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Messages - d.t.

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1
Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Re: Maria-sama ga Miteru
« on: March 16, 2005, 01:53:58 am »
I don't know where you're getting that info, Saucer, but I would be dumbfounded if it was true.  

"L" may be the common term used in Japan for Lesbian content, but shoujo-ai has been used in Japan (perhaps because a google search of "L" just isn't feasible... Hell, "shoujo" the term refers to unmarried women, but there have been periods when there was a general feeling that lesbianism was more common in "shoujo" since the pure unmarried women were unaware of proper love.  I'm sure Fatora-sama would have some things to say about THAT...).

"S" or "Class S" was used to refer to passionate friendships or same-sex relations among females in Japan back in the '30s ("S" standing for "sister" "shoujo" and "sex" or all three combined), and it's still in use.  "Ome" developed as a similar term, but it was general used for "this isn't a cute crush, this is trouble" by the wannabe-sociologists using it.

Unless there's been a fundamental shift in the last year, rorikon/lolicon (short for rorita konpurekusu) is still by far the term for choice for pedophillic content.  The term's so incredibly widespread that I can't see anyone trying to replace it - it would be like trying to use something else isntead of "hentai" or even "anime".  "Hafu" (as in "half") still refers to "girls with thingies what that girls ain't meant to have", and nijikon (double complex) still refers to erotic content about crossdressers (guys, it goes without saying).  There's also "sister boy" and "Mr Lady" (just say them with a bad accent to see how they're used in Japan) which I'm sure you can figure out the meanings of.  And there's shotakon if you prefer your pedophelia to be about young boys, and as for older women with young boys... well I don't feel like dragging out my book on Japan's disturbing trend of mothers with a thing for their sons, so I'll just say there are more terms than you can shake a stick at and leave it at that.  S and H are terms of choice for sexual content (how in blazes they do their web searches I'll never know).  "Neko" can mean "femme" and "tachi" (abreviation of "tachiyaku" or "leading man"... maybe a reference to Takarazuka?) means "butch".  "Kaiawase" ("matching shells") was popular for a while, along with "rezubian".  "Doseiai" is probably still the term of choice for "passionless love between women" (probably the best descriptor for Maria-sama).  And I'm afraid I have to disagree with dooky (what's a dooky?) because everything I've ever read has stated that there's nothing ambiguous any more about the use of the term "yuri" in Japan - it means hot Fatora-style action.  

Long story short?  It's possible that the term shoujo-ai's been bastardized in the last year or so... but I doubt it, and until I see it in printed form (the only form I ever believe) I'm going to continue to use it the way I learned it.

2
El-Hazard Online / Re: Conversation with Associate; OAV3, EHOL
« on: March 02, 2005, 07:44:49 pm »
Actually, the original plans for AW appear to be very different (apparently when Makoto first finds Kauru she was originally meant to be being pursued by a strange robot, made with technology similar to the Eye of God's key).  Wouldn't mind seeing what was originally planned (Provided it wasn't meant to end with Makoto getting eight wives like poor Seina in Pioneer's GXP).

Interesting backstory to my avatar.  *Looks at rabbit with more respect.*  

Mr. What, I salute your weirdness.  Truly you are an inspiration to us all.  

Spanner - Actually what we'd really like to see (and by "we" I'm only speaking for myself and a few others I know of) is the next chapter of your delightful  "Wandering Souls" Altiverse.  Do you intend to ever go back to that story?  The long hiatus saddens me...

3
Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions / Re: Maria-sama ga Miteru
« on: March 02, 2005, 07:31:04 pm »
Yep, it's shoujo-ai, but not nearly to the extent that Fatora would like.  It's extremely slow paced, relying on character development that takes entire years.  That said, if you have the patience, it's well worth watching.

4
El-Hazard Online / Re: Conversation with Associate; OAV3, EHOL
« on: March 01, 2005, 12:04:19 am »
I have NO idea where I got the bunny Jewel... erm... possibly from you?  ^^()  Seriously no clue.

Mark:  Sorry to say I have to disagree with you.  I actually disliked Wolfe's take even more than the AW take (which is a LOT really).  They both felt like they had missed a lot of what made the original so magical (particularly by having so much of the story take place outside of the Arabian setting), but some things in Wolfe's story just particularly rubbed me wrong (Nanami impaling Nahato and smearing his blood around seemed especially gratiuitous and out of place for the light hearted El Hazard world).

Regarding the "Alternate Universe" project someone mentioned, I have a nagging feeling it was GXP that was being discussed. After all, the mech from Dual appears in it (effectively making Seina, supposedly the most unlucky character in the universe, the single most absurdly powerful character in just about any Pioneer Anime.  SERIOUSLY).

5
El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin
« on: December 25, 2004, 03:37:42 pm »
Happy Christmas all!   ^_^V

6
El-Hazard Online / Re: Conversation with Associate; OAV3, EHOL
« on: November 29, 2004, 03:12:19 pm »
Quote




It'd also be fun if they would copy what they're doing with Tenchi Muyo!.  



Except make it actually be good.  *Nods sagely.*  *Quietly stabs Noike and Seina.*

7
El-Hazard Online / Re: Conversation with Associate; OAV3, EHOL
« on: November 27, 2004, 10:08:23 pm »
Number one way to mess it up?  Don't set it in El Hazard.

Seriously, it was the only Arabian themed anime out there, almost the only Arabian themed sci-fi... and they moved it to generic feudal European-place in AW.  That was the number one mistake in that series, taking away what made El Hazard stand out.

8
El-Hazard Online / Re: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin
« on: November 27, 2004, 09:45:58 pm »
[SOL]
Crow [making yawning sounds and moving toward exit]:  Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Close though.
Mike:  Um... I don't think it's over.  It's still going, see?
Tom:  Couldn't we just pretend?




The Past

As the portal he and Marid had stepped through closed, Dao examined the small object he held in his hand.  It still astounded him just how long it had taken to collect all the information needed to build it.  All the more reason to get to work, he supposed, looking at the rows and rows of empty shelves that made up Stores.

Of course, before he could start his work he would have to give the deceptively small object to a certain someone.


 



The Present

How the little creatures hated cleaning, hated being whooshed at, attacked by, swept by the broom and mop!  The mop swept the dust and rubble, and scurrying segmented creatures scuttled out of the way and into a corner, hoping they would not be revealed.  The mop swept over the surface of the Mantle of God, raising, falling, swirling in perfect mystic tranquility.  Stanley Spadowski, that stupid, wacky, reemployed janitor cleaned the Mantle. He had cleaned down the stairs of Baron's largest observatory, and had cleaned through a number of secret passages, and into that very secret chamber that held the Mantle called the Mantle of God.  He cleaned the great metal ribbons that lined the room's walls and served as the circuits of the very powerful machine, and he cleaned the throne in the room's center that served as its interface.  So absorbed was he in the act of cleaning, that he completely failed to register the way the Mantle occasionally sparked, or the strange flickering shadows in the room's corners.

For a brief period of time the Mantle had held the personality and drive of Myunn, the knowledge and cunning of The Ancients, and the genocidal madness of Kalia.  And now it was empty, apparently broken after the final battle.  A kind author would suggest that the occasional Myunn-shaped shadows seen in the Mantle's chamber were evidence that it had been badly damaged when Myunn last used it.  Of course, one might also suggest that this indicated Makoto and his company might have more adventures waiting for them in the future.  But it would take a crueler author than this to actually say such a thing.  Better to focus on the image of Stanley, happily mopping away.

     
 



The Past



"Well, worry no more!"  Mara held up a small silver pendant on a short necklace.  "With The Charm[/color], all your problems are solved!"

     
 



The Present

In the swirling sands outside the Palace of Infinity, the shattered vestiges of The Guide glinted malevolently under the scorching sun.  It had been a disc, it had been a bird.  It had been the night sky, it had been an explosion.  It had been shattered into a million fragments.  

A strong wind gusted out of nowhere, neatly scooping up the remnants.  Though the desert had seemed dead before, there was no mistaking that a hush had suddenly come over the landscape, as if reality itself was holding its breath, and the sands themselves had stopped to bear witness to what was happening.

The splintered parts of The Guide hung above the ground, and then it was as if the air bled onto them.  Darkness oozed from nowhere and congealed on the shards of The Guide, piecing the horrible thing together again.  Its eyes were at once the color of burning embers and fresh-spilled blood, and behind them...

Both inside and outside of our dimension, facets of the Guide surveyed the battleground where it had so spectacularly failed.  It maintained the cool bearing of a Grand Chessmaster surveying how the pieces had finally landed in an interesting game.

The Guide had been programmed with but one task: to prevent any Time Lords from entering this dimension.  Its soul purpose was to fulfill its programming and achieve this task.  But the Time Lords could travel through time and space with remarkable skill.  The surest way to eliminate them from the equation was to destroy all realities, all dimensions, all time.  It made sense, if you looked at it just right.  Mistakes had clearly been made, but the ultimate goal of its plan, The Guide decided, was still the best way to fulfill its programming.  It would simply have to change other parts.  The Ancients had been sure that Mizuhara Makoto and the Demon Goddess Ifurita were of supreme importance in this universe.  And sure enough, The Guide calculated that removing those two greatly increased the chances of deleting existence itself.

The Guide was aware of every action they made, was aware or every molecule in their bodies as Wa Salli Alayhim took Ifurita's hands, then reached out and took Makoto's hands.  It felt every quark and meson in them as Makoto and Ifurita took their leave of the Palace of Infinity.  It knew their thoughts as the two embraced, high in the night sky, finally truly together and free from fear.  It understood that this was, in the top ten happiest moments in any reality, a very good candidate for the number one slot.  

The Guide had just decided to kill them when it noticed something lying in the sands that it was not supremely aware of.  It could only see this object, in a mere two dimensions.  This was far more troubling than everything that had come before, or, rather, The Guide somehow knew that everything that had come before was tied into this object.

And then The Guide was aware of something else that had not registered on its sensors until now: a hole was opening in the air behind it, and tachyons all but spewed from it.  A time rift, realized The Guide, like the tears opened by the Eye of God.

The Demon Goddess Ifurita stepped out of the portal, surveying the landscape before locking her gaze on The Guide.  Despite all she had seen in her life (which, this being an Ifurita from the future, was far longer than one might expect), her hand raised to her mouth as if she was nauseous.  The Guide was by far the most bizarre thing she had ever seen in her long life, and also the most evil.  Bleak magnetism poured from it, drowning her senses.  Meeting its gaze was like having a blast of red-hot air lance through her soul.  She was filled with the pure knowledge that something was very, very wrong in the world, and that The Guide was that something.

The Guide felt that the Tachyons were coming from Ifurita, and contemplated the meaning.  "Of course," it said in a voice like sharp crystal, "the Eye is as much time machine as anything else, and you had gained its power.  What was your plan?  To ambush me through time?  To confuse me?  To find me at my weakest?  Such futility.  Cloud my senses.  Destroy me.  Bury me under improbability.  It does not matter.  I am probability, I will not be denied."

"Yes," replied Ifurita with a scowl, "there is no weapon greater than a probability machine."  Sunlight glinted off the object that The Guide had been staring at before Ifurita's arrival, illuminating the writing carved into it.  The fact that nobody had noticed the words carved upon The Charm before might be seen as highly unlikely, even insulting to the reader's intelligence.   But it was not so unlikely as to be impossible.  It was simply a matter of probability.

It was the most soothing handwriting in the history of everything, and it proclaimed, in every language that ever existed: "No Worries At All".

Something Good would come of this.  The Best Thing Ever, in fact.

As The Charm became a magnificent blue Manta Ray, hovering above the ground, the Guide Mark II finally realized what it was looking at.  "The Guide Mark III".

And then two more demon gods stepped from the time portal, each about a head shorter than Ifurita, one male, one female.  The male, it should be noted, had four arms, and was speaking even as he stepped through the portal.  "Correct.  Of course it takes us a very long time to complete the data needed to build another probability machine.  Aunt Ifurita is going to have to transport Marid and me far back in time if we're going to get it all done.  I know it's a paradox, I try not to think about it.  But since we can travel through time, we're also able to go back and build the Mark III before you're built.  You were built with no filters, but we had filters waiting for you.  Everything you saw we wanted you to see.  You were in checkmate before you even existed."

"We owned you," added Ifurita helpfully.

"What now?" asked the Mark II.  It had never felt this uncertain before.

"Now, you end," answered the Mark III.  For a moment the Mark II was whole once more, able to see along all of probability, its perception of the future crystal clear.

The Mark III did something that would take all of math to explain, and then both Guides were no more.  

Jinnai Marid stretched languidly, now disinterested, as the young Dao Narcis adjusted his glasses.  He was looking forward to the millenia of solitude and order needed to sort and stockpile the data for building the third Guide.  But there was something bothering him.  "Did we really need to see this?" he asked, "You're going to have to bring us back through time again now anyway.  Wouldn't it have been safer just to bring us far back into the past, and never have us meet The Guide at all?  We weren't needed here."

"Maybe," replied Ifurita, "But as my husband said-"

"-Sometimes you just have to forget the risks," finished Mizuhara, stepping from the portal with a smile.  In his pocket was The Charm[/color].  He had finished building it only moments earlier, and would soon be dropping it off in the past.  He warmly held Ifurita close, and then the two of them stared up at the night sky.  Far far in the distance, high among the clouds and stars, they could see two much younger lovers embrace.  "Happy anniversary," the older Makoto whispered, squeezing his wife.  Ifurita smiled.  In the top ten happiest moments in any reality, this was another good candidate for first place.


 



And that might be the conclusion, but probably wasn't.  Because some stories end, but others just keep going, and dare you to play along.      

9
El-Hazard Online / Re: Conversation with Associate; OAV3, EHOL
« on: November 24, 2004, 01:42:55 am »
Sorry, hate to have to ask this, but... Who is SuperSonic227, and is there reason for me to believe he's not just making this up?  Sorry to be so suspicious, but I've been burned A LOT over the years...

10
El-Hazard Online / Re: Dub Jinnai or Sub Jinnai?
« on: November 14, 2004, 11:29:04 pm »
I see no problem with that... Rowan's planning a bit of an epilogue, and I have an idea or two I want to throw in after that...  And I wouldn't be surprised if a few other creativity daemons were inspired once those are posted... but when all's said and done I'd certainly have no problem with it being posted somewhere.

To be honest I had a hell-of-a-lot-o'-fun on it, just ended up with a ton on my plate near the end.  Wouldn't mind doing another one day.  Was recently going through some old magazines, and found a tiny article explaining the plans for the "new" El Hazard TV series, to be set in the same world as those first two OAVs.  It sounds like it was going to be a little different from how "The Alternative World" actually turned out, and it did make me wonder how a Round Robin would've used those background elements... but now I'm rambling.

Mind you, if you want to make sure I don't read a post, make sure to put it in a thread with "Tech" in the title.  ^^()

11
El-Hazard Online / Re: Dub Jinnai or Sub Jinnai?
« on: November 12, 2004, 11:43:15 pm »
*Blink blinks.*  Erm... right... back to the question, I prefer sub Jinnai.  But I'm biased, dubs in general make me gnash my teeth in agony.  Dunno why, since I often like the voice actors when they contribute to non-anime works.  Just one of those things.

Somewhere... on a ZIP disk in a box in a closet... there is a wav file I made.  Sub Jinnai's laugh.  Overlayed with Pixy Misa's laugh.  Overlayed with Naga's laugh.  

Truly, I am mad.

12
El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2
« on: February 16, 2004, 09:55:28 pm »
He probably would never have admitted it to himself, but the truth of the matter was that Makoto was starting to get a little accustomed to the weirdness going on around him.  On some unconscious level, in fact, he thought that he wouldn't be too surprised by whatever he saw when he opened his eyes, no matter how horrible it was.

That was a very inaccurate assumption.




Millie stood in a vast auditorium on front of an enormous picture of herself, beaming at the cheering crowds.      

Millie grinned at her audience.  "It is no secret that I entered upon this campaign with no thought that I could be elected ruler of Roshtaria!  It is now no secret that every straw vote, every independent poll, shows that I will be elected."

The crowed roared.

"I began this campaign with only one purpose:  to point out and make public the dishonesty and downright villainy of Boss Queen Diva, now in control of the Allied Kingdoms.  I made no campaign promises because until now I had no hope of winning.  Now I have something more than a hope... and Boss Queen Diva has something less than a chance.

"And I repeat to you - my first official act as ruler will be to appoint a special council of Bugrom demon gods to arrange for the indictment, prosecution, and conviction of Boss Diva!"

The audience supplied a standing ovation on cue.


"Good Grief," exclaimed Makoto as he opened his eyes, "what a strange place!"

"Strange place!"

"Strange place!"

"Strange place!"

Makoto just about jumped out of his skin at the echo.  He made a mental note to keep his voice down.

The only other person nearby sighed a long-suffering sigh.  "Just once," he muttered, "I would like a guest that says 'oh, this is exactly what I expected'."

They were in a vast chamber that seemed to go on forever in all directions.  Somewhere far above there must have been light sources, but Makoto couldn't make them out.  

The primary feature of the chamber was the shelves.  Oh, there were beautifully tiled floors, and pillars decorated with wondrous mosaics and arabesques, but the shelves were what caught the eye.  It was impossible to ignore them for the simple fact that they were everywhere.  There were more shelves than Makoto could ever have hoped to count, as far as the eye could see.  And on each shelf there were boxes.

Makoto gulped as he looked at the person on front of him.  The stranger looked a little bit like a cross between Londs and Dr. Schtalubaugh.  There was something very academic about him, but at the same time he gave off Londs' aura of extreme tidiness, right down to the perfectly groomed beard.  Along with his vaguely Arabian clothing, the stranger wore a nametag with his photograph on it, held a clipboard with a checklist on it, and was apparently pushing a cart piled high with the same type of boxes that were on all the shelves.

Makoto strongly suspected he wasn't human, because he had four arms.  Two were being used to put a very large box on a shelf while another two were marking the checklist.

Makoto unsteadily rose to his feet, and looked around for Jinnai.  But he was nowhere to be seen.  "I am very sorry if I offended you," apologized Makoto.  "Who are you?  Where is this place?"

The four-armed man began to push his cart in Makoto's direction, looking at the shelves.  Makoto followed his gaze and noticed that each shelving unit had a number written on it up high.  "I am Dao," said the stranger.  "This is Stores.  Storage.  How did the Beast of Agggh die?"

"Heart attack, I think."

"Ah.  It's that stupid high-fat low-carb diet it was on.  Awful for the heart."

Makoto looked around.  He really didn't want to be rude, but he wanted to get back to Ifurita.  "Can you tell me how to get out of here?" he asked.

"Probably," said Dao, lifting one of the boxes up onto a shelf.  "Here in Stores you can find the answer to just about everything.  But you wouldn't like how I would answer you."

Makoto frowned.  "Why not?"

Dao sighed and pulled at his beard.  "Because I can only answer you in one of two ways.  I can either give you information that is essentially useless to you, like pointing out that Dao refers to earth, Efreet to fire, Djinn to air, and Marid to water... the Palace of Infinity is upside down for some reason... Mice with hats like having their ears scratched..."

"Or?" supplied Makoto.  He made another mental note about this 'Palace of Infinity' place he kept hearing about.  In all honesty though, he had absolutely no reason to want to know about it.  All he cared about was getting back to Ifurita and making sure all his friends were okay.  He wasn't about to go off on some quest without good cause.  

"Or I can give you information by saying stuff like 'beware the eight' or  'the answers you search can come from the stars above'.  You know, speaking in riddles.  Then when you figure it out you'll be like 'Ohhhhh, thaaat's what he meant, stars abooove'."

"I only want to get out of this place!  Can't you give me any useful information" replied a slightly exasperated Makoto.

"Sorry, I'm only allowed give the kind of advice that makes you frustrated.  My creators had a mean sense of humor.  For instance, they made me want to be a gardener.  Huh.  Think you can grow any plants in this place?  Not likely."

Makoto looked around, trying to see something, anything, that might indicate a way out.  Unfortunately there were only shelves and boxes.




"You know how we were sent here to retrieve the Cloud of Tears generator?" asked the first Phantom Tribe scout.

"Yep," said the second.

"You know how Nahato wanted us back, as soon as possible?"

"Yep."

"You know how we've got that massive flying skiff to carry it on?"

"Yep."

"I don't think it's gonna fit."

The second scout lay down on the floor and looked as far down into the darkness as he could.  The bottom of the generator was just barely visible.  The rest of it filled the deep chasm right up to his eye level.  "No, I don't think so either."




"What in blazes?" growled Jinnai as he opened his eyes.  "Where am I?  Groucho, get your chitinous behind off my face!"

"Braglogawancha."

"Behind, thorax, abdomen, whatever!  Just get off me!"  Jinnai unsteadily rose to his feet, and looked around for Makoto.  But the accursed saboteur was nowhere to be seen.  

Jinnai took in his surroundings.  He was in a vast low-ceilinged chamber that seemed to go on forever, covered in stalactites and stalagmites .  He was also damp... from warm water for that matter, which explained his current shape.

The primary feature of the chamber was the water.  Oh, there were beautifully tiled floors and pillars decorated with wondrous mosaics and arabesques, but the elegant pools of water were what caught the eye.  Light sources were apparently under the water, illuminating the chamber with soft soothing light.  There were more of these pools than Jinnai could ever have hoped to count, as far as the eye could see.  

Someone suddenly leapt from one of the pools, somersaulting (narrowly missing one of the dripping stalactites [or was that stalagmites?] that covered the ceiling) and landed right on front of him.  She was quite beautiful, and clothed in... well, streamers of water that seemed to be floating around her, occasionally coalescing into vaguely-Arabic garb.  

"Hello," she purred, leaning against a stalagmite (or was that stalactite?) languidly, her voice and gestures utterly fluid.  "Welcome to Files and Records.  I am Marid."

"You're a demon god!" exclaimed Jinnai, thrusting a finger at her accusingly.

"What gave that away?" she responded as a streamer of water briefly formed a veil over her face.

Jinnai ignored her question and looked around.  "Why are these pools here?"

"In those pools I can show you almost anything.  Almost anything.  They were built with almost none of the filters that prevent you from seeing everything.  Almost none of the filters, not like a certain know-it-all showoff bird..."

The finger once more thrust in her face.  "Anything?  Then show me weapons!  Show me the secrets of the ancients!  Show me-"

Marid languorously moved his finger aside.  With her exceptionally long leg.  In a way that would have resulted in a lethal nosebleed in most heterosexual males.  Dictionaries would have done well to include a picture of her beside the word 'seductress'.

"Jinnai," she breathed (not bothering for him to introduce himself), "I'm afraid it doesn't work that way.  I was only programmed to give you riddles or useless information.  For instance..."




Makoto was hitching a ride on Dao's trolly.  The demon god apparently didn't mind, or at least he hadn't said anything yet.  There were only a few of these boxes left on the trolly, which meant that Dao would have to get a fresh batch soon.  And, Makoto hoped, that might mean that Dao would go somewhere that had a way back outside.

As a matter of fact Dao would be heading back to Files and Records for more boxes, and there was a way outside there.




Nahato sat quietly in his throne.  He was an assassin... he had killed before.  He had seen death many times in his brief lifetime.  But not like that.  Never like that.

His eyes betrayed him, drawing his gaze back to the figure shrouded by a thin white sheet.  Nobody had come to collect the clone-Kauru's body yet.  The Phantom Tribe were not used to dealing with bodies - they normally turned to vapor upon death.  But apparently the clone's body contained just enough alien DNA to prevent that.  It was so very different to watch someone that looked like one of his own people... dying like that... and remaining after death.  Horrible.

He tore his gaze away from the awful sight and shuddered.  His clone-slaves seemed similarly distraught.  Perhaps moreso, thought Nahato.  After all, they had never had any training to deal with death.  And she was much like them...

His ruminations were broken as Hassan and Khamid entered the room.  Nahato leapt to his feet angrilly.  "Do you see what you've done?  What went wrong?  There's a demon god that knows we're here, and he's going to want to know why his master is dead when he arrives!  I want answers, now!"

"Answers," grinned Hassan.  "Very well.  But I don't think you'll like them."

"No," agreed Khamid as Ibn Al-Zahad and their clones filed into the room, raising weapons and pointing them at Nahato.  "I don't think you'll like them at all."

13
El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2
« on: January 25, 2004, 06:33:15 pm »
"That'll learn him to bust my tomater!" cackled Nahato's (divorced) mother, her extra chins jiggling with glee.  She was wearing the uniform of the Phantom Tribe janitorial staff, and leaning slightly on her broom.  "Kya-ha... just like you said, they didn't even notice me walk in there and empty that jar of bugs.  And boy were you guys on the ball about what would happen next!"  She giggled in evil glee, rubbing her pudgy hands together.  "You and me, boys, we're going right to the top!  Nahato'll come crawling back to me, soon enough, and you two will get your reward!"  She positively bounced off the walls with adrenaline, pacing back and forth so quickly that her prodigious weight seemed to be flying in all directions at once.  More than once she narrowly missed knocking over a complicated piece of machinery, although Hassad and Khamid didn't even look up from their work.  Grinning in an ingratiating manner, she walked right up to Hassad and tapped him on the shoulder.  "What's that thing you're working on?"

Hassad lifted up a device that looked similar to a deringer, but with a needle at the end.  "A powerful mutagen," he explained.  "It alters body perspiration to create a powerful anti-adhesive agent."

"So you don't get glued?" said Nahato's (former) mother, nodding as if she was giving the idea her approval.  she looked around the lab again.  "No photographs.  You two don't get out much, do you?"

"Our work takes up our time," replied Khamid, typing away at a computer terminal.

"No girlfriends I take it... hang on, are you two a couple?"

Hassad flicked on a small centrifuge.  "Yes," he said simply.

"Not sure I approve of that," muttered Nahato's (former) mother, loud enough to show she wanted to be heard.  "No, not sure about that at all.  Think I'm going to make some changes in the laws, around here, once I'm in charge again.  And once I've got my wretched boy married to one of those girls.  'Course getting back my stuff is my first conc-" Nahato's (former) mother's tirade was cut short as a thin tongue of flame burst from her chest.  She looked down at it in horror, and had jsut enough time to let out a little scream before turning to vapor.

"Thank you," breathed Khamid, not even turning away from his workstation as the woman met her demise.  "I was starting to wonder if she would ever cease her yammering."

"That was very interesting though," commented Hassad.  "I believe the flame went through her left subclavian artery."

"And she had time to react?" supplied Khamid.  "That is unusual."  He stood up from his lab stool and gazed through the thinning mist that had once been a fellow tribemember.  A clone of Shayla-Shayla, wearing the dark lamp of fire, stared back at him.

CHI-

As one Khamid and Hassad turned and regarded the part of an axe sticking out of thin air.  It was jet black, and utterly devoid of ornamentation.

INK!  The axe finished cleaving a portal in space, and a blue skinned clone of Nanami stepped through it, followed by clones of the other heroes, as well as Ibn-Al Zahad.




"'Ere," said the head of the Bakers, confectioners, and piano movers, "wot I wonts to know is, why should I vote for someone 'ats got mice backin' 'er up?  I mean, they're the little meances wot eat my profits!"

Millie rallied herself reamarkably well.  "Actually, if you think about it, it makes sense.  The mice with hats are intelligent.  They would gladly leave a store alone, provided they were given a certain tax... say a loaf of bread every once in a while... and in return they would be able to guard your establishments against unintelligent creatures."  Since the Bugrom had taken over, there had been a redistribution of power in the El-Hazard guilds.  The various people working with food were by far the most powerful now - you could trust Bugrom with construction, but not food preperation.

It just didn't seem sanitary.

"My question is for Queen Diva," voiced a woman in the audience.  Diva nodded uncomfortably, still not used to this whole 'democracy' idea.  "My husband's a construction worker.  Thanks to you, he's out of a job."

Diva smiled weakly.  Londs quickly answered the question.  "You will still recieve pay, even if you aren't working."

"That's not the problem!" shouted the woman angrily, "He loves getting paid for not working, but I don't love having him at home all day, sitting around, gaining weight!"  

Several other people in the crowd, unhappy with having more time with their spouses, chimed in.  Rune Venus smiled to herself.




Shayla-Shayla sat with the other priestesses, off stage.  She had a great deal to think about.  Shortly before the debate had started, Millie had taken her aside.  And the two had talked.

There had been a picture of Princess Fatora in the room.  Millie had noticed the way Shayla had looked at it.  "Amazing resemblence to the Earth-Boy, I'm told.  IS that true?"

Shayla had blushed and looked away.  "I'm sure I haven't noticed.  Not my business what he looks like, or who he looks like... er... at."

Millie had laughed.  'Good grief, you're smitten aren't you?" she had laughed.  Shayla had bristled.

"No!  He's nice but he's... I just think he's nice is all.  Nothing else.  Besides, he's with Ifurita."

Millie had nodded.  "Yes, the machine that tried to kill us all a while back.  But you're right, if he's remained completely faithful to her-"  Millie had stopped there, staring intently at Shayla.  "Has he?"

"Well... there was once, with another Ifurita..."

Millie had laughed again.  "But you have a chance then!  Go for the guy wou want!"

"Look, I never said I want anyone!" Shayla had retorted.

Millie had shrugged.  "I guess that makes sense.  After all, I know a Great Priestess of Fire wouldn't let some machine beat her."

"Yeah..."

"I know how brave you are, I'm sure you'd have at least told him your feelings... if you were interested."

"Well... Yeah..."

"And I know you'll fight for what you want, to your last breath."  Millie had gone on, moving closer to Shayla.  The Priestess fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Well, I don't know.  I mean, I know how to fight fight, but lovey dovey stuff..."

"Oh I know all about romance," purred Millie, "If you ever needed any help... well, I know of a few ways to ruin even the most perfect of relationships.  Make the people invovled realize it wasn't so perfect after all.  Make people realize who they're really destined to be with..."

It was damne trite dialogue, but it had been the sort of thing Shayla had wanted to hear.  That there was hope, that she could win Makoto's heart, that Ifurita wasn't really competition, just a mistake.  A machine.  Millie had poured on the honeyed words up to the start of the debate, and Shayla had listened.  Looking at her fellow priestesses, she noted that Afura had fallen sleep leaning against Ishiel, smiles plastered across both faces.  She made up her mind.  She would take Millie's help, she would fight for Makoto.  She would do what she had to, to break Ifurita and Makoto up.




"Splendid," remarked Khamid, taking readings of Ibn Al-Zahad.

"And you had no problems finding him?" asked Hassad.  A blue skinned and white haired clone of Kauru shook her head.  "And the rest of you," he turned and looked at the other clones, "no problems with the lamps or ring?  You abilities all working correctly?  Splendid, splendid."

Ibn Al-Zahad crossed his arms over his bronzed and muscled chest, speaking in a low voice tinged with slight menace.  "What exactly is going on?" he growled.

The two scientists looked him over with more curiosity than fear.  "A private little coup, actually," explained Hassad.  "The leader of our tribe intended to take control of you, using a clone."

"The clone that he has, however, is faulty," continued Khamid.  "As you've no doubt detected by now, her rate of cellular apoptosis is vastly accelerated.  She is not long for this world.  Our clones, on the other hand, are quite healthy."

Hassad laughed mirthlessly.  "Of course we have copies of all the clones.  Scientists always keep back-up copies."

"Although ours are loyal to us," added Khamid.

"Yes," picked up Hassad, "and we also took note of some peculiarities of the originals.  They show compassion.  Therefore we have randomly selected members of the original party, and isntructed the clones to be in 'love' with them."

"We believe," said Khamid dryly, "that the originals will show reluctance to kill clones that are displaying emotion.  Particularly 'love', which they seem to consider very human."

"A failing," noted Hassad, "that our servants do not possess.  They will even kill the ones they 'love', if so instructed."

"Cellular degeneration," interupted the demon god.  "An extremely painful death." Al-Zahad frowned deeply.  He did not like these men.

The scientists shared another glance.  They were the sort of natural evil that always showed up when science was pursued without morality, as sure as plague showing up in rats.  "I would imagine it's an agonizing death," agreed Khamid thoughtfully, shrugging a shrug that let everyone know that, while the world had many problems, this one was not one of his.  "Although we never really considered it.  We just wanted a hastened death.  One that would quickly leave the other clone in a state that you could not serve it.  You can't serve the other clone, correct?"

Al-Zahad narrowed his eye in disgust.  Scientists playing god, never even caring about the pain they caused.  Yes, this was familiar.  "Her cellular state has progressed to the point that I am more loyal to your clone, yes.  I suppose you'll want me to kill the one she serves?"

The scientists shook their heads.  "Actually, we think his plan is splendid," pointed out Hassad, "turning the entire world to Phantom Tribe.  There's definitely something to it.  We just want to be the ones in charge at the end, is all."

"We were the two scientists that did most of the work taking over the original Eye of God," bragged Khamid.  "We deserve to be in power."

"But," continued Hassad, "We want Nahato there to watch as we take power.  That would be Splendid.  He has not treated us well."

Khamid looked worried.  "I'm surprised you showed concern about the 'pain' of the other clone.  Perhaps we should reset your settings."

Al-Zahad bristled.  That would wipe his memories of Crayna.  He did not want that, but he couldn't argue with his masters.

"There would probably some loss in efficiency," sighed Hassad.  "I doubt his core kernal is compromised.  We should leave him."

Khamid shrugged.  "Very well.  But I think we should do something about Uruak's... problem."  The two scientists looked at the Kauru clone thoughtfully.  She looked back at them, a little worried.

"M... masters?  How may I-"

"Silence clone," interuppted Hassad.  "Khamid, do you remember experiment D - 9 - D?

Khamid tilted his head back, trying to recall.  "Ah!" he said with a grin.  "Splendid!  After all, Uruak's phobia is entirely triggered by visual input."  He turned his attention back to the Kauru clone.  "Uruak, please blind yourself."

Hassad turned to look at the horrified Al-Zahad.  "In experiment D-9-D," he explained, looking like something found in a very deep hole that had been shoved into a labcoat, "we sewed shut kittens' eyes, to see if they'd go blind.  We suspected they would, and were right.   But sometimes you just have to test things."





"So you're saying you have no information on the strange Bugrom seen near the outlying villages?"

"No!" said Londs, exhasperated.  "I keept telling you we have no 'new' species of Bugrom, and there are no Bugrom in those villages!"

Another hand shot up in the audience.  "Sorry," said the speaker, "but you said no new 'species'.  What about phylum?  Or order?"

Londs rolled his eyes heavenward, unable to believe just how pigheaded people could be.  "Read my lips!  No.  New.  Taxa!"




[SOL]

Crow, Mike, Tom:  *GROOOOAN.*




"How do you explain that you've lost the support of the Bugrom Demon Gods, your own people?  They say you let other Bugrom pick on them because they look silly!"

"But, but, but," stuttered Diva, "they do look silly!"

There was a murmmer of agreement from the audience.  Apparently the answer had been satisfying.  But she had lost the silly looking people vote.




"Gah!" said Ura.  His supporters applauded.  The person who had asked the question sat down, satisfied.

"'Ere, I gots a question for the cat," spoke up the head of the Baker's guild.  "Dem Bugrom, dey say dey're going to give us whatever we want, an we don' have to work for it.  But what if wot I wonts is respect, eh?  What do you have to say to the people of Floristica that just want to be respected?"

Ura raised his paw and extended his middle claw in response, much to the surprise of everyone in the room, particularly Ura.  The claw moved quite fast, quickly flipping off the entire audience and the other speakers."

"WHAT?" shrieked Diva.

"THE?"  gasped Rune.

"HELL?" gaped Ura.

Millie turned to Ishiel, her head of counteradvertising (and a powerful illusionist) and smiled.  "If I might take a moment," she said after the boos and hisses stopped, "I'd like to address and earlier question.  As a matter of fact, there is an alien Bugrom threat in the outlying villages... can I have the lights please?  Turn on my projector Afura, thankyou... as you can see here..."

"D'OH!" exclaimed Londs and Diva.

14
El-Hazard Online / Re: Alternative World Alternatives
« on: January 24, 2004, 08:28:45 pm »
Quote
Hopefully you'll also take out that horrendous 13th episode and kill whoever wrote it.



Wait wait wait wait wait.  *Blinks in confusion.*  You're saying that thing was written?  I find that a little hard to believe.

15
El-Hazard Online / Re: El-Hazard Round Robin, Part 2
« on: January 23, 2004, 09:41:37 pm »
ooc: *wonders if the homage/plagarism will be spotted...*
ic:
Kalia quietly rose up into the air toward The Heckler of Rasillion, neatly avoiding the flying turtle things hurtling through the sky.  Her smile was so saccharine it defied belief and demanded its own PBS kids show right after Tellytubbies.  "Hello Mister Man," she said curiously.  "Whatcha doin'?"

The Heckler slowly inclined his head to regard her, little sparks flying from every inch of his body.  "I am afraid you cannot see it-"

"Why?" Kalia interrupted.

The Heckler looked even more upset than usual for a moment, but continued.  "You can't see it because we're cancelling each other out.  It's trying to send these messages to El-Hazard that would leave everyone's brains like tapiocca, but right now I'm blocking them."

"Why?"

The Heckler gritted its teeth.  It really should have had all its attention on the Mouth, but still... "Because this is what I was built to do.  And the Mouth needs to be stopped."

"Why?"

"Because it would be very bad if it turned everyone's minds to blamange!"

"Why?"  

"Because it just would, okay?  This thing was built to do something bad!"

"Why?"

And that gave the Heckler pause for a moment.  It really should have been focussing all its energy on The Mouth.  But at the same time, it decided that Kalia, in her current state, should probably be shielded from the darker side of humanity.  "Because sometimes people do very silly things," it explained.  "Now I'm really busy, can you maybe-"

"Okay-buh-bye!" Kalia grinned, slowly floating back down toward the ground.  A bird landed on her shoulder, and she regarded it with perfect innocence.  "Hello Birdie.  Will you be my friend?"  The bird tweeted for a moment, then flew off.  "Okay-buh-bye!" she called after it, waving happily.  




"Do you know what I'm going to do to those wretched bugs when I get free?" growled Shayla.  She had managed to roll her cocoon over to a sharp outcropping of rock, and, by skillfully rocking herself back and forth, had already managed to wear away the part covering her mouth.  At the moment she was continuing her work, making slow but certain progress.

"Um... no?" supplied Parnasse unhelpfully.  He would have helped, really, but he had been tied to a very smooth pillar, and there really wasn't anything to cut himself free with.  He couldn't really do much but eat, which he was doing.  Ura, meanwhile, was glaring mournfully at the mitten-like coverings the Bugrom had put over his paws.  The muzzle was quite annoying too.

"I'm going to skin them alive," Shayla replied, a tiny bit of frustration-induced-dementia finding its way into her voice.  "Yes.  Skin them alive.  Or remove their shells, whatever you do with Bugrom."

"Erm... that sounds unpleasant," frowned Parnasse.

"I'm going to tear their shells off. In little one inch strips."

"I'm not sure you can remove a shell in strips..."

"And then-"  She grunted in annoyance as the cacoon rolled too much one way, and it took her several more tries before she could scoot it back to the sharp outcropping.  Worse still, she had managed to roll into a puddle of water, which was just plain annoying.  "And then I'm going to rip off their little bug legs, and beat them to death with them."

"Geez.  Bloodthirsty much?"

Shayla didn't hear him.  She was in her own little world by now, and was already picturing the bugs burning.




Hassad and Khamid, chief scientists of the Phantom Tribe (and utterly humorless people) turned on the most powerful lights in their laboratory.  Hassad scratched his chin thoughtfully, while Khamid circled the pile of parts that Minagi had been reduced to.  

"Interesting," said Hassad, picking up one of Minagi's arms.

"A challenge," commented Khamid, picking up Minagi's head.

"Erm, hello?" tried Minagi.  The scientists ignored her.

"It will take time to properly finish the demon god's construction," remarked Hassad dryly.

"Master Nahato wants her ready before the clones are fully programmed," noted Khamid.

"Tricky," remarked Hassad, turning the arm this way and that, staring intently at the joints.

"But doable," finished Khamid, placing Minagi's head on her torso.

"Erm," tried Minagi again, but was again ignored.

"In the meantime?"  contributed Hassad.

"The Handyman's Helper, of course."

"Oh come on!" groaned Minagi as she saw them reach for the duct tape.




"And then," growled Shayla through clenched teeth.  She had done significant damage to the cacoon, and was now in the process of pushing it open from the inside.  Bit by bit it was ripping.  "I'm going to hang them from the tallest tree outside of Florestica, as a warning to all the other bugs.  And then..."

"I think they'd be dead from the last few things you did," said Parnasse.

"Probably, yeah," agreed Millie.  She walked calmly into the little cavern, flanked by Afura and Ishiel, squads of mice in hats trailing after her as if she was the Pied Piper.  The Guide was not with them.

"ack," said Shayla.

"eep," said Parnasse.

"gah," said Ura.

"arg," said Parnasse.

"ngh," said Shayla.

"Yes, I know.  I am amazing, aren't I?" said Millie with a smirk.  She gestured to the cacoon, and a moment later the mice were on it, neatly ripping it to shreds.  Before she even knew what was going on Shayla was free.

The Great Priestess Of Fire rubbed her arms, trying to get the circulation back.  "I was just about to free myself!" she sulked, a little peevishly.

"Of course you were," sighed Afura, patting Shayla on the back.  

"I so was!" growled Shayla, stamping her foot in frustration.  Of course, she manged to stamp right in a puddle, so she looked and felt a little silly.  "What the heck are you guys even doing here?" she asked, trying to pretend she hadn't just done something stupid.  "And who's the weirdo?"

"And why mice?" hissed Ura.  The mice with hats were surrounding him, suspiciously.

"I'm Millie," interjected Millie helpfully, "the head of this little rescue operation.  We're here to save you, along with..." she looked up at the ceiling.  "Afura, Shayla, my little bird demon god thingy said you should take a few steps to your left at this point."  

Afura did so without question, much to Shayla's puzzlement and Ishiel's amusement.  "What-" began Shayla, but she couldn't get any further, on account of the ceiling giving way and depositing a small amount of dirt on her.  Followed by Fatora, Gatora, Hatora, Allielle, Groucho, and Jinnai, in that order.  As luck would have it, some of the cold water managed to get splashed on Jinnai as he landed, before anyone could see his face.

Millie sighed.  "I did try to tell you to move, Shayla."

"So you did," groaned Shayla, somewhere underneath the pile of (mostly ecstatic) women.

Millie smiled.  Having two of the priestesses on her side was great.  But the love potion in her pocket meant she could buy the loyalty of a third priestess, and that, The Guide had told her, would help a lot.




Gatora and Hatora's ninjas were moping around, feeling awful.  "There's nowhere we haven't looked?" said one.

"Nowhere," sighed another.

"But what will we do without some attractive bossy woman to tell us what to do, and to fawn over?"

"And to do strange missions for, like sitting on people's heads?"

CHI-

All the ninjas turned to stare at the part of an axe sticking out of thin air.


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