I've not completed "Episode 1" yet of my "El Hazard:New World" story, but I've finished the first few scenes. It reads like a mixture of a fan fic, and a script. Anyway, it's a VERY rough draft, but I'd like to get some immediate feedback. Keep in mind that it's 30 years into the future (so Mr. Fujisawa, and Miz, are both well up there in years, and they now have a son named Masato). Tell me what you all think!
El Hazard: The New World
Episode 1
The air was crisp, clean, and thin. Small cool patches of hazy clouds drifted in the air. A nice mountain path, running adjacent to the mountain, arched upwards at a small angle. Suddenly, a man in his sixties, but very physically fit for his age, came running up that path. He was breathing a little bit heavily, and came to a stop. Wiping a bit of sweat from off his brow, the silver haired sinewy man, dressed in jogging pants, a white shirt, and a leather coat, grabbed a bottle that was at his waist. Taking a quick swig from the bottle, the man gave a joyous shout.
Masamichi Fujisawa: Yeah, this is the life! There's nothing like climbing this beauty of a mountain. Mount Muldoon is always a great challenge!
After standing with a nice smile on his angular face, the old sensei slowly turned around, and quickly looked about. His travelling companion was nowhere to be found.
Masamichi Fujisawa: Miz? Where are you, Miz?! Hurry up, will 'ya!
After looking around a bit more, but not seeing her anywhere, Mr. Fujisawa became a bit concerned.
Masamichi Fujisawa: Miz? Are you Ok? Speak to me, Miz!
Finally, Miz Mishtal, also in her senior years, with a few wrinkles on her face, and greyish blue hair, and wearing a dress much like the one she wore in her younger days, begin to slowly walk around the turn in the path, to come to where Mr. Fujisawa was. She was clearly out of breath.
Miz Mishtal: Oh, Masamichi... *huff*... why do we have to go on these... *puff*... so strenuating mountain climbing journey's all the time?!
Masamichi Fujisawa: Humph. Given that you used to be a Priestess of Mount Muldoon, I'm surprised that it's that hard for you to conquer it!
Miz Mishtal: Well, honey, I'm not as young as I used to be!
Masamichi Fujisawa (with a smile): Yeah... but I'm no spring chicken, either. Still, Miz, I'm glad that you came along.
Miz Mishtal (with a sympathetic smile): I couldn't let you go kill yourself on one of these suicidal journeys alone, could I? I wouldn't be much of a wife, then.
Masamichi Fujisawa: Heh. I still remember when Londs told Makoto and me that this mountain meant certain death. Well, I guess he was wrong about that!
This gave Miz Mishtal a little idea.
Miz Mishtal (touching her head like she was about to faint), and sauntering over to Mr. Fujisawa): I'm not so sure about thaaaaaaatttt...
Miz Mishtal then collapses... very convienantly into Mr. Fujisawa's arms.
"Whoa, Miz, are you alright?" asked a concerned Mr. Fujisawa, sitting down, and holding her in his arms
Miz Mishtal (with a playful grin, and one eye opened): I'll be fine... as long as you're holding me in your arms, my Prince Charming.
Mr. Fujisawa (with a playful smile): Oh, this is one of your nice romantic games again, eh? I don't mind as much as I used to, you know.
Miz Mishtal and Mr. Fujisawa than come face to face, with her staring up at his face, and him staring down at hers.
Miz Mishtal: I know, sweetie... now give me a kiss.
With a shadowed profile of each person's face, and puckered lips, the two begin to slowly move their heads together to make a kiss. However, they certainly heard a sound...
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Mr. Fujisawa (breaking away from the kiss): What's that sound?
Miz Mishtal: *Sigh* I don't hear anything. Are you just trying to avoid kissing me?
?: Wjpogsagpoia!
Mr. Fujisawa: Of course not! And there is that sound again. Do you hear it, Miz?
Miz Mishtal (starting to take the sound seriously): Yeah, I do. What could it be, Masamichi?
?: Whisinospooidsfg!
Mr. Fujisawa: It sounds... it sounds like bugrum!
Miz Mishtal: Bugrum? Here?! Why, bugrum haven't been on this side of the River of God in twenty years!
Both Mr. Fujisawa, and Miz Mishtal came to their feet, and begin looking around.
Mr. Fujisawa: Still... I'm almost positive that's bugrum!
Suddenly, the sound of bugrum feet moving quickly upon the ground could be heard.
Miz Mishtal (becoming frightened): Oh, dear, you're right... it is bugrum!
Mr. Fujisawa: Stay calm, Miz, I'll... *hic*... stop them.
Miz Mishtal: Oh no, you've been drinking too! You won't be able to stop them!
Mr. Fujisawa: Now, don't get ahead of... *hic*... of yourself here. I'm Masa *hic* chi Fujisawa. I can handle it!
Suddenly, large looming bugrum-esque shadows cascade over both Mr. Fujisawa, and Miz Mishtal. There's a close up of their faces, as you hear a leaping sound, more bugrum shouts, and Mr. Fujisawa and Miz Mishtal shouting/screaming in horror!
Cue the credits...
We come to a nice, serence clearing in the forest. A nice, pristine Canadian log cabin is almost completed, but still under construction. The grass is nice, and lush, but also a bit moist. The sounds of an axe cutting into wood, and of a young man grunting can be heard. Camera slowly zooms across the scene of the cabin, with several small animals scurrying about the cabin. Finally, you hear the sound of "timber!" Camera then zooms to the secene of the tree falling, and then focuses on the face of a young man, in his late teens, with brown hair, smoking a cigarette, and wearing a nice blue outfit of sorts (similiar to Galus' from the original El Hazard OVA).
Masato Fujisawa (wiping the sweat off of his forehead): *Whew*. Dad certainly keeps me busy making cabins like this. I would have loved to have gone on that mountain trip with him and mom, but mom wanted to take the advantage of having "quality time alone" with dad, so I was left here chopping down trees, and chopping up wood. I hope that they're having a good time, though.
Masato then slowly lowers himself to the ground below, and stretches out on the grass, with his hands behind his head, looking up to the sky above.
Masato: This place sure is beautiful... and peaceful.
We see the nice blue sky above, with a few clouds passing by, that Masato sees.
Masato (rolling over to his side, facing the camera): Too peaceful, though. I need adventure! I hate just sitting around, and doing stupid, little chores like this.
Masato (close up on his face): Hhhmmm... I wonder what Watanabe is up to. He told me that he was going to try out a new experiment at a nearby lake. Maybe I should go check it out.
We now come to the lakeside, and a young boy, wearing a student uniform, with dark hair, fiddling with some sort of mechanism in his hands.
Watanabe: Electrical energy is hard to come by, here in El Hazard, but by harnassing hydroelectric sources, and then compressing the energy into small capsules, we at least have batteries that can charge remote controls like this one!
If I can get this new invention working, it could be really useful in providing another nice, clean environmentally-friendly method of locomotion for El Hazard!
Watanabe quietly fiddles at the control, and is clearly peering outwards at the large body of water in front of him. He has a smile on his face, and pumps one fist into the air.
Watanabe: Yes, it's working! It's actually working!
The sound of shuffling branches, and leaves, could be heard as Masato walked up from behind Watanabe, to join him at the sandy lakeside.
Masato: What's working?
Watanabe (turning his head to greet Masato): Oh hey, Masato. It's just this new invention I'm trying out.
Masato: Your new invention?
Watanabe: Yeah... let me bring it closer in, so you can take a look at it.
Short moment of both of them peering out at the lake, while Watanabe continues to fiddle with the controls.
Masato's mouth opens in awe at what he now sees, and the cigarette almost falls out of his mouth.
Masato: Wow! You made... that!
On the "that" we get a quick zoom over the scene of a very tall metallic boat, like a minaturized version of a steamliner.
Watanabe: Well, I only designed it. I needed the help of Faura Flora, and Midori, to actually make it.
Masato (with a smile, and arms outstretched): Awesome! You've done good, Watanabe! Could we actually take that boat for a ride down the river?
Watanabe: Well... I'm not so sure if that's a good idea, Masato. It may be harder for me to control if I'm actually on it.
Masato: Oh, come on! Where's your spirit for adventure?! You have this lovely little longliner, and you're just going to let it sit in the bay? Let's take it for a ride!
Watanabe (with his eyes closed, rubbing his hair, and a nervous look): Well, if you insist...
Masato (grabbing Watanabe's arm, draggin Watanabe, and jumping unto the boat): Great! Let's go...
Watanabe: Whooaaaa...! Be careful!
The two teenagers are now on the boat, and with Watanabe continuing to fiddle with the controls, you hear a large humming sound, a large swoosh of water, and the boat starting to turn, and head out of the lake, and into the river.
The sound of humming motors, and parting water, continues to be heard in the background. A gleeful Masato lounges on the boat's railing, while sitting on the deck. Watanabe is facing forward, steering the ship with his remote control. After a few silent moments, the two begin talking again.
Masato: Aahhhhh... now this is what I call fun! What I wouldn't give for your inventive talents, Watanabe!
Watanabe (with a smile): Hey, I wouldn't mind having your strength!
Masato: Yeah... but it means I have to cut back on drinking, and smoking. What good is life if you can't get a nice buzz, or high, once in a while?
Watanabe: Well, making inventions like this one, is what gives me a 'high', Masato. So does using them!
Masato: I'm with you there, bud! Do you mind if I do some fishing? I actually brought a fishing rod with me just in case.
Watanabe: Go right ahead. We're doing fine!
With that, the sound of a "ploop!" as a hook connected to a large ball and line dips into the river. Watanabe makes special care to steer the boat around a rock in the middle of the river, and is beaming with pride. About a minute or so passes, and...
Masato: Yeah, I got one....!
Masato reels in a nice, red fish, and holds it in his open palm, after taking if off the hook.
Watanabe: Oh uh! I think that we might have trouble!
Masato (turning his head to look towards Watanabe): Huh? What's the problem?
In his distraction, the fish managed to leap off of his hand, and plop back into the river.
Masato: Oh shit! Look at what you made me do, Watanabe. The fish got away!
Watanabe: I don't think that's our biggest problem, Masato. Look!
Masato stands up, and moves towards Watanabe.
Masato: Holy Eye of God! It's a waterfall! Turn us around!
Watanabe: I... I can't! the stream is too strong!
For the second time today, Masato opens his mouth up wide in shock. This time, the cigarette falls out.
Masato takes hold of Watanabe by the lapels of his student jacket: Watanabe... get us out of here! We're not going down that waterfall!
By now, the large rush of water coming from the waterfall can be heard.
Watanabe: Masato... I can't stop it! I told you that this could be dangerous!
The boat begins to swerve violently, and crash against small rocks, sending both Masato and Watanabe reeling from one side of the boat to the other! They make several shouts, and groans.
Finally, the boat comes to the edge of the waterfall, and it goes over! Masato, and Watanabe, begin to shout loudly in horror!