let me see, i like this because i need it more EL HAZARD!!!, but analyzing it, it could be better.
I ll point some things that i did not like:
Time: How much time are they in this world, enough to put Jinnai fat, but not enough to let Shayla starve to death?. Miz, Fuji and Afura get there later, give rune time to fall in love?
Ifurita:

Qawoor: shes cute, everybody loves her, powerfull, no fun, and guess what she likes makoto, ahh!! come on!! I Dont like her.
Parnasse: why this character? Am i missing something or he is really useless
Dal: Schizophrenic!
Chabil: Came ON!!! THE PRINCESS IS IN LOVE!!! AND NOTHING HAPPENS!!!, KILL HIM MAKE US ALL CRY OR SEND HIM TO ROSHTARIA AND MAKE US HAPPY, BUT DO SOMETHING!!!!
Chapter 13 Rocks!!! it has no sense but it was really funny!!