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Messages - rowan_a._seven
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31
« on: June 01, 2009, 09:35:26 pm »
I must admit, I'm impressed. Despite my dubiousness over the plan to split into two parties presented in the last chapter, you executed it incredibly well. Fujisawa makes great sense as Kyon and Koizumi's third party member, and you're probably right that he's the most likely of the entire gang to go along with Koizumi's improbable and risky gamble (and actually believe there's hope Jinnai can reform). I kind of feel sorry for Makoto who's forced to crossdress again because Alliele's tagging along with him and Nanami, though.  As for the new backstory featuring Gihren Zala, I both like and dislike it albeit more so the former than the latter. It goes a long ways towards making the Phantom Tribe more sympathetic and resolving the incongruity created by Nanoha's pseudo-crossover status, and it matches my own suspicions that there's more to the Human/Bugrom conflict than just Bugrom aggression. On the other hand, though, it goes so far as to almost BE a full-fledged crossover with Lyrical Nanoha rather than a homage which is kind of distracting not to mention a "bit out there" as you put it, and you could probably have gotten the same effect and pathos by having Galus' wife and daughter die. The reference to Gihren Zala seems a bit out of the blue too and may have worked better with more foreshadowing, but since it's a new development its sudden inclusion is understandable. And, above all else, you certainly answered my criticism about the Phantom Tribe. The rest of the chapter was fairly good too. Mikuru continues to play a very Mikuru role and I don't know whether to pity her or look forward to the costumes Haruhi will indubitably create for her to wear to cheer the Bugrom on. Jinnai and Haruhi's continued misunderstanding of each other's intentions is beginning to seem farfetched, but then again and as you rightly pointed out both are the type of people who stubbornly cling to their own views of the world despite contrary evidence. And it appears that Haruhi is slowly beginning to suspect anyway. Anyway, here's looking forward to the battle royale of Super Fujisawa, Esper Koizumi, and magnetic Kyon vs. the duo of Demon God Yuki and Phantom Assassin Nanoha. 
32
« on: May 31, 2009, 10:23:20 am »
4. I hear your Shadow/Phantom Tribe comments loud and clear. I have to admit that in the El Hazard canon itself, I saw them as pretty straight-forward manipulative antagonists. Clever and shrewd, but not terribly interesting beyond their "incognito" status (which is largely gone for this fanfic, of course). Perhaps I'll rewatch some of their El Hazard OVA scenes to gain a greater appreciation for their characters. Maybe I'll include a special scene or two to give a touch more of a sympathetic flavor to Galus and Nahato. Hm, I might be expecting too much from those two anyway. You're right that they were pretty much the "straightforward manipulative antagonists" in the OVA series, but Galus' presence and active role in Florestica helped make him and by extension the Phantom Tribe a more compelling faction. With him and Nahato sitting back, making sinister remarks, and occasionally issuing orders to underlings to ensure that things play out as they desire instead, the sense of danger and menace they once embodied seems somewhat understated. Perhaps exploring the dynamics between Galus and Nahato or the larger Phantom Tribe society as a whole might add some more depth to these segments of the story? Galus does seem to be acting a bit mysteriously and his return from the dead was amazingly convenient and sudden, so there's room for Nahato to begin having suspicions about his resurrected lord. And even if Galus is what he seems, there could be room for dissent within the Tribe. Nanoha, for example, seems to rather enjoy being alive and, while loyal and wanting revenge against the humans, might not be quite so certain about the desirability of destroying the entire world.
7. With Chapter 7 having a lot of exposition, I tried to fancy up the wording in a few places to keep it fresh and non-repetitive. Maybe I overdid it a bit. I'll try to keep dialogue a bit less detailed and technical in the future. I probably made a bigger deal of that than I should have, anyway. The remark of Miz's I quoted was the one that stood out the most to me, and for the most part the rest of the dialogue felt more natural. It's just something I wanted to point out because you seem to veer in that direction with conversations.
33
« on: May 30, 2009, 02:43:18 pm »
Heh, this story certainly continues to entertain. The line about Haruhi beginning to feel like a second character was incredibly amusing considering the context and everything she's dragged the SOS Brigade through, and Haruhi and Jinnai's interactions and continued convenient misinterpretation of each other's words are one of the highlights of the tale. The adventures of the other main characters are beginning to feel more interesting too, though that might be helped by your excellent work with Alliele and Fatora. Those two don't rank highly on my list of favorite El-Hazard characters, but you're doing such an utterly fantastic job with their dialogue that I've actually enjoyed their inclusion. Nanami's slight jealousy at Makoto's interest in Yuki was a nice touch too. I'm still not entirely sure what to think of SOS Man. It's funny at the moment but could quickly grow old, and the image of Jinnai in a "superhero" costume is somewhat odd considering of all the Earthlings he's the one who's clung to the Shinonome school uniform the longest. It's given him some great lines, though, and seems to be edging him slightly towards a higher level of behavior which fits in with this "redemption" angle you've introduced. Koizumi's earlier musings on good and evil was a nice foreshadowing of this, and while Jinnai becoming a "good guy" of sorts is unlikely it isn't impossible since he does have some positive traits, and if TV Ifurita could have a good influence on him in The Wanderers it's certainly possible that Haruhi could have a similar effect here. And Jinnai is also crazy and petty enough that if someone convinces him that bringing peace to El-Hazard is the perfect way to one-up Makoto he might actually do it. ("Mwhagwaha! You might have saved the world once, Mizuhara, but I've saved it and ended thousands of years of war! Beat that! MwahahaHAHAHAHA! ) The fistfight between the two of them was well depicted too. The scenes with Mikuru were all right. Her meekness bothered me, but that's an issue I have with the character herself and not your writing. And the mental image of her being chased by the lascivious duo of Fatora and Alliele was rather amusing. The Saturn brothers and Prince Randorm confused me a bit, though. I'm not sure whether they're supposed to be cameos or original characters. Anyway, in addition to everything I've written above I want to reiterate that I'm enjoying reading this, but there are also a few criticisms I want to make. First, the scenes with the Phantom Tribe seem strikingly...well, bland compared to the other parts of the story. Nahato and Galus come across as rather one-dimensional and not in an amusing, over-the-top way, and their dialogue isn't terribly exciting either. There's a lack of dynamism where they're concerned that's in sharp contrast to the interactions between the other groups. As for Nanoha Inverse, I'm of two minds about her. When I first saw the name I thought of Nanoha Takamachi and Lina Inverse, and an amalgam between the two of them is a...bizarre mental image, to say the least, and while she seems to have been inspired in part by Lyrical Nanoha she also isn't acting at all like her namesake and that's causing a sense of incongruity for me. I'm really not sure what to make of her yet. Also, much as I like your dialogue, it can be a bit wordy at times. For example, when you had Miz say, "Still...meeting up with Makoto and the others is a good idea. I'll place the three of us within a restorative air bubble within a ten foot tall steady stream of water. That stream will then carry us to wherever Makoto is!" I was left wondering if she'd actually say something like that. It sounds more like a detailed description that would fit better in the narrative than in a conversation. Something more like "Still...meeting up with Makoto and the others is a good idea. I'll place the three of us within a restorative air bubble and we can use that to reach Makoto," with the part about the ten foot tall steady stream of water included in the text rather than the quote might sound more natural. You don't need to explain and describe everything in conversation. The next thing I want to add is more of a piece of advice than a criticism, but with the subplots beginning to converge try to be careful about executing the story in a plausible manner. As previously stated, going off the beaten characterization path every now and then is understandable, but go too far and it just seems unrealistic. For example, for Koizumi's plan to try to negotiate with Jinnai it seems that he thinks it would be best if he and Kyon went by themselves, but considering that those two are complete strangers in an alien world it seems highly unlikely to me that Fujisawa and Makoto (being the responsible adult and compassionate guy, respectively) would let them go alone. I'm not sure what your plans are, but it would probably make sense to throw either Alliele or someone else into their party as a guide. Regardless, good job overall and I'm really impressed by the speed and length of your updates. Don't be afraid to take more time if you want it, though. I like the polished new chapters more than I dislike the wait between them. Oh, and out of curiosity, have you explained yet how the SOS Brigade traveled to El-Hazard? I might've missed something while reading, but as far as I can tell you haven't shown how their trip to Shinonome High to investigate the ruins ended up teleporting them to another dimension. If you haven't already, you might want to mention what set this adventure in motion. P.S. Nice picture, by the way. Please give my compliments to the artist.
34
« on: May 27, 2009, 09:21:12 pm »
Apologies for the lack of recent feedback on my part. I've been in the process for the past week of moving into my brother's house for the summer and starting an internship so I've been pretty preoccupied. I'll try to read the newest update and write some C&C soon, but in the meantime let me commend you on the trailer. The use of Haruhi's "ordinary" soliloquy followed by the far from ordinary Jinnai was well-timed and quite effective, and I really like the choice of music. It really is quite a good way to get pumped before reading this.
35
« on: May 21, 2009, 03:27:06 pm »
I agree with most of what Spanner said, though I'm not bothered by Diva's lack of concern over Haruhi's new appearance. At the time she was probably too overwhelmed with emotion because of the miraculous return of the lost Bugrom to care, and I imagine that as the Bugrom Queen she's pretty confident of her position and has powers and specialized knowledge to back it up. The irony of Jinnai proclaiming that God is on his side was fantastic, by the way, considering that Haruhi _is_ a god, and it's interesting to see Haruhi's powers playing out in El-Hazard. Because of what she is it's questionable whether traveling to this new world would actually have an effect on her, but now that Jinnai has raised the possibility of her developing shapeshifting powers her own divine powers can kick in and make that a reality even if it wasn't true without anyone being the wiser.
And speaking of powers, Koizumi the Esper and Yuki the Demon God? Heh, if this pattern continues Mikuru's probably going to manifest either time manipulation abilities (a great asset for a waitress!) or an actual Mikuru Beam, though I wonder if even that would be enough to fend off Fatora and Alliele. Poor, poor Mikuru and her gift of incredible cuteness. I'm not sure how to feel about Kyon's new magnetic powers yet other than that they might come in handy when he encounters Yuki again. I kind of assumed that he'd pull a Makoto and not discover his new superhuman ability(ies) until a do or die moment, but what you've done here has potential.
As for the actual writing, the prose is still a bit awkward in places but your enthusiasm clearly shows and infuses the story with a type of excited energy. The same goes for the dialogue. Every now and then the wording seems off for a character, but overall it's amusing enough that I hardly care. Fujisawa's histrionics and Koizumi's philosophical speech about there being good and evil in everyone were probably the best spoken parts for the "heroes," while Jinnai and Haruhi continue to have some of the best conversations. It could be entertaining to see whether those two will have positive or negative effects on each other since both are megalomaniacs in their own fashions but they also have their better sides, as Kyon and Wanderers Ifurita show. I'm of a mixed mind about understanding what the Bugrom are saying, though. It was used to good effect in this chapter, but part of their charm has been trying to figure out what they mean. If you're going to keep translating their communications, you're faced with the task of making this understanding add rather than take something away from the Bugrom. Anyway, thanks again for sharing and good luck with your writing.
36
« on: May 14, 2009, 06:50:18 pm »
Heh, very amusing. It's nice to see a new El Hazard crossover, especially with Suzumiya Haruhi since that series seems particularly well-suited for this. Anyway, the writing's pretty good and I'm really enjoying the humor. The first-person narrative took me by surprise at first, but it's a good way to incorporate Kyon's trademark sarcasm into the story and I think it's paying off. The descriptions are a bit lacking, but since you seem to be aiming this at people with some familiarity with both settings that's not necessarily a bad thing and it gives you more time to work on the dialogue. In my opinion, your best scene so far is Haruhi's encounter with the Bugrom Empire. You definitely seemed to nail her personality, and I'm tempted to say that she's probably going to enjoy every minute of her imprisonment in this strange, alien world. Heh. Regardless, I echo Spanner's criticism, and overall I think you're off to a good start. Thanks for sharing.
37
« on: May 08, 2009, 09:14:25 pm »
I recently watched the first two seasons of the anime Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. It is, in my opinion, an above average magical girl series that distinguishes itself by taking the genre and its associated tropes seriously. What makes this interesting and pertinent to El-Hazard, however, are a few notable elements of the series that are worth mentioning. Minor Spoilers!First, instead of the typical magical henshin tools the main characters use mechanical "magical" devices. Secondly, there's an organization called the Time-Space Administration Bureau that patrols the multiverse in dimensional spaceships. And third, the chief antagonist of the first season is collecting powerful items known as Jewel Seeds in order to break through dimensional barriers and reach the world of Al Hazard, the ancient, legendary capital of their civilization that was lost in a great catastrophe ages ago and where the forbidden, forgotten "spells" that can make any wish come true can still be found. Now, you have magical devices that act like computers, technology that's so advanced it looks like magic, dimensional travel, and an ancient land where dreams can come true called Al Hazard. Does any of this sound familiar? Lamps, Eye of God, the calamity of the Holy Wars, and a land of never-ending adventures known as El-Hazard? Hm, I wonder... Granted, this could and probably is just a coincidence or possibly a small homage, but I've had fun speculating that the Time-Space Administration Bureau and their MidChildan civilization are the descendants of one of the ancient nations of El-Hazard that was transported through time and space in the aftermath of the Holy Wars and managed to retain some of their science. And one of the most amusing moments of the first season for me was when the head villain announced her plans in a melodramatic speech and powered up her dimensional fortress to reach Al Hazard...or should that be El-Hazard?
38
« on: May 01, 2009, 12:41:31 pm »
That's pretty much what I thought too. Unfortunately, my knowledge of traditional Arabian fashion (and fashion in general, for that matter  ) is rather substandard. Still, veil should work as long as the prose is descriptive enough, and not knowing what to call it won't derail the story I'm trying to write. Anyway, thanks for the welcome back. I'm already realizing how much I missed this place, and my recent download of the El-Hazard Saturn game is bringing back nostalgic memories. So many good times here.
39
« on: April 30, 2009, 03:42:47 pm »
Hello everyone. It's been quite a while, hasn't it? Apologies for not being around. For some reason I thought the site went down and only recently rediscovered it while doing a google search for Ifurita. I'm glad to see it's still here.
Anyway, I'm working on a fan fic and am trying to figure out what the fabric headgear Ifurita and Rune Venus wear is called. It doesn't seem to be a headscarf and while head/hair covering is a generic enough term for the purpose I was wondering if there's a specific name for it. I'm tempted to call it a veil of some sort but that doesn't seem to fit since it doesn't cover the face. Any help would be appreciated.
40
« on: January 01, 2007, 10:23:56 pm »
2006 List: 1. Revolutionary Girl Utena 2. El-Hazard 3. Tenchi (including Magical Project S) 4. Monster 5. Berserk 6. Ruroni Kenshin 7. The Vision of Escaflowne 8. The Big O 9. Sailor Moon 10. Slayers 2005 List 1. El-Hazard (tentatively) 2. Tenchi (including Magical Project S but not the two new series that I haven't seen yet) 3. Slayers 4. Revolutionary Girl Utena 5. Monster 6. Ruroni Kenshin (Seasons 1-2 and the 3 OAV episodes. I haven't watched the rest) 7. Noir 8. The Big O 9. Vision of Escaflowne 10. Sailor Moon 2004 List: 1. El-Hazard 2. Tenchi (including Magical Project S) 3. Slayers 4. Shingetsutan Tsukihime 5. Noir 6. Revolutionary Girl Utena 7. Kare Kano 8. Inu-Yasha 9. Ruroni Kenshin 10. Sailor Moon Not a whole lot has changed from 2005, probably because I haven't watched much new anime this past year. Full Metal Alchemist and Full Metal Panic are on my list of series to watch eventually, and I hope to finish Azumanga Daioh, Kare Kano, and Inu-Yasha someday. All five of them could conceivably find a place on this list. Bleach exudes coolness up to a point but there was a precipitous drop in quality after the Soul Society arc, and I haven't picked the series up again. Anyway, as for what did change, Revolutionary Girl Utena toppled El-Hazard from the #1 spot because of its thought-provoking and inspiring story. El-Hazard is great entertainment, but I find myself puzzling over and contemplating the characters and plot of Revolutionary Girl Utena more often. Berserk earned a place on the list for being such a starkly different and surprisingly intelligent series, while Noir dropped off of the list from lack of staying power, despite being great fun to watch. Sailor Moon manages to hang around probably from nostalgia and sentimental value (even after so many years I still find the Nephrite/Naru arc touching), and Slayers stays on the list because...well, maybe because it stars Lina Inverse and it's kind of hard for a human being to argue with a Dragon Slave?  Oh, and I happened to notice this... 13 Magical Project S Woot! I applaud your great taste, Mr. What, although knowing you this probably has something to do with Pixy Misa being a mini-Mara of sorts.
41
« on: November 10, 2006, 11:25:22 pm »
http://www.chiyochan.net/azu/res/55881.html
This crossover fan-art made my day even before I saw Jinnai in the background. And I thought the El-Hazard Round Robin was big on crossovers... *boggles*
42
« on: March 26, 2006, 03:04:33 pm »
Thanks for the advice. After asking around a bit more, an acquaintance recommended AwardSpace. I'm usually quite suspicious of anything that's free, but it's allegedly okay so, unless I hear otherwise, I'll probably give AwardSpace a try, at least while I'm still figuring out how to actually set-up a forum with php. If/when I decide to upgrade, I'll likely move to HasWeb. I never was partcularly fond of phpBB, but it's fine for basic stuff. With the exception of some HTML lessons and a little bit of Dreamweaver, my web design experience is virtually nil, so "basic" is probably better in this case.
43
« on: March 24, 2006, 04:21:20 pm »
For many years now, I've belonged to a fanfiction community. Sadly, it has seen better days and most of its members -- including myself in many ways -- have moved on to other things. However, a friend is looking to modernize the website and forum, and since I used to be in charge of the forum I figure the least I can do is help him in that regard. The messageboard's last incarnation used VoyForums, but I want to set up something better and have been drawn to phpBB. However, it requires web hosting, and that is something I have virtually no experience with. Consequently, I was wondering, are there any web hosts any of you would highly recommend? I'm looking for something affordable and, excluding self-advertising, ad-free and shouldn't require a lot of space since I only need to host a messageboard. El-Hazard Online's web host, for example, looks like it would do the job wonderfully. A free messageboard service might also work, but I haven't been terribly impressed with the few I've seen lately. Thanks in advance for any help you offer.
44
« on: March 19, 2006, 12:08:04 pm »
Regardless of what you end up doing, you have my sincere thanks for keeping this site going as long as you have. After I first watched El-Hazard and started looking for fansites, this was one of the few that was actually still being updated and continued to find new content. I've had many marvelous discussions here, and the El-Hazard round robin was terrific fun and one of the best (and longest!) round robins I've had the joy of participating in. It also, in a way, accomplished my long held dream of writing an "epic" El-Hazard story, for which I'm very glad. Good luck with your future projects.
45
« on: January 15, 2006, 09:01:26 pm »
Your sketch of Shayla looks fine to me, although there seems to be a bit of a resemblance to Princess Fatora too without the coloring, but that might just be me since I haven't watched the series in a long time. And yes, the Tenchi community in general is "a little edgy." And that's all I'm going to say, lest I start a flame war. I haven't followed the Tenchi community in years, but I can make a few assumptions. Tenchi has a _lot_ of backstory and history that the casual or even semi-serious fan probably won't know (at least this was the case before GXP and the 3rd OVA, neither of which I've seen yet), at least three separate universes of varying quality, a fanbase that, last I checked, was strongly divided over who should get Tenchi, and an inconclusive ending. El-Hazard, on the other hand, is a comparatively complete series. Regardless of whether you support the pairings or not, the two (three with the manga series) universes end with Makoto reuniting with Ifurita and Princess Rune Venus, respectively, and there are endings. Yes, there is a lot we, the fans, don't know, but the missing years aren't available in limited manga or series guides rarely seen outside of Japan. Most of the accessible information can be found in the OVAs and TV series, and when fans debate over El-Hazard there probably aren't many facts that the sides aren't all aware of.
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