El-Hazard Round Robin

[Fujisawa4654]

Then trinity comes along and says
"Dodge this."
ANd pushes a button and then all of El-Hazard explodes...

[Lord God Jinnai]

*sigh* There's one in every crowd... *

*starts typing*

*********************************************

The Great Lord God Jinnai suddenly awakens from the bizzarre Matrix dream, only to find tons of concrete about to be poured over him and his minions.

"Gah! We're done for!" he screamed.

Before Londs could order the liquid death to be poured onto the Brilliant Lord General though, a soft voice stopped him. "Londs! Stop!"

The Advisor looked up in shock to see Princess Rune Venus walking towards him. "B-but why, Your Majesty! We can be rid of this vile cretin forever!"

The Princess merely glared at her advisor as she spoke. "We are not a barbaric nation; we do not execute people without a fair trial."

"I suppose you are right." Londs slumped his shoulders in disappointment.

"Take these prisoners to the cells," said Rune. "They shall have their day in court tomorrow." With that, she walked away.

[MrWhat]

"Take these prisoners to the cells," said Rune. "They shall have their day in court tomorrow." With that, she walked away.

OOC:  If the dolphin bears have cameras, they can have a website too  


Londs had left it to the palace guard to incarcerate Jinnai's elite Bugrom troops, but he had taken it upon himself to lock Jinnai away.

He pulled Jinnai along darkened corridors, down precipitous stairwells, and through dank cobweb-filled tunnels.  He growled to himself the entire time.  "*grumble grumble* Procedural due process *grumble grumble* innocent until proven guilty *grumble grumble* soft-on-crime bleeding heart liberals *grumble grumble*..."

Jinnai finally protested.  "Where do you think you're taking me!?  I am the Lord God Master of--"

Londs turned back on him, as they came to a heavy door that had been left open.  "Stuff it, boy.  We may have to give you a trial before your long-overdue execution... but that doesn't mean I can't throw you into the most awful cell we have, deep within the bowels of the palace...  Below the dungeons, below the sewers...

"Now, take off your clothes."

Jinnai went white.  "WHAT!?"

Londs snarled.  "Prisoners aren't allowed to wear their own clothes.  Can't have them smuggling in files and hacksaws.  TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES, BOY!!"

As a whimpering Jinnai stripped to his underwear, Londs opened a trunk by the cell door and pulled out a folded prison jumpsuit.  He threw it at Jinnai.   Then he grabbed Jinnai by the nape of his neck, threw him into the cell, and slammed the cell door shut.

Little did Londs know that Fatora and Alielle had imprisoned Makoto in that very same cell, earlier that day... and it was the very same cell that Jinnai himself had tunneled into, less than an hour ago.

Jinnai stumbled forwards, and before he could regain his balance, or put on the prison jumpsuit, he fell through the ruined floor of the cell, and plummeted into the Bugrom tunnels.


Makoto had finally escaped the camera-wielding dolphin bears.  He was very slowly and very carefully climbing through the Bugrom tunnels, back up towards his cell.

Suddenly, something fell on him.  It knocked him away from the tunnel walls, and fell with him, down, down, down...


Makoto and Jinnai slowly came to their senses.  They had both fallen all the back down to the dark ancient-robot-and-dolphin-bear-filled cavern.

As Jinnai pulled himself together, he found that, not only had he lost the prison jumpsuit, but-- his fall seemed to torn his underwear right off.  He was naked.

He looked to one side, and found a still-naked Makoto lying beside him.

Then he looked to his other side, and found the dolphin bears taking pictures of him lying beside Makoto.

Jinnai whimpered again.  "Dear God.  I've died and gone to hell."


Afura was seated at the Muldoon temple's Internet terminal.  Shayla and Kauru stood behind her.

"Look at this," Afura said.  "The dolphin bears have just posted some new pictures to babump.com."

She clicked on the first link.  The three priestesses watched a picture load slowly.  (Broadband Internet was not yet available on Mount Muldoon.)

The top half of the picture loaded.  "Hey, isn't that Makoto?" Shayla said.

"Oh dear," Kauru said, as the bottom half of the picture loaded.  "And... he isn't wearing any... oh dear..."

Shayla and Kauru both turned several shades of red, in acute embarrassment.  But Afura grinned, and spoke again.  "Shall we sign up for the members-only photo section?  The dolphin bears have uploaded a full set of high-quality pictures, and even a few video files."

[Xel]

It's Xel's time to shine!

************************

One of the dolphin-bears 'ba-bumped' a communication to another, though its true meaning couldn't be deciphered. But Jinnai knew. He felt rational discussion was in order. Normally he'd consider more forceful measures, but... well, he was really very naked.

"You there! Dolphin-bear filthmongers! This is unlawful exploitation! This moment is being taken completely out of context, I tell you!"

Seeming to hear him out, the dolphin-bears fell back, retreating into the shadows. Little did Jinnai know that they were merely switching tactics so as to avoid any open hostility. One leaned towards the resident cameraman. "We're going to have to dub in the sound for this one. I don't think it's very titillating as is."

Makoto managed to crack his eyelids open amidst the raging pain in his head. The first thing he laid bleary eyes on was a very pale, very bare ass. "Ifurita...?"

Jinnai whirled on him, blinded with rage.

"You're behind this, aren't you, Makoto?! It wasn't enough to win at everything, steal my bread and my Demon God, and ruin my presidency! You're determined to exploit me in any way possible if it gives you any sick satisfaction! But rest assured, vengeance will be mine. I will own you!"

Still quite disoriented and really just glad that those cameras were gone, Makoto's eyes could do nothing but trail mindlessly below Jinnai's waist. "Uh."

Jinnai paused in what had promised to be a very enjoyable bout of maniacal laughter. Yet another transgression!

His gaze mirrored Makoto's after a short moment. Then a slow grin spread across his features.

"Well, well... not entirely blessed after all, are you, Makoto?"

It could be said that Makoto, while beginning to grasp the moment as reality, didn't yet fully comprehend the gravity of the situation. The concussion probably didn't help overmuch. That said, he couldn't entirely be blamed when the dull pulse of blood in his ears drowned out his supposed enemy's words and left only the peculiar stare. He wouldn't lie; it was a bit disconcerting.

"He-hey there, Jinnai," he began, offering a slightly nervous grin, "look, I guess I'm flattered, but I just don't swing that wa--"

Immediately Jinnai was on him, hands wrapped firmly around his throat.

The dolphin-bears squeaked excitedly in the darkness, anticipating a wonderful influx of subscribers indeed.

[Spanner]

*OOC*

Wherever Makoto and Jinnai are naked... Like a flash of lightning, Xel will be there...

*IC*

Jinnai and Makoto rolled across the dusty floor, the former desperately trying to choke the life from the latter, and the latter desperately trying to push the former away. All in all, if taken completely out of context by a mind of an appropriately twisted bent, it could appear to be a very amorous encounter.

The dolphin-bears, meanwhile, were in an uproar. They'd doubled their efforts to spam e-mail accounts across El-Hazard in order to advertise the pornographic goldmine that had literally fallen into their laps, as well as to set up the brand new live webcam service for their members-only service.

On Afura's computer, three priestesses stared at the screen with a peculiar mix of horror and fascination. "It's so... wrong... But I can't look away..." Qawool murmurred.

"I kinda... wish I was there..." Shayla muttered, somewhat in awe.

The other two managed to tear their eyes away from the screen to give her an incredulous look.

"What!?" Shayla said defensively. "It's just so I could kick Jinnai's ass for molesting poor Makoto!"

Their stares turned a bit hard and disbelieving.

"Really!" Shayla insisted desperately. Then, diverting their attention. "Hey, look at what they're doing now!"

Back in the cavern, Makoto's vision was starting to fade to black. Somewhat desperate now, he turned to tactics that didn't really fit in with his nice-guy outlook.

He wrapped a hand around Jinnai's family jewels, and held on for dear life.

Back in the palace, the priestesses began to chat excitedly. "...you don't think he's gonna..." "...never knew he swung that way..." "...experimentation is natural for a boy his age, but this far...?"

At about that point, Nanami entered the room. "Hey, girls, what are you watching - oh MY GOD!"

[Lord God Jinnai]

Jinnai turned pale as Makoto squeezed his precious stones. "Gerk!" He squealed, suddenly increasing the pressure on Makoto's neck. "L-L-LET GO!"

"Gah... gah... you let go first!" Makoto managed to say between heaving breaths.

"Lousy..." Unable to stand the horrible pain, the Lord God quickly let go of his foul enemy's neck. Makoto did likewise.

The two boys fell to the ground, each trying to catch their breath.

"You sick pervert!" screamed Jinnai. "How dare you grasp my nether regions! You disguisting freak!"

"Hey, it wasn't like that!" protested Makoto. "I was trying to save my life!"

"Grrrr," The enraged Jinnai suddenly leapt to his feet, ready to rip his enemy to pieces. "That's it! I have taken a lot of indignities from you, but that is the final straw! NO MORE! I will not be the victim of this cosmic joke you perpetrate any longer! I'll KILL YOU NOW! DIE!"

The deranged student lunged forwards, psychotic rage burning in his eyes. Makoto squealed like a girl, pissing himself once more in fright. He then turned quickly and ran, avoiding Jinnai's grasp.

"You lousy wuss! Take yer killing like a man! YIKES!" Unfortunately for the Lord God, he slipped in Makoto's cowardly juices and fell forwards, slamming his face onto the cave wall. "Ow! Lousy stupid... huh?"

To everyone's surprise, the wall popped open to reveal an inner chamber within. Light emanated from the doorway, brightly lighting up the cavern the two were in. The dolphin bears recording the event squealed in annoyance, as they did not expect such a plot divergeance to interfere with their money making operation.

"A hidden chamber under the palace?" asked Jinnai in wonder.

"Hmm, interesting," said Makoto. He looked down at the sad remains of the ancient robot he had awakened earlier. "Could this robot have been guarding whatever was in there?"

"Oh?" Jinnai suddenly laughed, then jumped to his feet. "Interesting! So this giant bucket of bolts has been guarding something deep within the forgotten bowels of Florestica Palace, eh? This can only mean one thing! A weapon of Ultimate Power must be inside this room! BWA HAAHAHAHAHAHA!" With that, Jinnai ran into the chamber.

"No, JInnai! Stop!" shouted Makoto. "There's no telling what's in there!"

Jinnai payed his words no heed as he entered the chamber. It took a while for his eyes to get used to the bright light within, but when he did he saw a gigantic monolith in the center of a large, white room. The black, rectangular prism had words of warning painted on its front, runes of a language far older than Ancient El-Hazardian. Below the warnings was a large red button.

"Bwah hah hah!" laughed Jinnai. "This shall be my ticket to the top!"

"Jinnai, NO!" squealed Makoto.

"Silence! I push!" Jinnai lunged forwards and pushed the red button.

[theravenisdead]

*munches on Smartfood and chews on beef jerky*
Let the insanity continue   ....  

[MrWhat]

OOC:  Sorry for the really really long turn.  Today's a state holiday.

"Silence! I push!" Jinnai lunged forwards and pushed the red button.

And he vanished.

Makoto gasped.  "What the!?--  Jinnai!?  JINNAI!?"

He walked up to the monolith, held a hand against it, and tried to "link" with it.  Nothing happened.  Either this monolith was utterly alien to El-Hazard, or it wasn't technological.

Could it be... magic?

Makoto gulped.  But then, he calmed himself, and considered his options.

He was too exhausted to attempt to climb out of the cavern again.  And the dolphin-bears didn't seem to be inclined to help him.  If he didn't press the button, if he walked out of this room, he would most likely die in this cavern.

But if he did press the button?  It might simply have killed Jinnai.  And even if it had the power to teleport Makoto somewhere, after Jinnai-- he didn't much like the idea of beginning a new adventure while he was naked.

Then he listened to his inner goody-goody.  Look, he said to himself.  You lied to Fatora, and you fought dirty with Jinnai.  This hasn't been your best day.  It's time to redeem yourself.  You've got to go after him, and help him if you can.

And maybe Jinnai was right, for once.  Maybe this is a ticket to the top.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Makoto breathed out heavily, raised his hand again, and pushed the red button.


The dolphin-bears had broken off the webcast from the cavern, after Jinnai had discovered the mysterious room.

Afura had remained at her Internet terminal, just in case the webcast resumed, to alert the others-- for academic purposes, of course.  In the meantime, Shayla and Kauru had gone to see if Nanami was alright.

Nanami wasn't alright at all.  After running away screaming, she had locked herself in the nearest bath.  Shayla impatiently slumped against a wall, as Kauru pounded on the locked door and shouted.  "Miss Nanami!  Please, let us in!  I know you're upset, but I'm sure that, with a few years of therapy, you'll be able to..."

Nanami wasn't listening.  She was cowering in a shower stall, curled up in a fetal position, under a running stream of ice cold water.  She had wordlessly gibbered for a few minutes, but now, she simply stared into space, lost to a profound mental breakdown.

The sight of two young men wrestling in the nude was disturbing enough-- but when one of the wrestlers was your childhood friend and unattainable love interest, and the other was your own psychotic megalomaniacal brother?  It was more than poor little Nanami could bear.

The fragments of her shattered psyche began to coalesce into strange new patterns.  Nanami slowly stood, and emerged from the shower, paying no attention to her soaked hair and clothing.  She spotted a large double-bladed axe that had been inexplicably left in the bath.  She held it up to her face, and she smiled.  When reality pushes you too hard, she thought, it's time to push back.  

Dark-Nanami had come to El-Hazard.


The bath door finally unlatched and opened.  Kauru stood back, and spoke in relief.  "Oh, Miss Nanami!  Thank goodness!  Let me..."

She trailed off, in shock.  Nanami's clothes were soaked, and her hair hung down over her eyes.  She was giggling in a bone-chilling way, and drooling just a little.  And she was holding a very large and pointy axe.

Shayla came to Kauru's side.  "Damn.  Looks like Nanami's finally lost it."

"What should we do, Miss Shayla?" asked Kauru.

Dark-Nanami advanced on them, and raised the axe.

"What say we run away very quickly," Shayla suggested.

"What say," Kauru agreed.


In the meantime, Fujisawa had finally had his fill of drink.  Blissfully unaware of all that had gone on that day, he stumbled through the streets of Floristica, towards his little house at the edge of the city.

Miz was waiting for him at the door.  She sniffed at him, and sighed.  "Well, unless your students were trapped in a vat of whiskey-- you lied to me in order to go drinking."

Fujisawa gulped.  Busted, he thought.  "Uh, well, um--" he stammered drunkenly.

Miz hung her head.  "It's alright, Masamichi.  I'm not angry."

Fujisawa breathed out in relief.

But then, Miz raised her face to him.  Her mouth fell open, and her lip trembled.  Her beautiful big brown eyes were shiny with tears, and they began to run down her sweet face.  And then, she sobbed.  "But-- you didn't-- have to-- lie to me!  You could have-- just told me-- you wanted-- to go out!--"

Fujisawa suddenly felt sick to his stomach.  I think I'd rather have her angry with me, he thought.

[Andrusi]

Makoto shook his head.  He was now in yet another small cavern, next to a naked and frustrated Jinnai.

"Makoto... it turns out I'm an idiot.  All that button does is open a trapdoor."

"You mean you didn't know you were an idiot?" Makoto asked.  "I could have told you that.  Pretty much anyone in El-Hazard could."

"Anyone?"

"Yup."

"How long?"

"Since we got here."

"Well damn."  Jinnai considered this for a moment.  "So I really am an idiot?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Well, no more!"  Jinnai stood up and posed dramatically.  "From this day forward, I will know everything!  And I will work for to grant freedom to all, because freedom is the right of all sentient beings!  And I will no longer be called Jinnai... no, my new name is Optimus Prime!"

"Seriously?"

"No."  And with that Jinnai dropped a toilet on Makoto's head.

"Ow..."  A thought occurred to Makoto.  "Where'd you get a toilet?"

"From over there."  He pointed to a door in the cavern wall, marked "Emergency Palace Escape Route Containing Spare Clothes And Also A Toilet".

"Oh, okay."  Makoto rubbed his head.  "I wish I knew of a way out of here.  Or at least had some clothes."

"Yeah, me too," Jinnai responded.

...

"We're BOTH idiots," Makoto remarked.

"Really?"

"Yes."

----------
Ten seconds later
----------

Makoto's voice could be heard from the other side of the door: "No, they couldn't possibly provide spare clothes for MALE escapees, could they?"

"And they don't even have skirts in my size!"  Jinnai exclaimed.

"..."

"What?  None of them fit me."

"Oh."

"I mean, it's not like how I steal Nanami's paaaaaaaaatented belts!  Yes, Nanami has invented super-high-quality belts, but I don't like paying for them, so..."

And so it was that Makoto and Jinnai entered the escape tunnel, Makoto dressed in one of those outfits that make absolutely all girls look incredibly sexy and Jinnai wearing what appeared to be a lower-budget replica of Rune's dress (and repeatedly reminding himself that Makoto was male).

[MrWhat]

Makoto and Jinnai climbed up through the cavern escape tunnel.

"This shaft goes on and on!" Jinnai said, gasping for breath.  "That cavern was deep, but it wasn't this deep!"

"Maybe it leads up into the higher part of the Floristica palace," Makoto said.  "Oh, look.  There's a door.  Maybe this nightmare is finally over."

Jinnai glanced at his nemesis, and then at himself, both clad in disturbingly flattering womens' clothing.  He muttered to himself, in a rare moment of lucidity.  "That would seem unlikely."

Makoto helped Jinnai push the door open.  They tumbled out of the shaft, and found themselves in... a second closet full of womens' clothing.  They struggled forwards, getting all tangled up in diaphanous scarves, cut-away blouses and other assorted unmentionables.

And then, the other side of the closet opened up, and they both heard a familiar voice.  "What do you two think you're doing!?

The Princess Rune Venus stood at the closet doors.  She crossed her arms and glared at Makoto and Jinnai.  "Just look at the mess you've made of my closet!...  Well, you can straighten it up later."

Makoto and Jinnai glanced at each other, and they both breathed out in relief.  Rune had not seen their faces in the dark closet, and, with their womens' clothing, she had taken them for palace servants.

But then, the impossibly beautiful princess turned away from them, stood with her legs apart, and held out her arms.  "But first, help me undress, please.  Today's summit meetings are over, and I can't wait to change into something more comfortable."

Makoto and Jinnai glanced at each other again.  They both clapped a hand to their faces, as, in perfect unison, their noses began to bleed.


Afura was still sitting at her Internet terminal.  She turned in her chair as Kauru ran towards her.

"Oh," Afura said.  "Is Nanami alright, Kauru?"

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Kauru.  She ran past Afura without stopping.

Afura frowned.  "Oh dear.  There must have been a cockroach in the baths."

Then Shayla ran up.  "Oh," Afura said again.  "No need to hurry, Shayla.  Makoto's webcast seems to be down for good."

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Shayla.  She also ran past Afura without stopping.

Afura sighed.  "Well, I'm disappointed too, but there's no reason to panic!--"

SMASH!!

Afura turned back to her Internet terminal, to find a rather large axe in its screen.  Sparks flared from the shattered CRT, and shards of glass fell to the floor.

She glanced down, to find a few of her own hairs, sliced away in mid-air by the razor-sharp axe, drifting down into her lap.

She glanced up again, and found a soaking-wet, wild-eyed and drooling Nanami standing before her.  Nanami pulled the axe free, and stood back to swing it at Afura again.

Afura grimaced.  "Damn.  This computer's extended warranty doesn't cover homicidal axe-wielding maniacs."


Fatora and Alielle sat on a cot in a dark jail cell, in a small town somewhere en route to Mount Lilicoco.

"Oh, Fatora-sama," said Alielle.  "I told you that I shouldn't have been driving our cruiser that fast.  You have to obey the speed zones in these small towns."

Fatora sighed.  "Yes, Alielle."

"And I told you we should have changed out of our Arliman outfits.  These conservative rural communities have ordinances against indecent exposure, you know."

"Yes, Alielle."

"And we didn't even bring enough money to bribe the local police.  Now we have to wait until tomorrow for the bribe money to be wired from Floristica."

"Yes, Alielle."

Then Alielle smiled a disturbing smile.  "But... now that we've been locked in this dungeon cell for the night... all alone... and in our Arliman outfits..."

She raised her arm, pulling Fatora's arm up with hers.  "And since we're already handcuffed together...  Fatora-sama, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Fatora grinned back.  "I think so, Alielle..."

They looked at each other for a long awkward silent pause.  The smiles fell from their faces.

"Uh... kinky sex, right?" Fatora finally asked.

Alielle sighed.  "Yes, Fatora."

[Lord God Jinnai]

Jinnai quickly shook off the amarous thoughts as his devious mind suddenly came up with a plan. "Oooh... Rune Venus and Makoto, two of the largest thorns in my side... alone together... with me..." An evil smile suddenly appeared on his face, causing Makoto to sweat. "This is my chance!"

"Um..." Before Makoto could ask what was up, Jinnai suddenly leapt towards him and pulled off his disguise's headgear. "Wha?"

Still smiling maniacally, the Lord God then shouted out, in a wimpy, and inept voice, "OH PRINCESS RUNE!"

"Makoto?" aksed the surprised older woman.

Jinnai continued his spot-on Makoto impersonation.  "YOUR BOD IS SO.... uh... LIKE HOT! I, BEING THE DISGUISTING PIG THAT I AM, CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF! I MUST TOUCH YOUR GOODIES!" With that, the demented dictator grabbed his hated enemy's arm and hurled him towards the Princess.

"Makoto?! WHAT?!!" shrieked Rune Venus as the young man crashed into her, causing the both of them to collapse. "What in the world do you think you're doing?" Cried out Rune angrily, as Makoto's face was currently resting in her cleavage.

Jinnai stifled a bout of maniacal laughing, choosing instead to sneak towards the Princess's chamber doors and open them. He quickly adjusted his wig and tied a silk scarf along the lower half of his face to conceal his identity. "OH NO!" he cried out in a feminine voice. "MAKOTO MIZUHARA HAS SNUCK INTO THE PRINCESS RUNE VENUS'S ROOM AND IS NOW IN THE PROCESS OF SEXUALLY DEFILING HER! OH, GOD, WILL NO ONE HELP?!!!"

Faster than he thought humanly possible, a full squad of guards rushed down the hallway and pushed themselves into the Princess's room. They gasped in shock as they saw Makoto, dressed like a girl (again), lying on top of Rune Venus with his face pressed to her bosom.

"I... it's not what you think!" The blushing young man tried to extracate himself from the Princess. Unfortunately, when he placed his hand down in order to rise, he wasn't looking where he was placing. Therego his palm fell directly on Rune's right breast.

"You fiend!" growled one of the sentries.

Rune herself began to get homicidally angry. Makoto didn't help his cause any, as he was too confused and startled to remove his hand from her chest. "This... is... an OUTRAGE!" screamed the Princess. "GUARDS!!!"

The sentries lifted their spears, the tips aimed directly at Mizuhara's face.

"Crap!" cried Makoto, who let loose his bladder in panic. WHAT A LOSER!

Rune felt the warm wetness on her thigh, and got even angrier. "YOU DISGUISTING LITTLE MAN! GUARDS! KILL!!!"

"Craaaaaap!!!"

Jinnai giggled maniacally, seeing his dreaded enemy's humiliating downfall. "Good bye, Makoto," he whispered to himself. "It's a shame that I can't stay to see your execution, but I have a kingdom to conquer!" With that, the self-proclamed Lord God dashed off down the hallway, in search of his imprisoned minions.

[rowan_a._seven]

Due to tax increases necessitated by reconstruction costs caused by the recent Bugrom War, there had recently been a rise in the crime rate in Florestica which, in turn, created a shortage of prison cells.  Thus it was that Jinnai's Bugrom followers found themselves herded into a single cell.  Even more miraculously, they all managed to fit somehow through a massive co-operative effort.  Also, do the same lack of prisons, they had a non-Bugrom cellmate.

"So, what are you in for?" the mysterious cloaked but shapely female figure asked her current cellmates, a strong note of curiosity in her voice.  After all, it wasn't everyday one found oneself sharing a cell with a veritable army of Bugrom.

"Hub-hub, grumble," Groucho replied politely.

"Really?  How...interesting!" the prisoner commented, not understanding a word the purple Bugrom had just said but pretending to anyway for the sake of conversation.  "I'm in here for espionage myself.  The Alliance found out that I was a spy for the Phantom Tribe while I was training at the Seminary, and I've been imprisoned ever since.  A pity really.  I would've made such a _good_ priestess of wind too."

"Zub-zub, whir," Groucho said sympathetically, adding, "Zoot?"

The woman feigned offense.  "Of course not!  Well...okay, maybe.  Still, is betrayal for one's people such a crime?  Granted, though, the Phantom Tribe hasn't done anything to help me since I was captured so I guess that constitues a betrayal in itself too.  Heh.  It appears you Bugrom are the only ones I can still trust.  A pity I can't understand anything you say."

A sly expression crossed her face.  "You know, if you were to break me out of this cell I could use my limited illusion powers to make us all invisible, and we could all escape together!"

"Ni, nado bu," Groucho replied in the negative.

"Wait?  But what could you possibly be waiting for?" the ex-Phantom Tribe agent asked, making a surprisingly accurate interpretation of Groucho's speech.

"Om.  Boyo.  C'est la vie," was Groucho's answer.

The woman sulked.  "Figures," she muttered, not comprehending at all.  "Oh, if only there was somebody in the Bugrom Empire I could communicate with!  After being labeled a traitor by the Alliance and betrayed by the Phantom Tribe, I have a strong desire for revenge against both and possess very...'useful' knowledge pertaining to the elemental lamps and the inner workings of the priesthood.  Still, what are the odds of somebody like that showing up here?"

As if on cue, Jinnai, wearing his usual and arguably indestructible suit which he'd reclaimed through the brilliant tactic of clubbing the prison guard in the head with a chair when he wasn't looking and looting through the dungeon's storage lockers, unlocked the cell's door and opened it.  

"Groucho!  Organize the troops!  My destined triumph against the Alliance is nigh!" Jinnai commanded authoritively, a slightly puzzled look entering his eyes upon spotting the mysterious cloaked but shapely female figure.  "Who the heck are you?"

"Ishiel Soel, former Phantom Tribe spy and ex-priestess in training seeking revenge and at your service," Ishiel answered, a pleased smile crossing her features.  Things were definitely beginning to look up for her today.  

[Lord God Jinnai]

Jinnai raised his eyebrow at the female Phantom Triber before shrugging his shoulders. "Whatever." As soon as the last of his Bugrom troops exited the cell, the mad tyrant slammed the cell door in Ishiel's face.

"Hey, what gives?!" shouted the cloaked woman in surprise.

"Hmph. What do I look like, a charity worker? The Lord God Jinnai helps no one but himself!" Jinnai laughed and proceeded to walk away.

"W-wait! You can't do this!" Ishiel shouted in disbelief. "I'm a valuable asset to your plans! I'm very useful in a pinch! Don't you know that the enemy of your enemy is your friend?!"

Jinnai merely laughed. "Foolish girl! The Lord God Jinnai needs NO ONE! He is a lone wolf, a brilliant single genius in a world of brainless idiots! Come on Groucho, Harpo, Zeppo, Chico, Margeret." With that, he left.

Ishiel sighed and slumped to her knees in the cell. "Damn it... I never catch a break!"

[Spanner]

Jinnai, mounted atop his trusty steed/minion Groucho rounded the corner to proceed up the stairwell to freedom. His triumphant laughter echoed throughout the dungeon.

*CHINK!*

Jinnai's laughter caught in his throat, as a sizable chunk of his impeccably maintained (even after all he'd been through) coif fluttered to the floor. Rolling his eyes upwards, he saw first the blade of an enormous, double-edged axe partly imbedded into the stone wall barely a centimeter above his scalp. Moving his eyes along a rather sturdy, wooden shaft, Jinnai's eyes discovered a surprisingly dainty pair of hands gripping it firmly. Moving along the arms attached to those hands, Jinnai found them to be attached to a rather familar body, topped by a rather familar head. "N-Nanami?" Jinnai stuttered.

Nanami smiled brightly at him. "Hi, Katsuhiko!" she chirped. "I'd like to have a few words with you about your kinky homosexual fetish for Makoto-chan!" With a jerk, she pulled the axe free from the wall. A few pebbles of broken stone pattered to the floor. "Now, hold still, please!"

Nanami swung the axe viciously on a tangent that intersected neatly with Jinnai's neck. Fortunately for the wannabe dictator, he had enough sense to drop off Groucho's back to the floor. Groucho, for his part, huddled into a small ball holding his hands over his head protectively. "Nanami!?" Jinnai squeaked. "What the hell are you - AH!" Jinnai scrambled backwards just in time to see the head of the axe bury itself into the stone floor between his legs. The crotch of his nigh indestructable pants split open ever-so-slightly, as though to emphasize how close Jinnai had come to losing his mighty manhood.

"Oh!" said Nanami. "And while I'm at it, I also wanted to discuss the way you were always rooting through my underwear! You perv." Nanami's face never deviated from her expression of bemused joy.

*CHINK!* Jinnai rolled to the side just in time to avoid another strike. "And how about the way that you'd always be taking indecent pictures of my friends to blackmail them with? I was never able to have any decent sleepovers."

*CHINK!* Jinnai scrambled backwards again, barely managing to retain both his legs. "And you were always Mom's favorite. She always paid so much more attention to you! Just because her stupid little government coup failed when she was younger doesn't give her the right to play favorites just because one of her children is more megalomaniacal."

*CHINK!* Considering that the axe looked to weigh more than Nanami did, she was awfully adept at handling it. "It feels SOOO good to get all this off my chest, Katsuhiko! Boy, I wonder why I never though to do this before? Now, please hold still while I gut you like a fish. I've got so many other people I need to talk to after I finish with you!"

Jinnai glared at his minions from his rather undignified position on the ground. "WHAT ARE YOU IMBECILES WAITING FOR!? STOP HER!!!"

"Grabu?" one asked.

"I DON'T CARE! JUST DO IT!"

The Bugrom (except for Groucho, who was still cowering on the floor) moved to attack Nanami.

*CHINKTHUNKCHINKCHINKTHUNK!*

Five Bugrom bodies thumped against the prison wall, several with large gashes in their armor. All were alive, but unconscious. Nanami gave her axe a happy little twirl, and then focused her eyes on Jinnai again. She gave him a demented little wave, and then giggled unevenly.

Jinnai's trousers darkened as he followed Makoto's earlier example and emptied his bladder in terror. "GROUCHO, GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" This, finally, was a command that the loyalest of Jinnai's minions was happy to accomodate. The Bugrom scooped up Jinnai and dashed back the way they'd come. Hopefully, there'd be another exit from the dungeon, because it appeared as though this one was impassable.

Nanami frowned, annoyed. "Hey, you can't leave, Katsuhiko! I haven't disembowled you yet!" With that, she set off in pursuit.

***

Back in her cage, Ishel Soel grumbled from her place seated on the dusty stone floor. Now she had THREE targets for her ire - the Alliance who'd imprisoned her, the Tribe who'd abandoned her, and now the Bugrom who'd dismissed her as worthless. Which pretty much covered the whole damned world, really. Fine.

"Faster, Groucho, faster!" Curious Ishiel stood and looked outside the cage to see Jinnai and his minion scramble by, clearly frightened out of their wits. Ishel smirked. Clearly, Jinnai's brilliant escape had not gone as planned. Feh, served him right. Now, if he'd done the sensible thing and taken HER along, then-

*CHINK!* Ishel leapt backwards in a panic, as an enormous axe clipped easily through one of the bars of her prison door. "Oh, sorry," the deceptively ordinary girl on the other end of the axe apologized. "I thought you were my dear brother. Well, see ya!" She turned to leave.

"Wait!" Ishel called wondering if this was really so wise. "Please, let me out of here!"

The girl paused, and cocked her head. "Why should I?" she asked.

"Erm... I want to kill him, too?"

This seemed to interest the crazed girl. "Oh! Okay." *CHINK!* The lock on the prison door fell away. Ishel pushed the door open and stepped out. "My name's Nanami. What's yours?"

Instead of answering, Ishel faded into invisibility. "Sorry, girl," she thought to herself. "I DO want to kill him, but I have other priorities at the moment, and they don't include hanging around a homocidal maniac." She turned to walk down the cooridor to freedom.

*CHINK!* Ishiel sweatdropped as the axe imbedded itself into the wall an inch from her nose. "When someone introduces themself, you're supposed to introduce yourself, too!" Nanami said pleasantly.

"Ah... ah... Ishiel Soel," Ishiel sweated. Nanami could see her? But how?

Nanami wrapped a companionable arm around Ishiel's supposedly invisible shoulders. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ishiel-chan!" Nanami said with apparently honest delight. "I'm sure we're going to be wonderful friends! Now, let's go cut my brother into bite-sized chunks, okay?"

With that, the two new companions skipped merrily donw the cooridor. Well, Nanami skipped - Ishiel more sort of stumbled along, hand caught firmly in Nanami's.

[Lord God Jinnai]

"Faster Groucho! Move those spindly legs!" shouted the Lord God as his buggy minion shot down into the darkest depths of the palace dungeons. "That stupid, lousy Nanami! How dare she try and kill her big brother! It's not fair! I should be the one to kill HER! Always messing up my plans by aiding that worm Mizuhara... always coming into my room to borrow my weapons without asking... always blackmailing my minions into staying away from me! GAH! I HATE HER! She was always Dad's favorite, the little suck up! Just cuz he was a brilliant buisiness guru in his prime, doesn't mean he should favor one of his children for another!"

"Hey, big brother!" called a sing-song, psychotic voice from behind him. Jinnai "eeped" and looked backwards, spotting Nanami dragging a very frightened looking Ishiel behind her. "Come back, big brother! I want to play with you!" She emphasized the word "play" while waving her massive axe.

"GO AWAY, NANAMI! You're annoying, and I don't like you! Faster Groucho!" The purple Bugrom gasped and increased his all ready mad sprinting. Pretty soon, the two managed to speed away from their persuers.

Unfortunately, they came to a dead end.

"DAMN IT!" squeeked Jinnai. He could hear Nanami's skipping feet steadily approaching them from down the corridor. "We're done for!" His eyes searched wildly for an escape, and quickly spotted a metal door next to them. "AHA! In there!"

He and Groucho opened the door and raced inside, only to find themselves plummeting down into a vast, dark pit. Unfortunately for the two, they had managed to fid their way into the same cell Fatora had locked Makoto into, the very same cell Jinnai was put in earlier. The dictator and his servant hit bottom; Jinnai managed to avoid any rock protrusions which would have stripped him of his clothing.

"God damn it! Not this lousy place again!" The Lord God stood up, an agitated look on his face as he glanced about the now familiar cavern.

"@$!%!#@$" said Groucho.

"Don't worry, I know a way out. Come on." Jinnai led the way through the caves, making his way past the broken robot, and into the hidden room imbedded into the rock walls. "Aha, still here."

He spotted the massive black monolith at the brightly-lit room's center, as well as the hasty trap door at its base.

"Hmmm," he said, studying the red button which activated the trap. "Seems as if this button was placed here recently... perhaps this button isn't part of the original mechanism..." Jinnai walked around the monolith, stopping on the other side. "Aha!" There he spotted a green button. Green meant safe. "I PUSH!"

"@$@%@$!" sighed Groucho.

Thankfully, no trapdoor opened up. The monolith, on the other hand, did. Its black housing peeled back, as if it were a banana peel, folding inwards until it revealed a shiny, ornate staff floating at its center.

"Hmm, looks familiar," remarked Jinnai as he studied its intricate design and the two saphire orbs imbedded into its side.

Just then, Nanami burst into the room, dragging a weeping Ishiel with her. "AHA! Found you, Katsuhiko!" She hefted her axe gleefully.

"Oh shit!" screamed Jinnai. He looked around for anything to defend himself, spotting the staff and deciding it would do for now. He quickly grabbed it, but just as his hands met the metal a seizure of agonizing pain lanced through his body. The Lord God screamed, startling both his minion and the two women in the room with him.

"Huh?" The deranged Nanami looked down at her axe. "What's going on? I didn't stick the axe into him yet, he shouldn't be screaming. What gives?"

"Don't ask me," shined Ishiel, trying to disengage herself from the lunatic school girl's steel-grip.

"@!$#!@%" whimpered Groucho.

Jinnai screamed again, his body convulsing as his agony increased tenfold.

"It's as I feared," Nanami and Ishiel screamed in surprise, both women glaring at Londs as he stepped into the room.

"Where the hell did you come from?!" shouted Ishiel.

Londs ignored her, as he was in full exposition mode. "For millenia, the secret society I belong to has guarded this sacred place. Although we knew that it was only a matter of time before the dreaded Demon God factory below Florestica palace would be found, I had hoped that such a dire event would not happen in my lifetime. Now we are doomed."

"Demon God factory?" asked Nanami confused. She just wanted to hurry along the story and kill something.

Londs nodded. "Yes. Demon Gods like Ifurita and Kalia were created in places such as these. And now..." he looked towards the screaming Jinnai, "another is created."

Jinnai's body began to change. Nanotechnology from the staff rushed into him in droves, recreating his body atom by atom to fit the parameters they had been programed to create. Internal organs were replaced as more efficient devices took their place. Mechanical as well as biological components were created inside him, his brain rewired, his muscles strengthened and made nigh indestructable. Even his clothing changed, as his suit jacket grew longer and turned into a long-sleeved version of Ifurita's black coat. His hair lengthened as well, soon forming into messy black strandsfalling in front of is face. His body beefed up slightly, he grew taller, and his face prettied up until he looked bishonen enough to pass for a true anime badass villian.

Soon the transformation was complete, and the new Demon God Jinnai turned to face them.

Nanami dropped her axe in shock, as she beheld her new and improved brother. "K-K-Katsuhiko?"

Ishiel merely drooled.

DG Jinnai flicked some of his long hair back, his dark eyes taking in everyone in the room. "Well, hello there." He smiled. "I never realized before what lovely ladies you two were. Nanami, dear sister, you make me proud to see what a capable and beautiful young woman you have become. And Ishiel, sorry about the locking you up in the cell before, but I was afraid. I was afraid that your gorgeous figure would distract my evil heart from my plans."

Nanami blushed. Ishiel fainted.

Londs took this moment to quietly sneak away.

Groucho just scratched his head.

"Well, sorry, but I gotta go. The world isn't gonna conquer itself, you know." With a debonaire smile more devastating than the last, uber-Jinnai leaned forwards and kissed Nanami on the cheek. He then hefted his key staff over his shoulders and walked handsomely out of the room. "Come Groucho."

The two left, leaving a red-faced Nanami and an unconcious yet smiling Ishiel in the bright room alone.