'gobshite?  Anyway.  Lots o' girls are trained to be priestesses.  But there are only three Great Priestesses at a time.  The rest, as you know, are given jobs tending temples or watching holy sites. T' make sure nothing goes wrong.  

"*mmmph*"

"Okay.  When a fire priestess retires, she's put in charge o' this volcano, see?  T' watch over it.  No fokin' clue why, just told it's a bad thing for people t' mess with it."  She would have paused to blow smoke, if she could smoke.  "Someone messed with it.  It's my job to tell you.  It's your job t' figure out what t' bloody hell t' do about it."

"*mmmph?*"

"Oh, I think I might stick around t' make sure ya don't do anything fully stupid."


"*mmmph!*"

"Don't be glarin' at me like that!"  There was an awkward pause as the varnish dissolved with painful slowness.  "Anyway, got a man in your life?  Ah, you're gettin' the sparkly google-eyed thing again.  Knew it."


***

The accolytes were gathered for their favorite activity - watching the delivery boy.  He came once a week, lifting large crates of supplies into the training facility, under the watchful eye of senior priestesses.  Which didn't stop the priestesses-in-training from sneaking a peek.

"He's getting sweaty... here it comes!"
"He's taken off his shirt!"
"Woo!"
"Keep it down, they'll hear you!"

It was the oddest thing. None of the accolytes realized that the senior priestesses had at one point been accolytes themselves, peeking at delivery boys.  Instead they assumed they were doing something terribly secret and forbidden.

"I don't know though... I kind of like the blond one that comes by sometimes."
"What about the red head?"
"Oh I just can't make up my mind!"
"There is one way to find out which one of them you're most interested in," someone said.

Afura Mann looked away from the peephole in the wall.  Ishiel immediately pushed her aside, looking through the hole.  "Really?" Afura asked, with an almost clinical tone of voice.  "How?"

"If you don't like the thought of kissing one of them, he's not for you."

Afura snorted, spun on a heel, and went off back toward her quarters.  "Ah, she's just miffed for giving up her turn so quickly," smirked Ishiel.  The future great priestess of Earth looked through the peephole.  Yes, she could definitely see herself kissing this one.  UMPH! Fiiiine!  Grinning, she stepped away and looked at the corridor Afura had gone through.  Unbidden, she found herself thinking of Afura's lips.
Her heart skipped a beat.  "I couldn't say that I... wouldn't like it..." she whispered to herself.

"Man," said Kalia, walking through the memory, "you are one complicated doppelganger.  But this memory doesn't help me either." She roughly grabbed Ishiel by the hair, slamming her head into the wall.  It was only in her mind, but it still hurt.  "If we can't find something helpful soon, I'm just going to have to start taking your body apart.  See how it works." She grinned "Although I'll probably take your body apart one way or another anyway."
[/quote]

OOC: (Well, I had to think of some reason she wasn't falling for Makoto's harem ability, and there's not many available characters left.  I'm sure I can figure a way to fit shounen-ai in later though.  Makoto-Jinnai oil fight perhaps.  *Cackles evilly.*)

44

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 19, 2003, 02:36:33 am »

The palace was indescribably vast. It employed sub dimensions, spacial/temporal folds, junctions in reality, and some chancy fudging of the laws of physics.  It didn't just occupy more space inside than out.  Inside it redifined what "space" was.  As for what it looked like... there were pillars that had tops and bases at the same place.  There were things that shouldn't exist outside of optical illusions.  It was like a dream.

It would have made MC Escher break his pencils in artistic jealousy.

The demon goddess watched a ghost of the future calmly.  From time to time one could see visions from the past and future in the Palace.  Such was the nature of this place.

You couldn't twist time and space in strange ways without the odd side effect.

"I am the demon goddess Wa Salli Alayhim," the future Salli announced, a strange and impressive echo in her voice, "I was first.  I was the first demon god ever constructed, the prototype, the singular template from which all others of my kind were wrought.  I was last, taken offline as demon god technology progressed, only to be rebuilt and made anew by the dying Ancients.  I am the guardian of this palace.  I am one with this palace.  I know what you wish... but you have brought evil to this holy place.  You must leave, Mizuhara Makoto."

Salli could not see who her future self spoke to, but heard nonetheless.  "We can't," explained the unseen speaker, "not after going through so much.  Not after all we've been through.  Arjah, The Creterians, Kalia, the Phantom Tribe, the Ancient Bugroms... Kauru and her demon gods... You just have to let us through."  Salli watched her future self lift the War Key in warning.  

The vision vanished, as they always did.

Salli -first and last of the true demon gods- considered this vision carefully.  It had been strange eons since any had entered the Palace but herself.  She would have to prepare.

She was more machine-like in appearance than any of the other demon gods.  Instead of cloth she wore strange armor than sounded like glass tubular bells as she moved.  There was something very square-ish about her appearance, and her gait was mechanical, unnatural.  Still there was something entirely human in her eyes, much like what Makoto had seen in Ifurita's when Jinnai first awoke her.  Salli's eyes gleamed as she beheld the center of the palace.

It was a perfect sphere, as large as a house, surrounded by strange red disks similar to the blue discs in the Phantom Tribe cache.  The sphere's color slipped from one's conciousness like water between fingers...  Red?  Indigo?  Impossible to say.  It was the power source for this palace.  It was the last gift of the Ancients.  

The war of the Ancients had left the very fabric of reality ravaged.  As they were dying they ealized this, and built this facility to repair the damage they had done.  The palace did not merely repair the environment, it repaired the very injuries upon reality caused by weapons such as the Eye of God.  

Salli stared at the caged baby universe.  The universe of El Hazard was being repaired with the energy output of an entire universe of young suns.

And it needed it too.  The Ancients had managed to screw the place up that much.  Wankers.

*****

One of the Phantom Tribesmen ran back through the Path of Twillight, waving something disturbingly flesh-like in his hands. "Good news, your excellence!  We just found this!  One of the scientists here must have written out the formula as he was dying... It's called laytex!"

There was an awkward pause as the underling took in the sight on front of him.  "Erm... sir, are you all right?"

"Fime."

"Sir... are you biting the demon god?"

"Yemh."

"Is it... working?"

"No," spat Nahato, releasing Jinnistacia's fingers from his mouth.  "Always worked on Phantom Tribe Counsilmembers when they tried to ignore me.  Thought it was worth a shot." Nahato glared at the 'laytex'.  "What, are we meant to make surprisingly realistic Mission Impossible style masks using that stuff?  Sounds kind of farfetched."

"I'd agree sir, but realism can be ignored.  Judging from some scientific notes that were left behind, we can sidestep plausibility provided we pick some of our most beautiful and handsome tribe members to be spies, and provide an adequate amount of fanservice.  It's a whole new type of science they were working on here... 'writerstakelibertiesmatics'."

"Is it just me, or have we become comedic relief lately?"

"Well sir, you are the smartest and craftiest of us... but perhaps its hard to take us seriously when people realize we're led by Galus'..."

"Protege'.  I was his protege'."

"And we got yelled into submission by Rune Venus.  That was just a bit pathetic."

"We'll have to do something really evil to get back our respect."

"...An evil petting zoo, maybe?"

45

El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2

« on: December 18, 2003, 05:33:50 pm »

Crayna-Crayna had been making remarkably good time when her glider broke down.  A quick inspection under the hood confirmed the existence of a thriving ecosystem.  Some of the molds looked like they would have achieved sentience soon, if she hadn't fried them by starting the engine.  And then there were the things that the engine hadn't killed...

"Ah bollix," she had muttered, "fokin' aul' thing's after given up the ghost."

Apparently machines required occasional maintenance.  Or at least use.  Who knew?

So she had started to walk again.  Her brogues <shoes> were a little on the thin side, so it wasn't long before her kebs <feet> were paining her.

She had been lucky though - eventually she found two men with a glider, willing to take her the rest of the way for a fee.

She was sitting in a meditative position, serenely drinking from a choko <sake cup> when the glider came to a complete stop, and the two men, grinning, turned around and looked at her.   One of them had pulled a large club from somewhere.  "Your money and your life," said the shorter of the two, "although if you're fast about it we'll settle for just taking one."

"Not that we're making any promises," grinned the other, "it's one of those 'let the customer beware' type offers."

"And you are a customer," grinned the first again, "because this is just a business transaction, and we're respectable businessmen."

Although nothing broke through her zen-like exterior, Crayna-Crayna groaned inwardly.  She was dealing with two common thugs who, against all odds, thought they were really a pair of witty roguish highwaymen.

"Now then," continued the first, begining to advance on her.  Whatever he had been intending to say was lost, on account of the choko flying through the air and hitting his adam's apple with eye-watering accuracy.  Crayna's knee was in the area of his groin a moment later.

The second thug was taking this remarkably well.  Deep down he knew they would be resuming their journey soon, with Crayna holding the club.  The part that really upset him though, was the high-quality beat down he knew he was going to recieve.  Off camera for maximum effect.

****

Ryoko watched dispassionately as Hishima was beaten like an egg.  Part of her had been rooting for Ifurita when she realized Hishima's strategy.  Another part of her, the sensible bit, knew that Hishima's defeat was trouble.  They were the only two Creterian demon gods that could really be considered advanced.  The others, identical war machines that looked much like men dressed in traditional Creterian armor, were of inferior stock.  Of course there were the two lesser Ifurita units that were currently being reprogrammed, but this was still a worrying turn of events.

She didn't interfere, though.  Ryoko had more sense than that.  Instead she watched, her sensors on high, trying to determine what was going on.

She had long since dealt with the "existential angst of whether or not her personality was derived from a wholly mythical figure".  In fact she was happy knowing that her neural algorwhatsits were based on a being that may or may not have ever existed.  She wasn't sure she would have liked knowing, for sure, that there was another Ryoko somewhere.  There was only room for one being as good looking as her.  

There was definitely vanity in her personality.

There was also self-preservation.  As she watched Makoto touching Hishima, she was writing a whole series of sub-routinues to make sure she never allowed the same fate to befall her.  

She was also doing some interesting things with her internal clock.  About the only way she could fight her personality's natural inclination to charge in was to convince herself that she really was moving fast.