Weird reviews

[dooky]

This is sort of EH related, but I thought I'd stick it here anyway. The question is to the fanfic writers: what's the oddest review you've ever had, and how do you deal with such oddities? While I've never been flamed outright, a fanfic review site once accused me of not being able to spell (they didn't realise I was using British English). I seem to attract nutters rather than flamers, such as the person who claimed to be Alielle's best friend. The latest one has me scratching my head though...

This story is good, considering the fact that it managed to entertain a die-hard
hater of homosexuals like me...

This was for The Adventures of Alielle and Fatora. The same review was left for my Cardcaptor Sakura fanfic. The dilemma comes from the fact that the reviewer has emailed me personally and asked me to review his own El-Hazard story. Going over to fanfiction.net, I find that in his bio he describes himself as a "small, wiry faggot-basher supreme."

Now, I'm not in the business of flaming, but part of me is just itching to respond in some form. Of course, he hasn't insulted me directly (although for all he knows I could be gay), so I'm sort of at a loss. One thing is quite certain- I'm not massively keen on reading his story now... -_-

dooky

[Spanner]

Bleah. It always makes me roll my eyes when I see people proudly proclaiming this sort of thing. If it's any consolation to you, the author of that review is probably twelve years old. Older bigots tend to be subtler, in my experience.

Which, of course, is another reason not to review his story, since decent stories by twelve-year-olds are few and far between (though I HAVE read a few).

My advice would be to just ignore him - especially if you don't think you can respond to him without being in some way condescending or lecturing. If he's persistant in trying to get you to review his story, tell him politely that you just don't have time for it.

[Lord God Jinnai]

Yes, it's always struck me as dumb the way bigots are always proud of their intolerance, like they feel it makes them special. I suppose in a way it does, much like the retarded and those born with no groins are considered "special."

Anyway, if you think getting El-Hazard reviews are weird, try writing a Dragon Ball Z fanfic. You'll get ALL the freaks comin outta the woodwork then. Although most seem to be from little kids with one to three line remarks such as

cool story duude!

Others have been less than... sane. Such remarks range from juvenile:

THAT STORY SUX AND SO DO YOU!!!!!111oneoneone

to fanboyish:

Goku doesn't know the Instant Transmission technique while he was fighting Cooler! Everybody with half a brain knows he learned the technique after the battle with Freeza when he escaped the planet Namek and blah blah blah blah blah

to just plain disturbing:

You obviously don't have a clue what you're writing. Piccolo IS hot and he DOES have a dick!

I really should just stick to Slayer stories... *sigh*  

[MrWhat]

what's the oddest review you've ever had

One review for my Night Terrors was:  "VERy goo story, very odd review."  I still don't know what that means.

The latest one has me scratching my head though...

That person has left me two nice reviews.  They've also e-mailed me directly, twice, politely begging me to review their serial.  I was going to write back, and beg off for awhile, since I'm struggling just to update my own on-going serial.  But I think I'll ignore them too.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I imagined the "wiry" bit in their bio as a tasteless inside joke.  But that review of your story is inexcusable.

They're not hurting for reviews, anyway.  Their story has 28 reviews, as I write this.  For an El-Hazard story on FF.net, that's huge.  They must be plugging it like crazy.

[Wayne]

Back when I used to write, I posted a Final Fantasy Tactics story to FFN (at the time about 15 chapters long, with the average length of 4000 words-- so it wasn't exactly a one-shot short piece to get lost in the woodwork). I got some... rather bizarre reviews (the real prize was somebody saying I was "ripping off from the game and has no creativity," when, of course, The Brave Story was a novelized rewrite ), and ended up taking the entire thing down. I visit the site on rare occasion-- mostly to read stuff by people I know, like Mr. What over there-- but that's really it. It has some good members of the online writing community there, sure, but it has all the bad ones.

As for that member, Dooky; don't pay too much attention to it. I'm no fan of homosexuality myself (quite the opposite, actually, being a religious man and a Conservative), but I certainly wouldn't bash it in a review that wasn't itself political, and certainly wouldn't take pride in it in my biography.

Speaking of which, I think what sums it all up is that in addition to being a "small, wiry, et al." he's also a "fanatical free thinker." Uh huh.

[dooky]

That person has left me two nice reviews.  They've also e-mailed me directly, twice, politely begging me to review their serial.

All of which heightens my suspicion that he isn't actually reading our fics... he just reads the synopses then sends reviews accompanied by requests to read his story. The fact that he 1- sent me three reviews in quick succession, 2- made no mention of the fact that one of the stories had been lying unfinished for two years and 3- failed to comment that SOTTC also has yuri coming out of the walls at many points just makes it seem like he never read them.

Besides, doesn't the idea of an ardent and proud homophobe reading every story by a man who specialises in yuri seem a little far fetched?

Anyway, if you think getting El-Hazard reviews are weird, try writing a Dragon Ball Z fanfic. You'll get ALL the freaks comin outta the woodwork then.

That's one of the reasons I've been putting off writing my first Sailor Moon fanfic. It's a great series, there's more yuri than you can shake a henshin stick at... but the fandom is home to a significant number of utter wankers. These range from DBZ-esque adolescent leet-users crying "WAA! 5ERENA & Darrr1EN 4EVA!!!!1!!" to frighteningly academic spelling-Nazis who proclaim that as a result of their research, everyone should start spelling "Amazoness" as "Amazones". I had a slight taste of this during my foray into Cardcaptor Sakura fanfiction, when people kept emailing me to demand I put the pairing in the synopsis...

dooky

EDIT: Cool, it says I'm a Demon Goddess now! ^_^

[rowan_a._seven]

Heh, it appears that this person has also recently sent me a private email requesting that I review his story, despite the fact that I don't have anything archived yet in Fanfiction.net's El-Hazard section.  How...curious.

what's the oddest review you've ever had, and how do you deal with such oddities?

What I consider to be my oddest review (ROFLcopters and lollerskaters are going off in my mind. Good joB!) I find odd mostly because I'm not entirely sure what lollerskaters means.  It appears to be positive, though, so there probably aren't any steps I need to take to deal with it.

It has some good members of the online writing community there, sure, but it has all the bad ones.

True enough.  Still, I'd rather Fanfiction.net exist than not exist.  It's done marvels for popularizing fanfiction (for better or for worse), in my opinion, and it does provide a good, relatively easy to find archive for fandoms with smaller fanfiction bases.

You'll get ALL the freaks comin outta the woodwork then.

The Dragonball, Sailor Moon, and Tenchi sections of Fanfiction.net frighten me.  

[MrWhat]

I noticed, sometime over the weekend, that both the author in question and their El-Hazard story have disappeared from FanFiction.Net.  I guess they PO'ed too many people.

And I also found the answer to another mystery, purely by chance, on a random LiveJournal.

I'm not entirely sure what lollerskaters means.

[rowan_a._seven]

And I also found the answer to another mystery, purely by chance, on a random LiveJournal.

And for that, you have my thanks.  

[anubimon]

When it comes to reviews, it's better just to listen to opinions of those who you believe are experienced. I don't have many stories on ff.net, but most of the ones for my Digimon Tamers fic are simply "thnk god ths wsnt ryo/rika!!!11" Why can't people learn to WRITE? T_T At least say "Thank God this story was not a Ryo and Rika coupling fic, as there are far too many poorly written stories of that kind on ff.net"

What annoys me the most is when someone gets flamed for leaving a review that only offered constructive criticism. That's happened to me before with some bratty little 11 year old. >>

Lesson learned: No matter how hard you try, you can't possibly win.

You obviously don't have a clue what you're writing. Piccolo IS hot and he DOES have a dick!  

As he says in Harry Potter vs DBZ, "Women fear my pickle."

[Xel]

I've been working the Silent Hill fandom more lately. Anything goes, there. <3





... Hi, I'm Xel. ;O