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Author Topic: Return Of The Son Of The EH Round Robin  (Read 11550 times)
Demon God(ess)
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He's so excitingly bold!

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« on: March 21, 2004, 12:37:34 AM »

OOC:  Continued from this topic.  Even if everyone else has had enough, I might try to have some more fun on my own.

Londs turned to address the Princess Rune Venus and the Queen Deva.  He did his best to ignore Dr. Schtalubaugh, who was busy putting a tall stack of folded laundry into an oddly-placed closet in the Floristica palace throne room.

"Allow me to formally offer my congratulations to you both," Londs said to Rune and Deva.  "Now that the leaders of the two great powers of El-Hazard have made their peace, we can finally look forward to a New Golden Age of prosperity, happiness and enlightenment--"

Just then, goth-Ifurita-3 mooned into the room.  The light in the room seemed to dim in her presence.  "Alas!" she cried.  "There is no light; there is but darkness.  There is no warmth; there is but coldness.  There is no love; there is but a heart-numbing soul-crushing eternity of loneliness and despair.  And an immortal demon god such as I shall never taste sweet sweet death.  Truly, I am the Sad Clown of Life."

"Oh dear," a frowning Deva said to herself.  "Dr. Semimad's therapy would not seem to be going well."

Schtalubaugh suddenly spun away from the closet.  "Semimad!?  I beg your pardon, Milady Deva, but has that poor girl been placed in the care of that charlatan Semimad?  My junior classmate at Scientific Advisor School, and my life-long rival and greatest enemy?  We should be grateful that the poor dear hasn't cast herself into the Dimensional Void between worlds!"

"What would you have us do, good Doctor?" asked Rune.

"For a lost soul such as her, there is but one remedy," Schtalubaugh said solemnly.  "She must be made to forget her sorrow.  The music of her laughter must be brought forth, once again.  And the best way to do that is--"

The small and aged man suddenly jumped at Ifurita-3 with surprising agility.  He gently but firmly glomped her, brought her down to the floor, and began to tickle her mercilessly, but in a happy fun ghost-of-Yuba-and-Ishiel kind of way.

"YEEEK!!" said Ifurita-3.  "Hee hee!!  Hee hee!!  Hee hee!!"

Londs, Rune and Deva sweat-dropped.

And then, Ishiel Soel, Rogue Priestess of Earth, etc., etc., casually strolled into the room.  She walked past Schtalubaugh and Ifurita-3, completely ignoring them, and came to stand before Rune, Deva and Londs.  "Greetings, Milady Rune.  Greetings, Milady Deva.  How's it goin', Royal Ugly Dude?"

Londs scowled.  "Well, well.  If it isn't the back-stabbing little background character.  State your business, woman, before I have you returned to the Floristica dungeons for the rest of your natural life."

A grinning Ishiel held up a hand in protest.  "Whoah, whoah!  Hold on there, Mr. Pants!  I came to volunteer some crucial intelligence, hopefully in exchange for a large sum of money and/or consignment of sakè."

Londs raised an eyebrow.  "Did you just call me Mr. Pants?"

Rune was already becoming annoyed with Londs, the retainer whom she herself had fired recently.  "What news have you, Priestess?" she asked.

Ishiel comically rolled her eyes up, held her hands behind her back, and rocked on her feet.  "Ohhhh, just that the Mice Wearing Hats and the Giant Sewer Rats, having lost the election, will be planning a long and terrible siege of Floristica from underground.  Beginning sometime the day after tomorrow, I should think."

"Oh, nut bunnies," said Rune, Londs and Deva, in unison.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, broken only by Ifurita-3's childish giggling and gasping for breath.

"By the way," Rune finally asked, "where is your, um, friend Afura?"

Ishiel smiled a deeply disturbing smile.  "Oh, poor little Afura.  Hee hee.  I decided to have some more fun at her expense-- er, I mean, punish her again.  I mean, it's almost as if she enjoys it...  Anyway, you remember that tub of mud?  Well, we both, uh, borrowed it for awhile--"

Deva cut in.  "May I say, Lady Ishiel, that the mud I've repeatedly seen you wearing, on babump.com, has done wonders for your skin.  It's so clear and smooth."

"Erm, thank you, Milady.  Anyway, before Afura could clean up, I used my Great Lamp of Earth to harmlessly draw all the moisture out of the mud on her, and to crystallize the mud's molecular structure, making it as hard as stone."

Ifurina and her new scary-door-opening friend Kalia were strolling through the reconstructed parts of the Floristica gardens, enjoying their ice cream and looking at all the pretty flowers.

They paused in front of a life-sized stone statue.  "Oh, look!" said Ifurina.  "What a lovely sculpture of Afura Mann!"

"And it's so life-like," the new sweet and innocent Kalia said.  "It's almost as if it's looking back at us, isn't it."

"*mmmph*" the statue said.

"Did you just say something?" Kalia asked.

"Um, no," Ifurina said.

"*mmmph*" the statue said again.

Ifurina and Kalia both looked to Staff-chan.  "It wasn't me," it said.

"*MMMPH*!!" the statue said impatiently.

Ifurina and Kalia gulped in unison, glanced at each other, looked back at the statue, and suddenly ran away screaming.

Afura sighed sadly to herself.  "*mmmmmmmmph*"
Demon God(ess)
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He's so excitingly bold!

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« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2004, 12:42:59 AM »

Crayna slowly sat up, holding her poor hung-over head in both hands, so that it wouldn't fall off her shoulders.

She found herself lying on perfectly smooth and flat bedrock.  The moonlit landscape was utterly featureless from horizon to horizon.  Nanami's table, along with the bar, the tavern building, and the small town around it, seemed to have disappeared.

Nanami also sat up.  "What the--  What's happened!?"

Crayna rubbed her neck.  "If I didn't know better, I'd guess that... by some random fluke of dimensional energy... we've been instantaneously displaced by a few hundred kilometers."

"But... where are we?" Nanami asked.

Crayna looked up at the clear warm night sky.  "From the visible constellations... and given the time of year... we ought to be in the kingdom of Yusaan.  But it's almost as if the entire kingdom was also cut away by some weird dimensional weapon, down to the topsoil...  Oh, that's right.  That happened way back in the first Round Robin topic."

Cartoon question marks danced around Nanami's head.  "How did we get here?"

"Your doing, I should think."  Crayna gestured to Nanami's Plasticky Pink Battle Axe Power Key Staff, now powered down and lying nearby.  "An alcohol-induced psychic feedback loop, or some such plot hole."

Nanami turned to her power key staff, a little too quickly, and the world swerved around her.  "Ack...  I'm sorry, Crayna.  And I don't think I can CHINK!! us back until this hangover eases up."

"S'alright, hon," Crayna said.  "At least we came through with our clothes.  Us anime women have a tendency to lose our clothes in plot holes like that, dontcha know."

She and Nanami heard a pathetic groan.  They both turned to see a hung-over, and naked, Shayla.  The Great Priestess of Fire struggled to a sitting position, looked down at herself, found that she was wearing nothing but her lamp in its leg-pouch, and sighed.  "Aw, man..."

Crayna moved to Shayla's side, shrugged off her long stylish jacket, and draped it over her protegè's shoulders.  It covered Shayla better than her own tight and skimpy outfit.

Shayla smiled weakly, in hung-over gratitude.  "Thanks, sensei.  Actually, this isn't that bad.  The last time I got that drunk, I woke up alone in the desert, naked as a treefish, and my head had been shaved."

"Aw, that's nothin'," Crayna countered.  "The last time *I* got that drunk, I woke up alone in the desert, naked as a treefish, my head had been shaved, and I had a new body piercing in my--"

Nanami cut in.  "Ohhhh-kay!!  Thanks for sharing!  But, what should we do now?"

Crayna flopped back down to the ground, folding her hands under her head.  "Well, the sun should rise in about an hour.  If yer not up to teleportin' us back, we can rest up for awhile, and then try to find the nearest town after the sun rises."

Nanami followed Crayna's lead, and laid back down too.  "'Kay.  It is a beautiful night sky, out here in the desert, isn't it?  So peaceful and quiet..."

Just then, a small waterspout flew over Crayna, Nanami and Shayla.  The female Jinnai and the male Marid were visible within it, struggling with each other in a cartoonish Tasmanian Devil kind of way.

Shayla gulped.  "Uh... am I hallucinating, or did you just see a drop-dead sexy male demon god, and a drop-dead sexy woman wearing Lord God Loser's uniform, fly by in a waterspout?"

"No, we saw it too," Crayna said.

And then, Makoto's flying carpet flew over them.  Jinnai's faithful Bugrom servant Groucho was riding it, and controlling it with surprising skill, in dogged pursuit of his Master/Mistress.

Shayla gulped again.  "Uh... am I hallucinating now, or did you just see Lord God Loser's pet bug fly by on a carpet?"

"No, we saw that too," Nanami said.

Shayla suddenly yelped, and pointed to thin air.  "Okay, am I hallucinating now, or did you just see two really, really ugly Mice Wearing Hats, one playing a guitar and the other singing 'We Like The Moon', fly by?"

Crayna and Nanami glanced at each other.  "Uh... no," Crayna said.  "Sorry, hon.  That one must have been a hallucination."

Shayla grinned.  "Oh well.  Two out of three ain't bad."
Demon God(ess)
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He's so excitingly bold!

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« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2004, 12:48:58 AM »


Just moments earlier, Makoto had been sitting on Dao's cart, opening a 'Stores' box out of curiousity.  The next thing he knew, he was falling through darkness-- thrown through time and space in a kind of way that wouldn't make a demon god blink, but that was plenty terrifying to a mere mortal.

Brilliant silver light flashed all around him, and he emerged from the darkness, only to find himself still falling.  From the rustling of leaves, and the sting of the branches under them, he realized that he was falling between tall thick trees.

The tree branches parted, and Makoto finally came to earth, landing safely on his back in a pile of something soft and warm.  "OOF!!"

He stared wild-eyed up through the trees, and clutched at whatever it was that was under him, until he got his breath back.  Then he turned his head, to find himself lying in... a huge pile of clean and warm mis-matched socks.

Huh, he thought.  So this is the dimension where all the socks gone missing from the laundry end up.

Makoto stood up, and peeled a few socks off himself, with crackling static-cling sounds.  He noticed a footpath near where he had landed.  He struggled out of the socks, and began to follow the path through the shady grove of trees.

After a minute or two, he came to a clearing in the trees.  He felt a wonderful warm spring breeze, smelled the clean smell of prairie grass after a morning rain, and heard voices.

A small rural guest cottage, made of rough logs and stone, stood in the clearing.  It seemed ancient, but it was in good repair.  The path that Makoto had followed became a stone path that led to the front door of the cottage, then led around its left side to another small clearing behind it.

As Makoto followed the stone path around, it widened to a landing behind the cottage.  A wooden table and chairs sat in the middle of the landing, under a wide sun parasol.  Two women sat at the table, enjoying a fine tea service and idly chatting about pure evil genius.

Makoto didn't know the two women, but when they looked up at him, he thought that they might be sisters.  They both had long wavy blond hair, dark tight clothing, and wacky evil expressions.  The older woman seemed to have fangs.

He also noticed an exotic multi-colored bird and a bishounen imp the size of a soda bottle, sitting in two miniature chairs to one side of the table, enjoying a miniature tea service and idly chatting about their misfortunes as wacky side-kick characters.

"Excuse me," Makoto said, "but where am I, and who are you?"

The younger woman spoke first.  "I am Pixy Misa, and this is my old friend Mara.  Welcome to The Next Dimension."

"Pull up a chair, kid," said Mara.  "So, who blasted ya here?"

Makoto sat down, as Misa poured a third cup of tea for him.  "Uh, no one, actually," he said.

"Eh?"  Mara raised an eyebrow.  "The only other way to end up in The Next Dimension is to open the legendary Box Of AAAIIIEEEEE!! and fall into it.  The last I'd heard, it was safely hidden away in 'Stores' in El-Hazard.  Only a complete moron would go and open it--"

Makoto cleared his throat, and changed the subject.  "*ahem*  Yes, well...  I have to say, this is a pretty nice place for a, um, Next Dimension."

"Isn't it, though?" Misa agreed.  "This is actually a popular spot for us wacky anime villains, to relax and rest up in-between defeats.  And when one is ready to get back into shape, there are many lovely ice-cold waterfalls to sit under, and plenty of wild bears to wrestle...  But you are not a villain, are you?  I beg your pardon, but you seem to be something of a goody-goody."

"Uh, actually, I think I've just begun some kind of inter-dimensional quest," Makoto said.  "I was wondering if you could tell me anything about The Palace of Infinity."

Misa, Mara, Rumiya and Senbei did a four-way spit-take with their tea.

"The Palace Of Infinity!?" Mara yelled.

"Er, yes," Makoto said.

"The Palace Of Infinity!?" Misa yelled, in turn.

"Yes," Makoto sighed.

"The PALACE OF INFINITY!?" Rumiya and Senbei yelled, in unison.

Makoto hung his head, and held the bridge of his nose, with a pained expression.  "Yes," he said, in an annoyed voice.

An awkward silence fell over the landing.

"Never heard of it," Mara finally said.
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« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2004, 07:21:19 PM »

Dr. Semimad stuck his head into the throne room, a worried expression on his face.  "Excuse me, Empress, Princess, but have you seen my patient?  I turned my back for one instant to confirm my Ebay transaction and she took off...YOU!" he yelled, aghast, as he spotted Dr. Schtalubaugh and rushed over to Ifurita-3.  "I should've known you were behind this.  Now then, care to explain what you're doing to my patient?"

"Saving her from your...utterly irresponsible and damaging psychological techniques, you charlatan!" Dr. Schtalubaugh retorted hotly as he raised himself to his full but unimpressive height and glared at the Minister of Highly Unusual but Surprisingly Effective Tortures.  On the ground, Ifurita-3 rolled and convulsed with laughter.  "Even an infant knows that plunging a demon god into the depths of despair isn't a good idea!"

Dr. Semimad tsked and shook his head contemptuously.  "And if you could grasp any picture bigger than you are, you'd realize that what she needs now _more_ than fleeting happiness and manufactured joy is emotional maturity and depth!  There's no telling how much your..._interference_ has set back the development of her psyche!"

"Doctors, doctors, I don't think this is the time-" Princess Rune Venus began to say, hoping to calm her long time advisor and her recent campaign manager/guard, but she was interrupted by Ishiel.

"Forget it, Princess.  Those two seem to be in a world of their own right now," the Rogue Priestess of Earth noted matter of factly, easily recognizing the signs of a full-fledged and bitter rivalry when she saw them, although the stereotypical staredown made it fairly obvious anyway.

"Are you _mad_, Dr. Semimad?  Psychological development is a process that takes years - or, in the case of Ifurita-1, a shared memory and true love, but I digress - and having Ifurita-3 attempt to create a totally comprehensive self-identity in a period of days is sheer foolishness!  The possible dangers to the subconscious are too great to risk!" Dr. Schtalubaugh nearly shouted, his voice laced with anger and outrage.

"And for the one hundred ninety-eight thousand, six hundred twenty-fourth time, I am a professional!" Dr. Semimad replied with frustration.  "My ancestors have been...'pioneers' in the various fields involving mental research for generations, and I am employing thoroughly tested and well-documented unorthodox procedures!  My therapies work, Dr. Schtalubaugh, and it's high time you admitted it!"

On the ground, Ifurita-3 froze as she underwent another personality shift.  The light in the room brightened to the point where it was almost painful to look at as the demon god's eyes widened to unnaturally large and amazingly cute proportions and her pupils dilated.  Gothic clothing morphing into a tie-dyed shirt and bell bottom pants, Ifurita-3 slowly stood up with a cheerful and frighteningly perky smile on her face.  

"Yo!" she said in greeting.

Dr. Schtalubaugh folded his arms in triumph.  "_Now_ do you see the peril in rushing things, _Dr. Sillycad_?"

"This is a direct and negative result of _your_ interference, _Dr. Scumbag_," Dr. Semimad retorted through grit teeth.  "If you would just leave my work alone-"

Sighing, the up-till-now unnoticed Demiigor walked over to Ifurita-3 as the two doctors continued their heated and rapidly deteriorating argument and handed her a book.  "Consider it an apology for earlier," he explained, smiling kindly.

Ifurita-3 read the title.  "Being Human for Dummies:  A Reference Guide for the Rest of Us!"


Somewhere in the desert, the Guide was being chased by Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia and attempting to calculate a way out of its current predicament.  However, the uncertainty field he was currently stuck in made it impossible to be certain of any outcomes.  Uncomfortably close, Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia continued to reach for and try to bite his tail.  The dust storm left in their wake served as a mute testament to the intensity of the altered demon god's pursuit of the multi-dimensional avian.

"I don't have time for this," the Guide mumbled with what was almost annoyance.  Coming remarkably close to sighing, he concluded that desperate times called for desperate measures, and although on his grand scale this situation wasn't desperate it was beginning to border on irritating so it might as well be dealt with now rather than later.  Since the uncertainty field was currently hindering his ability to accurately manipulate the physical laws of the universe, he'd simply have to adjust those laws into something a bit more...tractable to his will, something a bit more...looney.


"Feed me," the Audrey II whimpered pitifully and imploringly.

Dall III blinked as he gazed at the tiny fly-trap-esque plant.  "Ryoko, dear, this plant is talking to me and hungrily eyeing the cut on my left index finger.  What should I do?"

The crossover demon god floated over to the former Creterian Emperor and critically examined the deceptively innocuous looking plant.  Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and, raising her palm, she released a blast of energy.  The newest cameo was vaporized before it could begin a killing spree or even sing a musical number.

"There, problem solved," Ryoko commented nonchalantly, brushing her hands off.  "I'm going to check on Bill and Alyssa now, but if any more plants start speaking, yell, okay hon?  We have enough problems to deal with without having to worry about pod-people or the like."

Hearing this, one of the many plants in the greenhouse recoiled and did its very best to look invisible and nonthreatening.


"So...you want to know more about dis 'Palace of Infinity' eh?" Pixy Misa asked Makoto from where she was sitting, a playful smile on her bright features.

"Yeah, do you know anything about it?" Makoto questioned anxiously, suspecting that he was going to receive frustratingly negative answer.  He wasn't disappointed.

"Nope!" Pixy Misa answered cheerfully, her cunning smirk growing larger as she stood and posed dramatically, "but never fear, mon ami, for your dilemma is now in moi's capable hands."

Grabbing an encyclopedia from somewhere (probably baton space), she tossed it up in the air and shot it with a beam of magic from her cane.  "Calling Mystics!"

In a flash of brilliant light, the encyclopedia grew in size and assumed a vaguely humanoid but definitely female form, growing arms, legs, and a head.  When the transformation was done, a bookish but incredibly cute encyclopedia monster flashed everyone a knowing smile...until she realized that she was standing in mid-air and promptly succumbed to the laws of gravity.


"Love-Love Monster Know-It-All Girl, I, the magical girl of love and ambition, Pixy Misa, order you to tell us everything you know about the Palace of Infinity!" the young villainous ordered her newest creation, seemingly unconcerned about its sprawled and bruised state on the ground.

"Everything, mistress?" Know-It-All Girl repeated as she slowly collected herself and climbed to her feet, readjusting the pink, heart-shaped spectacles adorning her nose.

"Oui, everything!" Pixy Misa reiterated, tapping her left boot's heel against the chair she was standing on impatiently.

"Alright then, mistress," Know-It-All Girl replied obligingly, saluting her master.  "I'll do my best.  Now then, let me see.  About the Palace of Infinity," she muttered to herself, opening her chest and flipping through her internal pages.  "...Castle of Wolfenstein...Fortress of Solitude...Mana Fortress...ah, Palace of Infinity."  

Know-It-All Girl bowed before Pixy Misa.  "Mistress, concerning the Palace of Infinity...I know absolutely nothing about it!" she said sheepishly, only her mighty cuteness sparing her from a blast of Pixy Sexual Fire.

Pixy Misa's sweatdrop could be heard a mile away.


Frowning slightly, Khamid withdrew a pistol from his lab coat and calmly shot the two scouts.  With comically shocked expressions on their faces, they crumpled to the ground and vanished in the Phantom Tribe's typical fashion, leaving open the possibility that they were still alive although, considering that the narrative hadn't even bothered to give their names, one could consider such a likelihood improbable.

"Now then, where were we before this...irritating interruption?" Khamid asked as he slowly turned around to face Nahato again, a cruel grin on his features.

"I do believe, my friend, that we were just about to eliminate the Heir to the Throne of Deep Shadows and seize control of the Phantom Tribe for ourselves," Hassad answered calmly, voice tinged with undertones of maliciousness.

"Traitors!  Lord Galus will punish you for this betrayal!  Hear me, my master and lord, and save your faithful servant!" Nahato beseeched empty air, looking upward pleadingly.

Sardonic laughter that only he could hear echoed back.

Poor deluded deluded child.  You have served served our purposes well, but but you are still only a pawn pawn and will now be replaced replaced replaced.

Nahato's eyes widened first in shock and then in fury.  "You...you deceived me!  You're not Lord Galus!"

You deceived yourself yourself, foolish boy.  And now, you will die die.

"While this melodrama is faintly entertaining, it is also pointless," Khamid uttered levelly, aiming his pistol at Nahato.  "I hate wasting time, so...good-bye, my lord.  May you find the eternity of darkness you desire in the afterlife."  

It should be noted that perhaps one of the greatest weaknesses a villain has is the desire to explain one's brilliant plans to the hero/victim before eliminating him or her.  While the Other knew better than to do this, it might've been acting a bit presumptuously in assuming that Nahato's death was imminent and revealing that it wasn't truly Galus.

Unnoticed by all, Minagi's left hand had been stealthily crawling across the floor and had now reached the Lawn Sprinkler of Tears.  With only seconds to spare before Khamid pressed the trigger, the disjointed demon god activated the improvised Ancient artifact.


In Crayna's hut and unbothered as of yet by the many subplots and machinations currently brewing throughout the world and in who knows many dimensions, the child-Creterian-Diva and insectoid-Kauru slept together in a mother/daughter, genuinely heart-warming kind of way.

Outside, Groucho sped by on Makoto's flying carpet, doggedly pursuing his master across the length and breadth of El-Hazard which, all things considered, he was getting rather used to.  Elsewhere, Parnasse and Ura stalked the streets of Florestica looking for something to do, the former upset that the story had seemingly forgotten about him again and the latter moping about his recent political misfortunes.

"Gah," Ura commented morosely.

"You and me both, buddy," Parnasse replied forlornly, sighing with frustration.  "You and me both."
« Last Edit: March 22, 2004, 11:07:47 PM by rowan_a._seven » Logged
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« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2004, 02:43:13 PM »

At that moment the post ended and a new one began.  This post was being written by someone whose brain was Completely Fried from working for too many consecutive hours on a CSC116 assignment and therefore could barely remember who the characters in the Round Robin were, much less what was going on, and yet he felt the need to make it clear that he had not, in fact, fallen off the face of the earth.  He therefore picked the last characters who had been mentioned, and came up with something completely random to happen to them.

"Hey, what's that?" Parnasse wondered aloud as he spotted something coming up the road at a very high speed.

The question would soon answer itself, as the something practically flew right past their noses and proceeded to collide with a building.  Pieces of something and building flew everywhere, miraculously missing all the people in the vicinity.

When the smoke cleared, Parnasse and Ura stared blankly.  Makoto, Fujisawa, Nanami, or Jinnai might have identified the something as the remains of a car, given enough time and assuming enough pieces could be found.  But that wasn't what they were staring at--oddly enough, high-speed collisions involving vehicles from other dimensions were a very common occurrence in El-Hazard.  They were staring at the two suited things with heads vaguely reminiscent of C-3PO that had come out of the building that had been hit.

"Wow, we sure got thrown far in that crash," said the blue one.  "If I was a person and not a crash test dummy, I probably would have broken my neck and died."

Suddenly both looked right at Parnasse and said "Don't you be a dummy.  Buckle your safety belt."  They then walked away like nothing had happened.

Our mostly-forgotten heroes stared for a few seconds more before Parnasse finally broke the silence.  "That was the most useless crossover ever."

"Gah," Ura agreed.  He liked this new catchphrase of his.  It was very versatile.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2004, 02:43:53 PM by andrusi » Logged


Sanity not included.
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He's so excitingly bold!

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« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2004, 01:04:57 AM »

And then, Parnasse and Ura were attacked by stray flying Mouth Of God Happy Faces (remember them?).  Parnasse got a cream pie in the face, while Ura was soaked with a seltzer bottle.

And then, a roving band of vigilante female ninjas tackled Parnasse and Ura, threw them to the ground, and sat on their heads.

And then, before Parnasse and Ura could catch their breath, they were found and abducted by a small team of crack commando Mice Wearing Hats.  Parnasse and Ura were stuffed into sacks and carried away into the night.

Schtalubaugh and Semimad had briefly set aside their differences in order to deal with the increasingly schizophrenic Ifurita-3's latest personality.

"Ifurita, my dear?" said Semimad.  "We've briefly set aside our differences in order to deal with your latest personality."

"This may be a difficult time for you," Schtalubaugh said, in a reassuring voice.  "Not only because of your rapidly changing identity, but also because you've entered a pseudo-pre-teenaged phase of your development.  But if there is anything that either of us can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask."

"'Kay," said the unnervingly perky pseudo-pre-teen Ifurita-3.  "Can I have a pony?"

"No," Semimad said.

"Oh," Ifurita-3 said.  "In that case, can I have a cell phone?"

"I'm afraid not, my dear," Schtalubaugh said.  "Despite our thousands of years of scientific progress, following the Holy Wars, El-Hazard remains entirely devoid of telecommunications infrastructure."

"Oh," Ifurita-3 said again.  "Well, in that case, can I have a pony?"

"No," Schtalubaugh and Semimad said in unison, as they escorted Ifurita-3 from the throne room, along with Demiigor.

"Well..." Rune said slowly.  "That was... nice?  But I hope the poor dear feels better.  She does seem happier, now."

"Indeed," Deva agreed.  "And I find her new persona more pleasing, myself."

Ishiel also agreed.  "That whole art-goth scene is so early-1990s.  I mean, I'm definitely not speaking for the current writer here, but there's nothing more annoying than some art-goth chick mooning about the place.  Thank Muldoon we don't have to put up with that nonsense any more--"

Just then, Makoto's Ifurita mooned into the room.  The light in the room seemed to dim (again) in her presence.  "Alas!" she cried.  "My dear sweet precious beloved soul-mate is lost to me!  I cannot sense his psychic presence anywhere in this dimension!  Am I to be denied even the few short mortal years of love and happiness that we might have shared?  Shall I know only this heart-numbing soul-crushing eternity of loneliness and despair?  And an immortal demon god such as I shall never taste sweet sweet death.  Truly, I am the Sad Clown of Life."

"GAH!!" said Ishiel.

A Giant Sewer Rat knocked at the door to Millie's private quarters.

The door opened slowly.  Millie peered out from the darkened room.  She was wearing her favorite jammies, and holding a blanket around herself for emotional comfort.  From her 'bed-head' of hair, it was obvious that she hadn't got up for hours.

"What.  Is.  It?" she said, in a soft and dull yet dangerous voice.

The Giant Sewer Rat squeaked out its brief report, then held up a small object.  It had found the Love potion that Millie herself had given to Shayla in exchange for her support-- the same Love potion that Shayla had thrown away as she left Floristica.  It had floated back through the sewers, to be found and returned to Millie in a deus ex machina kind of way.

Millie sighed, took the Love potion from the Giant Sewer Rat, and gave the rat an affectionate scritch behind an ear.  "Thanks, hon.  But now, if you don't mind, I still have about 36 hours of bed-ridden angst left to get through."

After the Giant Sewer Rat left, Millie listlessly tossed the Love potion on a table.  Then she crawled back into her bed, to continue reading one of her favorite old comic books by lamplight in the darkened room, while eating dry cereal from the box and listening to mopey music.

The current writer only thought to mention the Love potion, seeing as how (1) as he previously mentioned, he ages Millie forward to 18 years old for the Round Robin, at least, in his own mind; (B) the crack commando Mice Wearing Hats were bringing Parnasse to her, and he could be about 18 years old by now, too; and (iii) the current writer couldn't remember either Millie or Parnasse having a Love InterestTM in the Round Robin before now.
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« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2004, 01:12:34 AM »

OOC:  Rowan, that was excellent.  You began the next scene that I had in mind for the Phantom Tribe, almost word for word.

Nahato still sat in his throne, even as the two traitorous and murderous scientists, their evil clones and their demon god closed in on him.

He was not an honorable boy, by any stretch of imagination, but he faced his imminent death as honorably as he could.  He did not cower in fear, or beg for his life.  He would not give his enemies that satisfaction.  He simply closed his eyes, hung his head, and waited for the death blow.

He was utterly taken by surprise when Minagi's right hand grabbed him by his collar, and yanked him backwards over his throne, in the blink of an eye.

Nahato fell to the floor head-first, between the back of his throne and the back wall of the room, coming to rest on his shoulders.  He opened his eyes, and found himself staring upside-down into the lovely amber eyes of Minagi's disembodied head.

"Lord Nahato!!" hissed Minagi.  "Forgive me for this!!"

Nahato suddenly felt Minagi's right hand again, behind his head.  She pushed Nahato's mouth against hers, and engaged her master in a disturbingly face-sucking open-mouthed kiss.  Her right hand quickly crawled over Nahato's face, and for good measure, it pinched Nahato's nose shut.

For an instant, Nahato struggled against his demon god's disembodied yet still super-human strength.  He tried to say something along the lines of, "look, I think you're very nice, and I know I've been keeping scantily-clothed clone slaves on a chain, but still, I'm not really old enough for this kind of thing, and besides that, I'm not really your type, seeing as how I'm a bloodthirsty assassin and a particularly nasty little brat, and you seem to be a really nice girl, and--"  But it only came out as "*mmmph*"

But, despite his many shortcomings, Nahato was actually a fairly intelligent nasty little brat.  When he heard the Lawn Sprinkler Of Tears power up, he realized that Minagi was trying to shield him from its nanotechnological effects, by filtering his air and breathing for him.  He closed his eyes again, and he allowed Minagi to push her sweet breath into his mouth.  And, as he heard Hassad, Khamid and all the clone slaves scream in surprise, he prayed.

A minute or two later, the machine powered down, and the surprised screams fell to an excited chatter.  Minagi released her master's face, with a shy little smile.  Nahato struggled out from behind his throne, and got back up on his feet.

He found that Al-Zahad had not been affected by the working model Cloud Of Tears generator.  But as for the two scientists, and all the clone slaves in the room...

They were human.

Nahato was suddenly confused.  He spun back to Minagi, as she painstakingly rolled her head from behind the throne with her right hand.  "Waitaminute!!" he yelled.  "The Cloud of Tears was supposed to take humans and turn them into Tribers!!"

Minagi giggled.  "Yes, Master.  But I turned my sensors on the working model, when your two scouts brought it in, and I realized that they had got their wires crossed.  In fact, they reversed the polarity of the neutron flow."

Meanwhile, Hassad and Khalid had worked out what had happened, but they still didn't know why the machine      had activated.  They both strode to the Lawn Sprinkler Of Tears and inspected it.

Minagi's left hand still clung to the machine.  It flipped its middle finger at them, in a disturbingly cute way, before scampering back to the main pile of Minagi by Nahato's throne.

"An unfortunate development," Hassad noted.  "Still, it should take only a minute or two to correct the faulty wiring, reset the machine, and activate it again, to reverse the effect."

Khalid looked up, and gulped.  "That is a minute or two that we do not have."

Hassad also looked up, to find Al-Zahad standing over them.  Poor little blind clone Uruak clung to one of his big strong arms, but he still held his key staff up, with its business end resting against Hassad's now-human chest.

Khalid immediately realized what had happened, but, being an evil scientist, he explained it out loud anyway.  "Ah.  The working model Cloud Of Tears generator must have altered the human half of Uruak's genetic pattern, in order to integrate it with the revised half-Phantom Tribe genetic pattern.  She no longer bears the genetic markup of the Northern Capital weaponers, and so she can no longer control this demon god, or any other."

Hassad felt Al-Zahad's key-staff begin to energize.  "Yes," he said with remarkable restraint, "I just had worked out most of that, myself."

Al-Zahad took himself and his duties quite seriously, as Crayna and Nanami had noted.  Still, he allowed himself a bit of a grim smile, and a joke at the expense of the two truly despicable scientists.  "It would seem that I have temporarily gained free will.  However, before I return to my rightful Master Crayna, there is a small matter of justice, not to mention personal revenge, to be resolved.  And I am sure that Master Crayna would approve.  In fact, she and her friends might preface it with something like this:

"*ahem*  You have been naughty, naughty little evil scientists.  I'm afraid that I'm going to have to punish you.  And let me assure you, when I say punish, I do not mean 'punish' in a happy fun Dee and Ryo kind of way."

"gah GAH!! gah" said The Other.

Things like this were precisely why it detested variables so much.
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« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2004, 01:23:44 AM »

The Splendiloquent Peorth, the penultimate Peorthian Doctor, and their little friend Tina sat in the Floristica IHOP, over a huge stack of dishes, the only remains of an enormous Continental breakfast.  Tina was astounded at how the two impossibly beautiful bikini-and-belted goddesses could pack it away like that, and still keep their figures.

"Now then, mon amis," Peorth said.  "Zere ees still le matter of ze Mouth of God to resolve."

"Indeed," the Doctor agreed.  "But... apart from ze Heck-laire of Rassilon... how do we attack eet?"

The two Peorths frowned, crossed their arms, and rubbed their chins, in perfect unison, in a really cute way.  "Hmmmm..." they both said.

Tina rolled her eyes and sighed.  She reached into her purse, dug out a few roshtals, and set them on the counter, for a tip.

Peorth raised an eyebrow, then turned to the Doctor.  "Doctor?  Are vous pondereeng what moi ees pondereeng?"

"I theenk so," the Doctor replied.  "But... ze answer, could eet be so very simple?"

"It ees as they say," Peorth said.  "We must fight le fire with le more fire."

"And we have le waitress Tina to asseest us!" the Doctor said, suddenly becoming excited at the prospect of a resolution to the whole Mouth of God thing that, actually, was pretty weak.  But hey, it had apparently been left to the current writer to come up with it, so don't give him any crap.

Tina, meanwhile, sweat-dropped.  "Um... how, exactly, am I to 'asseest'?"

Peorth and the Doctor rose up through the air, coming to float before the terrible face of the Mouth of God, not far from the Heckler of Rassilon.  (Apparently, the Doctor had gained Peorth's ability to fly with his regeneration.)  They held Tina up between them.

"We are just een time, mon amis," the Doctor whispered.  "Ze Heck-laire, he ees almost ze kaput."

Even Tina realized that this was true.  The Heckler held his head in both hands, obviously truly disgusted with the nonsense he had had to absorb from the Mouth of God.  It was clear that he couldn't bear the heavy load of awful humor for much longer.

"Y'know where animals go when they lose their tails?" the Mouth of God rhetorically asked the Heckler.  "To the re-tail store!"

The Heckler whimpered pitifully.

"Thank you!" the Mouth of God said.  "Two shows a day!  Be sure to tip your waitress!"

"Now!" Peorth said.  "Eet has given us ze perfect opening!"

Peorth and the Doctor brought Tina forwards, between the Mouth of God and the Heckler.  And they gave tips to their waitress.

"Tina?" said the Doctor.  "Do not take ze wooden nickels."

"Always look both ways before le crosseeng of ze street," Peorth said.

"When you are trying to eat ze elephant, take one bite at le time," the Doctor continued.

"Do not try to teach ze pig to sing.  Eet wastes your time, and eet annoys ze pig."

"Try to walk le mile in ze enemy's shoes.  Zat way, you will be a mile away, and you will have ze shoes."

"And when you come to ze fork in le road... take eet!"

A long and painfully uncomfortable silence filled the air.

Finally, the Mouth of God... groaned.  And it quickly began to come apart, dissolving into the swarm of flying Happy Faces from which it had formed.

Peorth and the Doctor breathed out in relief.  (Tina was too terrified of the distance between her and the ground to relax.)  They both turned to the Heckler, expecting praise for finally finishing off the Mouth of God.  But they were sorely disappointed.

"*Man!*," the Heckler said sadly.  "And I thought the Mouth of God sucked!"

"But-- " the Doctor protested.  "But-- we have defeeted eet--"

"And let me tell you, honey," the Heckler said.  "That whole bikini-n-belts thing is so not you.  You'd be laughed right out of the Gallifreyan Panopticon, wearing something like that.  Now, if you were to wear Zoe Herriot's body suit, with that body?  Why, you'd have fan-boys drooling over you left and right."

With a pained sigh, the Doctor produced a small controlling device.  She switched it off, and the Heckler of Rassilon faded away, disappearing from El-Hazard, to return to Gallifrey.

Peorth huffed.  "What ees wrong with ze bikeeni-n-belts?  I have worn eet for millenia!"

"Now, now, mon cherie," the Doctor said kindly.  "Ze criticism was for moi alone.  Eet ees simply splendiloquent on you--"

"GAH!!" said Tina.  "First of all, put me down put me down put me down!!  And second, we've still got more important things to worry about!"

Peorth and the Doctor suddenly realized that, although the Mouth of God was no more, they were now flying through a huge swarm of just-freed and very unhappy Happy Faces.  Hundreds of cream pies and seltzer bottles were now trained on the three exposed and vulnerable women.

"Zees ees not good," Peorth noted.

"Eet might be even less gooder than before," the Doctor added.
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« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2004, 01:39:00 AM »

OOC:  This is the last of four!! replies that I've just posted.  If you're reading the "most recent posts," please open this topic for The Rest Of The Story.

Dao had finally returned to "Files and Records" for more boxes.  As had been mentioned by a previous writer, there was in fact a way out from there.

Sighing sadly for the lost boy, Dao glanced at the door that was marked "Emergency 'Stores' Escape Route Containing Spare Clothes And Also A Toilet."

The Next Dimension cottage grounds had become rather crowded with a veritable plethora of strangely deformed, surprisingly useless, yet oddly attractive Love Love Monster Girls.

"Just give me one more chance!" Misa begged.  "I'm sure I can summon up--"

"No offense," Makoto said, "but if Love Love Monster Reference Librarian, Love Love Monster Adventure Travel Planner, and even Love Love Monster ESRI ArcGIS Programmer, can't help me find the Palace of Infinity, then I don't know who can."

"Look, kid," said Mara.  "I can tell that, as a goody-goody, you're eager to continue your inter-dimensional quest to save the Universe--"

"Uh, actually, that's not it at all," Makoto said.  "I just wanna get this over with, so that I can return to my loving soul-mate and all my dear friends, and live a nice quiet life in the palace.  Studying in the library... working with Dr. Schtalubaugh's relics... maybe a little bit of light gardening..."

Mara blinked.  "Uh... yeah.  Whatever.  But I do know where you might be able to continue your quest.  There's a cave, here in the Next Dimension, not too far from here."  She pointed to the side of a nearby low mountain.  "It's a place of many legends.  You might find some answers in it--"

Makoto finished his tea, and stood up from the table.  "Then I'd better get going.  Thanks for your hospitality.  For wacky anime villains, you've both been very kind."

"Wait!"  Mara raised a hand after him.  "According to one legend, a demon was sealed in that cave, 700 years ago.  I don't know if you'll find what you're looking for, but if you do find a demon?  Whatever you do, don't disturb it!  I'm an obscure demon-type character as it is, and I don't need the competition."

"Don't worry."  Makoto gave her a Fujisawa-esque thumbs-up.  "I can control my curiousity."

Mara rolled her eyes.  "And who just opened the legendary 'Box Of AAAIIIEEEEE!!'?"

Makoto cast his eyes down and hung his head.  He turned away and left, to continue his quest.  Misa and Mara cheerfully waved him on.  "Bye bye!" they called out.  "Have fun storming the cavern!"

Then Misa turned to Mara.  "Think he'll make it?" she asked.

"It'd take a miracle," Mara said.

Makoto took his first step into the mysterious cave.  "Well," he said to himself, "this isn't so baAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

He tripped over a pebble, stumbled forwards, and in one fell swoop:  he tore through a hanging paper scroll bearing a suddenly-destroyed sealing script; flailed one arm against an ancient sword, and broke its rusted blade into seventeen pieces; and fell through a steep inclined cavern passage, gracelessly sliding down its smooth damp floor like a nerdy kid at a water park.

Makoto came into a wide subterranean chamber with a low ceiling.  A still and shallow pool of water was set into the center of the chamber, softly glowing with strange energies from within.

Makoto scrabbled at the floor, desperately trying to halt his slide before he ended up in the pool, and he came to a halt at the pool's edge.  He breathed out in relief, and flopped back to the floor-- just in time to let the same pebble that had tripped him, bounce over him and plonk into the pool.

A monstrous cloaked but shapely female figure slowly rose from the pool, with an eerie groaning sound that echoed in the chamber.  Its dead soulless gaze quickly fell on Makoto, who was instantly petrified with fear.  The Monster Woman slowly waded through the water, and came to stand before Makoto.  It reached out and lovingly caressed Makoto's face with a cold clammy hand.

Then it suddenly glomped Makoto.  "Makoto-samaaaaa!!" it whined.  "I knew that you would come for me!  I knew that only a woman of proper upbringing, high morals and fine sensibilities, such as myself, would be suitable for you!  Let us return to Jurai, and be married, to spend the rest of eternity together!  Rest assured, I shall never, never leave your side!!"


And so it was that Makoto encountered the horrific annoying clingy spoiled-princess Monster Woman known as Aye--

The current writer suddenly heard a pounding at his apartment door.  Annoyed at the interruption of his wildly imaginative and highly entertaining Tenchi Muyo! OVA parody, he stood up from his computer, and went to open his door.

A large group of very angry otaku were crowded around his door.  The leader of the group held out a warrant, and spoke in a stern voice.  "We're here on the authority of the Ayeka Fan Club And Tenchi/Ayeka Pairing Supporters.  We understand that you're writing an unauthorized and unflattering parody of Our Lady Ayeka."

"Yeah, that's right," the current writer said.  "I mean, even though I am a Ryoko fan-boy, and even though it is painfully obvious that Ryoko is the best choice for Tenchi, not to mention the most entertaining (and sexy) girl in the harem, while whats-her-name is mostly a stereotype of a spoiled princess, and a hapless straight-woman for Ryoko?  All that doesn't mean-- AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

There are many arguments with which a Ryoko fan-boy can safely and effectively defend himself against the AFCATAPS.  That wasn't one of them.

It remained to be seen how quickly the current writer could continue the Round Robin story.   It mostly depended on how quickly his bones knit.
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« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2004, 09:16:38 PM »

Two artificial lifeforms were speeding along a highway in the middle of a desert.  What a highway was doing in the middle of a desert remains to be seen, particularly since the world of El-Hazard doesn't seem to have highways.  One could probably blame the Ancients, though, since they appear to be indirectly responsible for just about everything.

Regardless, two artificial lifeforms were speeding along a highway in the middle of a desert, Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia in hot pursuit of the Guide as they both moved at ridiculously fast speeds that made their legs and wings look like blurred wheels.  The female, metamorphosed demon god was nearly salivating in anticipation of catching her prey as she narrowed the gap between them.  The Guide continued flapping its wings in a seemingly unconcerned and calm way.  

"Though I dislike condescending to this level, beep beep!" the Guide said without enthusiasm, taking off like a bullet mere microseconds before Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia lunged forward to grab it.  She was left with a comic expression of surprise on her face as the speed and force behind her dive resulted in her rolling along the ground a couple dozen times.


The hunt, as they say, was on.


In space, nobody can hear you scream.  

Fortunately for Makoto, he wasn't in space.

Unfortunately for Makoto, he was in the death-grip of a so-called horrific annoying clingy spoiled-princess Monster Woman known as Aye--  

Fortunately for Makoto, the writer who had put him in this precarious position had been...'violently reprimanded' by AFCATAPS before he could finish that sentence.

Unfortunately for Makoto, the _current_ writer was a fan of the purple-haired female character in question and, consequently, wasn't going to finish it either.

Fortunately, this ends another unfortunately/fortunately sequence.


Ifurina and Kalia looked up and saw a swarm of very unhappy faces about to unleash their smiley-faced wrath upon three apparently helpless women, two of whom were wearing bikini-n-belts.  The two demon gods exchanged a look.

"We must help those women but...those smiley faces are soooo cute!" Ifurina pouted cutely, torn between her kind spirit and love for cute things.

"True, but they're Smiley-Faces of Doom!" Kalia replied, grinning adorably.  "As such, they're eeeeevil and must be defeated!"

"I concur with Kalia, Ifurina," Staff-chan piped up calmly.  "My sensors indicate that this swarm of smiley-faces is highly dangerous and poses a serious threat to Roshtaria.  If they're not stopped, there's no telling what new and incredibly wacky horror they'll unleash upon the world-...wait.  Do you hear that?"

The two demon gods cupped their left hands around their left ears and listened closely.  Just barely audible above the din of post-war reconstruction and city life was the sound of...

"Is that a wolf?" Kalia asked after a moment, a puzzled expression on her face.

Ifurina shook her head.  "I don't think so.  Wolves aren't native to this area, they rarely venture into cities, and one should _never_ ask them for directions to Grandmother's house.  Or at least that's what Mom always told me."

Then, improbably, a wolf could be heard howling in the distance.  

A moment later, Rune's loyal wolfhound, Hector, came barreling around the corner with eyes wide in fright and, spying the two demon gods, ran behind them for protection.

"Ruff?" Hector pleaded hopefully, attempting to make himself appear as lovable and unthreatening as lupinely possible.

"Ah, you're a good boy, aren't you?  Good boy!" Ifurina exclaimed happily, getting down on her knees to pet the frightened animal and wearing a huge, delighted smile, her mother's advice about wolves momentarily forgotten.

"Hm, I wonder what could possibly terrify a wolf so badly?" Kalia said aloud, face tightening up in puzzlement, as she pondered the question.  She'd soon have her answer.

"Puppy!  Come back puppy!  I want to take you home and hug you and pet you and squeeze you, and I will call you George!" Elmira shouted as she also rounded the corner, sending tendrils of primordial terror down the spines of every nearby animal.

Hector whimpered.

"There you are puppy!" Elmira cried out happily, eyes lighting up as she spied her prey- *achem* newest would-be pet.

Kalia and Ifurina both took one long look at the red-haired terror known as Elmira, exchanged a meaningful glance, and then stood protectively in front of Hector.  Although they didn't know this girl, they could sense that her intentions toward the wolf were better left unfulfilled.

Fortunately, before Kalia and Ifurina had to face this horror, something else caught her attention.

"Kawaii..." Elmira commented in awe and wonder, having spotted the swarm of smiley-faces in the sky and, her love for everything cute getting the better of her, began to automatically stroll over to the nearest hovercraft.  Her eyes burned with unnaturally cute intensity as she prepared to take to the skies.

Hector let out a sigh of relief and, realizing that all his running around had made him quite hungry, turned sad, puppy-dog eyes on the demon gods.  "Ruff?" he pleaded, right paw raised in supplication.

"Aw, you're so adorable, boy!" Ifurina said cheerfully, laughing softly and, as was her way, completely misinterpreting Hector's request.  "Don't worry!  We'll help you find your lost wolfpack and answer the call of the wild!  It's back to nature without any signs of civilization for miles on end and dangerous, nasty creatures with sharp teeth for you, boy!"

Hector could only sweatdrop and howl in protest as Ifurina picked him up and, with a bemused Kalia following closely behind, made a beeline for the Great Outdoors.

Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia snickered to herself as she finished painting an image of a tunnel opening on a cliff wall that just so happened to be where the highway ended.  Why a highway in the middle of a desert would lead to a cliff wall also remains unknown, although once again the Ancients can probably be blamed somehow.  

"Beep beep!"

Hearing her prey approach, Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia became instantly alert and dove behind a conveniently placed rock for cover, planning on grabbing the Guide after it crashed into the cliff and then having her painfully playful way with it.  The demon god's plan worked perfectly...up to the crashing into the cliff part.

"Beep beep!" the Guide intoned as unenthusiastically and dryly as possible as it raced onto the scene, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake.  Not pausing in the slightest, it dashed forward and traveled _through_ the false tunnel.  A confused Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia could only scratch her head and puzzle at this recent turn of events.

"Miya!" the feline demon god screeched angrily as she darted forward and crashed into the cliff wall, proving the narrator wrong.  For added comic effect, a white trailer truck came _out_ of the painted tunnel and smashed into her.

What a white trailer truck was doing exiting a painted tunnel entrance/exit on a highway in the middle of a desert in the world of El-Hazard remains unknown although, per the norm, the Ancients could probably be blamed for this in one way or another.


Dr. Schtalubaugh and Dr. Semimad, for once working in perfect unison, ran out of the latter's office as if the hounds of the underworld were after them and hurriedly slammed the door.  Panting, they leaned against it and exchanged a look of absolute terror.

"By Mt. Muldoon, this is not good!" Dr. Schtalubaugh exclaimed in a panicked tone of voice, eyes wide with worry and alarm.  "Ifurita's newest phase is...is..."

"The bad-girl, teenage rebel stage," Dr. Semimad finished breathlessly, trembling with fear.  "By the Ancients, doctor, what _have_ we done?!"

"We've created a monster, my old rival, but for the sake of all the peoples of El-Hazard we must see this endeavor through to the end and create a psychologically healthy, mature Ifurita-...or die trying!" Dr. Schtalubaugh spoke passionately, eyes burning with determination and duty.

The Minister of Highly Unusual but Surprisingly Effective Tortures shook his head.  "I'd rather not do the latter, my older nemesis.  I do have a wife, a son-on-the-way, and three daughters to sup-..."  Dr. Semimad trailed off in horror as a terrifying realization dawned on him.  

"By the Ancients, my three daughters are about to become teenagers themselves!" he bellowed, turning pale as a ghost.

For his part, Dr. Schtalubaugh smirked.  "Then consider this practice, and don't worry about dying.  It was only a figure of speech, and you have _so_ much to look forward to that I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure that we both survive this.  Now, let us advance once more unto the breach and do our jobs."

Collecting themselves, the two servants of the new Human/Bugrom government which really needs a proper name so it can be taken seriously turned around and opened the door to Dr. Semimad's office.  Inside and impatiently waiting for them was Ifurita-3...wearing shredded jeans and a black leather biker jacket...with more body piercings than you can shake a stick at...and numerous tattoos.

"Gah!" Dr. Schtalubaugh and Dr. Semimad both exclaimed.


Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia had finally cornered the Guide and grinned ferociously at the multi-dimensional avian as she drew closer to it.  For its part, from where it was standing in front of a cliff and watching the feline demon god approach the Guide looked calm and unconcerned.  After all, it had foreseen this...as much as anything can be foreseen in a field of absolute uncertainty, anyway.

"Miya!" Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia screeched victoriously, raising a triumphant claw into the air as she prepared to capture her prey and finally put an end to this chase.

"Beep beep!" the Guide replied levelly and with just a touch of arrogance, narrowing its eyes as it waited patiently to finally be free of this...pest.

He didn't have to wait long.  One second Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia was in mid-pounce and the next she was caught up in a waterspout and struggling against the dueling Marid and Jinnai in a cartoonish Tasmanian
Devil kind of way.  Groucho on Makoto's flying carpet wasn't far behind.

"Heh," the Guide commented once in what could almost be called satisfaction before frowning as it heard a sound that was becoming increasingly familiar to it.  Its eyes widened comically as a giant boulder rolled off the cliff above it and followed the laws of gravity to their natural conclusion.  


For a change, the Ancients could _not_ be blamed for this...probably.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2004, 12:02:39 AM by rowan_a._seven » Logged
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« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2004, 07:52:48 PM »

Ryoko peeked out from behind one of those conveniently placed bushes that are all over the place in anime.  She watched Bill and Alyssa quietly and efficiently work at a plot of earth within Dall's large old greenhouse.  Their clone-Ura was lying on the ground nearby, half-asleep.

Yeah, Ryoko thought to herself.  Better have a little chat with 'em now.

She floated up from the bush, and casually glided through the air.  "Hey, Bill?  Alyssa?  Got a minute?"

Bill and Alyssa shot a quick worried glance at each other-- a look that Ryoko had noticed before.  "What is it, Miss Ryoko?" asked Alyssa.

"Aw, c'mon.  Just Ryoko.  Well, first, I wanted to say, good job, here.  Looks like you've almost finished this plot--"

"NGH!!  NGH!!  NGH!!"

Ryoko turned to look behind her, and Bill and Alyssa peeked around her.  They all watched Dall, who was working in the next plot.  Dall had leaned down to grab a tiny weed with both hands, then thrown his head back and clenched his teeth.  He was yanking against the stubborn weed for all he was worth.  "NGH!!  NGH!!  NGH!!"

Ryoko, Bill and Alyssa sweat-dropped.

The tiny weed finally came out of the ground, pulling an even tiner clod of dirt up in its roots.  POP!  Dall lost his balance, staggered backwards, and fell into an open closet full of garden tools, with a long cartoonish crash that ended with the sound of an empty bucket falling over.

"Maybe you can work on his plot next?" Ryoko said weakly.

An awakened Clone-Ura trotted up to Ryoko, as she turned back to Bill and Alyssa.  "Anyway..." Ryoko said.  "You seem like good people, so I thought I oughta level with you.  I can see through your illusions.  You're Phantom Tribe, right?"

"*eep*" said Bill and Alyssa.

"No, no.  Don't worry.  Me an' the Victory Gardener there are both heretics from another world, too.  And it's none of my business, but I'm guessin' that you're fugitives on the run, like us.  So, I won't rat on you, if you don't rat on us."

Bill and Alyssa breathed out in relief.  "Deal," said Bill.

"Then we're cool," Ryoko said.  "I'm gonna head for the city later today, and I wanted to clear that up before I left.  I might be gone for a few days--"

Clone-Ura rubbed against Ryoko's ankles.  "Nyah!  Nyah!"

"Well hey, little fella."  Ryoko picked clone-Ura up, held it in her arms, and scratched its chin, then continued talking with Bill and Alyssa.  "I'm gonna pick up some supplies, and find out who's running the kingdom this week.  Y'know, I wish we had a hovercraft, or somethin', to carry the supplies back.  It's gonna take a lot of 'phasing' for me to--"

Clone-Ura suddenly went nuts.  "NYAH!!  NYAH!!  NYAH!!"

"WHOAH!!"  Ryoko gently tossed clone-Ura away from her.  "What's gotten into...  yuh...  you..."

Fortunately for the greenhouse, Ryoko had gently tossed clone-Ura towards an open window.  Just as Ura passed through the window, it began to spin in mid-air.  And become larger.  Much larger.  It grew long pointy armored spikes, and a bejeweled cockpit that seemed bigger inside than out.

About ten seconds later, a small but fully functional and powerful battle cruiser hung in the sky over the greenhouse.

"NYAH!!" it said.

Ryoko, Bill and Alyssa sweat-dropped again.

"Uh... I meant to do that?" Ryoko said weakly.  "What did you say that thing was, again?"

"Ura," said Alyssa, without looking away from the heavy armored hovercraft.

"Ohhhh-kay," said Ryoko.

And so it was that the demon god Ryoko discovered her special link with the genetically-altered clone armor cat slash battle cruiser now known as Ura-ohhhh-kay... or Ura-ohki.

Yet again, the Guide struggled up through a pile of desert stone rubble.  It shook off the latest giant boulder's impact with an unusually highly annoyed and smart-assed expression.

Finally, it thought.  Local Uncertainty levels are falling to normal levels-- i.e., zero.  It's time for me to resume my pear-shaped plans, and it's about damn time to investigate the mystery of those damned tachyons--

For once, the Guide was dead wrong.  It wasn't about damn time to investigate the mystery of those damned tachyons.  Yes, the current writer did have vague plans to write out the siege of the Mice Wearing Hats, and then a resolution of the Palace of Infinity story-arc, within this third topic, in order to bring the Round Robin to something vaguely resembling a conclusion (assuming Rowan and Andrusi were OK with this, and no one else jumped back in).

But the current writer figured he could do all that, and still fit in lots more gratuitous violence (and creepy experimental fan service).  And so it was that, in the last vestiges of Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia's Uncertainty field, one last giant boulder rolled off the cliff above the Guide, and followed the laws of gravity to their natural conclusion.  Unfortunately for the Guide, it was the giantest boulder of them all.

The Guide noticed a huge dark cold shadow all around it.  It looked up.  Its eyes bugged out, and its face fell.  And, a moment before impact, it opened and held up a sad little toy umbrella, in a Wile E. Coyote kind of way.


The male Marid and the female Jinnai still struggled with each other within Marid's whirlpool.  Only a megalomaniacal psychopath singularly obsessed with victory and conquest would have fought off Marid's fan-servicey teasing for so long and so far-- but hey, that's Jinnai for you.

Neither Marid nor Jinnai noticed that Marid's flying water spout had sucked up Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia.  And neither of them realized that Marid's trans-dimensional scrying pools were about to interact with Jinnistacia's full-strength Uncertainty field-- in a remarkably predictable kind of way.

The pool of water behind Makoto and Ayeka suddenly erupted.  In the blink of an eye, Makoto and Ayeka found themselves at the bottom of a pile of near-nekkid seductress demon god (Marid had reverted to her female form), soggy Lord God Conqueror (the water in Ayeka's pool was just warm enough to cause Jinnai to revert too), and soaking-wet fan-servicey Schrodinger's Cat-Girl.

An instant later, Groucho was thrown up through the water, gracelessly falling from Makoto's flying carpet to the floor of the chamber, next to the pile.

Jinnistacia recovered her wits first.  She slowly crawled off to one side of the chamber, looking very much like the sad bedraggled soaking-wet kitten that she truly was.  She shook herself once or twice, then flopped to the floor of the chamber.  She weakly groomed herself, with sad little mewling sounds.  (Neither Makoto nor Jinnai had noticed that Jinnistacia now wore Nanami's face.)

Jinnai realized that he was lying on something incredibly annoying.  "MIZUHARA!!"  Jinnai jumped to his feet.  "Must you plague me through EVERY DIMENSION in the ENTIRE MULTIVERSE!?"

Then Jinnai saw Ayeka.


Marid picked herself up next.  "Honestly!" she said.  "I've heard of supplicants 'immersing' themselves in a quest for knowledge, but that was ridiculous!"

Then Marid saw Ayeka.


And then, of course, Groucho picked himself up, and saw Ayeka.


Ayeka's lovely eyes went all sad and shiny, and her lip trembled.  "Oh!" she cried.  "The scream of terror might have been funny the first time, but this is just mean!"

Makoto, Jinnai, Marid and Groucho all hung their heads in shame.

"Sorry," Makoto mumbled.

The evil scientists' backup evil clone slaves (less Uruak) had all left Kingfisher.  Due to the reversed Lawn Sprinkler Of Tears, they were no longer evil, nor slaves-- but they were all fully human.  And so they had followed their human genetic programming.

In other words, clone-Makoto fled a bickering clone-Nanami and clone-Shayla; clone-Fujisawa fled a clingy clone-Miz; and clones-Ishiel and Afura also left together, to do things to each other that were best left to the reader's imagination.

That still left the backup evil clone slave Alielle (the one that had not died in Alyssa's arms).  This clone-Alielle, who would soon come to be known as Balielle, found herself instinctively embarking on a journey to a certain all-female seminary, where a certain wacky junior princess and her certain wacky li'l sidekick had recently sought political asylum with two other certain wacky clones.

But that still left Nahato's half-a-dozen clone slaves (three Makotos and three Nanamis), who had also become fully human.  The current writer had become tired of all these clones running around, and so he decided to write Nahato's clones out of the story too.

As Minagi and Al-Zahad watched, Nahato held up the slave-Nanamis' chains in his open hands, and offered the newly-fully-human slaves (who were still wearing skimpy Leia bikinis) their freedom.  "Here.  Now that you're fully human, I fear that I will not be able to keep you.  Due to my genocidal hatred for the natives of El-Hazard, I find your fully-human appearance sickeningly repulsive."

The three ex-slave Nanamis hesitantly took their chains from Nahato.  They held their chains in their own open hands, and stared at them, uncertain what to do next.

But then, the three ex-slave Nanamis turned to the three ex-slave Makotos.  With deeply disturbing sly little smiles, each Nanami offered her chains to a Makoto.

With even more disturbing sly little smiles, the ex-slave Makotos accepted the chains.

Each ex-slave Makoto carefully and lovingly led a consenting re-slave Nanami away.  The three clone couples went on to live long, happy, and deeply disturbing lives that, again, were best left to the reader's imagination.

Nahato, Minagi and Al-Zahad, meanwhile, sweat-dropped like nobody's business.

"Yikes," said Nahato.  "Once a kinky clone slave, always a kinky clone slave."

Minagi frowned.  "I wish the current writer would drop the experiments in creepy fan service.  I mean, we all know how that experiment with Dall and Ryoko in the sanitarium came out--"

Al-Zahad, being a no-nonsense kind of demon god, had had enough of all this nonsense.  "*ahem*  I shall be taking Uruak, and taking my leave, now."

"Oh.  'Kay," Nahato said.  "Uh, thank you for wiping out Hassad and Khalid."

Minagi voiced her additional disapproval of Al-Zahad's methods.  "The hammer and the screwdriver, Al-Zahad?"


"And that's to say nothing of the whole deal with the tape measure.  I didn't even know it could be used like that!  You have a sick, sick mind, Al-Zahad!"

To Al-Zahad's relief, Nahato silenced his demon god with a stern look.  "Anyway... Al-Zahad, I assure you that the Phantom Tribe won't trouble you again.  The main reason being, after Jinnistacia's repeated glue attacks, the scientists' murderous coup attempt, Tribers with a conscience going renegade, and the Lawn Sprinker of Tears leaking its reversed nanites throughout Kingfisher-- I'm practically the only Triber left."

Al-Zahad nodded.  He turned to Minagi, and took up her hand in parting.  "Thank you, Lady Minagi, for your help with...  Oh.  Uh, sorry 'bout that."

Minagi's hand had come off her arm.  Al-Zahad studied it briefly.  "Minagi?  I could complete your construction, if your master consents.  I can rebuild you.  I have the technology."

Nahato reached out, took Minagi's hand from Al-Zahad, and held it up to make a point.  "Actually, I think I prefer her like this.  You've got to admit-- she came in handy."

Al-Zahad and Minagi groaned.

"You are a Naughty, Naughty Master!" said Minagi.  "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to punish you!  GO GO MINAGI HAND!!"

Her disembodied hand suddenly popped out of Nahato's grip.  It scampered up his arm, plunged down the neck of his tunic, and began to tickle him as only the disembodied hand of a female demon god can do.

"GAH!!" said Nahato.  "Hee hee!!  Hee hee!!"  He fell to the floor, writhing like someone who had the disembodied hand of a female demon god down his tunic.

Al-Zahad had already had enough of all this nonsense, and so this additional nonsense was easily too much nonsense for him.  He took up Uruak in his arms, and took his leave of Kingfisher.
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« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2004, 08:15:44 PM »

OOC:  This is the last of two replies that I've just posted.  If you're reading the "most recent posts," please open this topic for The Rest Of The Story.

Uruak shifted in Al-Zahad's big strong arms, and whispered in his ear, as he bore her through the early morning skies of El-Hazard.  "Mr. Al-Zahad, sir?" she asked.  "What is to become of me?  I am grievously wounded, and permanently blinded.  And I have no family and no friends... no knowledge and no skills... no hope..."

Al-Zahad was quick to cut Uruak off before this turned into another one of those angst tangents.  "Fear not, my dear former-master Uruak, for I have a cunning plan..."

As the morning sun rose, Crayna, Shayla and Nanami began to hike across the barren featureless wastelands that were once the kingdom of Yusaan.  (Nanami hadn't got her CHINK!! back yet.)

Five minutes later, all three hung-over women were slowly and weakly crawling on their bellies.

"Sun!-- so hot!--" Nanami gasped.  "And!-- so thirsty!"

"This is why!-- I ne'er climbed!-- th' Damn Volcano!-- when I was!-- hung-over!" Crayna gasped.

Shayla's throat was too dry for her to speak, even in Shatner-ese.  In the heat of the moment, she threw off Crayna's jacket, in order to go naked again.  Her hung-over brains were already too baked to be concerned with sun exposure.

Crayna collapsed.  "O, Al-Zahad!" she wept face-down into the dust.  "Where be you?"

Lying face-down in the dust, she failed to see Al-Zahad walk up.  "I be here, Master Crayna."

Her hangover and her imminent sun-baked death suddenly forgotten, Crayna jumped to her feet with a school-girl's happy squeal.  "AL-ZAHAD!!  OH GOODY!!"

Crayna suddenly froze.  Then she tugged at her blouse, and cleared her throat.  "*ahem*  I mean, how dare you come crawlin' back ta me, y'big strong handsome thing, you!"

Al-Zahad sighed.  "Master Crayna, I had no choice but to answer the summons of the last living bearer of the genetic markup of the Northern Capitol weaponers.  And, as I promised, I have returned to you as quickly as I could.  And, not to make a point of it, but I believe you were the one who was just crawling--"

Crayna glared at the half-conscious Uruak in Al-Zahad's arms.  "Be this the woman who stole you from me?"

"Er, yes, more or less," Al-Zahad said.

Crayna lunged forward, in a bloodthirsty way.  "Excellent!  Let's get started with her torture!  What say we abandon 'er in these wastelands, after we strip 'er naked as a treefish, shave 'er head, and--"

Al-Zahad held Uruak away from Crayna, causing Crayna to face-vault.  "Master Crayna!  Please!  As you can see, the poor girl is grievously wounded.  Worse, her wounds were self-inflicted under duress.  And she has no family and no friends... no knowledge and no skills... no hope..."

Crayna picked herself up for the second time.  "So?" she growled.  "Them's the breaks."

"I have a cunning plan," Al-Zahad explained with infinite patience, "to which Uruak has already agreed, which will allow the formerly evil clone slave to redeem herself.  It will also rescue the original Kauru Taurus from her mutated insectoid condition.  But this plan will test my bio-engineering abilities as never before, and I may need your help."

"My help?" Crayna snarled.  "Wha' reason could I possibly be havin' ta help her!?"

"Well," Al-Zahad explained with more infinite patience, "this plan will also irrevocably destroy the last remnants of the genetic markup of the Northern Capitol weaponers.  This should allow me to remain in your service for the rest of your natural life."

Crayna smiled cheerfully.  "Thass an excellent reason, hon.  Please, take us back ta my shack, so tha' we can get started."

Elmira, admirer and now Princess-Warrior of All Things Cute, was borne through the morning skies of El-Hazard by a huge swarm of Happy Smiley Faces.  As they soared in a majestic progression, you could practically hear "The Flight of the Valkyries" playing in the background.

It has been said before, but... Nothing Good Could Come Of This.

A battle-weary Peorth, Tina and the Doctor returned to the coffeehouse where Tina worked.  They had been spared when Elmira appeared to the Happy Smiley Faces, but they were too tired to give chase to this new threat, for now.  They all collapsed into chairs with heavy sighs.

"Um, Doctor?" said Tina, after a moment.  "It's been, um, fun?  But I think I've had enough of being your companion.  I need to return to my job.  And you've got the Splendiloquent Peorth to help you now.  Not to mention, the current writer is trying to streamline the active cast."

The Doctor smiled sadly.  "Very well, Tina.  Merci beaucoup for all zat you have done.  But yes, ze super-human skills and intelligence of le Yggdrasil goddess will be needed now--"

They both turned to Peorth, and they both sweat-dropped.

Peorth had produced a TV-Jinnai-esque cotton ball on a stick.  She was pushing it disturbingly deeply into her left ear.

She looked back at Tina and the Doctor.  "What!?" she said, even as she used her pinky finger to push the Q-tip all the way in.  "I am still haveeng le yogurt in my ear."

"Um, Peorth, dear?" said Tina.  "You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!"

"Zere ees rezeestance?"  Peorth pushed her Q-tip even further with her extended pinky finger.  She pushed it so far that she was able to carefully pull it out of her right ear with her other hand.

The Doctor turned back to Tina.  "Ah.  Eet ees ze bizarre manifestation of le ten-dimensional Yggdrasil goddess, no?  Ze Time Lord has ze two hearts and le respiratory bypass system, and so le goddess must have le ear-canal bypass system..."

They both turned to Peorth again.  Now holding her Q-tip backwards, Peorth accidentally tickled herself with it.  "YEEEK!!  Hee hee!!"  She fumbled the Q-tip, then fell over backwards in her chair.

Tina shook her head and sighed.  "Assuming that there's something in her head to bypass."

An ordinary average guy was taking an early-morning stroll through the Floristica royal gardens.

Since he was an ordinary average guy-- and since this was El-Hazard, the Magnificent World of an anime with a fair amount of romantic comedy-- he was about to get an impossibly powerful and beautiful girlfriend, for no good reason, in an incredibly contrived kind of way.

The guy tripped over a pebble, stumbled forwards, and fell against a remarkably life-like stone statue of a female warrior.  The statue wobbled to and fro, then fell over and shattered.

"Oh crap oh crap oh crap," said the guy.  But then, he noticed that an impossibly powerful and beautiful woman had been trapped inside the statue.  The woman yawned, and stretched in the requisite fan-servicey way.  Then she turned to the guy, and introduced herself.

"Hi!" she said.  "I'm Bloodberry!  Wanna take me home, and add me to your harem?"

"Uh, okay," said the guy.  He didn't actually have a harem, but he didn't feel it was necessary to make that point, just now.

Bloodberry grabbed the guy, took him up and held him in her arms, and walked away with him, in a way that showed that she wasn't exactly clear on the meaning of "would you take me home."  To be honest, she wasn't the smartest Saber Marionette in the harem.

Meanwhile, just down the path, Afura was still trapped inside her statue.  She sighed another muffled sigh, annoyed with the current writer for leaving her trapped while he dashed off yet another throw-away cross-over (albeit one that was meant to be a one-off joke).  Not to mention, the Saber Marionette franchise didn't seem to be very popular around here, and the few people who might get the joke probably wouldn't like it.

Afura was all the more annoyed, seeing as how her skin itched in fifty-six-- no, fifty-seven places.  Afura hoped that Ishiel would release her soon.  Being utterly paralyzed in a skin-tight stone casing and unable to scratch herself, it was proving difficult to retain her sanity (such as it was), when her skin itched in fifty-seven-- no, fifty-eight places.

The Doctors Schtalubaugh and Semimad were attempting an early-morning dual therapy session with the increasingly rebellious goth-punk Ifurita-3.  However, the current writer was more at ease with art-goth than goth-punk, and he was kinda stumped here, so he decided to just quote one of his favorite bits from The Critic again.

"Ifurita?" said Semimad, gently, and more than a little fearfully.  "Uh, remember, we're here to help you--"

"Don't [CENSORED] with me, pal," said the temporarily not sweet and timid Ifurita-3.

Schtalubaugh winced.  "Do you eat with that mouth?"

"Yeah," Ifurita-3 growled, "and I also [CENSORED], [CENSORED], and [CENSORED] with it."

"EEEEEWWW!!" said Schtalubaugh and Semimad.
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« Reply #12 on: April 17, 2004, 10:18:03 PM »

OOC:  The second scene contains... well, I don't know what it is.  Reader discretion is advised.

Millie shuffled into the Mice Wearing Hats' royal kitchen.  She was still wearing her jammies, and she still held a blanket around her shoulders.  She was also wearing a pair of big fuzzy mouse-slippers on her feet.

Completely ignoring Parnasse, who was sitting at her private table and enjoying a picture-perfect breakfast of toast, grapefruit and cereal, Millie stumbled up to a cupboard.  She was nearing the half-way point of her self-imposed angst-athon, and she needed to replentish her supply of dry cereal.

She opened the cupboard, and stared dully into it for at least a full minute.  To be fair, she was having a bad time, and she wasn't firing on all cylinders.  Still, it took her longer than it should have done to realize that Parnasse had already taken the cereal.

Just then, Parnasse, who was also completely ignoring Millie, picked up the large box of cereal.  He opened it, and started to pour a helping of cornflakes into his bowl.  But suddenly, Parnasse realised that he was shaking an empty hand over his bowl.  Someone had just snatched the box away from him.

He turned, and found a disheveled and seething Millie glaring at him.  And so it was that Millie and Parnasse first met.

"Who.  Are.  You," Millie asked, in a soft and dull yet dangerous voice.

"Parnasse Relryle.  Uh, I wasn't done with the cereal--"

"What.  Are.  You.  DOING!?" Millie asked, with icicles hanging from every word.

"Duh!  Eating breakfast," Parnasse said, as he reached for the box of cereal now in Millie's hands.

Millie swung the box away from him, spraying a few cornflakes across the small kitchen table.  "WHY!?" she yelled.

"Duh again!  'Cause it's morning, and I'm hungry.  Well, I guess I'll just fill up on toast and grapefruit--  URK!!"

Millie had cast the cereal box aside, spilling more cornflakes on the table.  She also let her blanket fall to the floor, to free both her hands, so that she could choke the living daylights out of this annoying jerk who was eating her cereal.

She also clarified her previous query.  "WHY!? ARE!? YOU!? HERE!? IN!? MY!? KITCHEN!? EATING!? MY!? CEREAL!?"

"*ack eep*" said Parnasse.  He bounced up and down in his chair, in time with Millie's choking.

"Miss Millie!" a familiar voice squeaked.  "Please, stop that at once!"

Millie released Parnasse, turned away from him, and shrieked.  She found Gan-chan and Ura, standing side by side, both looking up at her in irritation.


"Gah!" said Ura.  "Mice Wearing Hats military advisor dumb as Jinnai!  New alliances formed!  Socio-political boundaries erased!  Paradigms shifted!"

"Uh, what he said," Gan-chan said.  "But you dismissed the Guide, and we have lost the services of the priestesses.  We will need other allies in the dark days to come.  And who better to aid us than a former enemy who knows us all too well?  Miss Millie, with the Armor Cats on our side, we shall be invincible!!"

But Millie wasn't convinced.  She collapsed into the chair next to Parnasse, crossed her arms on the table in front of her (with crunchy cornflake sounds), dropped her head to her arms, and sobbed.  "O, this is madness!!  Madness, I tell you!!  Armor Cats and Mice Wearing Hats, working together!?  Nothing Good Can Come Of This!!"

Parnasse looked at Millie with concern.  The poor girl seemed genuinely troubled.  And, Parnasse thought, she is kinda cute, in a psychopathic 'bed-head' kind of way.

He gently rested a hand on Millie's shoulder.  "Uh, Miss... Millie, was it?  I'm sorry if--"

Millie turned her head without raising it, and shot him a look that said, get your damn dirty hands off me-- if you want to keep certain vital parts of your anatomy for longer than the next two seconds.

Parnasse pulled his hand back, in well under two seconds.

Parnasse and Millie's relationship was off to a perfect anime-cliche antagonistic start.

Ishiel was taking a mid-morning stroll through the Floristica royal gardens, carrying a light robe over one arm.  She had slept in, and she had not had her breakfast yet.  But she had to release Afura first, so that Afura could have breakfast too.  Ishiel enjoyed punishing Afura-- but Ishiel did not wish to be truly cruel, and keep her little play-mate from having the most important meal of the day.

She walked up to a remarkably life-like stone statue of a female warrior.  "*MMMPH* *MMMPH* *MMMPH* *MMMPH* *MMMPH* *MMMPH*!!" the statue said.

"Hang on, Affy."  Ishiel set the robe aside, and held up a tiny hobbyist's hammer between her finger and thumb.  She drew her other hand down one of Afura's petrified legs, feeling for the weak spot.  "Hmm...  there it is."

Ishiel tapped Afura's knee with the hammer, as if she was a doctor testing Afura's reflexes.  Afura's entire stone casing immediately shattered.


Ishiel staggered back.  "WHOAH!!"

Afura was clad only in the barely-decent tatters of yet another ruined uniform.  She was unhurt, but her entire body was caked with mud, dust and grit, and she was drenched in sweat.  Her matted hair hung down over her face in long tangles.  Her eyes were mostly hidden behind her hair, but that might have been for the best.  Feral madness burned in her eyes.

Afura had gone wild-- and not in a cheesy coeds-on-Spring-Break kind of way.

With an inhuman moan, Afura lunged past Ishiel, and threw herself at the ground.  She began to writhe in the grass, contorting her willowy body in an utterly uninhibited way.  In fact, she was trying to scratch more than one hundred and thirty-six distinct itches, all at once, after several hours of frustration.  (She had lost count at 136, with the onset of temporary insanity.)

Afura flopped on her back, shuddering and rocking from side to side.  She desperately scrabbled at her mostly bare body with both hands.  She kicked at the ground, and scissored her bare legs.  And she continued to make deeply disturbing half-gasping, half-moaning sounds through clenched teeth.  "*hanh* *hanh* *hanh*"

Ishiel, meanwhile, did not sweat-drop.  She was way beyond sweat-dropping.

Afura came back to her senses, but not until after two or three minutes of deeply disturbing writhing.  She sat up, and finally caught her breath, and scratched herself in a few last hard-to-reach places.  "Whew.  Sorry, Ishiel.  But I had such an itch!!"

Ishiel blinked, and shook her head to clear it.  She fetched the robe, kneeled before Afura, and draped it over Afura's shoulders.  Then Ishiel sat back, and breathed out heavily herself.  "wow," she said, in a small squeaky voice.  "Um, Afura?..."

"Mmm?"  Afura looked up, brushing hair from her dirty and sweaty face.

Ishiel fidgeted.  "I don't know exactly how far you're willing to go with, um, exactly whatever it is that we're doing here...  but... wow.  You have got to do that again for me sometime."

Afura giggled.  "You liked that?  Well, let's add some itching powder to the mud, next time.  That'll really drive me insane."
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« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2004, 10:43:42 PM »

OOC:  This is the last of two replies that I've just posted.  If you're reading the "most recent posts," please open this topic for The Rest Of The Story.

(By the way, is anyone else still reading this thing, or am I just being weird for my own amusement?)

Meanwhile, in the Next Dimension...

"So," Ayeka said to Makoto, "you're on a quest to find the Palace of Infinity, and prevent the possible destruction of the multi-verse.  Well, that sounds worthwhile.  I'll get back to you in a minute, dear."

She turned to Jinnai.  "What do you want, little man?"

"First," Jinnai said, pointing to Marid, "I want her to reveal--"

"Reveal what!?" Ayeka said in astonishment.  "The woman is practically nekkid, as it is!"

Jinnai held his poor head.  "Ngh...  I want her to reveal the weapons that she's obviously hiding from me!"

Ayeka sighed.  "You sad strange little man.  You have that beautiful nearly-nekkid woman throwing herself at you, and you want weapons.  Oh well.  How about a nice Ultimate Weapon type demon god?"

"Works for me," Jinnai said.  "As long as her control circuit is working-- ouch!!  What the--"

Ayeka had reached up to pluck a single hair from Jinnai's well-combed head.  "I'll need this to reprogram the demon god's control circuit," she explained.  Then she turned to Marid.  "Would you be a dear, and return this little man to your native dimension?  I'll take care of his, heh, Ultimate Weapon request."

"Deal," Marid said.  "I've become bored with this loser, myself."  She took control of the waters in Ayeka's subterranean pool.  Another whirlpool formed, sucking Marid and Jinnai down into it.

"Hey, wait a minute!!--"  Trying to escape the whirlpool, Jinnai grabbed at one of Groucho's legs, and dragged Groucho away with him.  Marid, Jinnai and Groucho disappeared, leaving Makoto's flying carpet behind.

Makoto blinked.  "Whoah.  Well, what--"

"SSSHH!!" Ayeka hissed.  "Not done yet!"  She held out her arm again, and gestured with her open hand-- towards Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia.

Jinnistacia protested, as she rose up from the floor and floated towards Ayeka.  "Meow!?  I mean, what are you--"

"SSSHH!!" Ayeka hissed again.  The sound of her voice seemed to shut Jinnistacia down.  Jinnistacia's eyes went dull, and she slumped, hanging in mid-air before Ayeka.

Ayeka held Jinnai's single hair in her other hand.  She suddenly thrust it into Jinnistacia's chest, in an extra-dimensional kind of way.

"You filthy little beast," Ayeka said, mostly to herself, as she felt her way around Jinnistacia's internal circuits.  "You're practically dripping with Uncertainty.  Well, I'll just reset your control circuit to obey the genetic code in this hair sample... there.  And I'll put a Juraian seal on it, so that your Uncertainty field can't over-ride it.  And... back you go."

Ayeka withdrew her hand from Jinnistacia's body, gestured with her open hand again, and sent Jinnistacia back into the whirlpool, to follow Jinnai and Groucho back to El-Hazard.

"Whoah," Makoto said again.  "I kinda wish you hadn't given Jinnai that demon god... but still, I didn't know you could do all that."

Ayeka drew herself up proudly.  "Well, if the current writer let Mara stop time, *I* can certainly reset a demon god.  Now then, about the Palace of Infinity--"

Makoto's face lit up.  "You mean, you've heard of it!?"

"Of course," Ayeka said, even more smugly.  "The accumulated knowledge of the ancient civilization of Jurai rivals that of even Gallifrey.  You know, when things started to get ugly, Rassilon could have come to us for help, instead of running to those feathers-for-brains at Yggdrasil--"

Makoto impatiently cut her off.  "Could you please send me to the Palace of Infinity?  Right away?"

Ayeka smiled sadly.  "I'm afraid not.  Yes, I've heard of the place... but I haven't got a clue where it is."


Rune, Deva and Londs were glumly reviewing their options in the face of an imminent attack of Mice Wearing Hats.

"Are the troops of the Alliance still ours to command?" Rune said.

"Not exactly," Londs said gently.  "The troops that didn't resign in disgust, when the Alliance folded like a weak hand of Pettan cards, now remain loyal to Princess Myuun of Baron.  And her motives remain unclear, even to the current writer."

"Well, what of the Bugrom troops?" Rune asked, turning to Deva.

"Londs and I have been... um... er... well, there are many new Bugrom.  But they are still young, and they will not be able to defend us from the angry hordes of Giant Sewer Rats."

"The great elemental priestesses?" Rune asked, her heart sinking.

"Kauru Taurus disappeared some time ago," Londs reported.  "She may have been killed by icky-squicky white Bugrom wasps.  Shayla-Shayla has also disappeared...  Ishiel Soel and Afura Mann have returned to us, for the time being.  But I wouldn't trust Ishiel further than I can spit, and Afura?... well, as you know, Afura would cast herself before the first Giant Sewer Rat, and beg for cruel and unusual fan-servicey punishment."

"And the demon gods?" Rune said, in a dull voice devoid of hope.

"The first Ifurita still pines for her soul-mate Makoto.  If Makoto is lost to us (and we could have used his help as well), she will be of no use to us for some few centuries.  Meanwhile, the third Ifurita has locked herself in her room, to blast death-metal albums at plaster-cracking volume.  And the palace servant Ifurina was rumored to have spontaneously gained demon-god powers-- but she was last seen running through the royal gardens, screaming about talking statues."

"Well," Rune said, "pardon me for falling out of character, but I'd say we're well and truly screwed."

Deva fell to one side, dropped her head to her arms, and wept with despair.  "O, Mr. Jinnai?  Where be you?"

Rune smiled thinly.  "Well, I suppose we can't expect help to fall into our laps--"

Jinnai, Groucho and Schrodinger's Cat-Girl Jinnistacia suddenly appeared, out of thin air.  Jinnai fell into Deva's lap, and Jinnistacia fell into Londs' lap.  (Fortunately for Rune, Groucho did not fall into her lap and crush her to death.)

Deva squealed like a happy school-girl, and gave Jinnai a big ol' hug.  "MR. JINNAI!!  OH GOODY!!"

Jinnai clumsily extricated himself from Deva's embrace, with some difficulty, groping a few things that he wouldn't have ordinarily groped in the process.  Then he struck a heroic pose.  "Ha!  Ha ha!  Ha ha!  Ha!  Yes, it is I!  And I have brought a wonderful new weapon!...  Er, Londs?  Would you please pass me the cat-girl?..."

Jinnai reached for Jinnistacia, grabbed her by the nape of her neck, and took her from Londs.  He held her up, to get a good look at her, and saw for the first time that the freaky feline fan-servicey demon god wore his sister's face.

And then, Jinnistacia woke up, and saw the face of her new Master.

Bugrom Forces
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« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2004, 11:15:42 AM »

For once, the Guide was dead wrong.  It wasn't about damn time to investigate the mystery of those damned tachyons.  Yes, the current writer did have vague plans to write out the siege of the Mice Wearing Hats, and then a resolution of the Palace of Infinity story-arc, within this third topic, in order to bring the Round Robin to something vaguely resembling a conclusion (assuming Rowan and Andrusi were OK with this, and no one else jumped back in).

No problems here.  I can barely keep track of what's going on anymore anyway.  :P


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