El-Hazard Online
General => El-Hazard Online => Topic started by: Lord God Jinnai on August 14, 2003, 03:21:47 am
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Well, as everyone seems to be writing their own fanfiction, I decided it was my turn to stretch my literary muscles.
Read my story or DIE!
El-Hazard: Ultimate Weapons Part 1 (http://www.zyworld.com/MrEnd/El_Hazard-_Ultimate_Weapons.htm)
I also posted this up on Fanfiction.net, but the formatting sucked. I shall blame this incident on Xel, as she has been promoted to my Official Scapegoat.
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Ooh! I'm promoted! XD Heeey, and that means--!
...Unfortunately, I just know I'd only be held responsible for the fic itself if it sucked, which it most assuredly doesn't. ;D So flock, minions, and sing your ruler's praises as I do now!
Really. X3 The characterization's excellent-- Afura stood out for me, who seems to me like a bit of a difficult personality to pin down in fics, for whatever reason. I'm not sure why. Naturally, the representation of His Lordship is dead-on, as is to be expected... :3 I'm most definitely interested in reading more, so keep us updated or something! And hell, bring us Alielle! The world NEEDS more tiny lesbians! Every one has to count!
This coming from me... :|
In regards to ff.n, I've had to deal with my own misadventures with formatting, so I'll help you out there, if I can. It's all part of ff.n's grand scheme titled "Let's Make Changes to the Way Shit Works Without Telling Anyone."
Rar. We will crush them in a hostile takeover soon, won't we, sir?
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Heh. I love it! Very well-written story.
I have to admit that Ifurita felt ever-so-slightly off to me... Mostly because of the casual way she talked about killing Shayla. Even though she was speaking in a perfectly in-character "I'm saying these things but I don't really have any idea what I'm talking about" tone, she always seemed horrified by such harsh objectives on the show ("Someone might even get hurt!"). Unless Jinnai's finally managed to rub off on her, this seems out-of-place.
Then again, I'm a TV-Ifurita nut, any of my nitpicking on her behalf is probably a reflection of that. :P Aside from this small piece of dialogue, she seemed spot-on to me.
As Xel said, your characteriztion for our favorite Lord God is flawless, and I didn't note any real problems with any of the other characters either. You even managed to restrain your burning and seething loathing for Mizuhara long enough to portray him in-character, and without senselessly violent things happening to him on a regular basis with no apparent cause! Kudos! :D
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I have to admit that Ifurita felt ever-so-slightly off to me... Mostly because of the casual way she talked about killing Shayla. Even though she was speaking in a perfectly in-character "I'm saying these things but I don't really have any idea what I'm talking about" tone, she always seemed horrified by such harsh objectives on the show ("Someone might even get hurt!"). Unless Jinnai's finally managed to rub off on her, this seems out-of-place.
Yes, I admit I was debating whether to leave in that "I promise to kill you all later" line, as it seemed a tad bit extreme to come out of innocent little tv Iffy's lips. But the comedic value was too good to miss, so I left it in.
I attribute this example of Iffy OOC to Jinnai's weekly Evil Lessons, in which he teaches his Demon God the basics of villiany. Such lessons include laughing maniacally, gloating when all is going well, gritting one's teeth and shaking a fist in rage when it isn't, and, most importantly, rambling on psychotically even though you don't mean it. (Example: Grrr... I'LL KILL YOU TILL YOU DIE!)
Rar. We will crush them in a hostile takeover soon, won't we, sir?
Feh, small potatos, Xel. Small potatos. I won't waste my valuable time on them. Besides, all my fics might get deleted if I launch an all out invasion.
You even managed to restrain your burning and seething loathing for Mizuhara long enough to portray him in-character, and without senselessly violent things happening to him on a regular basis with no apparent cause! Kudos!
Grrr... this glaring mistake must be rectified AT ONCE!
*begins writing Chapter 2*
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(puts reading of new fan fiction on his To-Do List)
It figures, everyone else would start writing productively while I'm bogged down in the middle of my novel-length angst-fest. And while my life continues to moderately suck :P
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BAH! HOW DARE YOU! YOUR STORY SURPASSES MINE!
Jeeze... Wait actually I never finished it, and i'm, uhh, not as old as you, but still the OVA 1 Jinnai will kick yer ARSE!
ROB: Wrong topic
BAH AGAIN!
All quotes in these posts were obviously false and were nto said by the actual people.
P.S. Good job on the story... I forgot whether it was yours or not, but if it is, GJ!
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Read my story or DIE!
EEP! :o
With advertising like that, how can I resist?
Anyway, great job. Your ability to accurately depict the characters is astounding, and the scenes were really easy to picture. The humor is also quite good. Visualizing Shayla chasing Ifurita around Florestica and blowing up everything in her path is worth a couple laughs all by itself, and when coupled with the dialogue you have a winner. You even gave Schtalabaugh good lines! The plot is also interesting. Seeing another Demon God in action ought to be very gripping to say the least, and the race to awaken her/him/it looks like it will be very tense and enjoyable to read. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.
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I saved it on a disc, and I'm gonna take it to my computer and read it tonight probably.
I bet it'll be good. ;D
Lar xxx
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Really decent read. I look forward to seeing more!
As a qualified married person--Fujisawa, I feel your pain. ;)
--me
Mark Engels
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I read it a couple of minutes ago. Your grammer is good, spelling is good, and it's a good story!
All in all, I will be reading more...be warned...I'm watching you LGJ.
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Speaking of fanfics, there's a new fanfic (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1481661) by an author named Eponymous (http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=34503) on Fanfiction.net (http://www.fanfiction.net) that you really, really ought to read, LGJ... ;D
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Hah ha! I like that fic. Pure evil genius!
Unfortunately, its distinct lack of Makoto mangling takes away some points. I give it a 4 out of 6.