El-Hazard Online
General => Non-El-Hazard Topical Discussions => Topic started by: Tim needs time to work it out on May 08, 2003, 12:33:11 pm
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During my 7th period class, we needed to answer 8th grade questionaires.
The three most common questions are:
"Are there plenty of (add synonyms for good looking or hot)girls in your school?"
"Is High School hard?"
"Is it easy to get a girlfriend?"
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No offence, but those questions are pointless. :-/
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Yes they are!
Thank you for playing this game!
Seriously, that's the point. Many of the kids prefer to know if there is hot girls (which I clearly can't define myself because my views are different from others) over if the school can give them a good education.
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During my 7th period class, we needed to answer 8th grade questionaires.
The three most common questions are:
"Are there plenty of (add synonyms for good looking or hot)girls in your school?"
"Is High School hard?"
"Is it easy to get a girlfriend?"
I like how HOT CHICKS are a PRIORITY when selecting a high school 9_9 no worries about the EDUCATION end of it...
If they weren't just immature 8th grade males I'd have a fit... unfortunately... guys don't get much better when they are older :p
With guys it's all chicks and football even when they get "older..." :p
Sometimes I think that if I knew what the world was like when I was younger I would have developed my BODY instead of my MIND... heh but I made my choice and I guess I'm better for it... though sometimes I wonder...
No one wants the 3.92 GPA, summa cum laude, National Honor Society, college grad, girl... they want the easy chick who works in the beauty parlor... feh
I'm glad YOU see that there's a problem with that kind of thinking Tim... but then... you're a smart guy who focuses on developing his mind like I did... that and you know I'd beat the snot out of you for disrespecting women ^_^ -- one of these days I'm gonna pop Joe one... (our youngest brother for those who don't know).
Stick with the smart girls Tim... you'll be better for it... no one will fight you for 'em for one ^_^;
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If they weren't just immature 8th grade males I'd have a fit... unfortunately... guys don't get much better when they are older :p
With guys it's all chicks and football even when they get "older..." :p
Heh. I think you're painting with an awfully wide brush there, Kathy. ;)
Some conversations I've had with Rob via email suggest that in many ways I was much like him when I was in high school. I was interested in science and trains and Robotech (which was before I even knew what the word "anime" meant) which didn't mix well with the prevailing demographics. Mellencamp could have written a song about the sleepy little Michigan town I hailed from. In school if you weren't a football player or a cheerleader, you were pretty much nobody. And my interests made me something of an outcast, for my passion about railroading was seen by many to be an obsession.
And that pretty much was the way it was during my first two years of college. My interests did expand, however. I did a few different things, including volunteering with the Catholic Newman Center as a vocalist and liturgist and auditioning for the on-campus theatre troupe. (By the time I left college I had become president of the parish council and headlined my farewell performance.) I also became an avid role-player. This gave me an opportunity to make new friends and expand my horizons. Getting to meet members of the other gender who had interests and values similiar to my own was a decent perk too.
And the last two years I was in college saw a great transformation. By the time I was a junior, I realized that of the two hundred or so starting freshmen there were only about two dozen or so of us left. So we all started paling around together. And being that we had all just turned 21 within the past year it made for some wild times. There were a lot of nights we tied one on a little TOO tightly, and we did more than a little skirt-chasing.
But when senior thesis finally came around we all knew we had to knuckle down. Our late nights on the town were replaced by late nights in the electronics lab or hunched over our drafting tables. By then I had started working as a draftsman part time at the Soo Locks so that required at least 20 hours a week of my time during which I had to be at least somewhat cognisant. (There were a few mornings I was a little foggy, all the while resolving to myself to NEVER do THAT again!) While I don't regret having the chance to live wild and crazy for a little while, I am grateful that I've left that lifestyle behind me. The bars were full of people in their forties who hadn't and the wear was beginning to show on their faces.
My last six months in college I met the woman who four years later would become my wife. I had returned to my "serious student" MO by then. She had had several encounters with men much like how Kathy describes above and was almost all but turned off to anyone. We met through common friends and got to know each other.
Shortly thereafter, however, I got my sheepskin and promptly lost my job at the Locks. So I headed south toward Detroit to seek my fortune. (I can empathize with anyone doing the "distance relationship" thing!) I'll spare you the details of what happened in the ten years hence, though the email I sent Rob for his college paper showed my maturation process had only just begun.
And so I think it is with many men, Kathy. Almost all of us that were hootin' and hollerin' back in the day now have full-time jobs, mortgages, and children. Those things tend to change one's point of view about oneself and the world we live in. I daresay it changes people's priorities, in my opinion for the better. It's all part of the maturation process I'm glad to say I've surrendered to.
One observation I've made about anime fans is that they're markedly different from the mainstream in their values and priorities. Just about all the anime fans I know have been to college and afterward land decent jobs. And this forum , which caters to the fandom of a very thought-provoking anime series such as El Hazard, seems to consist of people who contrast starkly to the picture you paint, Kathy. Heh. Dare I say "preaching to the choir?" ;)
With respect to football: although I'd be remiss not to mention that while I don't care for football, basketball or baseball I am an avid hockey fan. I do hope you'll believe me it's not the fights I like, in fact, I usually enjoy watching college hockey more because the fights are not sensationalized and made a spectacle of. I love to watch when a good squad can get their passing game down pat and it just clicks, much to the chagrin of yon hapless goalie. It's a game where teamwork is necessary and if executed brilliantly can pay off big time.
Of course, my Lake Superior State Lakers finished nearly dead last in the CCHA and my Red Wings were brushed off the ice in four straight by the DUCKS for GOD'S SAKE! So it hasn't been a good hockey season for me. :( Glad I have El Hazard to talk about! :)
Personally I'd rather enjoy seeing a fan rendition of Ifurita dressed for the bench. I think she'd make a killer left wing. Could you imagine a Demon-God slapshot? I pity the poor goalie that would try to bat away one of those.
Sometimes I think that if I knew what the world was like when I was younger I would have developed my BODY instead of my MIND... heh but I made my choice and I guess I'm better for it... though sometimes I wonder...
I actually avoided military service because I didn't think I had the physical muster to be able to survive boot camp (being the short stocky smart kid I used to be.) Ironically, today my work as a signalman requires I work outside in all kinds of weather engaged in physically gruelling activity--digging trenches, pulling cable (some of it the diameter of my wrist,) unloading trucks, spreading stone and the like. Six months ago I wondered if I would be able to handle it but now know I can do this if I pace myself and don't try to be a superhero. In that respect I feel I've come full circle, though I don't believe I still could do a hundred pushups without feeling it later.
No one wants the 3.92 GPA, summa cum laude, National Honor Society, college grad, girl... they want the easy chick who works in the beauty parlor... feh
Heh. I didn't know you knew my high school class! :) In fact, many of the young women I knew back then fit the description you provide. And when I do visit my hometown and encounter one or more of them, I believe I'm better off where I ended up. There's a song out there called "Thank God For Unanswered Prayers" which usually plays in the back of my mind whenever I find myself back there.
I'm glad YOU see that there's a problem with that kind of thinking Tim... but then... you're a smart guy who focuses on developing his mind like I did... that and you know I'd beat the snot out of you for disrespecting women ^_^ -- one of these days I'm gonna pop Joe one... (our youngest brother for those who don't know).
Strapping young lad who thinks he's all that, eh? I can relate. If you ever put my brother and I together you'd never know we were even distantly related. He's in his late 20's now, about to finish his apprenticeship as a union plumber. Just about all the life lessons I mention above he has yet to learn. He lives in our grandparent's old house (they both passed away recently) though I'm dubious of whether he's actually making his house payment or drinking it away on the weekends. And I'm sick of HIS creditors calling ME and threatening me to have him pay them. (That seemed to cease after I sicked my attorney on them.) Maybe I'm just jealous that I never had a chance to live for two wild and crazy weeks in Cancun. Although it occurs to me maybe I'm better off for having NOT been there.
Stick with the smart girls Tim... you'll be better for it... no one will fight you for 'em for one ^_^;
I'm awfully glad I did. When I listen to my coworkers complain about their wives spending their money and running around while they're out here on the gang, I feel very lucky to have ended up with a small town girl like mine who knows the value of a dollar and has a good head on her shoulders.
Your message is a sound one, Kathy. I do suppose, however, that any man who is a member of this forum already believes much the same way you do. ;) That doesn't make the message any less meaningful, in my opinion.
(Yes, I have three day weekends and my wife is at work today. So I have lots of time to mull over life's little quandaries.)
--me
Mark Engels
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Stick with the smart girls Tim... you'll be better for it... no one will fight you for 'em for one ^_^;
I for one really think that smart girls make better long term relationships. After all, it's only so fun dating a hot chick for a while, but once the fun is over, she's not exactly the great type of chick you'd want to marry. Inner beauty rocks. Unfortunatley, I'm one of the poor saps who got stuck being dumb and ugly. I guess I got whacked in the head with the short end of the stick...
Anyways, back on track, I think it goes both ways too. I've dated really beautiful bimbos (men) like my famous ex Jeremy Hoffman, hotter than a Greek God, but boy, was the poor boy dumb. :P You just can't win, can you? And also, with Jeremy in mind, I'd like to say that the intellectual type is less likley to cheat on you, lie about it, then turn gay and pretend he laid you. :-[ >:( Funny how it all works out in the end. I';m suprised I haven't been invited on Springer...
Oh, right, staying on topic... That's why I like girls better now anyways. Boys just like to break your heart. :'( Girls are far more sensitive to these things. In short, I LOVE LAR!!! ;D
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Bah. Boys not sensitive? ;p Sad-twinge BGM like Ifurita's pain song can bring a tear to my eye, much less if I think about her floating off when Makoto first digs deep. Actually I can be uncharacteristically sensitive. This is probably why I strive to make computer games that are only backed by some type of story; story-devoid bopper games are fun, but I don't get to put any heart into them.
Alternatively, I still hold a common male characteristic of NOT feeling when a potential arrises, where I rather handle it as a logical problem, not an emotional wound. That's not exactly a bad thing either.
I think this post is all about one thing that both Kathy and Jewel are too quick to say; NOT all guys are the same way, and definitely even the guys that are one way may not be once maturity catches up to them. I know I've drastically changed in just the past year. My mom's been constantly pointing out that I've gone from one who wallows in self pity and depression to some sort of positive outlook towards-the-future guy.
And for the record, I've never once in my life actually persued a woman strictly for her body. Sure, I may think it, but that's just male nature. I'd never actually put it to practice. That's another thing women ought to learn. Men are animals, but that doesn't mean a few of us haven't learned how to control it. :P Yes, there are just hormonal jerks. I'm probably as hormonally fueled as the rest of them, and God knows being without a girlfriend for a year and watching others at the college who do has made me edgey to no end... but I still can be respectable around any female I encounter. Actually I'll sooner make a fool of myself trying to be friendly than I'd try to get her into a bedroom.
I've never broken a girl's heart. Technically, she broke mine, made me feel like dirt for a good few months.
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Unfortunatley, I'm one of the poor saps who got stuck being dumb and ugly. I guess I got whacked in the head with the short end of the stick...
Your are not dumb, nor ugly. Don't think badly of yourself. Let someone else who is actually dumb and ugly think that. (not picking on anyone! Promise!)
Oh, right, staying on topic... That's why I like girls better now anyways. Boys just like to break your heart. Girls are far more sensitive to these things. In short, I LOVE LAR!!!
I LOVE YOU TOO!!!
My ex dumped me beore he found out I had dumped him three months at least previously.
I only do that to him though, if I were to dumb Rosh (Which I promise you is SO NOT gonna happen!!!) I'd tell her, but I'm not gonna, so everything is OKAY!!!
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Well boys are kind of usless at relationships. (only my veiw) They only seem to like hurting you. Like my ex who dumped me for no aparrent reason and then said i dumped him and a girl (very stuipid) thought that he was innocent and she started going out with him! that relasionship lasted a whole 3 days! not my longest relationship! :D
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*sigh* You girls... we're like scotch; it gets better with age. ;p Seriously, wait until you're like 18 or something. Guys are only starting to become perfected about then.
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*sigh* You girls... we're like scotch; it gets better with age. ;p Seriously, wait until you're like 18 or something. Guys are only starting to become perfected about then.
LOL I not saying anything ^_^;
Except this Rob, how old were the men MOM was talking about? Seems they are not even "starting to become perfected" at 18 ^_^; you have a about oooh 40 years MORE of "perfecting."
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22-25 is a nice age range. Still young, but finally coming to a grasp on reality.
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22-25 is a nice age range. Still young, but finally coming to a grasp on reality.
LOL need I remind you that Toygar was 24? ;D
Gasping reality was never a problem for him.. it was DEALING with reality.
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Now don't test me. ;p
Not EVERYBODY is under any form of "standard". There's good apples and bad apples... shall I go into college bud Jason's last love? The one who dated another man behind his back? Then now is dating someone else "officially", and yet called him recently and gave him sex talk over the phone? Har. That's just bad news either way.
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um...just curious, why do boy/girl dates even after all the bitterness???
to see it from a certain view, isn't the superficiality quite obvious from day one?? :-/
a friend of mine told me that "love" is one of the most empty word spoken, similar to that of "sorry"
so could one actually really take it seriously when the other say ILU ::)
well, I can go further to the definition of that "L" word as promise/commitment instead of feeling...but there goes my 2 cents
I can't be biased on this one since I've never been involved, somehow there's just always something else to pay more attention
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um...just curious, why do boy/girl dates even after all the bitterness
to see it from a certain view, isn't the superficiality quite obvious from day one??
Are you saying why do two people who broke up get back together, or are you saying why would someone let one failure even have them concider ever dating again?
I'm going to assume the former (why do break ups get back together) in the idea of why do people who "love" each other turn out to be ... "not destined" I suppose.
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I'll be honest, I really can't answer that question. I suppose "love" can be so desired that one or both ends will "pretend" it so that they have an artifical happiness. It's only eventually when reality shows its ugly head to one or both that they suddenly realize they've been doing it artificially.
Alternatively, it could be something along the lines of people who aren't "ready" to "love" in a matter of commitment. It's not always their fault exactly... sometimes they don't realize things in their life are giving them heartache so they realize they can't possibly commit until something is resolved...
I don't know... I really don't know.
The only thing I "know" ... is that by what stories and others have told and reflected upon me, is that the only thing you WILL know is when you actually have found the person. Where you can't possibly concider living without them in your life. I don't think I've ever hit that point. And neither did Jason, or "Kathy", or any one of us who've complained or had experiences. Many of us were "burned" by the experience, but in all reality, I don't think any of us in those given circumstances had reached a point where the person in question was something that was felt to be the absolute void-filler. With no doubts at all.
And until any of us feel that way... I don't think any of us should really let "burns" linger forever. They'll heal... and perhaps our hearts are to be captured several times more. If any of us let a "burn" linger, full well knowing that we weren't exactly positive that the other person was the void filler, then we're wasting our time and need to move on, because it was never meant to be in the first place.
Now that's me after about a year. A year ago I probably would've ... well, no, let's not touch that. ;p
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Pft!!! Guys, what's the point?!
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I have had a relationship longer than three days (beleive it or not). It lasted about two years! I'm surprised he never got really boared of me! :D
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Pft!!! Guys, what's the point?!
Hey, hey, don't you like Tom Felton?
And Orlando Bloom?
Plus, some of us like guys! ;) :P
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Pft!!! Guys, what's the point?!
Okay, you know what... any of you keep it up, and I'm going to start taking offense by it and see it as gender slander.
I understand that some of you may be put up off by the idea of relationships for whatever reason, but constant guy bashing without actually reading anything or consistently introducing one-sided arguements in the thread is really starting to piss me off.
Because you know what ... I've lived my life in a manner more decent than probably any of the guys that you're all afraid of. I have never in my life put anyone down on the basis of race or gender. And quite frankly I see this as none of you giving ANY guys ANY credit. Some of us try our very hardest to be good people. I was deticated in my last relationship, heaven help me I had no control over Alison if she decided she wanted to pursue lesbianism. The thing I SHOULDN'T have done was keep on fighting despite the odds... but you do stupid things when you're blind with love for another.
But you know what, had that NOT happened, I would've probably married that girl. SO THERE.
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Well i do addmit that some guys are really nice! But others just dont try and i'm sorry about the whole gender slander thing but i did say nice things about guys too!
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Well, it wasn't as much towards you... but anyway, yeah, some don't try. There are assholes among the good, maybe disproportionately even. I never make a claim that all guys (or girls) are perfect by any means. But I think some of us deserve a chance. It makes me so frustrated that girls typically don't pay any attention to me, yet I'll hear them bitching in the college lounge about what jerks their boyfriends are, publicizing their faults to their friends, I listen and say to myself "Hey, I'm so much better than that guy. Why I am I sitting here alone?"
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I'm not discriminating, or being sexist. I don't really think that badly of guys, I just prefer girls, as you all mostly know.
There are some really nice guys out there and I am sure that most of the guys on this board are very nice when it comes to knowing how to treat girls.
Sorry if I caused any offence. :-[
A friend of mine, who is not a member of this board, has just been dumped by her boyfriend Callum (one L of two, I don't know, nor care).
She used to love him like hell, I mean, I go to her house every second tuesday, and she comes to mine every other tuesday, and they were one the phone or texting each other the whole time.
I was bored stiff.
Then I found out that Callum had two timed Emma, and Emma was really upset and angry and dumped him. She is really really pissed at him now.
But not as pissed as my English teacher is with me. ;) ;D
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It's all fine and good to say that men simply love to string 'em along and break their hearts. But you know what? Women do the same thing! ALL THE TIME! I went out with a girl for five years, only to have her dump me for an alcoholic loser who couldn't even stay out of jail much less hold a job. Another girl, a friend of mine, I'd been after for a couple years. She said "I just want to be friends. It's not you, it's me. Etc." Meanwhile she's lonely and depressed, and dating the occasional loser. I mean L-O-S-E-R. Hello?! I'm right here! I'm a nice guy with a steady job and a fairly stable psyche! You can say men are dogs because you've been burned by them. And I could say women are bitches because I've been burned by them. But isn't that a rather unfair generalization? Yes, I think so. Let's look at the big picture people.
Getting back to the original topic, you can probably remember being that age and having sex on the brain 24/7. I can. It's a perfectly normal thing at that age. I once heard that a study was done that proved that the average teenagers thinks about sex every 30 seconds. Let's face it, when you're going through puberty, what else could possibly matter? The future? NO! Sex sex sex! And of course, is high school hard?
Huh huh huh, I said "hard."
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Heh well I understand why Rob is angry ^_^
Yeah I bitch and complain but maybe that's cos I WAS in a long term relationship and got randomly dumped. And when I say long term... I mean it was 3 YEARS. Most of my college career.
Needless to say I felt cheated and angry. Cheated cos now that I'm a teacher I'll have little time to go randomly looking for a man once I sign a contract... Angry... well that's self explanatory. The reason for his leaving? He felt if he were going to continue with me he needed to make a commitiment... and he was AFRAID to... So he took the easy way out and said, "it's not you it's me..." and dumped me. (He danced around saying it for almost 2 hours before he DID... tells you just how confused he was... whatever... screw you too...) End of story.
Most of you girls are WAAAAY too young to be writing off ALL men... after all most of you are just starting HIGH SCHOOL. The people YOU are dating aren't MEN they are little boys... And as I've found out the little boys who call themselves MEN at MY age are STILL little boys.
I haven't totally given up but I WILL be stand-offish next time a guy asks me out. Heh this had better be GOOD.
I HAVE about 5 guy friends... they are perfectly nice people... just none of them want to date me...and I don't want to date them...
Since my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me I did like this one guy... _I_ decided to confront him about it... heh BIG mistake. He gave me a WTF look... said, "I think you're nice too" and then avoided me after that... feh... I as better off without him... he turned out to be a loser once he stopped hanging around us anyhow... I knew by the NEW company he kept...
Anyhow... you're all too young to be bitter... just wait til someone strings you along for 3 years... heh THEN you can be grizzled like me!
I'm sure there is SOMEONE out there who can put up with my crap... but I have yet to find him... maybe I will maybe I won't... at this point... either way... I don't care.
I can look on the bright side... If I don't meet someone and I'm in good health I'll be able to live off my teaching retirement cos I won't be worried about anyone but me... which means I can retire at 53 years old... heh sweet. Be afraid... cos scary things happen when I am bored! yes, indeed...
Huh huh huh, I said "hard."
LOL ok... that was damned funny right about now... I don't know why... I think I need more sleep... 4 and a half hours is just not cutting it ^_^;
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Since my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me I did like this one guy... _I_ decided to confront him about it... heh BIG mistake. He gave me a WTF look... said, "I think you're nice too" and then avoied me after that... feh... I as better off without him... he turned out to be a loser once he stopped hanging around us anyhow... I knew by the NEW company he kept...
I hate lame excuses like that. We used to have this running gag on our old board "you're a nice guy, but......" because we'd all gotten that lame line at least once! Well, if I'm so fucking nice then marry me! Anyway, what's "nice" got to do with it anyway? It's so incomprehensible. If you're not attracted to somebody just say it! Don't sugarcoat it!
LOL ok... that was damned funny right about now... I don't know why... I think I need more sleep... 4 and a half hours is just not cutting it ^_^;
Heh heh, Beavis & Butthead is the key to wordly knowledge. Alot of wisdom and deep understanding of the world and it's function can be gleaned from that show. I do miss it sorely.
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Another good semi-point some of you young'uns ought to pay attention to; just because your friend got dumped, don't use their relationship as your porthole to how ALL relationships function.
And thanks, Saucer. I could've blown a gasket if I didn't get at least a little support. :P
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And thanks, Saucer. I could've blown a gasket if I didn't get at least a little support. :P
I've been reading this thread with interest (at least at those times I'm not contributing to it.) I find myself grinning with amusement, but certainly not at the expense of any of my esteemed list members. What I find amusing is the fact that I've felt all the emotions expressed here at one point or other in my life. Rob, Kathy, Saucer...I've had the same things said to me at one point or other. So when I say I can empthasize, please accept my statement at face value.
And the ironic thing is I found myself on the other end as well. I found myself in one relationship I HAD to get out of. And the execution thereof didn't really go down as I would have liked.
But what we all expect from one another, anyway? It's not like there's a goddamn field manual explaining how relationships are supposed to work, you know! "Oh, waitiaminit, I think I saw that in section three *fliiiiiiiiip*!"
All those times I found myself saying "well this and this and that happened to me and I'll never do that to someone else..." I have to tell you, friends, never is a LONG time. If the circumstances predicate, you may find yourself doing similar things to someone else that were done to you.
But then something truly remarkable happened. I understood. I figured out WHY that other person did what they did. And that more than anything else helped me carry on and go forward. Now that I knew what it was like to walk on the other side of the fence, I knew for certain that I could begin building healthy relationships.
Amazing thing I discovered is that when it rains, it pours. There was one young woman I met through my theatre troupe that started to come onto me despite the fact she was cohabitating (and in a relationship with) a friend of mine. (I'm NOT being narcissistic here folks, believe me, I'm not that good looking!) I sat her down soon afterward and told her she'd have to find someone else to be her back door man. That's not the way I play. Shortly after that she lost interest in me. I got a call a month afterward saying she was engaged to her boss at the casino she worked at. Geez.
Then I met and started dating the woman who would later become my wife. My "old girlfriend", as fate would have it after quitting the troupe and the casino had started bussing tables in the dinner theatre venue where my troupe performed. Immediately after my farewell performance, she ran up to me and mentioned she'd left her boss from the casino and "could we get together again tonight?" (Again? I didn't remember the first time!) She hadn't gotten the knot in my tie undone when I stuttered "T-tracy, th-there's someone I want y-you to m-meet." And I introduced her to Sonia, who from the look she was giving Tracy was about to deck her in about thirty seconds. "My girlfriend and I have plans tonight. See you around," I said and promptly ushered Sonia out of there. And that was the last time I saw Tracy, almost ten years ago to the day.
See, I'd met Sonia *after* I'd resigned myself that I simply didn't care anymore if I was in a relationship. That was the first time, at age 22, that I'd been able to say that since the first time I'd been let down (I think I was about 14 or so) and really, really mean it.
I'd pursued (yeah, that's a good way to describe what I did) more than one young woman with whom I happened to have something in common (either one or more of classwork, campus ministry, theatre troupe, martial arts, Corps of Engineers job, you get the idea) and had been told the equivalent of "no, not interested" every time. (I've heard it expressed in a good many ways too, the same tag lines you all have written about, in fact.)
So finally I just quit trying. I began enjoying doing things by myself and with my friends. Maybe it was the fact I wasn't so needly and clingy anymore that permitted me to meet Sonia on equal terms; to wit, I'm sure the Fates introduced me to Tracy to have shown to me how uncomfortable I had made other young women.
Sonia and I were married four years later. Two of those years I drove five hours one way to see her every weekend. I was living in Detroit working as an automation technician and she was still up in The Soo at Lake State. Those of you who are married know the drill...honeymoon the first year, fight like cats and dogs for a couple years afterward, and then find your even keel. We'll have been at it six years in September. I think we've finally planed out now.
My leaving the computer business and getting a railroad job is probably the single biggest reason we're still married. I didn't realize how much I hated working in the computer field until it dawned on me I made too damn much money to leave. But the business environment after Enron, September 11 and the dot-com correction made up my mind for me. Don't get me wrong--it's gruelling work out here on the railroad and I've got some, well, "interesting" people I have to deal with (i.e., tolerate.) But I wouldn't have it any other way. I enjoy the work and know every day it's consistent with who I am and what I was meant to be.
And that's probably where I'm going with this whole thread. When I finally figured out who I was and what I was all about, I was able to make decisions to get my entire life back in line. But that happened over the course of several years after making lots of mistakes. When I would go to job interviews and I would be asked "why did you hop around so often from one jb to another every six months to a year?" I would reply "part of figuring out what you want to do is first figuring out what you DON'T want to do." But that applies to more than just one's livelihood. Dare I say the same could be said about every part of our lives, relationships included (relationships in particular!)
And so it is with us all, my friends. Each of us at some point in our lives are going to be hurt, and each of us at some point is going to hurt someone else. It's all a manner of degree, really. I do hope, however, that each of us (myself included) will be open to the maturity and wisdom that comes with living our lives and learning from the lessons life teaches. Welcome to the School of Hard Knocks, everyone, where the classes run 24/7 now right up until "Graduation Day."
What will happen to each of us after we walk that Green Mile is a topic for another thread, my friends. But until that day comes, ask yourselves just what kind of life will each of *you* live? Will the fires each of us must at some time pass through temper you with wisdom and compassion, or make you brittle with bitterness? Which shall you choose?
--me
Mark Engels
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Good points Mark. Life truly is one of those "undocumented procedures" that you just have to experience for yourself. I suppose, just as everyone's sense of "justice" differs, everyone's sense of what's fair and "what's best for me" differs as well. But like a friend of mine, who received the infamous "You're a nice guy but..." more than once said, "You can't hold thart bitterness inside for too long, or it will destroy you." It's rough though man. especially when there's nothing in between.
And thanks, Saucer. I could've blown a gasket if I didn't get at least a little support. :P
I got j0 back mang.
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Yup! I think Mark is the oldest (or close to it) among all of us. :P (No offense there, just fact. ;)) But I agree with all that he said there, very nicely put. I don't think there's a thing I could add to this thread at this point.
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Yup! I think Mark is the oldest (or close to it) among all of us. :P (No offense there, just fact. ;))
I mentioned in another thread Adcock's a few notches above me on the seniority roster. ;) And Haran's in his fifties if I read his bio right ("bjork" from back in the EH threads. But I think he got scared off after one of the "dub vs. sub" debates.)
But I agree with all that he said there, very nicely put. I don't think there's a thing I could add to this thread at this point.
Now if that ain't the most subtle way of saying "LET'S MOVE ON" I don't know what is. :) One thing that I've discovered is a necessary part of my own healing processes is to show my support for those who are going through similar challenges and disappointments as I did. That is not to say I'm without challenges and disappointments of my own, friends, but they are much different now at 32 than the ones I experienced at 17, 19 or 22. I wouldn't change a thing, however, because all those things that happened then and the lessons I learned from them have helped me cope better with the myriad of different things I'm having to deal with now.
This will sound cliche but one day each of you will look back on all the nasty things you've gone through and be grateful--those things will have helped you appreciate the good things that did come your way.
Anyhow... you're all too young to be bitter... just wait til someone strings you along for 3 years... heh THEN you can be grizzled like me!
And I would suggest to you, Kathy, you're too young to NOT be bitter. Just before all the things I describe above went down I found myself thinking much the same thing. But I found the process of accepting the hand dealt me and moving on to be a liberating one, as it appears you are discovering. Being lonely can try one's soul, but being *alone* really ain't so bad once you get used to it.
I'm sure there is SOMEONE out there who can put up with my crap... but I have yet to find him... maybe I will maybe I won't... at this point... either way... I don't care.
I can look on the bright side... If I don't meet someone and I'm in good health I'll be able to live off my teaching retirement cos I won't be worried about anyone but me... which means I can retire at 53 years old... heh sweet. Be afraid... cos scary things happen when I am bored! yes, indeed...
It was after I had found myself comfortable and accepting of my situation of being alone that I found I could build a healthy relationship with someone else. By then I had put my anger and the resultant stand-offish nature aside and simply allowed myself to accept the intentions of whomever came my way. That's when I met Sonia (and the rest, as they say, is history.)
Railroad Retirement is pretty good too, which is part of the reason I took this job (we pay into that and not into Social Security, which Railroad Retirement predates. And we're nicked a lot more for RRR than I would have been for SS, so it builds up much faster. That doesn't mean I haven't stopped contributing to my IRA, though, because who knows what this administration or any other will do to monkey around with that sacred cow? Ah, but that is for another discussion thread.)
LOL ok... that was damned funny right about now... I don't know why... I think I need more sleep... 4 and a half hours is just not cutting it ^_^;
I read your intro on your sarahsensei page and can empathise with your plight. When I first moved to Minneapolis the engineering gigs I found were so skimpy I could barely make my house payment! And my wife was working too, third shift because of the shift differential pay. So we were broke and didn't get to see each other much! I ended up selling my truck because I couldn't make the payments anymore. Let me explain: I grew up in farm country, folks, THAT HURT getting rid of my '95 Chevy K1500 Z-71 in forest green!!!! But the Grand Am I bought to replace it could really scoot!
So to help make ends meet I went back to driving truck on the weekends. I had worked in a scrapyard and for a ready mix concrete place the couple summers before I worked for the Corps of Engineers, so had first gotten my commerical driver's license then. I took a part time job at Home Depot driving their delivery trucks on the weekends. I would roll out at 4:30 Saturday morning (usually before my third shift wife had even come home from work) be out the door by 5:30 and at the store by 6. Then I would curse and stamp around because every one of the orders I had to put on my truck hadn't been picked and staged. So I'd spend the next two hours picking my orders and staging them on pallets, THEN put them on my truck and strap 'em down. I'd call for a manager to come over and check my load (they had to sign off because material strangely disappeared if they didn't inspect every outbound load.) That would mean another half hour wait. SO I'm three hours late on my first delivery every Saturday which despite my hoofin' it I could never make up. Sundays would be much the same. So after a summer of working seven days a week I was about sick of it.
I had a 96 International with a Cummins L-10 and a nine-speed RoadRanger tranny. That was nice and the little Moffet forklift I toted along on the trailer behind me was fun to run. It was really a Tim Allen thing--men would worship the ground I drove over with that thing!
Shortly there after I left Home Depot to take a job with a company that hauled intermodal trailers of US Mail from Minneapolis to Chicago, where they would be loaded onto flatcars for the ride east to the Atlantic Seaboard (Harrisburg, PA and Springfield, MA.) That job was a lot less screwing around (the loads were sealed so it was all drop and hook with 45 or 48 foot dry vans) but the hours SUCKED. I'd get called up about 8:30 or 9:00 PM on a Friday night. By the time I drove my car across town to pick up my tractor, fill out my logbook, do my walkaround inspection and book my butt over to the BMC (Bulk Mail Center) It would be oh, say, 10:30 or 11:00. Stand in line, grab my bills, lock my kingpin under one of those old ugly beat up wagons that hardly ever even rolled straight and pump up my air. Check my lights, tug on my brakes and cut 'er hard to the exit lanes. Wait in line AGAIN to get out of there (what could they have been thinking we were smuggling out?) and finally get onto NB I-35E sometime about midnight. Veer off onto I-494 and stand on the pedal to get me rolling fast enough to make the hill east of the Lakota River Bridge and ride about a nickel or dime over until I got to EB I-94. Two toots on the horn (we lived within earshot of this interchange) to say hello to my wife before she left for work. Slide down a couple to make the cloverleaf then throw 'er back into top gear up against the dashboard. Stand on the pedal and don't let up until I hit Mauston, Wisconsin some three to four hours later, depending on the weather. Traffic that time of day across central Wisconsin was hardly a problem.
It would be well into the wee hours I'd jump out in Mauston for a twenty minute stop. During that time I'd dump in some fuel if I needed it, go drain down the ballast tank (hit the head!), grab me some grease n' caffiene, walk around waving my arms around to keep the blood circulating, update my logbook and be off again. Throw 'er into top gear again stick straight up against the dash again and leave 'er there until I got to the Illinois State Line.
Stop and go every twenty miles or so and pay toll. Get downtown Chi-town, grateful its late enough at night the "spectators" have gone home. (Anyone who's ever driven through the middle of urban decay at about 2:30 in the morning knows what I'm talking about.) Hit the yard, stand in line. Decipher someone's broken English (I've been UP ALL NIGHT for cryin' out loud!) to find out where to land this damn trailer. Monkey around trying to parallel park a 48 foot trailer in a 40 foot space. Say AFI and pull the pin, knowing I'll be long gone before they find it this way. Call the dispatcher and get my new trailer number to bring back to The Cities. Wait as he takes fourteen other calls ahead of me. Get a number and bounce around the gravel yard with potholes large enough to lose small cars in as my bleary eyes try to make out those 3" numbers on the end and sides of every trailer (which are really hard to see in these dimly lit yards when my eyes are half closed anyway.) Hook under the right one and check my lights and brakes. Wait in line AGAIN to check out. Roll west on State Street and jump on the WB Dan Ryan without even a backward glance. Pull off at the oasis in Des Plaines, IL just as the sun begins to crest the eastern horizon. Update my logbook, run up my cruise so the heater will stay running preventing me from feezing the boys off in my sleeper bunk (it happened ONCE, folks) and collapse.
Wake up six and a half hours later after having been up for the previous twenty-four hours. Not feeling too good. Stumble into the bathroom at the McDonalds in the oasis and splash water on my face. Brush my teeth, comb my hair, curse myself for not putting down at least somewhere where I can rent a shower (like at most truck stops, but, eheheh, that's another story altogether.) Grab me some more grease n' caffiene. By now I've been off duty for my legal eight hours so I can roll again. Maybe I'll get back while it's still daylight provided one of these shitty tires on these junky intermodal trailers don't leave an alligator along the freeway someplace. Do my walkaround again, clean my windows, update my logbook, and let's ride. Stop and go at the damn tolls, keep my speed legal (it's 55 for trucks on the Illinois toll roads though that hardly stops me from being passed like I'm standing still) and stand on it when I get to the Wisconsin border. Stop at Mauston again--let some out, put some in, and ride ride ride. Back in Minneapolis a time later. Drop the trailer back at the BMC and bobtail back to the rental place. Drag my stuff out of the cab into my car trunk, throw the keys in the drop box and thank God I don't do this for a living. Get in my car and drop my bills and logbook off at the dispatcher's office. Head back home to wait for my wife to get off work and catch a snooze.
And then go to work on Monday to my DAY JOB and do it all over again. Tuesday or Wednesday the check shows up...usually I'd clear about $200 or so for my little 28-hour jaunt. But was it worth it hurtling 80,000 lbs. of steel down the freeway at 65 MPH when I could barely keep my eyes open?
Ah the things we do for the almighty dollar. Suffice to say I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore just to keep the creditors away.
But at least I had three or four hour stretches where I could "listen to the engine moanin' out his one note song" and ponder the quandaries of life. That's when a good number of my previous Battle Angel Alita fan fiction ideas were tossed around in my mind, in fact.
--me
Mark Engels