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Author Topic: I love these things...  (Read 1526 times)
Captain Southbird (EHOL Creator)
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« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2003, 09:42:31 PM »

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um...just curious, why do boy/girl dates even after all the bitterness
to see it from a certain view, isn't the superficiality quite obvious from day one??  


Are you saying why do two people who broke up get back together, or are you saying why would someone let one failure even have them concider ever dating again?

I'm going to assume the former (why do break ups get back together) in the idea of why do people who "love" each other turn out to be ... "not destined" I suppose.

...

I'll be honest, I really can't answer that question.  I suppose "love" can be so desired that one or both ends will "pretend" it so that they have an artifical happiness.  It's only eventually when reality shows its ugly head to one or both that they suddenly realize they've been doing it artificially.  

Alternatively, it could be something along the lines of people who aren't "ready" to "love" in a matter of commitment.  It's not always their fault exactly... sometimes they don't realize things in their life are giving them heartache so they realize they can't possibly commit until something is resolved...

I don't know... I really don't know.

The only thing I "know" ... is that by what stories and others have told and reflected upon me, is that the only thing you WILL know is when you actually have found the person.  Where you can't possibly concider living without them in your life.  I don't think I've ever hit that point.  And neither did Jason, or "Kathy", or any one of us who've complained or had experiences.  Many of us were "burned" by the experience, but in all reality, I don't think any of us in those given circumstances had reached a point where the person in question was something that was felt to be the absolute void-filler.  With no doubts at all.

And until any of us feel that way... I don't think any of us should really let "burns" linger forever.  They'll heal... and perhaps our hearts are to be captured several times more.  If any of us let a "burn" linger, full well knowing that we weren't exactly positive that the other person was the void filler, then we're wasting our time and need to move on, because it was never meant to be in the first place.

Now that's me after about a year.  A year ago I probably would've ... well, no, let's not touch that.  ;p
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larewen_evenstar
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« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2003, 06:11:09 AM »

Pft!!! Guys, what's the point?!
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« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2003, 09:58:07 AM »

I have had a relationship longer than three days (beleive it or not). It lasted about two years! I'm surprised he never got really boared of me! :D
« Last Edit: May 10, 2003, 09:59:02 AM by pixiegirl » Logged

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« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2003, 11:41:56 AM »

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Pft!!! Guys, what's the point?!


Hey, hey, don't you like Tom Felton?

And Orlando Bloom?

Plus, some of us like guys!  ;)  :P
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« Reply #19 on: May 10, 2003, 12:58:14 PM »

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Pft!!! Guys, what's the point?!


Okay, you know what... any of you keep it up, and I'm going to start taking offense by it and see it as gender slander.

I understand that some of you may be put up off by the idea of relationships for whatever reason, but constant guy bashing without actually reading anything or consistently introducing one-sided arguements in the thread is really starting to piss me off.

Because you know what ... I've lived my life in a manner more decent than probably any of the guys that you're all afraid of.  I have never in my life put anyone down on the basis of race or gender.  And quite frankly I see this as none of you giving ANY guys ANY credit.  Some of us try our very hardest to be good people.  I was deticated in my last relationship, heaven help me I had no control over Alison if she decided she wanted to pursue lesbianism.  The thing I SHOULDN'T have done was keep on fighting despite the odds... but you do stupid things when you're blind with love for another.

But you know what, had that NOT happened, I would've probably married that girl.  SO THERE.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2003, 01:04:16 PM by rob_jinnai » Logged

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« Reply #20 on: May 10, 2003, 01:32:41 PM »

Well i do addmit that some guys are really nice! But others just dont try and i'm sorry about the whole gender slander thing but i did say nice things about guys too!
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« Reply #21 on: May 10, 2003, 01:54:02 PM »

Well, it wasn't as much towards you... but anyway, yeah, some don't try.  There are assholes among the good, maybe disproportionately even.  I never make a claim that all guys (or girls) are perfect by any means.  But I think some of us deserve a chance.  It makes me so frustrated that girls typically don't pay any attention to me, yet I'll hear them bitching in the college lounge about what jerks their boyfriends are, publicizing their faults to their friends, I listen and say to myself "Hey, I'm so much better than that guy.  Why I am I sitting here alone?"
« Last Edit: May 10, 2003, 01:54:30 PM by rob_jinnai » Logged

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« Reply #22 on: May 10, 2003, 02:20:11 PM »

I'm not discriminating, or being sexist. I don't really think that badly of guys, I just prefer girls, as you all mostly know.

There are some really nice guys out there and I am sure that most of the guys on this board are very nice when it comes to knowing how to treat girls.

Sorry if I caused any offence.  :-[


A friend of mine, who is not a member of this board, has just been dumped by her boyfriend Callum (one L of two, I don't know, nor care).
She used to love him like hell, I mean, I go to her house every second tuesday, and she comes to mine every other tuesday, and they were one the phone or texting each other the whole time.
I was bored stiff.
Then I found out that Callum had two timed Emma, and Emma was really upset and angry and dumped him. She is really really pissed at him now.
But not as pissed as my English teacher is with me.  ;) ;D
« Last Edit: May 10, 2003, 02:29:33 PM by larewen_evenstar » Logged

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« Reply #23 on: May 10, 2003, 04:23:15 PM »

It's all fine and good to say that men simply love to string 'em along and break their hearts. But you know what? Women do the same thing! ALL THE TIME! I went out with a girl for five years, only to have her dump me for an alcoholic loser who couldn't even stay out of jail much less hold a job. Another girl, a friend of mine, I'd been after for a couple years. She said "I just want to be friends. It's not you, it's me. Etc." Meanwhile she's lonely and depressed, and dating the occasional loser. I mean L-O-S-E-R. Hello?! I'm right here! I'm a nice guy with a steady job and a fairly stable psyche! You can say men are dogs because you've been burned by them. And I could say women are bitches because I've been burned by them. But isn't that a rather unfair generalization? Yes, I think so. Let's look at the big picture people.

Getting back to the original topic, you can probably remember being that age and having sex on the brain 24/7. I can. It's a perfectly normal thing at that age. I once heard that a study was done that proved that the average teenagers thinks about sex every 30 seconds. Let's face it, when you're going through puberty, what else could possibly matter? The future? NO! Sex sex sex! And of course, is high school hard?

Huh huh huh, I said "hard."
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« Reply #24 on: May 10, 2003, 04:39:42 PM »

Heh well I understand why Rob is angry ^_^

Yeah I bitch and complain but maybe that's cos I WAS in a long term relationship and got randomly dumped.  And when I say long term... I mean it was 3 YEARS. Most of my college career.

Needless to say I felt cheated and angry. Cheated cos now that I'm a teacher I'll have little time to go randomly looking for a man once I sign a contract... Angry... well that's self explanatory. The reason for his leaving? He felt if he were going to continue with me he needed to make a commitiment... and he was AFRAID to...  So he took the easy way out and said, "it's not you it's me..." and dumped me. (He danced around saying it for almost 2 hours before he DID... tells you just how confused he was... whatever... screw you too...) End of story.

Most of you girls are WAAAAY too young to be writing off ALL men... after all most of you are just starting HIGH SCHOOL. The people YOU are dating aren't MEN they are little boys... And as I've found out the little boys who call themselves MEN at MY age are STILL little boys.

I haven't totally given up but I WILL be stand-offish next time a guy asks me out. Heh this had better be GOOD.

I HAVE about 5 guy friends... they are perfectly nice people... just none of them want to date me...and I don't want to date them...

Since my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me I did like this one guy... _I_ decided to confront him about it... heh BIG mistake. He gave me a WTF look... said, "I think you're nice too" and then avoided me after that... feh... I as better off without him... he turned out to be a loser once he stopped hanging around us anyhow... I knew by the NEW company he kept...

Anyhow... you're all too young to be bitter... just wait til someone strings you along for 3 years... heh THEN you can be grizzled like me!

I'm sure there is SOMEONE out there who can put up with my crap... but I have yet to find him... maybe I will maybe I won't... at this point... either way... I don't care.

I can look on the bright side... If I don't meet someone and I'm in good health I'll be able to live off my teaching retirement cos I won't be worried about anyone but me... which means I can retire at 53 years old... heh sweet. Be afraid... cos scary things happen when I am bored! yes, indeed...

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Huh huh huh, I said "hard."


LOL ok... that was damned funny right about now... I don't know why... I think I need more sleep... 4 and a half hours is just not cutting it ^_^;
« Last Edit: May 10, 2003, 05:40:00 PM by ifurita » Logged


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« Reply #25 on: May 10, 2003, 05:00:20 PM »

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Since my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me I did like this one guy... _I_ decided to confront him about it... heh BIG mistake. He gave me a WTF look... said, "I think you're nice too" and then avoied me after that... feh... I as better off without him... he turned out to be a loser once he stopped hanging around us anyhow... I knew by the NEW company he kept...

I hate lame excuses like that. We used to have this running gag on our old board "you're a nice guy, but......" because we'd all gotten that lame line at least once! Well, if I'm so fucking nice then marry me! Anyway, what's "nice" got to do with it anyway? It's so incomprehensible. If you're not attracted to somebody just say it! Don't sugarcoat it!

Quote
LOL ok... that was damned funny right about now... I don't know why... I think I need more sleep... 4 and a half hours is just not cutting it ^_^;

Heh heh, Beavis & Butthead is the key to wordly knowledge. Alot of wisdom and deep understanding of the world and it's function can be gleaned from that show. I do miss it sorely.
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« Reply #26 on: May 10, 2003, 06:23:18 PM »

Another good semi-point some of you young'uns ought to pay attention to; just because your friend got dumped, don't use their relationship as your porthole to how ALL relationships function.

And thanks, Saucer.  I could've blown a gasket if I didn't get at least a little support.  :P
« Last Edit: May 10, 2003, 06:23:39 PM by rob_jinnai » Logged

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« Reply #27 on: May 10, 2003, 09:10:23 PM »

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And thanks, Saucer.  I could've blown a gasket if I didn't get at least a little support.  :P



I've been reading this thread with interest (at least at those times I'm not contributing to it.)  I find myself grinning with amusement, but certainly not at the expense of any of my esteemed list members.  What I find amusing is the fact that I've felt all the emotions expressed here at one point or other in my life.  Rob, Kathy, Saucer...I've had the same things said to me at one point or other.  So when I say I can empthasize, please accept my statement at face value.

And the ironic thing is I found myself on the other end as well.  I found myself in one relationship I HAD to get out of.  And the execution thereof didn't really go down as I would have liked.  

But what we all expect from one another, anyway?  It's not like there's a goddamn field manual explaining how relationships are supposed to work, you know!  "Oh, waitiaminit, I think I saw that in section three *fliiiiiiiiip*!"  

All those times I found myself saying "well this and this and that happened to me and I'll never do that to someone else..."  I have to tell you, friends, never is a LONG time.  If the circumstances predicate, you may find yourself doing similar things to someone else that were done to you.  

But then something truly remarkable happened.  I understood.  I figured out WHY that other person did what they did.   And that more than anything else helped me carry on and go forward.  Now that I knew what it was like to walk on the other side of the fence, I knew for certain that I could begin building healthy relationships.

Amazing thing I discovered is that when it rains, it pours.  There was one young woman I met through my theatre troupe that started to come onto me despite the fact she was cohabitating (and in a relationship with) a friend of mine.  (I'm NOT being narcissistic here folks, believe me, I'm not that good looking!)  I sat her down soon afterward and told her she'd have to find someone else to be her back door man.  That's not the way I play.  Shortly after that she lost interest in me.  I got a call a month afterward saying she was engaged to her boss at the casino she worked at.  Geez.

Then I met and started dating the woman who would later become my wife.  My "old girlfriend", as fate would have it after quitting the troupe and the casino had started bussing tables in the dinner theatre venue where my troupe performed.  Immediately after my farewell performance, she ran up to me and mentioned she'd left her boss from the casino and "could we get together again tonight?"  (Again?  I didn't remember the first time!)  She hadn't gotten the knot in my tie undone when I stuttered "T-tracy, th-there's someone I want y-you to m-meet."  And I introduced her to Sonia, who from the look she was giving Tracy was about to deck her in about thirty seconds.  "My girlfriend and I have plans tonight.  See you around,"  I said and promptly ushered Sonia out of there.  And that was the last time I saw Tracy, almost ten years ago to the day.

See, I'd met Sonia *after* I'd resigned myself that I simply didn't care anymore if I was in a relationship.  That was the first time, at age 22, that I'd been able to say that since the first time I'd been let down (I think I was about 14 or so) and really, really mean it.  

I'd pursued (yeah, that's a good way to describe what I did) more than one young woman with whom I happened to have something in common (either one or more of classwork, campus ministry, theatre troupe, martial arts, Corps of Engineers job, you get the idea) and had been told the equivalent of "no, not interested" every time.  (I've heard it expressed in a good many ways too, the same tag lines you all have written about, in fact.)  

So finally I just quit trying.  I began enjoying doing things by myself and with my friends.  Maybe it was the fact I wasn't so needly and clingy anymore that permitted me to meet Sonia on equal terms; to wit, I'm sure the Fates introduced me to Tracy to have shown to me how uncomfortable I had made other young women.  

Sonia and I were married four years later.  Two of those years I drove five hours one way to see her every weekend.  I was living in Detroit working as an automation technician and she was still up in The Soo at Lake State.  Those of you who are married know the drill...honeymoon the first year, fight like cats and dogs for a couple years afterward, and then find your even keel.  We'll have been at it six years in September.  I think we've finally planed out now.  

My leaving the computer business and getting a railroad job is probably the single biggest reason we're still married.  I didn't realize how much I hated working in the computer field until it dawned on me I made too damn much money to leave.  But the business environment after Enron, September 11 and the dot-com correction made up my mind for me.  Don't get me wrong--it's gruelling work out here on the railroad and I've got some, well, "interesting" people I have to deal with (i.e., tolerate.)  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  I enjoy the work and know every day it's consistent with who I am and what I was meant to be.

And that's probably where I'm going with this whole thread.  When I finally figured out who I was and what I was all about, I was able to make decisions to get my entire life back in line.  But that happened over the course of several years after making lots of mistakes.  When I would go to job interviews and I would be asked "why did you hop around so often from one jb to another every six months to a year?" I would reply "part of figuring out what you want to do is first figuring out what you DON'T want to do."  But that applies to more than just one's livelihood.  Dare I say the same could be said about every part of our lives, relationships included (relationships in particular!)

And so it is with us all, my friends.  Each of us at some point in our lives are going to be hurt, and each of us at some point is going to hurt someone else.  It's all a manner of degree, really.  I do hope, however, that each of us (myself included) will be open to the maturity and wisdom that comes with living our lives and learning from the lessons life teaches.  Welcome to the School of Hard Knocks, everyone, where the classes run 24/7 now right up until "Graduation Day."

What will happen to each of us after we walk that Green Mile is a topic for another thread, my friends.  But until that day comes, ask yourselves just what kind of life will each of *you* live?  Will the fires each of us must at some time pass through temper you with wisdom and compassion, or make you brittle with bitterness?  Which shall you choose?

--me

Mark Engels

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« Reply #28 on: May 10, 2003, 09:55:53 PM »

Good points Mark. Life truly is one of those "undocumented procedures" that you just have to experience for yourself. I suppose, just as everyone's sense of "justice" differs, everyone's sense of what's fair and "what's best for me" differs as well. But like a friend of mine, who received the infamous "You're a nice guy but..." more than once said, "You can't hold thart bitterness inside for too long, or it will destroy you." It's rough though man. especially when there's nothing in between.

Quote

And thanks, Saucer.  I could've blown a gasket if I didn't get at least a little support.  :P

I got j0 back mang.
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« Reply #29 on: May 10, 2003, 10:31:10 PM »

Yup!  I think Mark is the oldest (or close to it) among all of us.  :P  (No offense there, just fact.  ;))  But I agree with all that he said there, very nicely put.  I don't think there's a thing I could add to this thread at this point.
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