61

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Re: Merry Christmas!

« on: December 25, 2004, 04:20:34 pm »

Happy Holidays, everyone.  I hope all of you are doing well and in good spirits.  As for my wish, hmm...I suppose I'll go for the easy choice and wish all of you a wonderful holiday season.

Seasons Greetings,
Rowan Seven

62

El-Hazard Online / Re: Wow

« on: December 12, 2004, 08:26:23 pm »

Welcome to the forums and website.  I hope you have a wonderful time as a member of this community, and congratulations on your graduation.

63

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: November 25, 2004, 03:52:07 pm »

Dr. Semimad walked casually through the streets of Roshtaria, keeping a polite distance between himself and the assorted passersby and watching with interest as Florestica was repaired -- once again -- at virtually warp speed by dutiful bugrom workers, assisted in some of the more complex, artistic tasks by skilled human civic engineers.  A fascinating fusion of bugrom and human architecture was taking place before his very eyes, and had other matters not required his attention the good doctor would've loved to sit down and take notes.  

His expression grew more serious, though, as he finally found the object of his search.  Standing on the corner of a recently paved street, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and jeans that looked like they'd seen better days, and looking very confused and dazed was Ifurita-3.  Knowing that he only had a short window of time in which to act, Dr. Semimad took a deep, calming breath and approached his patient.  It was time to conclude her therapy.

"Hello, Ifurita.  You look well...well, better than you did when I first met you, at any rate.  Mind telling me what you're up to right now?" Dr. Semimad asked, voice warm and reassuring as he neared the troubled demon goddess.

Ifurita-3 appeared startled as she noticed Dr. Semimad, berating herself for letting her guard down to such a great degree.  "I'm _fine_, doctor," she replied hastily, unconsciously taking a step back and wanting to retreat inside herself to escape this bothersome, frustrating world.

"...No, you're not," Dr. Semimad declared, slowing his advance but not stopping.  He chuckled deprecatingly.  "For millennia, you were a merciless agent of death and destruction.  The number of people who've died at your hands must be incalculable.  After that, utter solitude was your life, with no friends, no family, no one at all.  Finally, you left your isolated sanctuary and fell in love, only to lose your beloved to, essentially, a more mature version of yourself.  Next came infestation at the hands of parasitical insects, and then more personality permutations than I care to count.  No, you're not fine at all."

"S-so?" Ifurita-3 asked nervously, founding the therapist's tone unsettling as he caustically analyzed her painful life.  "None of that matters anymore!  I've decided to live the rest of my life without any cares and troubles and do whatever I want!  I'm going to live day by day and enjoy myself!  So leave me alone!"

Dr. Semimad shook his head as he stopped a few feet in front of the wary demon goddess.  "I can't do that, Ifurita.  Even if I wasn't your psychologist, it would be wrong for me to let you commit such a tremendous mistake."

"A _mistake_?  You're calling this a _mistake_?!  Doctor, thinking I could ever fit in and lead a normal life was the mistake!  Putting up with your and Dr. Schtalubaugh's attempts to 'cure' me was a mistake!  This is _not_ a mistake!  It's my _own_ decision and I won't let anything dissuade me!" Ifurita-3 retorted, a nearly frantic tinge to her voice as she raised her key staff in warning.

"Pathetic," Dr. Semimad countered, unperturbed and unintimidated...or at least pretending not to be.  "What you're doing is giving up and retreating.  You'll never overcome your problems if you don't face them.  More than that, you won't even be a part of this world.  _Look_ around you, Ifurita.  See that family over there?  In the past month their house has been destroyed over five times, and three siblings are still missing in action from the recent spat of wars.  See that married couple there?  Do you have any idea what struggles and tribulations they had to overcome to finally be together?  I can't understand what you've been through, but I do know that you're not the only one who's suffered and suffered terribly at that.  These people, though, have found the strength to deal with their pain, continue on with their lives, and find happiness.  Although the trauma you've suffered is doubtlessly greater than theirs, if give up now you'll never even have a _chance_ of finding the happiness that might be in store for you.  Now, do you want to take a venture and see what the future holds or retreat into your isolation where nothing, neither good nor bad, happy or sad, can possibly reach you?"          

"...You're right, Dr. Semimad," Ifurita-3 spoke, voice overcome with emotion as she lowered her key staff.  "I...I don't want to go back to the way my life used to be, even if it means I wouldn't have to put up with any more sorrow.  I want to find my own happiness in this world.  More than that, I want to help other people find their happiness."

Dr. Semimad, who'd been nodding his head and silently congratulating himself, suddenly froze.  "Wait, Ifurita, remember that healing is a process-"

"Yes, I'm going to help people!" Ifurita-3 decided, eyes blazing with determination and body more animated than it had been since...well, probably her night with Makoto.  "I'm going to work to make sure that nobody else has to experience what I've been through!  More than that, I want to ensure that people can enjoy life as much as possible!  This existence is too short for so many to put up with so much unnecessary grief and trouble!  The smiles and thanks of those I help will be my reward!"

"Ifurita, please, don't do anything drastic!  Remember-"  Dr. Semimad trailed off and politely averted his eyes as Ifurita-3's clothes remade themselves.  When he next looked at her, he was pleasantly surprised to see that she hadn't transformed into a magical girl.

"I'm going to law school to become a civil rights lawyer!" Ifurita-3 announced proudly, now wearing a sharp business suit and carrying a sleek, black briefcase.  "I'll defend the poor and underprivileged in court and strive to protect them against any who would try to take advantage of them!  I'll work for the good and betterment of all creatures!"

"Ifurita, are you about this?  Caution is-"  

Ifurita-3 threw her arms around and hugged Dr. Semimad, silencing him.  "Thank you, doctor, and give Dr. Schtalubaugh's and Empress Diva my thanks too.  I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for you three and the concern you showed for me.  Take care of yourself, and remember to enjoy life.  It's such a precious thing."

With that, Ifurita-3 stepped back, waved good-bye, and flew away in search of a law school that would accent a millennia-old demon goddess with no formal education.

Dr. Semimad watched as his former patient grew more distant and continued to look up even when she'd become less than a speck in the sky.  Finally, when he was certain she was gone, he broke forth with maniacal laughter worthy of his ancestors and almost equal to OAV1 Jinnai.        

"And _that_ is why I'm the Minister of Highly Unusual but Strangely Effective Tortures!" he exulted, cackling madly at this success.  Granted, Ifurita-3 still wasn't completely stable, but with a little luck and a lot of determination on her part odds were she'd be fine.

Realizing that people were beginning to stare at him oddly, Dr. Semimad ceased his mad laughter, coughed, dusted himself off, and nonchalantly headed home where his wife and daughters awaited him.  After everything that had happened recently, he wanted nothing more than to be close to his family and tell them how much he loved them.

******

The newly rejuvenated doctor whistled as he opened the door to his TARDIS and prepared to leave this world and time.  Despite a few setbacks here and there, his mission had been a success and he had a new set of regenerations to reward him for his troubles.  It had been an eventful, worthwhile trip, he decided, stepping into his home.

"Meow," Jinnistacia said by way of greeting, stretching as she awoke from her peaceful nap.  The doctor blinked as the demon goddess pranced around his TARDIS, never fully appearing to be somewhere but not quite everywhere either.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I must ask you to leave, my dear," Dr. Who apologized as he attempted to grab Jinnistacia and usher her out the door.  "I simply can't-Don't pull that lever!"

Completely ignoring the time lord, Jinnistacia pulled the lever.  In its usual manner, the TARDIS disappeared, and Dr. Who, with a new sidekick in tow, was once again hurtling through time and space.

******

Fortunately for the content rating of this round robin, Dall arrived in Ura-ohki just in the nick of time to save Ryoko from Squiggly's pleasurable tentacles.  

"Hiya!" Dall shouted, heroically leaping off one of the armor cat clone ship's many spires with sword extended.  Squiggly, intelligent enough to know when a fan-servicey insertion had run its length, sidestepped Dall's lunge and crawled away back to its dwelling where, perhaps, other victims awaited for its return, but that's for the reader to decide.

"Ow!  Ryo...Ryoko, de-de-dear, a-a-are you aa...alright?" Dall asked through teeth gritted in pain as he pulled himself up from his harsh landing.  Despite his self-inflicted injuries, he forced himself to crawl over to the also pretty much immobile demon goddess.

"I'm fine, Dall, now that I'm saved from that incredibly embarrassing fate," Ryoko spoke gratefully, summoning the strength to hug her master.  Her expression suddenly became sly.  "Although...I do feel kind of sorry for that squiggly...thing.  Oh, if only there was a lonely, beautiful alien princess to keep it company...an alien princess with purple hair, a snobbish attitude, and-"

The Aeka fanclub sent the current writer a threatening email at this point, and he, remembering what they did to a certain other round robin contributor, wisely decided to abandon this train of thought.

"Anyway, Dall, let's go home," Ryoko suggested, voice weak.  "I need a serious recharge, but _afterwards_ I want to show you just how thankful I _am_."

Dall blushed but soon realized there was a problem.  "Um...Ryoko, now probably isn't the best time to mention this, but..."

"Yes, honey?" Ryoko asked curiously, eyes narrowing as she wondered what dared to potentially ruin her fantasy.

"I...um...think I broke one of my legs," Dall confessed awkwardly, hoping Ryoko wouldn't think any less of him for this.

Much to his relief, the demon goddess smiled in companiable amusement.  "Oh Dall..._whatever_ am I going to _do_ with you?  I suppose I'll just have to _think_ of a few things, now, won't I?" she commented mirthfully.

Ura-ohki, meanwhile, had grown tired of waiting for the demon goddess and alien prince to extricate themselves from the crevice and decided to bring them onboard using a tractor beam.  When that was accomplished, he released a joyful miya and headed home.

And everybody lived happily ever after.

*******

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" Mara screamed furiously at the top of her infernal lungs, still trapped in the realm of endless oatmeal.  Unfortunately for her, Urd heard her and had no plans of letting her out anytime soon, probably because she was so busy rolling on the floor laughing.

******

...All right, maybe not everybody.

...
...
...
...

I forgot about Groucho, didn't I?  

******

Groucho, face red and upper left appendage linked with a smiling Kauru's, escorted her to the grand reopening of Nanami's restaurant.  In front of them, a happy Chibi-Deva pranced around, wide eyes taking everything in with wonder.  The purple bugrom warrior still wasn't entirely certain why he'd asked the water priestess out to dinner and was even less sure why she'd agreed, but, looking at her out of the corner of one of his simple eyes, he found himself hoping that she'd agree to a second outing in the near future.

And almost everybody (at least the main characters, at any rate) lived happily ever after.

Probably.



Happy Thanksgiving everybody.  It has been a pleasure working with all of you.

64

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: November 25, 2004, 03:43:47 pm »

Elsewhere, in Creteria's past...

Chabil was going to die.

This simple, irrefutable fact filled the farmer's mind as he fell from the sky, abolishing his fear and replacing it with an eerie calmness.  After all, what difference did his life or death make in the long run?  He was a simple farmer and caretaker of the land.  It would be child's play for Creteria to replace him with an eager, impoverished urban youth, and it's not like he'd be missed.

The seconds stretched into an eternity as his...what?  Livelihood?  Home?  Prison?  ...faded into the distance.  Moments of Chabil's tranquil but still rough life passed before his eyes, and, with an acceptance born of inevitably, he prepared to meet his end.  However, as the young man's descent continued he noticed a golden ray of sunlight, and suddenly a flood of new, joyous memories washed over him, memories that centered on one, important, cherished person.

"...Rune..."

It was so insignificant in the long run.  People died all the time, and countless love stories ended in tragedy.  What reason was there to expect a different, happier outcome for the two of them?  Still, even as these thoughts raced through his mind, Chabil was overcome by the overpowering desire to survive, and the farmer clenched his fists in determination.  Even if death was inevitable, he wasn't going to give up.  Not while there was still something..._anything_ he could do.

"Ancients, hear me!  Please, let me live and see my precious Rune again!" Chabil pleaded with the heavens, voice wracked with sobs, as the ground rose up to swallow him.  "I love her and want to be with her!  Please, if you have any compassion at all, reunite us and let us be together!  Please!"

Fortunately for him, Yume had somehow learned of his plight and, detesting frustrating loose ends that make little sense, had decided to take action.  Her intervention in the future complete, a portal opened below Chabil.  The farmer disappeared within its mysterious, dark depths, and then, as quickly as it appeared, the gateway closed.  Simultaneously, in the world known as El-Hazard where the future of the entire multiverse had just been saved, a portal opened several yards above the ground and released the confused but grateful Creterian.

"Thank you!" Chabil shouted gladly, not knowing what had saved him but just happy to still be alive.  A moment later he landed gently in a body of water.  Rising to the surface, his survivor's grin disappeared as opened his eyes and saw the countenances of four _very_ angry and _very_ naked elemental priestesses and numerous junior priestesses and clergy surrounding him.  Well, all right, the blue-haired one looked more surprised than anything else, but as for the rest...

Chabil's screams of pain echoed throughout the Spring of Arliman, and it wasn't until several long, painful minutes later that he was able to explain himself.  It took him even longer to convince them that he was who he claimed to be, but, finally, Chabil was reunited with Rune Venus, and one of the most irritating mysteries of the El-Hazard series concluded with a happy ending.


******

Faraway, on a planet known as Earth and in a country called Japan, a young girl woke up and was greeted by the silence of a large, empty apartment.  With a disappointed sigh, she forced herself to leave her warm bed, knowing that there would be no loving, motherly smile to welcome her and no strong but gentle fatherly arms to embrace her.  Her mother was too busy with work to spend much time around the house, and her father...she didn't even know where he was.

"I'm lonely," Amano Misao muttered, looking at herself in a full-length mirror and watching her reflection dully stare back at her, surrounded by all the toys and comforts a child could want but which were utterly meaningless without somebody to share them with.  A coughing fit suddenly wracked her body, and it was all the fragile youth could do to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, though whether the cause was physical, emotional, or some combination of the two she could not tell.

"Caw!  Caw!"

With her first true smile of the day, Misao raised her head and searched for the source of the noise.  Her eyes immediately darted to the window where an elegant, purple avian was flapping its wings and gazing meaningfully at her.  The bird's eyes indicated a deep intelligence and hidden sadness that belied its form.

"Birdie...," the child murmured happily, rising and walking over to the window which she opened without hesitation.  Taking this as an invitation, the creature flew into the apartment and perched on Misao's left shoulder, giving the girl's cheek an affectionate rub with its beak.  Misao chuckled softly.

"You always know when I need a friend, don't you birdie?" Misao commented affectionately, adding a moment later in a much quieter, sadder tone, "I don't know what I'd do without you and Sasami."

^Oh Misao...^ the bird thought glumly, overcome with guilt as he watched the raven-haired girl's innocent, unsuspecting face.  ^I wish you...please, forgive me.^

Reluctantly, the purple avian leapt off Misao's shoulder and locked gazes with her.  The child, confused at first by the intensity she saw in the bird's eyes, soon froze as pain flooded her head.  Her scream was cut short as golden light enveloped her, and when the glow faded the blonde-haired, leather clad Pixy Misa stood in Misao's place.

"Je suis de retour, mes amis!" the magical girl exclaimed joyously, striking a pose as she painfully abused the French language.  She winked playfully at the bird.  "Miss me, Rumiya?"

Rumiya landed on the floor and sighed.  "This isn't the time to be so light-hearted, Misa.  My sis is none too pleased after having to bail both of us out of the afterlife."  He whimpered.  "She's making me fill out all the Yggdrasil second chance forms by myself!"

Misa leaned down and smirked in Rumiya's face.  "C'est la vie, Rumiya.  Besides, you _know_ you enjoyed it."

Blushing, Rumiya raised his wings defensively.  "I'm too young for that kind of stuff!  ...Anyway, Ramia wants you to summon a very powerful monster and succeed this time.  Otherwise..."  He let the sentence trail off ominously, knowing full well that that if he returned home after another failure his precious big sister was going to beat him up again.

"Est ce tout?" Misa wondered, cutely tapping her right index finger against her right cheek as she thought up a fiendish, mischievous plan.  It didn't take long.  With a triumphant cry, she marched off determinedly towards the apartment's cupboards.  Flying closely behind her, Rumiya had to dodge several miscellaneous, thrown kitchen items as the magical girl quickly rummaged through assorted purchases.  He paled noticeably when he saw what his mistress was after.

"Oh no, you can't possibly mean to...Even after everything we've been through?" Rumiya asked incredulously, ever the voice of reason in this magical partnership.

"But of course, mon ami!" Misa retorted, turning around with a huge smile on her face and a bag of instant oatmeal in her hands.  Her expression momentarily darkened.  "Za entire world 'alt feel za pain and embarrassment I suffered!  Oh, and I'll make Pretty Sammy bawl like a baby too!" she added as a matter of routine, walking back over to the window that Misao had opened earlier.

"Calling..."

She raised her magical cane above her head and spun it.  Flashy pyrotechnics burst into existence around her as she threw the oatmeal out the window.

"Mystics!"

A brilliant beam of magical light erupted from the baton and zapped the oatmeal as it fell.  For a moment nothing happened, but seconds before the bag landed it was annihilated in an explosion of oatmeal that flooded the street.  Pulsing with unnatural life, the viscous but hearty breakfast food retracted inward and grew in height, expanding until it rivaled the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man.  Slowly, the giant column of oatmeal took shape, first forming arms, then legs, and gradually resolving into a porridge likeness of Mara that probably would've mortified the demoness if she'd been around.  Rumiya sweatdropped.

"Voyez!  Mon masterpiece!" Pixy Misa shouted passionately, eyes burning with wicked delight.  "Soon, my monster shall defeat zat _pest_ Pretty Sammy, and I'll become the new star!  Go, Love-Love Monster Oats-and-Raisons Girl!  Créez le chaos!  Mwhahahaha!  Hohohoho!"

Responding to her master's maniacal but still cute laughter, Love-Love Monster Oats-and-Raisons Girl let loose a terrifying roar that reverberated throughout Tokyo.  Much to her surprise, though, somebody...or rather _something_ answered back.

Reluctantly, Pixy Misa, Rumiya, and Oats-and-Raisons Girl turned and sighted the sleek, harsh visage of a reptilian leviathan approaching them, casually destroying every building and obstacle in its path.  Ancient, angry eyes embodying the fury of desecrated nature and atomic annihilation glared at the magical soldiers.  Godzilla, the nuclear dragon, had accepted their challenge.

"Pourquoi?!!" Misa wailed furiously, seeing her brilliantly evil plans fall apart before her eyes.  Shaking her head, she clenched her fists and glowered.  "Rumiya, remind me what I normally do in situations like this?"

"Run away and read manga," the transformed boy answered honestly, holding up a wing to protect himself against Misa's possible wrath.  Instead, though, the magical girl's attitude did a 180 degree rotation.

"C'est exact!" Misa said with a grin, nonchalantly shutting the window and closing the curtains before cheerfully ambling off to Misao's room to enjoy herself.  Outside, Oats-and-Raisons Girl and Godzilla battled each other, leveling large portions of the city in the process.  Hearing this and seeing his mistress' total lack of concern, Rumiya sweatdropped.

"Some things never change," he mumbled, belatedly flying after Pixy Misa in the weak hope of persuading her to actually do _something_ to save Tokyo while there was still a Tokyo left to save.

******

"Hmm...good work, Kiyone," Chief Rail Claymore complimented the constable as he read her daily report, handsome features marked by a youthful, reassuring smile.  "And don't worry about unknowingly arresting the Muldoon Priestesses.  _Nobody_ is above the law, after all, and I'd have done the same thing in your position.  ...Well, maybe I'd take more photographs for _strictly_ documentary purposes, but that's an unimportant matter," he concluded, reluctantly taking his eyes off the pictures of the jailed priestesses.

"Thank you, sir.  I try my best," Kiyone answered graciously, standing at attention and making a point of ignoring her boss' not so carefully hidden lasciviousness.  It wouldn't do to offend the one person who had the power to send her out of this forsaken backwater of a town, after all.

A contemplative look crossed Rail's face as his eyes studiously examined the officer before him with uncharacteristic seriousness on his part.  Kiyone felt her heartbeat accelerate as she wondered what was going through her superior's mind and desperately hoping it wasn't what she'd come to expect.  For once, she wasn't disappointed.

"...Kiyone, you do more than try your best.  You _are_ the best," Rail finally spoke, expression grave.  "That is why I can think of no one better to perform this next assignment.  Tell me, detective, are you aware of the recent abductions of several young, beautiful women in the local area?"

Eager to display her knowledge, Kiyone nodded her head.  "Yes sir.  In the past two weeks nine women, predominantly teenagers, have disappeared from their homes at night without a trace and with no signs of struggle.  There have been no leads, but it is hoped that the abductees are still alive because no dead bodies have turned up yet.  The fact that no ransom demands have been made, though, is worrying."

"Excellent.  You've made me more certain than ever that you're the right woman for this job," Rail complimented her, slightly disappointed not to see her blush from his praise.  He supposed he'd just have to try harder later...after business, of course.  "Anyway, there has been a 'breakthrough' of sorts in this case.  Through a confidential source-"  Rail silently thanked the blue dolphin-bears and their awareness of anything perverted that people would pay to see.  "-it has been learned that a secret cult is behind the kidnappings, and that its unknown, mysterious leaders are brainwashing these women into becoming totally obedient slaves obsessed with pleasing their 'masters' and lacking any free will whatsoever.  I can only _imagine_ what terrible things the cult's masters have planned."

"I'm sure you can," Kiyone muttered sarcastically under her breath.  Louder, she asked, "That's horrible, sir.  What do you want me to do about it?"

Rail leaned forward in his chair and steepled his fingers together, looking as solemn as he could possibly be.  "It is only because I have such faith in your skills that I'm even contemplating sending you on such a dangerous mission, constable, and I'd understand perfectly if you chose to decline.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to infiltrate the cult, learn its inner workings, and identify its leaders.  After that, either report back to me or arrest them, but whatever you do don't compromise your cover.  It is _imperative_ that the cult doesn't suspect we're on to them and take even greater steps to hide themselves.  You are authorized to use _any_ means necessary to accomplish your tasks."

"I'll do it, sir," Kiyone answered after only a moment's hesitation, fists clenched in determination to succeed, prove her worth, and _finally_ get that promotion she wanted.  "I promise to do whatever I can to rescue the kidnapped girls and bring the cultists to justice."

"Wonderful, Kiyone.  I knew I could count on you," Rail replied happily, leaning back.  "However, because of the importance of this case, you'll need a partner."

"But-" Kiyone complained, face going pale as she remembered the horror of her last partner.

Rail shook his head and interrupted her.  "No buts, detective.  Now, I know you must still be hurting from the mysterious disappearance of Mihoshi-"  Kiyone did her best to look innocent.  "-but on an assignment of this magnitude you'll need all the help you can get."

A knock was heard at the door to Rail's office, and the chief nodded his head.  "That must be her.  Come in!"

The door opened, and a young woman with deep blue eyes and golden blonde hair wearing a form-fitting police uniform entered the room and cheerfully saluted.  A dragon hand puppet covered one hand, and closely following the newcomer was a wolfhound.

"Parvsys Alayhim and Idel reporting for duty, sir!"    

Kiyone shuddered, disturbed by the apparent similarities between Parvsys and Mihoshi.  Seeking confirmation of what she already dreaded as truth, she turned to face Rail.  "She's my new partner?"

"No," Rail answered with a smirk, destroying Kiyone's suddenly soaring hopes with his next statement.  "The dog's your new partner.  She's your trainee."

"Ruff," Hector barked, wagging his tail.

Kiyone screamed silently.

******

65

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: November 25, 2004, 03:39:31 pm »

Darkness.  As far as the eye could see, there was darkness.  Unending, unforgiving, unforgettable darkness.

And then there was light...

Wa Salli Alayhim, surrounded by a nimbus of glowing radiance, descended through the dreamscape, emotionless, cold eyes observing everything as she let her instincts guide her.  The darkness resisted, coagulating into an inky blackness that surrounded and slowed but was unable to stop.  

"Let me pass," the first demon goddess commanded, voice ancient beyond reckoning as her eyes narrowed in warning.  "I have unfinished business here."

Soundlessly, the darkness swirled and spun around Salli, becoming a mute whirlwind of frightening ferocity.  As the silent gusts futilely tried to tear her to shreds, Salli's lips curled downward in the smallest indication of a frown.  Slowly, gracefully, she extended an upraised arm, and a tiny globe of white light sparked into existence above her palm.  A second later it swelled into large, horizontal beam that gradually resolved itself into the shape of a staff.  Its light faded, and the first demon goddess reached out, grabbed the likeness of her War Key, and spun it around so that it stood vertically.  The gems embedded within the staff's frame simultaneously flashed a darkness darker than twilight, and the shadows of the dreamscape shuddered and receded.

Now unimpeded, Salli continued her controlled descent.  Falling for what may have been a short eternity or a sustained second, she eventually reached a body of water that seemed to stretch on endlessly.  Looking down at the ocean of bitter, icy tears, Salli saw a distorted, maddened, wailing reflection of herself.  Undaunted, the demon goddess closed her eyes and plunged feet-first into the liquid depths.  Salli noted without surprise that, although she was surrounded by water as she sank, she did not feel any wetness.

Finally, the demon goddess broke through the other side, and the ocean above her was now a scorched, storm cloud filled sky.  Below, an ancient, ruined city that once could've been a metropolis full of life but was now a dead wasteland awaited.  Her target at last in sight, Salli momentarily hesitated, knowing that this was her last chance to turn back and that she had the rest of her artificial life to deal with this matter.  The touch of a hateful, anguished wind against her frame reminded her why she'd come in the first place, though, and she strengthened her resolve.  Better to resolve this now than let old wounds fester any further.

With a thought, Salli lowered herself and landed unpretentiously within the ruin's main square.  Perched on the crumbling remains of an empty fountain, a dark-skinned, white-haired child wearing tattered rags opened her eyes.  The two figures gazed solemnly at each other, faces impassive, the dead silence broken only by the howling wind.

"Why have you come...sister?" the child finally asked, voice strangely tortured and empty at the same time.  "There's nothing left for you to do here."

Salli remained silent for a moment, calmly watching her youngest 'sibling' with an unreadable expression in her eyes.  Finally, after a pregnant moment, she spoke.  "You are mistaken, Kalia.  The Dollmaker still has a design for you."

"Oh you _must_ be joking!" Kalia exclaimed disbelievingly as she threw her head back and laughed brokenly.  The wind howled and raged.  "_Mother_ took my lives, denied me the peace of death, and turned me into the destructive monster you see before you.  What other torture could she want to put me through?"

"The Dollmaker knew of your suffering, Kalia," Salli explained gravely, unmoved by the shrieking, unforgiving gale that reverberated throughout the ruins, "and, in a moment of fleeting sanity, supplied me with instructions to give you what you deserve should the circumstances ever permit it.  I would not have bypassed the firewall and risked entrapment in here with you were it otherwise."

Kalia's laughter stopped, and a nearly hopeful look crossed her face as she stared at the first demon goddess.  "Are you going to kill me?"

"...No," Salli answered, raising her War Key and aiming it at the tortured soul.  "I'm here to give you life."

"Eh?" Kalia mumbled in confusion from where she was slumped over despondently, eyes widening and arms instinctively rising defensively as Salli's War Key glowed a brilliant white and emitted a single, solitary note that drowned out even the roaring wind and almost sounded like music.  "What do you me-AIEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Salli bowed her head as Kalia's form dissolved into millions of tiny specks of multi-colored light and rose into the air.  The breeze, now masterless, diminished and disappeared, free at last from the chains of hatred that had endlessly perpetuated it.  Slowly, the ruins crumbled and dissipated, revealing the splendor of a baby universe.    

"May you find happiness in your second life, sister.  I'll be hoping for the best," Wa Salli Alayhim, first and last of the demon gods, said with a smile as she, too, disappeared and returned to her duties as Guardian of the Palace of Infinity.  "Peace be with you."

******

"Honoka, I'm home!" shouted a tall, olive-skinned man with short, neatly cut black hair and a friendly, contagious grin on his face as he entered the music store.  Scorebooks, sheet music, and assorted instruments lay in neatly organized aisles in the small, welcoming shop.  At the counter, a short, slender pink-haired woman looked up from her game of Petten and smiled warmly.

"Ginji(WARNING!  Scrolling past Kenji Oyamada will reveal spoilers!)!" Honoka cried happily, jumping over the counter and rushing into her husband's arms.  "How was work today, honey?"

"Marvelous, dear," Ginji replied with a chuckle, holding Honoka tenderly.  "Nobody even knew the secret military convoy drove through town.  How's business been here, by the way?"

"Excellent!" Honoka answered enthusiastically, adding proudly, "I finally sold our stock of El-Hazard OST CDs.  Our profits went up by 5%!"

The two lovers looked deeply into each other's eyes.

"Honoka..."

"Ginji..."

"This calls for a celebration!" the two exclaimed simultaneously with an energetic arm pump.  Stars and fireworks could almost be seen going off behind them.

KNOCK-KNOCK.

With unexpectedly fast reflexes, Ginji inclined his head towards the front door.  "We're open!" he announced, still smiling but with a carefree cautiousness entering his eyes.  Not hearing a response, Ginji strolled toward the entrance.  Honoka followed close behind.  A moment later, Ginji pulled the door open and faced whatever was awaiting him with confidence.  There was nobody on the other side.

"Eh?" the middle-aged man uttered, perplexed, as he stuck his head outside into the streets of the small desert town, noting without surprise that nobody seemed to be around.  There was supposed to be a sandstorm in a few hours, after all.

"Waaah!"

"Ah, how cute!" Honoka commented, peering around her husband's side and looking down at the baby infant that lay wrapped in a white blanket on their doorstep.  She eagerly reached for and picked up the child, playfully cooing at it.  "Do you think we can keep her, Ginji, at least until her guardians claim her?"

Ginji gazed intently at the dark-skinned, young girl.  From behind locks of white hair, intent, innocent eyes stared back.  Ginji found his heart melting.  "Of course, honey.  How could we do otherwise?  You do realize what this means, though, right?"

Honoka nodded her head gravely.  "Yes, dear, I do."

"Honoka..."

"Ginji..."

"This calls for an even _bigger_ celebration!" the married couple declared, closing the door and withdrawing to the housing section of their shop.  The reincarnated Kalia, free at last from her past, giggled and waved her chubby, baby fists joyously.

******

"So...peace has finally come to El-Hazard," Nahato mused darkly from the peak of a rocky mountain overlooking the country of Roshtaria.  In the distance, the gleaming, marble spires of the hastily repaired capital, Florestica, could be seen.  The vengeful youth clenched his right fist, angry eyes narrowing.  "Fools.  Do you think this changes anything?"

The restored Phantom Triber, his acutely embarrassing demon god transformation having worn off when he used the last of his power to perform the incredible Boot to the Head technique, smirked dangerously.  "Though the humans and the Bugrom have ceased their conflict and the nations of this world have united in harmony, the past has not changed.  The millennia are still tainted by the blood of my ostracized race, and their tortured spirits cry out for revenge!  Revenge against those who dragged us into this dimension against our will!  Revenge against those who cast us into the darkness!  Revenge against those who oppressed us for countless centuries!  I, Nahato, Prince of the Throne of Deep Shadows and last of my race, do solemnly swear in the name of the Phantom Tribe and the shadows we've come to cherish that I _will_ avenge my people at any cost!"

The blue-skinned child let loose a fearsome chuckle as dark storm clouds gathered and, the weather of El-Hazard being particularly responsive to theatrics, hurled a bolt of lightning from the heavens that struck the ground behind Nahato, lending the young lord a fearsome and crackling silhouette.  "Enjoy your tranquility while you can, humans.  Mark my words, it won't last."

The sound of clapping interrupted the gravity of the moment, and with a roll of his eyes Nahato turned around to face his last surviving servant, the Demon Goddess Minagi.

"That was...beautiful, Master Nahato.  Simply beautiful," Minagi spoke, tears welling up in her eyes as she slowly and reverently approached the youth.  "And I, although only a lowly servant, pledge to follow you no matter how difficult and dark the road you travel becomes.  From this day until the day I die, I will always be at your si-aaaaiiiiihhhh!"

CRASH!

Nahato sweatdropped as the demon goddess tripped on a rock and fell, breaking into several pieces upon impact with the hard ground.  With a sigh, he walked over to his servitor and began trying to put her back together again.  "Before we do anything else, though, we're first going to find a way to ensure that you can go five minutes without falling part!" the Phantom Triber vowed with a snarl, Minagi's detached head expressing its thanks with a sheepish nod.

******

"Idiots," Yume muttered as she eliminated a particularly irritating loose end through her computer that will be mentioned later, watching a screen showing the determined Nahato marching off into the distance with Minagi's assorted various parts in a rucksack on his back.  "The Secret Ancient Weapon that's so Much More Powerful than the Eye of God it's Terrifying so Take That Roshtaria is to the south_west_, not the southeast!  And for that matter, who comes up with these silly names anyway?  Didn't the Ancients have _any_ taste at all?"

With a disapproving sigh, Yume swiveled her hover chair around and faced her guest.  Behind her, a beautiful tree that almost touched the sky proudly stretched its branches across the land, its marvelous foliage providing a kaleidoscope of color.  Further in the distance, the sun was high in the sky and shining down on a teaming metropolis.  Grass and plants so green it almost hurt to look at them sprouted wherever possible, and numerous birds sang of their happiness as they flew.  Creteria was a healthy, restored world again.

Thinking of this and much more, Yume let her frown turn into a triumphant grin.  "The entire multi-verse is once again safe...well, as safe as a multi-verse can be when dangers from numerous dimensions and sub-dimensions actively threaten its stability on a regular basis, but, regardless, the probability of existence surviving to see another day has risen to a high of 51%!"  She shrugged good-naturedly.  "...Okay, perhaps that isn't the most optimistic news, but on the bright side we didn't have to initiate my all-purpose, ludicrously brilliant, and product of pure super-genius Plan B!"

"Gah," Peorth murmured, eyes wide and pupils dilated as she lay reclined in a matching hover chair, a vacant look on her face.

Yume rolled her eyes.  "Honestly, I expect more enthusiasm from a 9th dimensional entity who just witnessed the universe being saved.  Besides, I'd think you'd be _grateful_ that I was able to persuade Heaven's Personnel Office to send you here to spend some 'quality' time with your daughter, Bizen."

"Gah," Peorth replied dully, mouth seemingly permanently fixed in a silent 'O' of unspeakable trauma.

The furry, cat-like genius leaned back in her chair and chuckled.  "What?  Don't tell me you've spent the last ten thousand years powerless, naked, and searching for a marble in an infinitely vast ocean of chocolate pudding-GAH!"

With terrifying speed, Peorth lurched forward and grabbed Yume by the neck, eyes glowing with holy intensity.  "DON'T GIVE THE AUTHOR MORE IDEAS!!!"

"Gah...sss-sure tha-thing, Pe-ack-orth.  Just...let *wheeze* go of my *cough* n-n-neck first.  You're *hack* cho-choking me!" Yume pleaded, struggling in vain against Peorth's superhuman, frantic strength.  The disappearance of the goddess' French accent made the situation even more worrying in the genius' mind.  "A-all's well that *cough* ends well, ri-*ack*-ight?  Um...Hishima, Yakage, a little *wheeze* help here please!"

As the two demon gods emerged and tried to loosen Peorth's grip, Bizen sweatdropped.  When she'd heard her mother was coming to visit, this really wasn't what she'd expected.  

******

66

El-Hazard Online / Re: Oct. 23rd, eh?  Forum Tech Discussion Time!

« on: November 10, 2004, 10:52:52 am »

I think we've lost d.t., but I'd also like to have explicit permission from Rowan and Andrusi to republish it.

Doing so is fine with me.  I've actually been hoping somebody would compile it so that it would be available outside the messageboard.  I'm also kind of curious as to just how long the round robin is.  It's been going on for...what, a year now with interjected periods of relative quiet?

Hey, it's okay with me. You, for the most part, have been solely responsible for completing this monumental and massive work of fanfiction insanity and thusly deserve most of the credit. Without your fanatic devotion to seeing this work through, this little Round Robin story would never have seen finish.  

I agree.  The contributions you've made to this round robin are astounding, and considering you've been a part of it from the beginning to the end it's only fair that you receive the most credit.  Besides, you're probably the most recognizable one of us over at Fanfiction.net's El-Hazard section anyway.  

Now if we can only convert it into an online doujinshi... hmmmmmmmm.....

 


P.S.  I'll try to have the epilogue posted before Thanksgiving.  My apologies for taking so long.

67

El-Hazard Online / Re: Oct. 23rd, eh?  Forum Tech Discussion Time!

« on: November 08, 2004, 07:40:24 pm »

I agree with Mr. What.  As long as one is able to edit and delete one's own posts and the messageboard isn't too unfriendly, I probably won't mind any changes.  

68

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: August 13, 2004, 09:57:13 pm »

Write as much as you want. *chuckles weakly* Truth be told, with the exception of some ideas for an epilogue, I don't know how to end this round robin and sincerely hope you've figured out a way to credibly defeat the Guide.  Regardless, I'll try to wrap up whatever you leave me, but I'm hoping that with the end in sight some of the other past contributors will decide to pen another post or two.

69

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: August 10, 2004, 09:54:24 pm »

******

As the priestesses and Nanami finally arrived in the valley forgotten by time, the Guide swooped down and perched atop one of the many crystals.  If he weren't beyond feeling such petty emotions, he'd be quite smug right now.  Everything was going according to plan.  Peorth's sensors had been deceived by his attack on the Other, not distinguishing destruction from death and consequently sending the Yggdrasil goddess soaring back to her own dimension where she would be of no threat to him.  Kalia had finished the job he'd started with the pretentious Other and was close to obliterating this entire pathetic dimension if the rapidly increasing instability of this plane was anything to judge by.  Concurrently, the Pandimensional Pipe of Ka-Boom would detonate very soon, destroying this planet across the dimensional axes.  If he'd calculated correctly - and he knew he had - the combination of El-Hazard exploding in every dimension and the implosion of this universe would create a chain reaction ending in the collapse of all existence.  And even if, despite the tremendous odds against it, one or both scenarios failed, this planet was still doomed.

Above, the sky rippled and vibrated as the Creterian Eye of God punched through the dimensional barriers and appeared in this world.  For a brief moment, all was silent.  Then there was a loud boom, and the duplicate ancient weapon went haywire, crackling with energy and opening voids that threatened to engulf all of El-Hazard.  It was, once again, the end of the world.

******

Seated on the Mantle of God and body racked with agony, Princess Myuun of Baron compelled herself to concentrate past her torment and accomplish her task.  With her direct link to the Palace of Infinity she could hear Kalia's anguished screams but, ironically enough, the very device that enabled this connection and allowed her to experience the insane demon god's misery was also shielding her from its full force.  While this didn't change the fact that, as an outsider, she was unable to materialize within the Palace of Infinity and attempt to stop Kalia herself, she could with great difficulty extend this shielding to the other two minds she sensed within the ancient construct.  She only hoped that they would be able to save this world from destruction and that she'd be able to hold out long enough to give them the time they needed to do so.  Already she could feel the pressure build up within her head and chest and knew that her death was assured if she kept this up for much longer.  

"Heh, who would've thought that...I'd ever willingly save your life...Fatora," Myuun rasped through gritted teeth, straining from the effort of dampening Kalia's tortured cries and feeling the copper taste of blood in her mouth.  With nothing else to do while she focused, the princess waited for either the end or salvation to come and prayed.

******

The guards escorting the Doctor ran for cover as the ground beneath their feet quaked and split open.  They then pointed in terror as the crackling Creterian Eye of God appeared in the sky and hundreds of thousands of portals and dimensional rifts opened above them.

"I've got to do something about this, but what?" the Doctor asked out loud, a nagging feeling that she somehow knew how to fix this bothering her.  "Oh, if only I was over there where the Eye of God is!"

"You, like, want to see the ultimate doomsday weapon close-up, girl?  Rad, man.  Totally rad," the drugged Jinnistacia commented, standing up from the corner where she and Ifurita-3 were lighting 'incense' and taking turns strumming a guitar to earn money.

The demon god grabbed the disorientated Time Lord and gave Ifurita-3 a thumbs up.  "Yo, be back in five!  Keep the incense burning for when I return, kay girlfriend?"  Seeing her fellow demon god nod, Jinnistacia took to the air and flew toward the Eye of God, missing Matthew and his growing troupe of Mice Wearing Hats, Giant Sewer Rats, magical girls, and demon gods as they entered the block.  Ifurita-3, despite herself, joined their ranks, and more Mice Wearing Hats were sadly squashed as the hypnotic melody filled the streets, announcing that it was, once again, the end of the world.

Unaware of the meaning of this portent, a group of dolphin-bears took out their camcorders and followed the strange assembly, playing it safe in case the situation turned into something their clientele would pay to see.  And if not...well, they were contemplating expanding into the children's market anyway, and this might be a good place to start.

70

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: August 10, 2004, 09:50:05 pm »

One moment Makoto was filled with dread and horror, quaking in front of the sign proclaiming the name of this forsaken town for all to know and fear, and in the next he found himself in grand but warped chamber of indiscernible size and filled with architectural wonders that surrealists would've given an arm and a leg for to paint.  Standing before him was what appeared to be a demon god, although she looked far more artificial than any he had yet seen.  Behind her was a perfect sphere of indefinite color that virtually radiated power.  He had a feeling that was where his adventure would end.  The demon god gazed coldly at him and spoke, letting the vision play itself it out.  

"I am the demon goddess Wa Salli Alayhim," Salli announced, a strange and impressive echo in her voice, "I was first.  I was the first demon god ever constructed, the prototype, the singular template from which all others of my kind were wrought.  I was last, taken offline as demon god technology progressed, only to be rebuilt and made anew by the dying Ancients.  I am the guardian of this palace.  I am one with this palace.  I know what you wish... but you have brought evil to this holy place.  You must leave, Mizuhara Makoto."

Makoto blinked incredulously.  Leave?  Simply walk away after so many trials and tribulations and leave the many questions remaining unanswered?  No, not after all he'd seen and done.  "We can't," he tried to explain, briefly wondering where Ifurita was and hoping that she was safe, "not after going through so much.  Not after all we've been through.  Arjah, The Creterians, Kalia, the Phantom Tribe, the Ancient Bugroms... Kauru and her demon gods... You just have to let us through."

Salli, first and last of the demon gods, raised her War Key in warning, fulfilling the dictates of fate and entering the unknown.  "None shall pass," she declared, the utter seriousness of her voice removing any humor from her choice of words.  Her key crackled with deadly energy.

In response, Makoto tensed and prepared to lunge, hoping he could link with and either persuade or overcome this demon god before she obliterated him.  Seeing the birth of a familiar tear in reality, though, he realized this wouldn't be necessary.

Sensing the same dimensional disruption, Salli inclined her head slightly just in time to spot Ifurita, having used her link with Makoto to find him, soar out of the tear and fly straight at her.  Whether from surprise at this unexpected occurrence or hesitation to attack her former friend, the ancient demon goddess paused for a single moment that was long enough for Makoto to leap at and touch the sphere.

"NO!" Salli shouted in dismay as Ifurita slammed into her, eyes wide as Makoto's tech-touch ability sprang into action and initiated contact with the baby universe's cage.  As she tumbled backwards, the demon goddess took aim with her War Key and, faster than Ifurita could react, fired.

In less than a second, Makoto's body was completely vaporized, and Ifurita's tormented, heartbroken wail reverberated clearly throughout every layer and dimension of the palace.

It should once again be noted that Wa Salli Alayhim was the first of her kind - the first artificial intelligence to gain true sentience on El-Hazard - and although the AI matrixes for all other demon gods were built using Ifurita's model, Ifurita's mind was based on Salli's.  Additionally and unlike Ifurita, Salli had been awake and active for millennia, giving her programming time to improve and evolve in ways that Ifurita couldn't hope to match.  The first and the last demon god had also been fully upgraded with the latest technology of the Ancients before assuming her duties as guardian of the Palace of Infinity.

These were the only reasons why Wa Salli Alayhim wasn't totally annihilated by Ifurita's brutal, grief-stricken assault.

Unnoticed as the bereaved Ifurita went beyond reason and Wa Salli Alayhim fought for her very survival, the sphere that served as the heart of the Palace of Infinity and the power source for El-Hazard's rejuvenation began to darken.

******

"Hmh..." Dr. Schtalubaugh commented from where he was sitting in the royal library, scratching his beard and with a contemplative look on his face.  In front of him Jinnai and Groucho had just finished relating their recent experience concerning Matthew and the pied pipe.  

"We need more than a 'hmh', doctor!  With Londs unconscious you're the next best source to turn to for plot explications!  Now, do you know anything about this pipe or not?" Jinnai demanded, eyes gleaming with the dislike he felt at not knowing what was going on.

As if on cue, Dr. Schtalubaugh sat up, walked over to a nearby bookshelf, grabbed a book, and turned to a page that had a sketch of the described pipe printed on it.  He turned to regard Jinnai and Groucho with a triumphant look on his face.  "Allow me to present to you...the Pandimensional Pipe of Ka-Boom!"

******

"The Pandimensional Pipe of Ka-Boom?" Millie, Parnasse, and Ura all repeated as they sat around King Gan-chan's throne, also discussing the cause of the sudden desertion of most of their forces.  Demon Ninja Master Splinter stood silently in a corner, a serious, wise air about him.

"Yes," King Gan-chan replied gravely, "the Pandimensional Pipe of Ka-Boom, the next generation of the scourge of my people dating back to ancient times.  You see, we were not always the Mice Wearing Hats.  Long, long ago we were known as the Mice Wielding Clubs."

*cue flashback*

A legion of furry, white mice wielding clubs are running rampant and raiding a cheese factory, using their primitive weapons to bash everything in their way.  However, since many of these obstacles happen to be powerful, guardian robots, this strategy of the Mice Wielding Clubs is proving to be rather ineffective, and the mice are soon rounded up by the emotionless automatons and placed in a giant cage and sent to a laboratory for research.

There, they and many other creatures are the subjects of bizarre and unusual experiments that endow them with unusually keen intellects.  This promptly leads to problems.

"Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?" a tall, lanky white mouse walking on his hind legs asks his shorter companion.  

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky," the mouse replies with an evil chuckle.  "Try to take over the world!"

"Bah!  Cease your futile ambitions, mice," a black monkey with a large, ovoid brain covered by a translucent helmet jutting out of his head retorts from a nearby cage.  "It is I, Mojo Jojo, who shall conquer this world.  You mice won't succeed because by the time your plans are ready the world will already be ruled by me, Mojo Jojo, and there is nothing you can do to stop me because I am Mojo Jojo, and it is only a matter of time before the planet bows before my simian might!"

"Excuse me, but could you try to keep it down over there?  Some of us are trying to create a new and flourishing civilization," an intelligent, well-mannered rat politely requests from a cage on the other side of the room.  A placard with the words "Rats of Nimh" written on it is attached to the bars.
   
"Squeak squeak!" the Mice Wielding Clubs complain, fed up with this racket.  Desiring peace and quiet, they use their newfound intelligence to escape from their cages and seek out a new home for themselves.  They don traveling hats during their journey, thus becoming the Mice Wearing Hats.

Finally, after an arduous, difficult trek that lasts all of five hours, the newly named Mice Wearing Hats set up shop in the abandoned warehouse next door.  They quickly prosper and multiply but at the expense of their human neighbors as their population soars.  Soon the Mice Wearing Hats are virtually everywhere in the city, and no cheese supply is safe from their hungry, covetous claws.  The humans try everything from mouse traps to mutant cats to eliminate the Mice Wearing Hats but to no avail.  

When it seems that all hope is lost, however, a wanderer with a pipe slung over his shoulder comes to town and makes the human residents an offer they can't refuse.  The next day, a hapless robot marches through the streets playing the pipe the wanderer came with.  The Mice Wearing Hats find that they can't resist the melody and mindlessly follow the automaton, and once the robot and Mice Wearing Hats are out of sight of the town, the pipe explodes.  The few surviving mice go underground where they slowly rebuild their civilization and wait for the day the one spoken of in prophecy will lead them to new conquests.

*end flashback*

******

"Let me guess," Jinnai said with a roll of his eyes.  "The townspeople reneged on the deal, and in revenge the wanderer created a new pipe that would steal their children from them."

Dr. Schtalubaugh raised a puzzled eyebrow.  "Where would you ever get that idea?  The townspeople were so impressed by the effectiveness of the pipe that they hired the wanderer to make new and more powerful versions to protect them from the other dangers of the world back then.  Pipes capable of luring wielders of holy artifacts and demon gods were soon created, and the town thrived.  When the War of the Ancients shifted into high gear and virtually every nation was building a doomsday weapon of some kind, though, the townspeople turned to the wanderer and funded the creation of his ultimate invention – the Pandimensional Pipe of Ka-Boom, armed with a song potent enough to mesmerize all previous pipe targets near enough to threaten it and with power of such magnitude as to erase the world of El-Hazard in every dimension."

Jinnai frowned.  "So, let me get this straight.  Unless stopped, the pipe that Groucho found and I threw out a window will completely destroy every El-Hazard in existence?  Am I the only one who sees how utterly ridiculous this is?"

******

"Ridiculous it may be, Krayola Point By Numbers, but that doesn't make it any less dangerous," Demon Ninja Master Splinter spoke, moving to stand in front of his disciples.  "Those ensnared by the instrument's hypnotic tune will defend its player to the death, and once the last note is released we will all cease to exist."
 
Demon Ninja Master Splinter gazed sternly at each of his non-Mice Wearing Hats students in turn, hoping to impart the direness of this situation.  "Krayola Paint By Numbers, Rembrant, and Andy Warhol, you have all learned much under my tutelage, and now it is time to put those skills to use.  It falls unto you to save this and every El-Hazard from destruction.  Are you up to the task before you?"

******

"Great, just great.  I just know Mizuhara is responsible for this somehow," Jinnai grumbled as he stalked out of the library, Groucho following close behind him.  "Well, I'll show him and the save the world myself!  Groucho, assemble Zeppo, Harpo, Margaret, Chico, and Gummo!  We're going to stop this blasted pipe playing even if it's the second to last thing we do!"

"Zut ga mingda?" Groucho asked, a curious note in his virtually indecipherable voice.

"One-up and proof my superiority over Mizuhara, of course!" Jinnai retorted.  "Even if the world might end any minute, I'm not going to let my lifelong rival die falsely believing he's better than me!  Now, stop wasting time!  We have to save every version of El-Hazard in existence!"

******

Makoto clutched his head in agony as he slowly stood up and surveyed his new surroundings.  He was in, to put it simply, a paradise.  Green, verdant grass waved in the gentle breeze as movingly beautiful flowers opened their petals and tried to touch the sun.  Ancient, rich trees grew to stunning heights, and in their many branches nested innumerable species of birds of amazing color and variety.  The peaceful, soothing sound of a nearby brook teeming with fish could be clearly heard, and all around him were cute, friendly animals unbothered by his presence and playing with each other.

"I think...I've died and gone to heaven," Makoto spoke, stunned by the incredible loveliness of this scene.  He chuckled weakly, still not quite sure what to think, the painful memory of his body being vaporized still clear as day.

"Hi!  You're Makoto, right?  I'm Ifurina, remember?  We met at that temple when Arjah was trying to conquer the world!"

Makoto slowly turned to face the owner of the chipper, female voice, and, sure enough, there was the young woman he remembered seeing with Jinnai standing before him.  She handed him an ice cream cone with a friendly grin on her face.

"Wh-wh-what are you doing here?" Makoto asked in astonishment, accepting the cone on autopilot.

Ifurina shrugged good-naturedly.  "I died...but the Other brought my mind back."  A sad note crept into her voice.  "I wish I'd thanked them before that-" She shuddered. "-scary bird eliminated them.  I didn't even get the chance to ask why they rescued me."

It was our original original plan to use use you as a hostage to force force Mizuhara to link with the Palace of Infinity Infinity.  It appears that doing so so, though, was unnecessaryary.

Makoto and Ifurita both looked around in surprise, trying in vain to locate the source of the weak but smug voice.

You have our thanks thanks, Mizuhara.  By linking with the palace's power power source, you have reactivated its servers and consequently consequently brought it back online with the rest of the palace palace.

The two humans stepped back in shock as a dark whirlwind of mud and dirt rose up before them and reshaped itself into a figure as tall as ten men with thousands if not millions of faces that were all grinning in triumph.

And now now, our minds are free from this detestable cage cage!  With the Palace of Infinity under our direct control control, we shall create new bodies for ourselves and be as gods on earth!  The Guide Guide will pay dearly for his betrayal betrayal, and all who oppose us shall be utterly destroyed destroyed!

The Other gazed down at Makoto and Ifurita with contempt.  "We are the Ancients Ancients, and there is nothing nothing you can do to stop us us!"

"Perhaps," spoke a new, childish voice tinged with madness from behind the two humans as the sky darkened above them, "but there is something that I can do."

"Kalia Kalia?" the Other uttered in surprise as the demon goddess approached in her torn and tattered rags, eyes gleaming with insanity.  Unnoticed, the grass decayed as animals hurriedly scurried for their lives.  "We thought you were dead dead."

Kalia laughed darkly as the brook ran dry.  "I hitched a ride in Makoto's mind, knowing that you would do everything within your power to ensure that he reached the Palace of Infinity."  She smiled madly at the appalled young man.  "Thanks, Makoto.  I owe you one!"

"Be that as it may may, what do you hope to accomplish accomplish?" the Other questioned, confident and sure of themselves.  "We both know that you lack lack the power to stop us us."  The flowers died, and their petals dropped to the ground.

For once, Kalia spoke with total seriousness as thunder boomed in the distance and the first drops of a hard, cold rain began to fall.  "I don't need power to destroy you and this world.  Life has already given me something far more...dangerous."

Kalia, the Dollmaker's last and most advanced demon god, opened her mouth and, with thousands of voices that were and were not her own, screamed.

The Other fell as it was forced to confront and experience Kalia's unending pain and suffering firsthand.  Try as they might, its many minds could not deal with let alone block this excruciating, maddening torment that only seemed to grow and grow.  Agony of a kind none of them had ever before felt flooded their joint consciousness, and the Other's many faces all turned to Kalia, tortured expressions pleading and begging for mercy and release.  Kalia, with unforgiving eyes through which thousands united in their hatred and misery looked, met the many gazes, and the Other was forced to make a horrible realization.  No pity would be given and, really, did they even deserve any?

"By the gods," the Other's many voices spoke as one, the horrible truth of their own responsibility for the tragedies of the past finally dawning on them, "what have we done?"

With that, the Other shattered, and the minds of the Ancients, now completely exposed to Kalia's suffering, were utterly extinguished, destroyed by the victims of their own war.  The voices were not satisfied, however, and screamed even louder for vengeance and the escape of oblivion.  The landscape, hearing their cries, responded by collapsing as the sky was swallowed by darkness and harsh, icy gales ripped everything to pieces.

Outside, in El-Hazard, the entire planet quaked and tears in the fabric of reality opened as the dimension's very stability began to unravel.  It was, once again, the end of the world.

71

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: August 10, 2004, 09:41:44 pm »

It's official - I can't keep my own round robin deadlines.  *sighs*  Sorry about the delay.  It took me longer than anticipated to find appropriate websites to link to, and when I tried to post what I'd written yesterday the forum went down.    Anyway, here's the next installment of the irregularly scheduled El-Hazard Round Robin.  I hope all of you who are still sticking with this tale enjoy it.

******

A catchy, lively melody played by a full quartet of string instruments and accompanied by an electronic synthesizer started up (Apparently the Elemental Lamps came equipped with stereo systems), and the illumination within the basement that the defenders of Florestica had retreated to grew dim just as the Giant Sewer Rats broke down the door and charged forward.  The darkness was suddenly broken by an otherworldly light that surrounded the linked Ishiel and Afura, stopping the advancing rats in the tracks, and, in a brilliant effusion of colors and sound that would forever be burned into the memories of those who witnessed it, the most closely kept secret of the Ancients was finally revealed.

The Ancients were magical girl fans.

In a transformation sequence that had all of the flashiness and magical pyrotechnics of a Sailor Moon power-up, the lesbian overtones of the Revolutionary Girl Utena TV series, the gratuitous fan-service of a Devil Hunter Yohko episode, and the acrobatic routines that magical girls are famed for, Ishiel Soel, Rogue Priestess of Earth, and Afura Mann, Priestess of Wind, changed into...

"I am Incredible Ishy!" Ishiel declared, now wearing a Sailor Mercury uniform and standing back-to-back with Afura who was dressed as Sailor Jupiter.

"And I-" Afura began as she and her partner pirouetted in perfect unison, "am Astounding Affy!"

With a series of effusive hand gestures and dramatic poses, the two continued their self-righteous speech.  "And in the name of Earth, Wind, and Love, we shall punish you!" they finished, pointing determinedly at the Giant Sewer Rats.

The silence that greeted this announcement was only equaled by the giant sweatdrops that followed.  

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective), before Ishiel and Afura could further embarrass themselves or cast potentially hilariously named magical attacks, Matthew walked by outside with a dancing Demon God Ryoko and growing number of Mice Wearing Hats following along behind him.  The Giant Sewer Rats, also susceptible to the pied pipe's hypnotic powers, turned around and joined the march, and a moment later so did Incredible Ishy and Astounding Affy with a glazed over sheen to their eyes, cheerfully performing further outstanding feats of magical girl acrobatics and agility that, sadly, trampled additional numbers of Mice Wearing Hats.

Jinnai finally recovered his voice and in an unusually subdued tone asked a question.  "So...got an explanation for _this_, Londs?"

In reply, the longtime royal advisor whose family had stood by the side of Roshtaria's ruling family through generations and numerous crises fainted.

"...Guess not," Lord God Jinnai commented after a moment, turning to Princess Rune Venus and Empress Diva.  "How about you two?"

The sounds of two more bodies fainting and striking the ground were his only responses.

Sighing, the demented youth faced the one creature left standing.  "Well, Groucho, do _you_ know anything about this?"

"Hubba Hubba Zoot Zoot," Groucho answered.

Jinnai shook his head in frustration.  "That's your answer for everything, isn't it?"

******

The Past...

A badly damaged Florestican hovercraft finally shuddered to a stop, and the royal guard piloting the vehicle and propped against the navigation panel forced himself to focus past his agony and looked around in wonder.  Everywhere the eye could see laid glittering, glowing crystals of all shapes and sizes jutting out of the earth.  It was unlike any sight he'd ever seen before, and if he concentrated just right it almost seemed like the gems were...humming?

The sound of wailing and feel of his blood-soaked uniform against his chest snapped the soldier out of his musings, and he took a moment to gaze down at his young charge and mourn her fate.  As a member of Roshtaria's military he'd long ago accepted that he might one day lose his life in the line of duty, but this child deserved better than to perish in this beautiful but forgotten place, far from her family and with only a dying old man for company.  

Gasping as he felt his insides heave, the guard clenched his fists and cursed the Bugrom for attacking his convoy, the Phantom Tribe for leading them to the Bugrom, and himself for not detecting the subterfuge and seeing past the illusions earlier.  It was a miracle he'd managed to escape with the toddler in the first place, but, judging by how hopelessly lost and far from civilization he must be, it seemed his flight had done little to change the inevitable outcome.  If only...

The sound of footsteps approaching over the rocky ground became audible, and the guard suddenly found himself seized by the faint visages of hope.  Struggling to overcome his pain, the soldier concentrated and turned to face the nearing figure.  Bleary eyes managing to make out a cloaked, hooded, but definitely humanoid figure, he felt his lips curl upwards in the slightest of smiles.  The child might live after all...

"Please," he rasped out, spewing blood and spittle, "look after the infant.  She...*gasp*...must...survive...plea-aaargh..."

The shrouded woman watched dispassionately as the royal guard breathed his last, the only flicker of emotion passing through her being a slight feeling of relief that she wouldn't be obligated to terminate the intruder herself.  Despite the rarity of someone stumbling across this valley forgotten by time, over the millennia it had happened occasionally, and her orders concerning such an occurrence were clear:  No outsider must ever learn of this place and leave to tell about it.  Callous, perhaps, but considering all that was at stake-

"Waah!"

Reminded by this cry that another trespasser still existed, the individual underneath the cloak unhurriedly walked over to the hovercraft and scanned its topside.  Carefully placed on the floor next to the steering console was a basket, and inside it and wrapped in blankets was an infant girl with golden hair and diamond blue eyes.  A well-crafted dragon hand puppet was laid beside her.  Left hand rising to eliminate this intruder, the guardian paused, mesmerized by the crying and finding it hard to justify the murder of a baby to protect this secret.  It's not as if her target could tell anyone where she was, and so long as this infant didn't later leave the valley the rules technically wouldn't be violated...

Striding over to and kneeling in front of the basket, the guardian pulled down her hood and gazed at the baby girl.  Sensing the presence of somebody nearby, the child stopped her bawling and looked up...meeting the ancient but strangely human eyes of Wa Salli Alayhim.

******

The Present...

Deep within the Palace of Infinity, the Priestess of the Ancients groaned as she regained consciousness and slowly opened her eyes.  Much to her surprise, a very familiar pair of orbs was looking back at her.

"Master!" the priestess shouted happily, rising to her feet and rushing over to hug her beloved teacher.  Tears of joy streaming down her face, the young woman wrapped her arms around the demon goddess and sobbed into her chest.  "Master, I'm so happy to see you!  But...where have you been all this time?  I thought you died!"

Salli smiled down kindly at her former pupil and tentatively returned the hug, the unfamiliar but not entirely unwelcome feelings this child always produced in her stirring again.  "There were certain...obligations that I had to tend to that made your belief in my demise necessary...or at least that's what I thought at the time.  Now..."

Salli closed her eyes and shook her head.  "Now, who knows what was right and wrong.  For the first time since its sealing, the Glyph of Infinity has been opened by outsiders and the doorway to the palace is open."

"I'm sorry," the priestess fervently apologized, sorrow and guilt replacing her earlier gladness as she remembered her failure.  She clung onto her teacher even tighter for support.  "Things just...happened so fast once those first trespassers showed up.  They seemed nice enough, and even if I'd wanted to I doubt I could've eliminated them since they were demon gods, after all.  But now, the inviolate has been violated.  You must be so disappointed in me, master."

The demon goddess patted the priestess on the back reassuringly and gazed down at her with eyes that were filled with pride.  "Don't even say such a thing.  You successfully guarded and cared for the valley forgotten by time for ten full years and have grown into a lovely, dutiful young woman.  Don't blame yourself for what has happened...and what is yet to come.  In truth, this intrusion was inevitable and would've occurred no matter what you did so don't despair over it.  You have discharged your duties admirably, and now it is time for you to find your own place in the world.  I will take care of the trespassers."

"I...don't understand," the Priestess of the Ancients replied, tears replaced by hope and uncertainty.  "You want me to...go?  Go where?  This is and always has been my home!"

"Yes, and I will always cherish the time you spent in the valley," Salli answered, fondly brushing her right hand through her student's hair, almost as if she was trying to memorize every detail.  "However, things change, and if you are ever to reach your full potential you must expand your horizons and discover yourself, two things you won't accomplish by remaining in this forsaken land."

"From this day forth," the demon goddess continued, words coming with unusual difficulty for her, "you are no longer the Priestess of the Ancients.  You are now...Parvsys Alayhim.  You carry my name, something that no one has done in thousands of years, and all I ask in return is that you grow and find some happiness in this world. There is clothing, currency, supplies, and transportation to the nearest town in the next room.  Use them well, and please...take care of yourself, my child."

There was a heartfelt silence as the young woman took this all in, but, gazing into her master's eyes and seeing the sincerity and emotion in those artificial but still captivatingly human orbs, she pulled herself together and grinned beatifically.  "Thank you...mother."

Parvsys stepped up on tiptoes and kissed the demon goddess on the check as a daughter would kiss a parent.  Hugging her stunned teacher one last time, she finally, reluctantly, let her arms drop, turned, and walked away into her new future.

Collecting herself, Salli also pivoted to walk away...but hesitated.  Craning her neck to take one last look at her student, the demon goddess believed she'd finally found the answer as to why she'd spared the child so many years ago and created the fabrication of Priestess of the Ancients to raise her as well as why she'd eventually abandoned the girl and left her to her own means.  Parvsys almost made her feel...human, and even though she wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not, she decided that she wouldn't trade these feelings for anything, no matter what tomorrow might bring...particularly considering that there might not be a tomorrow.

"Look after her," she requested of the shadows, "or else...you'll find out firsthand if it's true that all dogs go to heaven."

"Ruff!" Hector the royal wolfhound agreed nervously, leaping out of the shadows and running after Parvsys.

Salli exited the room and, walking a path only she knew, soon returned to the inner chamber of the Palace of Infinity where space and time were folded like a deck of cards by a hustler.  Refracted and inverted pillars and columns that almost but never quite seemed to touch the ceiling or reach the floor somehow remained upright or whatever crazy angle they were tilted at, and gemstones of all shapes and sizes floated in empty space, glowing with power from an unknown source and giving the impression of possessing infinite facets.  In the center of the chamber was a perfect sphere the size of a house around which everything revolved.  Red disks surrounded it.  Stairways that appeared to be made of rainbows and prisms twisted in every direction, crisscrossing at highly distorted junctions.  

Taking sure, confident steps born of experience and seemingly unbothered by the fact that for every movement forward made she appeared to rotate around an invisible x-axis, the demon goddess continued her journey.  A wave of her left hand summoned her War Key to her side, and a shake of that formed a moving holographic screen that showed those who dared violate the sanctity of this palace and endanger the entire world.  

"So...that must be the Mizuhara Makoto I addressed in my vision," Salli commented coldly as she scrutinized the cowering young man who was being comforted by-

Salli blinked, a mimicry of human behavior indicating surprise that her original creator had taught her.  There could be no mistaking who stood beside the human's side.  

"Ifurita..." the demon goddess muttered so silently that the echo that followed it defied probability.  "You I was not expecting to see ever again."

If she had been human, Salli would've felt a chill run down her spine.  The last time she'd talked with Ifurita had been to say good-bye before the Dollmaker erased her memory, a process made more complicated by the need to keep Ifurita's AI system fully intact and functional.  It had taken her creator most of the night to complete the odious task, and the strain of effectively murdering her own creation - arguably a daughter in the Dollmaker's eyes - had taken its toll.  When the brilliant scientist returned to the housing they shared, there had been a haunted, pained look to her eyes that shone with the first hints of the madness that would eventually consume her.

Judging by the concern on Ifurita's face and the manner in which she was holding Mizuhara, though, it appeared that she'd regained a semblance of her former self and freedom.  Salli noted this calmly, briefly wondering if her "sister" had recovered the memories of her past life as well before banishing such thoughts.  Unfortunately, none of that mattered now.  

"I will protect the future of this world even if it means I must fight you or-" Salli declared dispassionately, eyes narrowing as she focused on the human again, "-take away your happiness.  I sense a...darkness hidden deep within this Mizuhara Makoto that gives me reason to fear for us all if he should reach the caged universe contained within the sphere."

Traversing the great distance separating her from the heart of the palace with her next warped step, she stopped in front of the perfect sphere and gazed at it, remembering her duty and thinking of the horror that could result if she failed.  Although it was inevitable that Mizuhara would reach this place, she would be ready for-

A thought suddenly entered Salli's mind.  If it was inevitable that the human would reach this inner sanctum, then why delay destiny?  She could easily summon him to her presence and deal with him alone and then decide what to do about Ifurita later when the potential doom of the world no longer hanged over everyone's heads.  Such a plan of action might just be for the best...

Decision made, Salli opened her mind to the palace and extended her consciousness throughout its many layers, searching for the determined human.  Once Mizuhara was located within the palace's first defense, the demon goddess gave a mental command to the security system and opened her eyes.  It wouldn't be long now.  One way or another, this crisis would end.  

******

72

Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Re: Hi guys! Long time no see!

« on: July 19, 2004, 09:40:58 pm »

Nice to see you again and nice avatar, by the way.  It's very cute.  

Waiting for World of WarCraft, myself-

So am I.  If you don't mind me asking, will you be playing as Alliance or Horde?

73

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: July 18, 2004, 11:17:27 pm »

Time passes.  History repeats itself, and the legends of yore are remade and retold, daring another generation and another age to dream.  The circle is complete and begins again.

"What we need," Jinnai plotted out loud, pacing back and forth inside Florestica's throne room as Groucho, Diva, and Londs watched and Jinnistacia playfully boxed with her tail and performed the occasional, obligatory act of gratuitous cat-girl fan service, "is a diabolical doomsday weapon that will halt these Mice Wearing Hats in their very mousesteps and send them fleeing, thus lifting the siege.  So...what do we have for diabolical doomsday weapons right now?" he asked, giving Diva a look that plainly said if there was another legendary weapon of terror she knew about now would be a spectacular time to mention it and don't worry about the consequences because I'm a pure evil genius!

Groucho took out a pied pipe and started playing it.  Jinnai groaned, grabbed the pied pipe, smacked Groucho over the head with it, and threw it out the window.  "No you fool!  There's nothing diabolical and doomsday-ish about a pied pipe!  Now, what _else_ do we have in the way of ultimate weapons?"

It was Londs who answered him first.  "The Holy Priestesses Afura Mann and Ishiel Soel currently appear to be on our side.  _However_," he added before Jinnai could gloat at the opportunity to finally order around the Holy Order, "they were last seen holding hands and strolling through the royal flower gardens, surrounded by sparkles and pastel colors.  As they presently are, I doubt they'll be of much use to us."

"We also have Ifurita-3 in our service," Londs continued, quickly dashing Jinnai's hopes of controlling another demon god with what he said next, "but her mental condition is rather...unstable.  Doctors Schtalubaugh and Semimad have been working around the clock to return her to a functional psychological state, and she is now at the sleep-deprived, no time for anybody or anything college student stage which, although an improvement for her, is unlikely to benefit us during this siege."

Jinnai frowned angrily.  "Well, that's just _great_!  With ancient weapons popping up all over the place and the combined might of two armies, we still don't have anything other than a fan-servicey demon cat-goddess wearing, of all things, my frustrating sister's face to deploy immediately against the Mice Wearing Hats!" he shouted, waving a hand at the now salaciously stretching demon god.  "Honestly, what were you two doing to cause such disorganization in our forces while I was away?"

Seeing their blushes, Jinnai wisely decided he'd rather not know.  "Never mind!  Diva, are there any more legendary weapons of terror within walking distance that you're aware of?"  

Diva shook her head no.  "Alas, Mr. Jinnai, with the disappearance of the feared and terrible Mecha-Sonic two centuries ago and the deliberately lost and horrifyingly dreadful Cute-Girl-Next-Door-Who's-Also-A-Homicidal-Maniac Robot, I do not."

"...Londs?" Jinnai asked hopefully, turning to face the longtime royal advisor and military leader.

Londs scratched the bottom of his chin and thought for a long moment before finally shaking his head.  "Sorry but no.  Were we besieged by dancing pink hippopotamuses it might be a different story, but Mice Wearing Hats?  I can't help you there."

Jinnai growled.  "Darn it, I am _not_ going to let my moment of triumph and glorious destiny be stolen from me by a bunch of mice with hats!  Where's Princess Rune Venus?  Perhaps she knows something I can use to my advantage!"

"It's Mice Wearing Hats, not mice with hats," Diva corrected before answering Jinnai's question.  "As for my co-ruler, I last saw her angsting on her balcony, mumbling something about a long-lost sister and gazing forlornly out at Florestica."

Londs tensed at this, and a troubled expression fell upon his features.  "Is that so?  It might be...prudent for me to have a talk with Princess Rune soon about the past and what it might mean for the future as-"

"Enough with the dramatics!" Jinnai interrupted.  "This is the time to plot ingenious schemes that will eliminate all opposition to us, not soliloquize about hidden relatives!  Now, why don't we-"

A serving girl interrupted Jinnai's ranting by knocking on the throne room's door, opening it, hurriedly but gracefully walking over to where Jinnai, Diva, Groucho, and Diva were, and dutifully bowing before them.  "Pardon me, my lieges and lady, but the Mice Wearing Hats have sent an ambassador to see you and demand our surrender.  Shall I show him in?"

"Surrender?" Jinnai bellowed incredulously, eyes flashing dangerously.  "Never!  I've triumphed over those blasted harpies, conquered the decadent and oppressive Alliance, put my _vexing_ sister in her place, and finally _FINALLY_ bested that villain Mizuhara!  Show that ambassador in so I can tell him what exactly I'll do to his leader once I've overcome this siege!"

"Yes my lord, but-" the serving girl began to say.

"No buts!" Jinnai retorted, a dangerous and brilliant madness gleaming in his eyes.  "Every second is crucial now!"

Not wanting to risk Jinnai's wrath, the serving girl quickly rose, made a curtsy, and returned to the door.  Speaking with a twinge of nervousness and a close eye on her superiors, she spoke gave the Mice Wearing Hats' ambassador permission to enter.  "You may come in now, sir."

Haughtily, Ura boldly strode through the throne room's doors and stopped in front of Jinnai, Diva, Groucho, and Londs.  Standing proudly, the armor cat said seven simple, smug words.

"All your base are belong to us."

To which everybody else replied with, "Gah!"

Outside, a little boy who went by the name of Matthew and was destined to save the world in about an hour walked by, saw the pied pipe, and, after a cautious look around him to make sure nobody was looking for it, grabbed the musical instrument and resumed casually walking away.  Once he was a good block from the palace he took the pipe out and began trying to play it, unaware that as the notes rang out he was attracting a larger and larger following of Mice Wearing Hats behind him.      

======

And thus, we return to the saying that legends never die.  However, what does this mean in relation to this story?  What is the purpose behind this discursive dialogue?

Life in Florestica proceeded much as it normally did, wars and occupations having become so frequent for the populace that they almost felt commonplace now.  Threading through the relentless attacks and counterattacks of the Mice Wearing Hats and the Alliance/Bugrom coalition forces, Roshtarians went about their daily business, going to work, buying groceries, caring for their families, and pointedly ignoring the horrors and rigors of battle all around them.  If the smiles seemed slightly strained every now and then as a building collapsed, a street caved in, or the sounds of surprisingly ferocious humanoid/insectoid/rodentoid combat wafted over, it was only to be expected and was nothing to worry about it.  

The Creterian Demon God Ryoko and cloned armor-cat who through the wonders of science also doubled as a giant battleship Ura-ohki perched on her shoulder, however, were.  

Ryoko wanted to make a special meal celebrating Bill and Alyssa's wedding and the fact that her and Dall's business hadn't imploded just yet.  This, by itself, wasn't a bad idea.  Taking the demon god's utter lack of culinary experience into consideration, though, made the likely outcome of such an endeavor appear very...unpleasant.  Regardless, for whatever reason, there was one important ingredient to her feast that she was missing even after her earlier trip to gather information and stock up on supplies, and the demon god had returned to Florestica in order to acquire it.  Unfortunately for her, the item she desired to procure was in short demand right now.
 
"Got any cheese?" Ryoko asked the merchant whose kiosk she was standing in front of.  The merchant raised his eyebrows and frowned angrily, deeply offended.

"Cheese?  Madame, I am a cheese merchant extraordinaire!  I don't sell cheese.  I sell _cheeses_!" the merchant spoke haughtily, wearing a proud expression.  "My family, they have been in this business since ancient-"

"Yadda yadda yadda," Ryoko returned, obviously uninterested.  "Look, I'll take a pound of...um, tarentaise?"

"We are _out_ of tarentaise," the vendor replied rudely, noticeably less than impressed with his newest customer.

*sigh*  "Fine, how about chevre?" Ryoko inquired with an impatient tone to her voice.

"_Unfortunately_, we are also out of chevre," the merchant answered, giving the snooty French waiter from earlier a run for his money in the sheer amount of contempt he was managing to convey with words.

"Brie?"

"No, madame, there is no brie left."

"Gouda?"

"Sadly, our stocks of that particular delicacy are depleted."

"Provolone?"

"Sorry to disappoint, madame customer, but no."

"Gruyere?"

"Once again, no."

"You've _got_ to have some mozzarella!"

The vendor shook his head in the negative.  "Your assumptions are all distinctly wrong, madame.  I am not currently selling any mozzarella."

Ryoko growled.  "Then what, pray tell, _do_ you have for cheese?"

The merchant rolled his eyes.  "Please, madame.  _Cheeses_.  It's cheeses.  As for your question, we still have a single bar of cheddar remaining.  Would you be interested in purchasing it for...say, one hundred roshtals?"

"One hundred roshtals?" Ryoko shouted, dismayed.  "That's highway robbery!  I refuse to pay!"

"Do as you wish madame," the merchant retorted with an unconcerned shrug, "but would you care to tell me what a highway is?"

"Argh!" Ryoko exclaimed as she stormed off, determined to find another place to buy cheese.  An hour later she returned in defeat, shoulders slumped as she resignedly handed over the one hundred roshtals.  "This had better be the best gosh-darned cheddar I have ever tasted, or I will come back and pasteurize you myself!"

Smirking, the cheese vendor accepted the cash and turned around to acquire the cheddar from his stores.  "Please madame, there's no need for threats.  I'm merely running a business here.  Now, here is your bar of cheddar che-wha?" he mumbled, perplexed, as a Mice Wearing Hat divebombed from the air, grabbed the cheddar bar, and made a run for it.

"Hey, that's mine you little four-legged furry creep!  Give it back!" Ryoko demanded, incensed at having something she'd actually paid money for stolen from her, and, plan for a feast momentarily forgotten, she took to the air and angrily flew after the fleeing Mice Wearing Hat.

Somewhat nonplussed, the merchant took a moment to collect himself.  "Well," he finally said, trying to look on the bright side, "at least she didn't ask for a refund."

"Miya!"

Looking down, the vendor spotted Ura-ohki glaring up at him menacingly and with a very "straightforward" manner about him.

"Oh dear."

======

The answer?  Absolutely nothing.

74

El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin

« on: July 18, 2004, 11:16:35 pm »

As long as I'm able to contribute to this round robin, it will have an ending even if I have to write the entire conclusion myself...although I certainly hope it doesn't come to that.    Please help me out here?  This story is nearly finished...I think, and we've come so far that leaving it as is just doesn't feel right.



Some people say that legends never die.

Mr. Fujisawa paused for a moment and, with an upheld hand shielding his eyes from the sun's piercing glare, surveyed the harsh, rugged desert he found himself traveling through and made a guess at how far he still had to go before reaching the source of that brilliant light that had burst forth from the planet and soared to incalculable heights earlier today.  Deep within his heart, Mr. Fujisawa knew that somehow Mizuhara Makoto, his best student, could be found at the center of this situation, and as his sensei he had a duty to protect him.  Why, just imagine the uproar it would cause at the next Parent Teacher Association meeting if it was learned that Makoto had been seriously injured by a mysterious beam of light on an alien world in an alternate dimension and he, Mr. Fujisawa, hadn't been there to do anything about it!  Granted, it was extremely unlikely that he would ever hear from the Parent Teacher Association again or that they would even learn out about this, but he wouldn't put it past those old codgers to find a way to monitor this world simply to find more things to nettle him about.  Honestly, just because a couple students had gotten slightly wounded the last time he'd led a mountaineering field trip was no reason to threaten to fire him!  Those bones healed in no time, anyway.  And then there was the time-!

What appeared to be a bolt of lightning suddenly struck the superhuman high school teacher, putting an abrupt halt to his mental musings.  Since Mr. Fujisawa is a superhuman high school teacher, though, he remained completely unharmed save for a few hairs on the back of his neck that were standing up.  Mr. Fujisawa frowned.

"That's odd," he commented, lowering his raised hand and squinting at the sky.  "There isn't a cloud in sight!  Well, inexplicable lightning bolt or not, nothing's going to stop me from reaching my students!  Hyper Fujisawa speed!"

Putting his great strength and unusually clean physiological systems to good use, Mr. Fujisawa darted off at superhuman speeds in the direction where the beam of light had last erupted, unaware that it was not lightning that had recently struck him.  Instead, it was the latest ploy by the Guide's unknown adversary who'd been seemingly inactive for quite a while now.  Unbeknownst to Mr. Fujisawa as he picked up momentum and left a trail of dust and sand in his wake, his unique power – granted by traveling through the dimensional barriers to this world – was changing...expanding...and growing stronger.  Soon he'd transcend his present limits and become...

QUANTUM FUJISAWA!!!

======

Instead, legends are reborn and told over and over again, inspiring those who hear them and giving them the power to dream of and reach greatness.

As war waged within the streets of Florestica, Bugrom and human united for the first time in modern history and valiantly resisting the fearsome onslaught of the Mice Wearing Hats, Parnasse gazed evenly at his opponent who was calmly staring back from the opposite end of the city block they found themselves on.

"Do you know," Parnasse began coldly, bitterly, "how it feels to be brushed aside and forgotten?  To be considered insignificant and second rate no matter what you do?  To be forever trapped living in somebody else's shadow no matter how hard you strive and struggle to break free and shine with your own light?"  

The resentful youth threw his head back and laughed inconsolably.  "No, of course not.  How could you?  You, always the popular one, the star in everybody's eyes who could do no wrong no matter how depraved and immoral you became.  Do you have any _idea_ how discouraging this was for me when I was trying to be a responsible, upright young man?  To see you get away with _everything_ and be liked because of it, while my own hard labors went unnoticed and unpraised?  You've always eclipsed me, and I could never bring myself to fall to your level even though later I became desperate enough to try.  Well, no more!  Today is the day when I will _finally_ defeat you and be seen as who I really am rather than a male look-alike of Alielle Ralielle!"

Alielle sighed sadly.  "Oh brother, I had no idea you felt this way.  Words alone can't express how sorry I am.  Normally, I'd suggest we talk about this, maybe schedule an appointment with Dr. Semimad, and resolve these pent-up emotions as a brother and sister should..._but_ since I'm still quite breathless from the recent effort I've put into...'serving' Princess Fatora and her accomplices, I'll simply have to settle for knocking some sense into you the DBZ way."

Closing her eyes, Alielle brought her palms together in front of her and concentrated.  A pink battle aura formed around her and began to grow, crackling with her well-developed hentai powers.

Parnasse shook his head condescendingly.  "You're not the only one who has a battle aura, sis.  With the lessons I've learned from Demon Ninja Master Splinter, you're going down!"  With a look on fervent concentration on his face, Parnasse clenched his fists, pumped his arms, and screamed at the sky.  His purple ki erupted around him, charging the air with his power and determination.

Twelve episodes later they both finished powering up.  

With primal screams of grief and anger the two siblings launched themselves at each other, and the force of their meeting shook the city.  Moving faster than the eye could follow and relying on their honed battle senses, the two Ralielle's exchanged flurry upon flurry of blows.  The earth shuddered and split, and they took to the air, the sounds of their fierce, brutal combat drowning out everything else.  Florestica in its entirety became their arena as their battle collapsed buildings, scarred the ground, and permanently altered the face of the planet.  Ki blasts of frightening, devastating power collided and lit up the sky, adding a surreal beauty to the destruction around them.  

Unfortunately for Parnasse, though, he found that even with his recent training he was still no match for his sister.  With a cry of anguish and defeat, he fell to ground with an earsplitting, painful boom.  Alielle descended a moment later and set her feet gently upon the ruined earth, a victorious but tired smile on her face.  Looking up weakly through the agony his world had become, Parnasse saw the pitying, compassionate gaze of his sister who was once again standing triumphant over him, and it filled him with rage.  Rage at her for always outdoing him.  Rage at himself for his inability to outshine her.  Rage that combined with his sheer determination to give him the power and focus needed to launch one last, desperate attack.

"BOOT TO THE HEAD!" Parnasse shouted, flawlessly performing Demon Ninja Master Splinter's infamous technique.  Eyes wide in shock and dismay, Alielle was booted in the head and sent flying into the sky, a la Episode 13 of "The Alternative World".  

Exhausted but finally free from his sister's shadow, the young man fell to the ground.  Around him, humans, Bugrom, and Mice Wearing Hats alike all cheered.  Parnasse grinned victoriously.  He had finally-

SMACK!

"Ow!" Parnasse complained as he woke up from his lotus position on the floor.  "What did you do that for?!"

Demon Ninja Master Splinter tsked and shook his head.  "No sleeping during meditation, young one.  How can you hope to find clarity of spirit when your mind is in dreamland?  Seek not the path of the Sandman but rather pursue the trail of the blue dolphin-bear."

Parnasse blinked in confusion.  "What in Muldoon's name does that mean?!"

Demon Master Splinter gave Parnasse a long, stern look, and then smacked him with his staff again.  Ignoring Parnasse's shout of pain, the ancient weapon answered him thus.  "Meditate on it."

======

And so a new generation is inspired to make their dreams a reality.  Many try, some succeed, and a few live on to become legends in their own right, their stories now inextricably linked to the tales of their childhood that spurred them on in the first place.  Thus, continuity between past and present is established, and the doorway to the future is opened.

Makoto sat up, yawned, rubbed his eyes, and blearily noted that he was back in his laboratory.  Odd, considering that the last thing he remembered was leaning over a frighteningly motionless Ifurita...

"Oh no, don't tell me that it was all a dream!" Makoto exclaimed, eyes widening in horror at the thought that the reunion with his beloved demon god had merely been the creation of his subconscious mind.  Granted, much had occurred in the past week that he'd _like_ to be a dream, but none of that compared to the joy of being with the woman he loved.

Bolting out of his bed, the clearly alarmed and conveniently dressed young man began rummaging through the room in search of something to validate his hypothesis one way or another.  Finding everything where he'd left it before his abduction by Princess Fatora and Alielle which had started this whole mess, Makoto frowned.  It certainly seemed like his recent experiences had been a dream, but the bliss he'd shared with Ifurita...the feelings they'd exchanged...the memories they'd created...surely those _had_ to be real!  Besides, there was absolutely no way his subconscious was unstable enough to form such an insane, bizarre dream.  Only a total wacko would come up with something so demented.

With these reassuring thoughts, Makoto took a deep breath and prepared to do what was necessary to wake up from what had to be a dream world.  Eyes lingering uncomfortably long over the sharp, multi-pronged lab instrument lying on a nearby table, he extended his arm, opened his hand, reached out, and...quickly retracted the aforementioned arm and pinched himself in the side.

"Ow," Makoto muttered groggily, coming to for real this time and noticing with astonishingly little surprise that he was stripped down to his boxers again and firmly fastened to a crystal with rope bindings.  All things considered, he was getting disturbingly used to waking up in such positions.  He only hoped that Fatora wasn't behind this one too.

Fortunately for Makoto, whatever deity looked out for him answered his silent prayer.  Unfortunately, it was soon revealed that his newest abductor was the Priestess of the Ancients, whose eyes were twitching nervously and who appeared to be on the verge of a mental breakdown.  What this said about the previously mentioned deity's sense of humor is best left to the imagination.

"You!  Stay absolutely still, and don't say a word!" the Priestess of the Ancients (who, for simplicity's sake, was going to be referred to as Parvsys – an acronym for Priestess of the Ancients and Rune Venus' Secret Younger Sister – for the rest of this post by the current author and total wacko) ordered, voice shaking tremulously as she eyed her captive.  

Makoto, not being the best at following orders from harried, half-mad women, promptly disobeyed.  "Where is Ifuri-"

"No!  Not a word!" Parvsys repeated urgently, lunging at Makoto and silencing him by covering his mouth with her right hand.  "My master told me _all_ about you men before passing on!  She warned me that you'd speak sweet lies, knock me unconscious when I'm off guard, sling me over your shoulder, carry me off to a cave where we'd live in sinful pleasure for twenty some years, and then cruelly abandon me and our nine hungry children to find _another_ woman to knock unconscious and carry off to a cave!"

"Well, you won't fool me!" the young woman declared, pointing an accusing finger at Makoto with her other hand and, caught up in the heat of the moment, angrily pressing herself against him so she could look him directly in the eyes with as little distance separating them as possible.  "I won't be distracted by your chestnut brown eyes..."  The glare started to soften as Makoto's harem power began to take effect.  "Your soft, wavy hair..."  The beginnings of a dreamy smile crossed her features.  "Your rough, masculine physique..."  The accusatory hand lowered and began to trace gentle patterns across Makoto's chest.  "Your...gah!  Impure thoughts!  Impure thoughts!"

Recoiling as if a tear in the fabric of reality had just appeared before her, Parvsys leapt backwards and made frantic warding gestures at Makoto just as it sank in for the young man what had been pressed firmly against him.  This realization quickly resulted in the typical anime male's nosebleed and the subsequent unconsciousness from massive blood loss.  The sight of blood didn't help Parvsys' mental state any, and she too promptly passed out, finally overwhelmed by the day's events that had shattered her solitude, destroyed her home, and turned her very existence upside down.

"Humans," Over-Run commented from nearby where he was plugged into the still immobile Ifurita and attempting to repair the damage Kalia had done.  "I'm beginning to think I'll never understand them.  Concurrently, I'm beginning to wonder if I even want to."

======

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Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Re: SERVER OUTAGE FORUM CORRUPTION

« on: July 12, 2004, 08:04:25 pm »

I recently passed one hundred and attained demon god status.  If you could reset my post count to say...100, I'd appreciate it, but there's no need to worry about it or rush.  "Bugrom Forces" is cool in its own right.